I found a bunch of my old journals while going through crap in my apartment, and started reading and reminiscing - which is what inspired me to write this. As promised, this is the post that might make some of my readers uncomfortable. Bring it! (Optional accompanying music for this post: Saint Simon by the Shins.)
By the time I was a senior in high school, my persistent virginity weighed on me like a proverbial albatross. Having always been a goal-oriented person, I was aiming to shed that mantle before I turned 18. That didn’t happen, but I came close - November 18th, 1997, a little over two weeks past my 18th birthday.
Fortune had brought a willing suitor into my life. He wasn’t that great (especially in retrospect), but he would do. We shall refer to him as Batman herein, because that is how Jenny, Niki, and I refer to him.*
A lot of girls have “first time” stories that are underwhelming at best, traumatic at worst. Fortunately mine is neither of those. I won’t speculate or philosophize about why, wherefore, etc., because I’ll probably just end up being unintentionally offensive or insensitive to someone.
Anyway, many teenage girls are passive with their sexuality at first, as they begin to discover what they want and how to express their desires. And that description certainly fit me, too - around the age of 15 and 16. In late 1997, I was cool and calculating - and horny. Once I established a rapport with Batman, I decided, “Awesome. It’s settled. I won’t be a virgin much longer.” Then I just had to set the ball rolling.
It didn’t take much, of course, being that he was an 18-year-old guy. Also, I don’t think he had ever been confronted with a girl his age who was so straightforward with her sexuality. On that night in November, I parked my car in the relatively well-concealed parking lot behind a nearby elementary school, and we got biz-zay in the front seat. I accidentally hit my elbow on the horn one time, and hilarity ensued.
I was pleasantly surprised - or should I say, my suspicions were pleasantly affirmed - by my lack of nervousness or trepidation. This is because I was ready. There was no more questioning or wondering whether I was “really ready for sex” - I knew myself and knew what I wanted.
Yeah, it hurt a little; not too badly, though. No - euphemism alert! - sparks did not fly. But it was a positive experience, and I felt, finally, unencumbered. This part of me that had longed for expression was now finally getting a chance to come into its own.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
* I was on the phone with him once when Jenny and Niki were over at my house, and he was talking about his aspirations as an actor or something, and at one point he said, “I’m going to be Batman!” To which I replied, “I know you’re going to be Batman.” Which Jenny and Niki found hilarious.
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14 Responses to "Mercy’s Eyes are Blue"
Yes I was highly uncomfortable and offended…talking about relations like that in a public forum. I may protest.
Yes Patrick, I figured you would be one of the most acutely affected by my lack of decorum. Accept my sincere regards for your lost innocence.
Nice use of “relations.”
My God, think of the children! The children! Fornicating in an elementary school parking lot like that! You’ll poke your eye out!
/ Kevin Meany
One would think the steering wheel would prove to be quite cumbersome. And - excuse the pun - was it a stick shift?
Fortunately, no. That would certainly present a challenge. I’ve dealt with that challenge on another, more recent occasion, though. Survived with my limbs intact.
I do admit I look back on my teenage years and the middle school parking lot with quite fondness.
first off, love the quote at the top, snoop a loop.
second, the first time i smoked bud was in a preschool parking lot. the kids arrived about 3 rotations in.
third, way to get your nut in high school…my moral standards waited until college, mainly due to talking lot, doing little.
I think Easy E said it best… “I gotta get a nut, gotta get it quick ya know because I love this shit…” (God, I am so white.)
And hey - why’d you link me as “amibiguous Amber” on your blogroll? What am I ambiguous about? This could be the start of a fabulous convo…
haha i guess ambiguous in that i cant tell if you are into penis or vagina.
the problem is your blog is so massive, i cant read through all this material to figure it out
Haha! Nice.
And why is that, exactly? Because I don’t wear make-up or high heels, prefer (in general) to hang out with guys rather than girls, and am an unapologetic feminist, I must be a lesbian? Feminists sure do hate teh cock, don’t they…
I won’t answer your question, because I woulda thought the “fucking in the school parking lot” post woulda been sufficient to clear up any ambiguity…
Did you say you fucked a guy, though? Oh yeah; Batman. Never mind.
And just so you guys know, I’m not being snarky with anybody. Not in a mean way anyway.
haha i guess my assumptions stem from that one time i met you at trivia; shannon blew up the gay bomb about 20 times in 20 minutes, each time pausing to make sure she wasnt pissing off any actual gay people at the table.
i have a friend just like you- confident in her sexual agenda, purebreed feminist, loves to sit on penis. you all would be good chums i bet.
i am clearly not being snarky, for i dont know what this word means.
Did we meet at trivia? I don’t remember that. No I wasn’t drunk. -Oh wait, I do remember it. It was at CCT. Someone says “trivia” and I instantly think of the ‘Shroom. It’s all clear now…