My partners always seem to become emotionally loving but not sexually satisfying which to me is the only point for a straight man to have a long-term relationship anyway (especially in these days of liberated women).

Uh-huh. Wow. What could I possibly say?

This is one of those parts where I have no idea what you mean… you can’t just repeat cliché phrases like “connecting to people of the opposite sex”

dude. it’s like them thar male and female connectors. the male has lots of little needles and pokes them into the female.

Christ lifted off that yoke for me and made me a bond servant to Him. As corny as this may sound to you, once I turn to Christ, my sexuality was subordinated to His direction and guidance. For individuals in His service, sexuality will never be a “deal-breaker,” because in Christ those two become one and what for you, obsessed with sex, would be the end, becomes an issue that can be overcome.

That jesus. Always the top.

Before I try to say anything smart about this, I must say - that whole “equally yoked” business makes me think of oxen.

My grandma had a plaque that, for some reason, I always loved the looks of. Mom gave it to me when she was moving gram to a sr. citizen’s apt complex. The saying on it was: “When to fond hearts as one unite, the yoke is easy and the burden light.” I can’t find where I put it away, but I swear to dog it had two oxen on the plaque.

Religious folk — doesn’t the yoke reference point at the wonderful mascochistic xtian imagery of “slave to jesus”? yoked to god? is it supposed to be the ultimate fulfillment of who you are to couple up, yoked togther, in service to da lord?

yoke? anything relating to yokel? *g*

hmmm. hungry for scome scrambled eggs now.

yust a yoke!

Not sure if my blog is advertised somewhere as a relationship advice column/dumping ground…?

Oh well… I’ll just say: LOL

…and carry on.

I was very clear that’s what I was looking for in the relationships I’ve had. You’ve made a lot of assumptions in your responses.

I’ve only had one or two one-night stands and about seven long-term relationships that started with friendship and accelerated quickly to frequent sexual satisfaction that kept them coming back again and again and evolved into what I clearly stated was monogomous or nothing.

I agree that it isn’t fair to hold someone to a standard to which they don’t know they’re being held.

Now that I’ve had a half-dozen or so long-term relationships in my lifetime I see that it’s unfair to agree to something and then not follow through with it. Especially years and/or months later after you’ve committed the blood of your life to the relationship: emotional, physical, and labor/monetary.

Which of these people are being unfair?

A) The monogomist with sexual needs that makes an agreement with a mate to be faithful and loyal and available at all times?

B) The non-monogomist that agrees to a monogomous relationship and then takes more sexual partners when opportunity arises.

Just because someone hasn’t come to terms with their behavior and leaves the dead and dying along their route doesn’t mean they’re unfairly judged by the dead or dying.

In my lifetime I’ve experimented with both multiple lovers (dating with romance and sexual activity) and monogomy and I’ve found that:

1) it’s too much work and blown resources to be satisfying, and

2) you get an equal amount of fun and satisfaction when you find one person to concentrate your affections upon AS LONG as that person can fulfill their end of the relationship.

I hear you. You’re as clueless about what I should do as I am.

Sadly and ultimately each of my monogomous relationships will probably end and I will fall into another one even though I feel I never want to lose her at each turn. My partners always seem to become emotionally loving but not sexually satisfying which to me is the only point for a straight man to have a long-term relationship anyway (especially in these days of liberated women).

Perhaps the dictionary definition of monogamy is just outdated. “Serial Monogamy” is the new term of the age. It defines people who practice multiple dedicated love relationships OVER TIME. The courtship is a blast. The honeymoon phase is fantastic. But then it’s downhill from there in the sack.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serial_monogamy)

Alternative Plan: Become motionally callous, just dump them quick and find someone else to bang (I’m not the kind of guy that uses the word “bang” about making love so this doesn’t work for me).

Sometimes it feels like we can’t be happy unless we divorce ourselves of love in a relationship and abort the idea that long-term can be satisfying, basically take care of ourselves and let the others fend.

You don’t have to answer but I think I’ve summarized my situation. The beleaguered straight man trapped between helping women liberate from the old school society of male dominated stereotypes and the new world in which love is boiled down to the realism of its uselessness (even though its the source of sexual satisfaction) and the straight man is the Don Quixote of the current sexual age.

Maybe another reader will happen upon this thread and have some good advice to send my way.

Monogamy isn’t for everyone, and being judgemental isn’t constructive.

So, I don’t know what to tell you other than to make it clear to potential partners before you hop in the sack that you are looking for monogamy. It isn’t fair to hold someone to a standard they don’t know they’re being held to.

So to clarify my point, I have found sexual partners that could equal my “level” and I would have considered them somewhat nymphomaniac because they were never able to commit to a monogomous relationship even when they’re visiting me on a regular basis for booty call. In one case I had to break up with her several times… she couldn’t get the idea of monogomy.

I don’t know what advice to give you; it does sound like you’ve been unlucky. But I would start by discontinuing use of deragatory labels such as “nymphomania.” Monogamy isn’t for everyone, and being judgemental isn’t constructive.

I know this thread is ancient… but I had to write.

I actually found your blog article because I was looking for a way to FIND someone of equal sexual libido without ending up with a one-night stand. Like many people I prefer monogomous long-term relationships.

Just for background I had a 12 year marriage (that I ended some years back for many reasons — but one big one was sexual libido compatibility). And before and after that I was a semi-frequent dater. And more recently I’m in a long-term relationship that seems to be petering out on the libido end of things.

However in my 40+ years of life so far It seems to me (maybe I’m unlucky) when I finally find someone who has a strong enough libido for us both to be sexually satisified my new partner in high likelihood is not going to be monogomous (as in nymphomania). So the real problem I guess I have is how do I find someone who meets my intellectual, responsible, and highly sexual-charged needs?

So to the readers I ask? What is someone to do? I doubt most online matchmaking services ask for deep sexuality ratings and the ones that do don’t produce long-term monogomous relationships.

Thanks.