I’d be lying if I said I was immune to it. It’s the reason I sometimes get all self-conscious and think, “Maybe I should get that space between my teeth fixed.” Or why I sometimes look in the mirror and wonder, “Do these pants make my ass look ginormous?” Or why I occasionally contemplate how weird my eyebrows are; they grow kind of like half-eyebrows, really, so I look perpetually disapproving (which isn’t that much of a stretch, actually).
As for guys being affected by the popularized (fake) image of female beauty, so much so that they find it difficult to be aroused by real-life women… well, not sure what to say about that. I’m sure there are some guys for whom that is true - but they probably have the general mentality of a 14-year-old. Anyone worth bothering with should have enough brainpower to recognize that all that shit is fake, and they should be capable of enough self-examination to admit that if they are somewhat affected by The Beauty Myth, they can do something about it - they don’t have to go their entire lives being unreasonably repulsed by normal things like cellulite or breasts that aren’t perfectly orblike. Of course, I would like for those fake images of female beauty to not be so prevalent, as nothing good can come of that shit - but that’s another post for another time.
The guys I consider friends aren’t such asshats as to claim to be victims of The Beauty Myth. They’re intelligent enough to appreciate that real women come in all shapes and sizes and that yes, many different shapes and sizes can be attractive. I guess there are women out there, too, who expect all men to have six-packs and rippling muscles - but there are probably fewer of those than their male counterparts, and anyway, they’re just as ridiculous, so who cares about the numbers.
Do you want to know what I’m attracted to? Well I’ll tell you. First of all, I’m not interested in out-of-control muscles; frankly I find that shit gross. I am nonchalant about six-packs. I do have a “type” based soley on physical impressions: nerdy, skinny guys, with or without glasses, perhaps with the faux-messy look to their hair. Discernable collarbones are good as well.
But that kind of attraction is usually merely of the “passing someone in the grocery story and thinking, ‘Hey, he’s hot’” variety. What attracts me to people who I actually know and interact with for more than two seconds is more subtle. Mostly it has to do with their personality. Sense of humor is huge. And as I mentioned previously, nerdity (e.g., CSS skillz) is a huge turn-on.
I hope I’m not being totally idiotic in thinking that most guys with a brain in their head have a similar perspective. (And if none of this makes any sense, just take a look at the hour at which it was posted.)
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21 Responses to "The Beauty Myth"
mmmmmm….prefect orblike breasts….yummy.
Yeah but I bet you wouldn’t turn down a pair that weren’t “perfect” if they were shoved in your face for you to do with as you please.
I agree with you, to a degree, that the men who claim victim status over the media brainwashing of the female image are a bit pathetic, but I think there is value in pointing out the fact that we are all affected by it in some way, if only so we can acknowledge that it exists and then actively work against it.
Right. Isn’t that pretty much exactly what I said? Hence:
Interesting post Amber.
Forgive me, but I’m a tad lost. Are you arguing that’s it’s ‘wrong’ for guys to be attracted to the girls who fit into the ‘Beauty Myth’ stereotype (orb-like breasts and all)? I’m probably misinterpreting you, but it’s coming across like you’re suggesting that guys who find the Pam Andersons attractive are, in some way, ‘wrong.’
Granted, that ain’t my type at all, but it seems to me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and some folks find the Pam Andersons of the world attractive, while others go for the Mary Louise Parkers and others veer toward Estelle Gettys.
Of course, it is very possible I’m completely misreading this whole thing.
That said … Mary Louise Parker? Quite attractive.
Blah… Yeah, that is what you said, I’m an idiot.
Hmm. That sounds a little too patriarchically woman-as-object-for-male-pleasure to have come from you, Amber. Shouldn’t the man and woman be sharing said pair on their mutual journy to equalitygasm?
That said, of course, you’re right.
To think that women don’t fall prey to The Beauty Myth is to forget the most powerful effect of the myth. Women fall for it. I mean, it takes two to tango, right? Would there be such a problem if men and women didn’t perpetuate it? I’m not so worried about the women who want the six-pack guys as I am the ones who worry too much about their own looks (read: most women).
Of course women fall for it. Girls are brought up to please other people (by and large — I wasn’t, and some other people I know, but generally speaking. .), and if what those women perceive to be pleasing to others — even if it’s all subtext — the programmed reaction is to try to attain whatever state of being it is that you’re “supposed” to have in order to please whomever.
How is it that so many of you seem to be misunderstanding what I wrote? I know I wrote it at 1:00 in the morning, but geez, even so I thought it was pretty clear. I’m too busy right now to write replies (engulfed in the ever-growing Craziness of The Work) but I will get to it later. I hope y’all aren’t doing that thing where people think of what they’re going to say in response while they pretend to listen/read instead of actually listening/reading. Of course I don’t think y’all would do that but… just sayin’. I am not attacking any of you guys! (As if I even have to say that)
No I am perfectly happy with either perfect orblike breats or the more realistic oblong ones
hmmm….breasts too although breats can be fun.
Amber, I wasn’t misinterpreting your position, nor was I glossing over it; I was elucidating an extension of your argument.
I meant to say “Yes, What You Said, but also This Other Thing that builds on WYS and makes parts of it clearer.”
I must fit into that middle category. I have dated women from 98 pounds to 180, buzz cuts to pigtails, D cups to no cups, banged up grills to perfect pearly whites.
But I still can’t help occasionally seeing some made-up supermodel-looking type walk down the street and thinking, “Damn, I wish my girlfriend looked like that.”
Recognize the myth? Yes. Can do something about it? Um, I’ll get right on it as soon as you tell me what it is I can do to de-program my brain from repetitive sensory overload, short of gouging my eyes out.
