Twitter updates for 2008-05-12
- I packed away all my winter clothes and now it’s chilly today. Damn weather. #
- I know project tracking isn’t my job here, but I HATE it when complete projects are left in working, & when ppl don’t put in notes/hours! #
- I might schedule another massage later this week, dagnabbit #
- OMG coworker’s phone just played "Never Gonna Give You Up." First Rick roll via mobile! #
- Redesign of Georgia Podcast Network is live: http://urltea.com/36bp #
- Just got back from lunch at Vespucci’s #
- Thinking of getting rid of the ads on my blog. Is the ~$125 a month worth the crap taking up space in my sidebar? #
- @audaciaray - Also, just a note, right now in the RSS feed every post has you as the author, even if it’s written by someone else #
- Annoying, WP has a bug where it won’t close p tags if they’re the last line in a li #
- @studioerotica - fortunately I use linkworth so I just paste in hard-coded HTML. But still. the ads suck. #
- @reginalynn - Your comments are h0rked again #
- @derekwarwick - I just signed up w/ Linkworth. It’s been at least 2 yrs now, I don’t remember what all I had to do. #
- Pet peeve: when people have a "calendar view" in their blog sidebar instead of a list (or drop-down) of monthly archives. #
- That’s it. I’m cancelling my Linkworth ads. #
- @reginalynn - Heh. Breakfast of champions! #
- LOL @ http://tinyurl.com/5owstz #
- Overusing Purell hand sanitizer #
- @jbrotherlove - I think I feel one of those coming on! I need some "decompressing" time every once in a while. #
- Sometimes I think it would be fun to have longer hair, but the reality is I don’t have the patience to keep up w/ it #
- "Britain" and "the UK" are synonymous, right? (I’m pretty sure they are, but just checking so I won’t sound like a stupid American) #
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Round-up of posts about the UK’s new porn law
Be sure to stop by Caroline’s first:
- UK Criminal Justice Bill Clause 63 - but what is “extreme”? - A Beginners Guide - Seriously, if you read no other post, read this one.
- Kink
Ren also has several posts:
- It’s late, I can’t sleep, and I am obsessing over this new UK porn law…
- Head,desk…headdeskheaddeskheaddesk!!!!!
- Content Regulation and Porn Laws
A few from SnowdropExplodes:
- “Honk if you like kinky pictures!”
- The Day They Came To Arrest The Book
- If the government could read my mind, they’d ban it.
A hodgepodge of others:
- Polyamorphous Perversity: On the UK’s new pornography law
- Sex, Life & Frilly Bits: Return to 1959 & ‘Obscenity in the UK’, or How to Create a Blackmarket
- Pro-Porn Activism: “Extreme Porn” Banned in U.K.
- Aiken Area Progressive: Blatant display of censorship in the United Kingdom
- The Strangest Alchemy: On Graham Coutts , and why the UK anti-porn law was not the answer
links for 2008-05-12
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“If you, as a man, still think that your precious fucking ego is more important than a woman’s right to feel safe? You sir, are That Guy. And you’re fucking creepy, and that makes you dangerous in my book.”
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“And I guess the question occurs to me – is there a special resentment that (some) women have towards successful women that’s distinct from the well-known issues (some) men have? Or is it part of the same oldie-but-goodie – sexism?”
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“Law enforcement raids in the U.S. and abroad, for example, have led to little success identifying trafficked persons but instead have driven sex work underground.”
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Via Pat
Remembering Deborah Jeane
This post at Bound, Not Gagged really touched me.
Her death has been heavy on the hearts of many a sex worker, indicative as it is of this juggernaut of a system that could grind us into nothing if we get caught up. For me, I think her death translates into real fear. A fear that is about fighting the good fight, and still going down. If we manage to survive and thrive in a crazy industry; if we live ethically as sex workers and use all our faculties to operate our businesses and maintain what we believe is right, we still might end up dead. Ms. Palfrey was a resourceful woman. A woman connected, perhaps dangerously, to big players in the government. And she got royally fucked. Someone, somewhere said, we’re going to bring her down. We’re going to make an example of this one. And they didn’t stop until she was swinging from a rope.
