Remember how I said I bought a Glamour magazine because Dooce is in it? Well, the problem with that is that Dooce’s portion only accounts for barely 1% of the magazine. Sure, I could simply ignore the other 99%; but one needs something to read when one is sitting on the crapper.
There are a lot of things that stick in my craw about these agonizingly stereotypical women’s magazines: how they publish articles about “loving your natural body” alongside ads featuring doe-eyed, 90-pound models; how they tell you to “define your own sense of style!” - but only if it includes this hip new green eyeshadow, a must-have for this season; and so on. But worst of all is the passive, oh so ready to take the blame attitude they subtly encourage.
From the unremarkably titled article, “Men, Sex, & Love”…
- He wears obnoxious message T-shirts like “It’s not easy being easy” or “P is for playa.”
If you can, says Post, let this one go. (They are just T-shirts.) But if you do mention it, “make sure he knows it’s your issue, not his. Just tell him it makes you a bit uncomfortable.”
No, it’s his issue, you goddamn shrinking flower! Tell him he’s a jackass!
One good thing (aside from the Dooce piece) did come from my foray into the insipid, though; buried among the shoe advertisements and hair-styling tips was this gem, from Paul, 25: “This woman I was dating brought out a peach and a knife while we were fooling around. I almost ran. Then she hollowed out the peach and used it on me in a way Mother Nature never intended. It was fantastic. I got a ‘peach job’ every week for two years.”
There’s a quip in there about Georgia peaches, but I’ll leave that to y’all. Point: I think I’ve found my new year’s resolution.
READ ME: Disclaimer
9 Responses to "His & hers guide to crap"
Remind me to stop by the DeKalb Farmer’s Market this afternoon…
Amber, in your quest to effectively categorize your blog, I think you’ve left out a necessary possibility. It seems entirely possible to me that your blog will one day consist solely of sexual banter with Rusty via a) your posts transparently alluding to sex acts you are going to try and b) his affirmative, slightly ribald responses.
Oh c’mon now, how’d I leave that out? Didn’t I put “sex blog” as one of the possible categories?
Nice use of “banter” and “ribald,” though.
Sex blogs rule.
Well, surely you’d agree that a blog devoted to your sexual snickerings back and forth is quite a bit more specific a category than a simple “sex blog”.
I am torn. Part of me wants to say “You two get a room.”
But I have a terrible fear that, yes, they’d get a room, and then we’d get two blog entries about it and pictures of them doing the hot immigrant girl from the housekeeping staff…
The other part of me wants to say “Garrett, try to find someone with whom to get a room and see if she’ll pull that stick out of your butt.”
I find that sentence hilarious.
Is it because he knows the difference between a subject and an object (unlike some people…)?
Ouch. What are you talking about?