It’s frustrating when people take each other at face value. Who wouldn’t be frustrated by that? To know someone is judging me sheerly on looks alone is intimidating. It makes most women intimidated. That’s why so many have surgery or obsess about their nails, skin, tits, ass, whatever.
Am I not the sum of my parts?
Or just some of my parts?
I get you. And nerdy smart guys? Oh-freaking-yum.
I’ve got one. I am a lucky, lucky girl indeed!
Ohh goody. These blog posts always bring out the best in your commentizens.
I thought maybe they had all left to go cut down trees or beat up women, but nope.
It doesn’t take much to bring out the best in you, Ken.
I read that over at Ally’s blog awhile back, and I wasn’t sure what to say.
The more I thought of it, though, the more I really have to say that I think the whole “guys are just as affected by the Beauty Myth” is a bit disingenuous.
I agree with Dylan.
I’m still formulating my opinions on this, but that’s where I stand rightthissecond.
Jmac said:
No. What I’m saying is that it’s completely ludicrous for a guy to expect all women, or a majority of women - or, honestly, more than a mere smattering of women - to look like Pam Anderson. Sure, it might seem like a no-brainer to those of us who actually appreciate reality and have some intelligence floating around in our skulls - but there are guys out there who expect any girl they date to be a “ten” (even though they are usually more like threes or fours themselves - but that’s hardly the point, in their eyes). One of the biggest flaws with such an expectation is, of course, the fact that most of Pam Anderson’s, um, assets are fake. It’s so ridiculously absurd that I can’t believe it’s even an issue. But then, I say that about a lot of things that are very much an issue.
Garrett said:
In many ways I’m echoing Nikki and Introspectre here - but Garrett, don’t you see how this goddamn vicious cycle perpetuates itself? (I’m sure you do.) I agree with you whole-heartedly that it’s a shame that so many women become preoccupied with their looks. But we grow up in a culture that places an undue amount of value on physical appearance for women, and surrounds us with images of “fake” beauty like that of Pam Anderson and various waif-like models (on billbboards and the pages of magazines) that have had more than a few dates with Photoshop. On top of all that, there are guys out there (as mentioned above) who see these images on a day to day basis and don’t bother to pull their heads out of their asses long enough to realize that it’s all total BS, and so that’s the standard to which they hold all women - a standard to which very few women can live up. Sure, guys with those kinds of ideas shouldn’t be bothered with; and women should feel comfortable with themselves regardless of what society says; but try telling any of that to a self-conscious 14-year-old girl. (Not to mention, that last bit is fucking HARD for anyone, no matter what your age is.)
Shelby said:
Well, based on the rest of your comment (the part I didn’t quote), it sounds like you’ve already done something about it. You don’t dismiss women as “ugly” or “undateable” (sp?) if they don’t look like supermodels. And you probably know enough to catch yourself when you find yourself thinking, “Damn, I wish my girlfriend looked like that” and not take that thought process too seriously. We all have knee-jerk reactions (to a variety of things; not only related to appearance) but usually those are immediately followed by the rational part of our brain taking over and stopping us from freaking out.
Does that clear stuff up? Is this thread dead yet? ;)
I wouldn’t call it a Myth, it seems more like a delusion. A myth usually forms from a spattering of truth, mixed with a lot of time, people forgetting most of it, and the “tell a person who tells a person and eventually loses all meaning” kind of thing.
Playing a little devil’s advocate, what if America suddenly said “I’ll no longer go along with this.” Would the powers that be change their tactics? Chances are they wouldn’t. This kind of stuff has been going on for centuries, the only difference now is we tend to be overloaded far too easily with the inventions of Television, Radio, etc. If we didn’t have the internet and had to walk to where we were going, it wouldn’t be much of a problem but that wouldn’t mean it would be eliminated completely. Does it suck? Yes. Is it worthless? Yes, but this is just something we do as a species. Judging outward appearances is the lazy road that keeps us from getting to know one another. Now we can just use our “busy lives” as an excuse to perpetuate the retardation, which wouldn’t be the case 1-200 years ago.
Personally I’d like to slap whoever it was that thought of the whole brainwashing “we know what you want, it’s what we tell you” routine. It’s a bit lame already but I suppose it takes more effort to do something about it rather than just shrug it off. Life’s way too short to care but apparently people are perfectly fine living their whole lives being psychologically motivated by outside influences.
I see much more clearly now Amber, so my apologies for misinterpreting you.
I will say, though, aren’t you somewhat playing into your own ‘Beauty Myth’ by saying this:
I see what you’re saying about ‘fake’ beauty - literally fake, that is, in the form of Photoshopping out flaws and women, like Anderson, getting ‘enhancements’ - and I agree. But isn’t such a thing completely a personal decision to make - what is and isn’t beauty?
I know plenty of people who don’t go for the type of beauty in women you decry in this post. I, for one, am not a fan of that type of physical beauty. But what one guy finds ‘hot’ is often completely different than what another guy finds ‘hot.’ So whose business is it to tell anyone what they should and shouldn’t find physicall attractive?
Case in point - Russ and I completely disagree over the attractiveness of Katie Holmes. Weird relationship with Tom Cruise aside, I think she is quite cute. Russ finds her repulsive. Fair enough. I’m not a fan of Megan Mullaly, but he thinks she’s good-looking. These things happen.
If your critique is that society only finds a certain type of people attractive, that’s one thing (I don’t necessarily think so). But your argument against the ‘Beauty Myth’ sort of puts you in the same camp.
I know you’re not really saying that, but in some way you are saying that. Understand?