…
I regret deeply now that I, we, did not do something more concrete to support her in her struggle. It is a bare and unpleasant truth that the moment a sex worker comes under legal fire, s/he becomes untouchable. Abandoned by clients, friends, etc…how did Palfrey end up in her mother’s home? Why wasn’t she staying with me? Where were her friends? Where was her support network?
This blog was begun as a response to her original arrest. She has, inadvertently, been an enormous catalyst in the sex workers rights movement. And now she’s dead.
What the fuck.
Keep Deborah Jeane Palfrey, and what her death means, in your thoughts starting at 7:00 p.m. (Atlanta time) today, for the next 24 hours. And all the time, really.
And again, and again, and again…
Figleaf posts about pole dancing, and includes this footnote:
[Quick note: The post by 100% Injury Rate, the source of the version of photo I used, above, mentions that the Australian program teaches girls *and* boys, which is at least one step in a positive direction, although it sounds like it’s for kids as early as age seven. –fl]
I’m just going to repost the comment I left over there:
I don’t understand why something has to be done by boys/men for it to be seen as valid.
And Figleaf, as I’m sure you will appreciate, if I see one more person dismissively refer to pole dancing as “spreading your legs around a pole” and otherwise talking out of their ass about it, my head is going to fucking explode. Seriously people. If you have never tried it? SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT. You don’t know what you’re talking about.
I have NO patience for this. NONE.
On a side note, Figleaf, if you are reading this, I have to say… you know I value and respect your writing, but I’ve been pretty baffled by some of the things you’ve written lately, and what appears to be (in many cases) a regression to more “conservative” sexual and social views. What gives?
And no, before anybody asks, I am not going to fly off the handle about “OMG they’re teaching pole dancing to children!!!“, which is what the expected/approved reaction seems to be. Look. Perceptions never change if we don’t challenge them. Get the fuck over it. And, the meaning of something is different depending on the context! This should not be a difficult concept! (Jenny, I know you’ve written about this, but if it was on your blog, I can’t find the post right now. Or maybe it was in a comment here?) Yes, pole dancing originated in strip clubs. So what?? Jazz music has its roots in slavery… does that mean if you like jazz you’re giving the stamp of approval to slavery?
(Besides, kids climb on poles all the time, we just don’t call it “pole dancing!”)
Georgia Podcast Network redesign is live!
Reposting from Rusty:
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The redesign of the Georgia Podcast Network is live!
The short version of what’s new is:
- Create podcasts, add episodes to them, or add your affiliate podcast to the directory without having to go through an administrator. Podcasts now work sort of like diaries on Tondee’s Tavern and other group blogs. Everybody can have one, but not everything makes the front page.
- Let other members post episodes to your podcast. You can name co-hosts individually, or set the “group podcast” option to let any registered member post an episode. For examples of group podcasts, see (un)ConCast and Politics is Vocal.
- Album art, channel, and other meta information can be attached to podcasts
- Post M4V video in addition to MP3 audio
- Nifty Flash uploader
- Embeddable players and widgets
- iTunes meta information in podcast RSS feeds
- Can redirect podcast RSS feeds to Feedburner
- Webplay and download statistics
- Rebuilt podcast directory
- Pretty new theme
- Better performance. Up to 8 times faster under normal server load
That’s not everything, but that’s the important stuff. There are still some minor CSS issues to work out in Internet Explorer 6, but it should be relatively bug-free other than that. Have a look and let us know what you think!
Spring cleaning Gmail
Detritus from my “Stuff to Post” label (with my notes to self, where included):
January 4, 2006
- http://davemerrill.livejournal.com/310920.html
Maybe reference in post about ATL intown neighbhorhoods, addressing homeless problem, etc… (also idea of “yuppies”?)
February 21, 2006
- AJC women-to-woman porn thing
- UGA Beer class
- For the CSS blog - CSS3 selectors - http://www.evolt.org/article/CSS3_The_new_Frontier/17/60319/ and http://www.456bereastreet.com/archive/200601/css_3_selectors_explained/
February 26, 2006
March 16, 2006
- Objectification (expand on this in detail)
- Newspaper usage of gay and transgender
- C Loaf transdude story
- Nikki’s rant about contraceptives and “men’s rights” BS
- Gender and blogging - also the implicitly sexist remark on the referring blog about blogging tools being “tricky” - http://a.bunchof.us/2006/03/14/gender-and-blogging/
August 29, 2006
November 27, 2006
- Interesting:
Is it a white liberal American thing this fallacious idea that there are always two equal sides to an argument and that the answer or the truth must lie somewhere in between, thus everybody must have their say in every forum? It certainly seems to be a popular belief on those blogs that give a platform to anti-feminists to air their views.
YES and I should probably write an essay about it. “Free speech” and “the right to hold an opinion” have been entirely misunderstood in this country, I think. And of course, there are never ONLY two sides, and the ‘truth’ is NOT necessarily in between.
The right to free speech is NOT the right to speak everywhere, all the time, and the “right to an opinion” does not mean opinions cannot be debated or examined - or ignored.
Some people seem to be really insecure about their opinions, and yet want them protected: as though they were like body parts they were dissatisfied with, but do not want to be teased about. Of course, one shouldn’t be mean to people about such things, or about experiences they’ve had … but that is a very far cry from deciding or not to engage someone’s opinion, or to disagree with it, or not to give it weight.
People do NOT understand this, it seems, and I think it is some sort of ideological effect - and control mechanism - “free speech” gets twisted around to mean censorship of free thinking, if I am being clear.
(Comment by profacero at http://womensspace.wordpress.com/2006/11/24/trolls-and-anti-feminists/)
[Ed. note: From Heart’s blog, aaahhhh!!!]
August 2, 2007
- http://saraspeaking.wordpress.com/2007/07/07/what-kind-of-friend-are-you/
Since the gist of the thread is about whether a statement has to intend to be sexist in order to actually be sexist, we have the following quote:
Assuming that there were no hard feelings intended from the offender how do you make the offender aware of what he has just said? Who wins when it’s largely a difference of opinion?
“who wins?” That’s your problem right there. This isn’t about winning or losing. This is about you having said something that offends/hurts someone else, and whether you’re going to continue offending/hurting them by arguing about the offense, or whether you’re going to apologise and attempt to make amends. In short, whether you’re going to be hostile or friendly.
Frankly, I don’t think you’re a very good friend at all if you’re going to take the former route. Denise has a good analogy:
Say you’re sitting at a table with several friends. You stretch, and unintentionally hit the person next to you in the face, hard. Is the correct response to berate the person who has been hurt for leaning forward, or is it to apologize and keep greater awareness of your surroundings? Nic’s response has been telling the person who has been hit to stop being so sensistive and continuing on in ignorance. Intent is a part of what matters. Your friend would likely find the anger at being struck easier to let go of once he or she knew it was an accident. BUT that the injury was unintended does not make the injury go away. A failure to apologize and an insisitence that you are in the right when you injure people because you’re not paying attention makes you look like a jackass.
Exactly. Not meaning to do something doesn’t undo the fact that it has been done. I didn’t mean to overdraft my bank account, but that sure as hell doesn’t change the fact that I’m a couple hundred dollars in the hole. I didn’t mean to hurt my friend’s feelings, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is, in fact, hurt. And I can either argue — oh, oops, I mean “have a difference of opinion” with her as to the state of her feelings and the justification thereof. Or I can be a friend, apologise, and kiss and make up.
Some of these links might not work anymore. I haven’t checked. Now I can clear out that label, though!
Twitter updates for 2008-05-11
- @kimberleecline - I’m going to have to find an excuse to visit Sweden now, aren’t I? #
- @kimberleecline - Very awesome #
- Kind of scared to leave the apartment tomorrow bc of Mother’s Day. I’m overreacting, right? Only the restaurants will be super crowded? #
- Ordering basics on oldnavy.com. I hate shopping for clothes. #
- @raquelita - Woohoo, congrats! #
- Awake and sore. Have to practice on the pole today bc I have to bring a move to class tomorrow. But, argh. #
- @playwithmatch - Post ‘em! #
- @rustytanton has been so quiet bc he’s been massaging data to get ready for the new GAPN site launch #
- Putting up my 3rd blog post of the morning. Damn, I need to finish my chai and take a shower! #
- @tiffanybbrown - LOL, Bill Gates is a Scorpio like me. http://urltea.com/368e #
- Going out to run a few errands #
- Went to target, now heading to urban outfitters to return something. Then, home! #
- Gotta call Mom #
- Trying to find a burlesque pole move to learn and then teach #
- Ok, I think I have my moves for tomorrow down, but it’s hard to practice on my setup here. Time to clean the pole w/ Brasso now. #
- Contemplated making a video. Decided not to. I need my energy for tomorrow. #
- Damn it’s windy out! #
- My grandmother re: superdelegates: "I’ve never heard anyone talk about superdelegates before in my whole life." #
- I have a surfeit of socks #
- New Georgia Podcast Network site has already propagated for me! gapodcastnetwork.com Has it for you? #
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links for 2008-05-11
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“Touching Base developed out of the need to assist people with disabilities and sex workers to connect with each other, focusing on access, discrimination, human rights and legal issues…” Very interesting organization!
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“The conflation of all prostitution with trafficking is almost always designed to manipulate existing legal language and confuse the issue at hand, be that issue pimps’ abuse of prostitutes, or the unavailability of resources for women who want out.”
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“As I said after the ABC News debate debacle and I will say here to CNN and MSNBC you owe the American people an apology. We deserve better.”
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This is a well-written post and an interesting story - just stay away from the Ron Paul trolls in the comments.
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“I see, and hear, and read, and sooner or later, when the generalizations and intentional or unintentional assumptions, or stereotypes, or theories, or whatever become too thick, I say, some way or another… ‘????’”
Important announcement indeed
I don’t subscribe to Shakesville (or any other “big” blog, because I can’t handle the pressure of a constantly overflowing RSS reader), so I’m just now seeing this, even though it’s over a month old. It’s well worth reposting, though. Hence:
Feminism is an integral part of progressivism.
If you’re not a feminist, you’re not a progressive.
No matter how much you hate Bush.
No matter how much you hate the Iraq war.
No matter how much you hate our current torture policy.
No matter how much you want to restore habeas corpus.
No matter how much you’re totally going to vote for the Democrat in November.
If you’re not a feminist, you’re not a progressive.
You’re a fauxgressive.
End of story.
Hell yeah.
And I hate that this is even something that has to be said, but it does, and there it is. It’s part of why I have such disdain/disinterest/reluctance/irritability surrounding partisan-type politics… I just can’t get worked up about debates, or so-and-so’s campaign signs, or all the other gossip. Frankly I don’t understand how so many people can, but since a lot of ‘em are people I consider friends, I just have to shrug my shoulders and say “To each their own.” (And yet if there’s an election returns watching party in November, I’ll be there; because, I’ll be honest, to me it’s all an excuse to socialize. And it’s not that I don’t care on any level. I vote, after all.)
But if you dismiss feminism as a “special interest” (hello, Kos!), all bets are off, and it’s “fuck you” time. You are on notice, or perhaps even dead to me.
I mean believe it or not, Melissa even had to post an update, because apparently (and I wish I could say I was surprised) a lot of people had trouble getting this rather simple concept through their thick skulls. If she had a FAIL stamp, I bet the inkpad would be dry by now.
You see? This is why I just do not have the patience to be some kind of Bringer of the Progressive Message, unless it’s on a one-on-one or very small group basis.
Sex workers’ rights tribute
Ren has been using this online tool called Animoto. Seeing the cool stuff she’s done with it, I feel like I should give it a whirl! Now I just have to think of what to make a video about. In the meantime, check out this excellent sex workers’ rights video Ren made:
It’s a fine morning for a silly web quiz
Why not?
| Your Brain’s Pattern |
 Your brain is always looking for the connections in life. |
Twitter updates for 2008-05-10
- Dinner was delicious. Winding down now. Tomorrow I must venture out and shop for clothes… I hate doing that kind of crap. #
- Is somebody riding a fucking motorcycle in the hall? WTF is going on? Fucking asshole neighbors. #
- Who is knock-down sexy on Twitter? @furrygirl, @kimberleecline, @melissagira, @audaciaray… the list is way longer than 140 chars! #
- @lauriewrites - You stop that! I *said* the list is waaaay longer than 140 chars! #
- @audaciay - Oh damn! Sorry about that. I really put my foot in my mouth -oh, fuck! I’ll just stop typing. #
- Neighbors are being idiots (as usual). They’re like all the dumbass drunk frat boys who annoyed the shit out of me in college. #
- Long conversation w/ @cspenn about sex work, college, economics, etc.: http://urltea.com/364m #
- Akismet just spammed my own pingback #
- Was nice to sleep in this morning. I have to run errands later but not til ~2:30. #
- Upstairs neighbor is chopping something. I swear they are running a woodshop up there. I want to go up and say WTF. #
- It’s time to pack away some winter clothes, and decide which other ones to give to Goodwill #
- Getting rid of some clothes I’ve had for a long time. I’m not a pack-rat, but I guess I’m always thinking about future "retro." #
- Irritated about new UK porn law #
- Back from running errands. Need a nap before dinner. Stir-fry, yum! #
- Via @uncool01, yeah, now it’s illegal for you UK folks to visit kink.com or BDSM blogs. Wonderful. #
- @debrisblanche - Heh, nice. How is shooting coming? #
- @eternal42 - Neat, is he in Atlanta? #
- Awake after nap. Had weird upsetting dreams. :( #
- @kimberleecline - That is so cool! #
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Stuff I have pinned in Bloglines
I don’t overuse the “pin” feature in Bloglines Beta; I use it strictly to keep track of stuff I want to read later, re-read in while paying closer attention, or blog about. So whenever I have more than 3 or 4 pinned items, I start to get antsy.
Currently I have 7, and they’re all posts that I’m brimming with Strong Opinions about, but at this rate I don’t think I’ll have time to write in-depth responses to each of them. So, link round-up cop-out it is!
- Antidepressants don’t work (from Uncool)
Yes, once again, some Very Important Organization or other has released a results of a study that supposedly proves that anti-depressants are worthless. Hmm, if that’s true, then why are there so many people (myself included) who, whenever this shit happens, stand up and say very loudly that anti-depressants most certainly do work?
I don’t understand why anti-depressants’ effectiveness needs to be proved or disproved. Tons of people are living proof that they do work. (Sure, we can study how or why - but if? That’s not a question.) I can say with 100% assurance of no hyperbole on my part, that if it weren’t for anti-depressant meds, I would not be alive today.
- Teenagers as Sexual Beings (from Miss Nomered)
I found this blog a few weeks ago, I think via Ren’s, and reading it makes me feel hopeful about the future and the up-and-coming generation. When I was in high school, blogs didn’t exist, but I did keep a journal (I even kept it on my computer for a while, in SimpleText!) and I wrote about all kinds of stuff. I like to think that if I’d had a blog, it would’ve been similar to this.
Anyway, the post about teenagers being sexual beings reminded me of my fourth year at TIP. There was a girl in my class who just seemed to exude sexuality. I think she was a year younger than me, which would’ve made her 15. I remember her talking in class one day about being frustrated with how adults don’t want to admit that teenagers are sexual beings and are not children. The rest of us in the class were nodding in agreement.
I don’t know why adults tend to get so weirded out at the idea of teenagers having sexual feelings. Do they not remember being a teenager themselves? And ya know, admitting that teenagers are sexual beings doesn’t mean you’re saying you want to have sex with them! Get over it!
- Media and a Sex Worker (from After Hours)
My heart goes out to Amanda, with everything she’s been through lately. And this post, just… well, at the moment I can’t really put my feelings about it into words. But it really struck me, maybe because I feel like I can relate to Amanda after reading a lot of her writing and identifying with some of her experiences and feelings? You should just read it. Here’s an excerpt:
A definite downside is that I’ve attracted the attention of every shock-jock in the country, it seems. I’m a chance for them to use as many dirty words on the air as possible and a chance to score points off me. Seems women are only fodder for men’s lame sex jokes. I’m done with these shows. No more. ‘Course, it’s actually easier to screen clients than screen radio stations (they tend to be misleading about the nature of their show, of course).
Or there’s an accusatory tone that would not be there if I were a client. Men get a “wink wink nudge nudge” thing when paid companionship is discussed. Women are branded and I bring out the self-righteous prig in everyone. The only explanation is that there must be something wrong with me. Being female and openly sexual means I’m off my rocker; something to be either pitied or reviled.
More infuriating, they think they know everything about sex work (escort work in particular) because they believe every stereotype they’ve ever come across. This makes them an “expert.” Which makes me wonder why they bother to have me on. None of my interviewers have yet to actually admit to having experience as a sex worker — only me. Yet apparently I’m not to be believed.
- 5 Tips for Hot Menstrual Sex (from Naked City)
I’m so glad Dacia wrote about menstrual sex! And I have immense respect for Furry Girl and Trixie for their menstrual sites (well, and for their general awesomeness). This post is informative, sex-positive, body-positive, menstrual-positive… all-around positive! Which is really something, since menstrual sex is typically either not talked about at all, or talked about with “OMG ewwww!!!” histrionics that you would expect maybe out of middle schoolers but certainly not adults, and yet here are adults acting as if getting your period is the most disgusting thing that could ever happen to you. FAIL.
This post, however, gets the WIN stamp.
- “Please, anyone can do what you do…” (from Renegade Evolution)
I hate when people act like sex work isn’t real work. Especially when they use snark quotes - “sex work.” Here’s what I said in a comment on Ren’s post:
I think this whole “anyone can do it” thing is totally reactionary and full of projection. Because the same people who say that are usually the ones who are talking about how awful and degrading it is… so, therefore, NOT anyone can do it, right? It’s a contradiction, which leads me to believe they don’t have an actual argument.
Okay, there are two others I have pinned, but they both deserve longer write-ups… especially Caroline’s post about the new UK porn law. Holy crap.
links for 2008-05-10
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“Q: What do you hope readers will take away from the story? A: That sex isn’t always hot because it’s erotic, but because it’s changing you — literally, melting off layers. That vulnerability is sexy. That blowjobs are sex all in their own right.”
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“Be careful this month, fellow cruisers. Your local news reporters may well be lurking in the bushes with a hidden camera, attempting to catch you in the act so they can afford a new Lexus with the raise they’ll get after the results of ’sweeps’ comes in.”
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“What really struck me, though, was the obvious attempt to put me in my place. I’m a woman. A vessel, a baby-making machine quite like all the others. The commenter’s message was clear. Get over yourself. All you did was what you’re made to do.”
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“When everyone can be a media producer, when a certain percentage of the population is producing media, it gets really hard to find media worth consuming.” Thought-provoking post.
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“The Senate Ethics Committee declined Thursday to investigate Sen. David Vitter, who was linked to an escort service whose owner was convicted in federal court and subsequently committed suicide.” *sigh*
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“And, really, this attitude that, because she’s complained about the treatment of women she must necessarily also complain about the treatment of men or it’s a double standard? It’s bullshit.”
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“But now that I’ve been discussed as a hooker (people LOVE the word ‘hooker’), I worry that this blog will be probed for some sort of revelatory glimpse into the life of a sex worker. If that’s the case, there won’t be much to see, especially now.”
Twitter updates for 2008-05-09
- Stomach ache again. Me and all my minor physical complaints… so annoying. :\ #
- Puzzled by the ebb and flow of blog comments. But mostly ebb. #
- Btw, my new icon is courtesy of Ren #
- 7 posts "pinned" for later reference in BlogLines. Argh. At this rate I’ll have to dash off a "link round-up" post tomorrow. #
- What’s the explanation for lack of blog comments? http://urltea.com/360l #
- @karoli - I haven’t updated my blog to 2.5 yet. (I updated Sex 2.0 to 2.5.1. and that feed is fine) #
- Today is @rustytanton’s & my 3rd anniversary. :) 3 years of hot fucking & general awesomeness! #
- @Spaceyg - Heh. :) Thanks. #
- Thanks @ellie_lumpesse, @aagblog, @MadelineGlass, and @jookboxcharlie #
- Anniversary post documents the power of social media to get you laid: http://tinyurl.com/6n5bn4 #
- I’ve taken to ordering the secret "short" that’s not listed on the Starbucks menu #
- @kimberleecline - Hope your computer recovers soon. I know the feeling of withdrawal! #
- Googling the differences among mean, median, and mode. I’m failing high school math all over again. #
- About to head to Sugo for anniversary dinner. My hair always looks best after a quickie. #
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Conversation about sex work, college, money, and more
Today I had a rather lengthy email exchange with Christopher Penn about sex work, economics, financial aid, and stereotypes. (Yes, all of those things together!) I was frantically typing away in multi-tasking mode while at work, and somehow my replies ended up being longer and smarter-sounding than I’d expected, so I figured I had blog material on my hands. (I did some minor editing to fix typos and such in the parts I wrote.) Hence:
Read the full post »
links for 2008-05-09
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“I think there’s a big misconception that working in porn is somehow easier than doing other kinds of work. I think that there is a mythology that says that porn performers ‘just have sex’…”
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“The horrors that sex work supposedly does to one’s soul did not happen to me with my sex work. It’s happening now by the mainstream media. I’m being treated in ways I would never tolerate from a client.”
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“If you treat all people in sex work as if they have no agency, you become no different than traffickers, making choices for the people in sex work. You, in effect, take away any agency that they have.”
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“…I examine the state of sex work in this light from the point of view of new media. Which is way, way different that what we’re being fed in mainstream media. I’m also getting some very weird emails about it, some of which are threatening in tone.”
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Via Joseph.
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“Feminist ideology that is not explicitly abolitionist is often silent, participating in the perpetuation of the whore stigma and its implications, by not supporting sex worker rights through omission and inaction.” HELLO, big femist blogs!
Three years!
Today Rusty and I are celebrating our 3rd anniversary. And if it weren’t for blogs, I think the likelihood of our paths crossing would’ve been much lower.
So here’s a retrospective…
December 8, 2004: Rusty’s first comment on my blog, wherein he expresses his affinity for PHP. I had found and started reading his blog sometime in the month of November. I don’t remember exactly how I originally found it, but I think it might’ve been through David’s blog. I remember being intrigued and perplexed by all the driveway photos.
March 9, 2005: We met IRL for the first time, at a blogger trivia get-together at Central City Tavern. I also met IRL that night: Thomas, Nikki, Jen, Shannon, Tony, Joseph.
April 22, 2005: Blogger bowling. It was a small crowd (just me, Rusty, Jen, and Joeventures) and I was taking the opportunity to size him up, as they say. I even thought about asking if he wanted to come home with me that night, but due to boring logistical issues (and, yeah, nerves), I decided not to. I knew by that point that I definitely wanted to do him, though.
April 26, 2005: I seized the opportunity to drop some innuendo that could, in the event of disinterest on Rusty’s part, be written off as simply a garden-variety sophomoric joke. I asked for several friends’ interpretations of his response (it seems like he was probably doing the same thing as me; gotta have plausible deniability!) and after getting unanimous opinions that this was, indeed, what you kids call “flirting,” I took the sexual innuendo to email.
April 27, 2005: It just so happened that Rusty had sent me a one-line email regarding the new version of Mac OS X, so I didn’t even need a pretense for emailing him - I just replied.
April 27, 2005 - May 5, 2005: We exchanged a series of emails fraught with business metaphors to refer to fucking. It was pretty funny and entertaining until it reached the point where I started to get annoyed and wondered when we were going to fuck already. There was also a four-day gap where he didn’t respond and I started to wonder if he wasn’t interested after all. He blamed it on working 40 hours a week and getting behind on email. Or was it nerves?
Sometime during the weekend of May 1 (sort of tangential): I was visiting Dacia in New York, and I told her about how there was this “local blogger dude” that I really wanted to fuck, and I was trying to make it happen. After I got back home she sent me an email that concluded with, “Good luck with Rusty!”
May 7, 2005 (tangential): The Great Blogswap of 2005 (a.k.a. the “blorgy”) was set to commence the week of May 9, and there were jokes via email about swapping more than blogs. Little did the rest of ‘em know that would be true for Rusty and me! (He drew my blog.)
May 8, 2005: I finally got impatient with the innuendo and said this in an email to Rusty: “Re: interview scheduling, etc.: I love me some good innuendo as much as the next guy, but it’s about time to close the deal. I can provide references… -oh shit that’s more innuendo. Never mind.” He replied: “I agree about there only being so much innuendo before something has to be done one way or the other. If you’re serious, tomorrow night would actually be a good time since I get off work at 6:15 and don’t have to be in the next day ’til 2. Or Friday night, since I’m off Friday and Saturday. If you’re not, I won’t think lesser of you for it.” And I replied to that: “Of course I’m serious. What do you think I am, some kind of asshole? Tomorrow night eh? That’s fine by me, although we could make it interesting by saying Wednesday after trivia. Or wtf, both! Right? Right.”
May 9, 2008: Monday morning I emailed him directions to my apartment. We’d already exchanged cell phone numbers. At 7:09 p.m. I still hadn’t heard from him and I sent an email saying: “Ok dude I know you’re there, you’re commenting on blogs at the same time as me. What’s your deal? Maybe you are too wrapped up in bestbuysux.org.” Then he went on IM and we chatted for a while, about all kinds of things (including the first day of the Blogswap), until finally at 7:50 I said: “are you coming down here or what?”
evilwilly1: haha, sure
evilwilly1: I need to wash the retail stink off first though
AmberATL30309: gah…
AmberATL30309: now are we clear on what this is or do we need to lay some ground rules
evilwilly1: I’m all about some ground rules… your thoughts?
AmberATL30309: uh, no drama. that’s pretty much it.
evilwilly1: works for me, no strings attached
AmberATL30309: fabulous. i was starting to lose my faith in ATL men.
AmberATL30309: and I’m assuming we’re not repeating this to our blog buddies
evilwilly1: nah
AmberATL30309: i’ll have to tell you about the gay virgin sometime
AmberATL30309: anyway what we have here is a “FWB” situation
evilwilly1: kickass, exactly what I’m looking for
AmberATL30309: excellent
After Rusty and I had been fucking for a few weeks, Sara Beth joked that we were going to fall in love, and she was going to speak at our wedding and recount the dirty details of how it all started. At the time, I scoffed at her; but hey, she was totally right!
And the rest is history. :)
Twitter updates for 2008-05-08
- We know we’re going to go out to dinner tomorrow for our anniversary, now we just need to decide where. (Nowhere snooty!) #
- @kimberleecline - All your world traveling wears me out vicariously! #
- @reginalynn - Good luck! #
- @jenbrock - LOL, you live in "a suburban home in Vinings" (but with a prestigious Atlanta address!) #
- @tiffanybbrown - Thanks for the suggestion! @jenbrock - Had office xmas party there in 2004, it was pretty awesome, w/ fire dancers. #
- My BlogLines is SO backed up #
- @kimberleecline - It’s based on the last 2 digits of your SSN. Since mine are 98, I’ll see my check sometime in the next decade. #
- Will have to call apt. office tomorrow, our AC might be messed up. But at least they’re not *crazy* like at the old place. #
- At work. Need to talk to boss about something, but she’s in a meeting. Antsy. #
- Coworker just said "hot water heater." A personal pet peeve. #
- @Rootietoot - Congrats! That is awesome! #
- Trying not to fuck shit up #
- @sarawara’s tweet made me want a manicure #
- @DeviousMuse - Heh, well I’ve still only ever had 4 total, so I don’t know if that counts as "hooked"! #
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Blog comments: ebb and flow?
Has RSS caused blog comments to dramatically decline? Is it an effect of one’s blog getting more popular? Is it random?
None of those answers make much sense to me, but I and several of my friends (Dacia, Rusty, Jen, Duane… just to name a few) have noticed that we don’t get nearly as many comments as we used to.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Quality is way more important than quantity. The “great post!” comments are certainly nice, but if those are the only comments, well, something is lacking. And I certainly don’t want assholish or outright trollish comments. I mean why do you think I banned valeko, Andisheh, and a few other repeat offenders?
Interesting conversation is what we all want, right? And shit, people, that’s not unique to blogs. That’s life.
And yeah, unfortunately, sometimes when there’s been a lot of conversation on a post I’ve written, it happened to coincide with a very busy time in my off-blog life, so that I simply wasn’t able to sit down and write in-depth replies. Other times, I admit, the flurry of conversation has been a little over-stimulating, and I’ve been content to sit back and enjoy it vicariously - and I don’t mean that in a negative way; what I mean is, I like listening to smart, interesting people talk!
So I hope you all will comment more. I know that lots of smart, interesting people read my blog (flattery will get me everywhere!), and we have lots of good conversations elsewhere (even if they’re getting kind of fragmented, with things like Twitter and Tumblr) - so yeah I guess I’m being selfish and saying, I want some good conversation here!
I don’t want flaming, or stupidity, or trolling… but good conversation. Like hanging out at a (non-smokey, not too loud) bar, except you don’t have to leave your house or spend money. (Unless you want to!)
(I am resisting the urge to create a “navel-gazing” tag to use with this post. Frankly I’m sick of my own self-deprecation. As Fred Stoeker would say, “It stops here!”)