At some point during my undergraduate career (I think it was during 2001), I decided I’d like to work part-time as a stripper. I was really excited about it for a few days, and in typical geek fashion dove into researching my soon-to-be new profession on the internet. But my dream died when I realized two things: 1) I can’t dance. Arguably, this contingency could be overcome, but there was also… 2) Strippers usually wear heels, and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve worn heels; it would be an accident waiting to happen. I would be a walking (and soon falling) liability for wherever I happened to work.
Oh well.
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19 Responses to "Careers I never knew, part 1"
Haha! I recall your wedding and the disaster of you putting your three best friends in heels. Good times. Good times.
That’s so funny that I’m just going to pause and laugh at the mental image that produced. Ok, now that’s done, when are we going to see you in heels after a few fuzzy navels? That’s comedy gold.
That is hilarious your reasons why not… I think that with practice, anyone can master heels, Amber. Anyone.
Niki:
At least I was considerate enough to get you all the shortest possible heels (1″, I think they were?). Although, in hindsight, it would’ve been hilarious to force you all to wear 6″ stilettos. If you’d complained, I could’ve just used the “it’s my wedding, dammit” card, and you really wouldn’t have had a leg to stand on (no pun intended).
eponymous:
Comedy gold? More like a pile of medical bills.
Duane:
Speak for yourself, hon.
What’s attractive about stripping? Does it really pay that well, in consideration of the numerous problems one, I intuit, typically encounters during a night in that line of work?
Hey, medical bills are comedy gold in the right circumstances.
And, valeko, I’m really curious what you think the numerous problems with stripping might be? All I can think of would be back pain, overexertion, the occasional pinch and hurting one’s neck watching the pinching/slapping/touching customer get his ass chucked out onto the curb.
Oh, and at $1000+ per night a lot of these women would put up with much more…
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!
Dude.
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!
Lessee… eight hours is 480 minutes…
well round down to $960 a night…. to ease the math…
$2.00 a minute suit your financial needs?
Most of that is spent drinking and staring off into space whilst waiting to dance…
There are no problems… there are BOUNCERS. Problems get their noses broken and wrists snapped.
Dude. If I was a 20 year old woman with a perky ass, I’d be all over that job.
Getting paid to get naked; what’s not to like?
Ha. As you can see, epon and patrick already answered that question.
You intuit, eh? Anyway; there are plenty of problems with a lot of strip clubs, but they’re more to do with the way the clubs are run than anything being inherently wrong with stripping itself as a profession.
I had a roommate who was a stripper.. it’s not as glamorous as you guys think.
I had a girlfriend that was a stripper. It wasn’t as glamorous as the post here from the guy that had a girlfriend, that stripped.
Who said it was glamorous? Certainly not me. I know several people (IRL and otherwise) who are or have been strippers. I don’t have stars in my eyes about it or anything.
I am living proof that ANYONE can learn to walk in outrageous heels. I never even tried on a pair of heels before until 3 years ago, and now I can prance around in 7 inch platforms like they are sneakers.
*dies*
I love that those are the major concerns you have about being a stripper. Amber, I just love you :D
Anyone can be a stripper… on the internet. =)
M@ber, I will totally teach you how to walk in heels. :-)
I think the key here would be getting some sexy STRAPPY heels. They’re sexier and they’re a helluva lot easier to walk (and dance) in.
Might I introduce you to my good friend, Kenneth Cole? I’ve been wearing a lovely (strappy) pair of black leather heels (granted these are only 2.5 inches) all day long, including numerous times running up and down the stairs at work and my feet are happy as can be. A few key factors for your heel-wearing comfort - straps (no toe/arch fatigue), stacked/wedge/platforms (ease of balance and no twisting of ankles), and spacious toe boxes (no cramping the piggies). You can even wear frighteningly pointy shoes, as long as they’re well-designed (though they’re usually hideous, so why would you?).
I’m going to stop being a gay man now and be a straight woman (in fabulous shoes) again.
(Did you REALLY think you could mention shoes and I wouldn’t comment???)
[sigh] The genius of Kenneth Cole. Someday I will know Jimmy Choo and Manolo Blahnik intimately as well. But for now, my darling Kenneth Cole.
Lest I turn your blog into my own shoe orgy, or blather on for pages with nothing to say (I trust I don’t need to name names), I shall stop.
Kenneth Cole. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Kenneth Cole.
So…now you can be a stripper?
:D I love you.
As for your worries of turning my blog into a “shoe orgy,” well, go right ahead! Or, better yet, do as I’ve been telling you for months now and start your own blog! It could be called, “Greeting International Visitors in Fabulous Shoes,” or somesuch. (Wait… that’s ambiguous. Are you wearing the fabulous shoes or are the international visitors? Anyway… point made.)
Yeah, yeah, yeah…two issues. 1) I don’t yet have a laptop. 2) Still can’t imagine why people would care.
I KNOW. But 2 is still a factor.
I KNOW.
Dude. Did you READ my essay??
Damn the heels! However, now that you can walk in them, and have the classes…I shall bestow upon you the source of nearly all my stripper heels:
http://www.sexystitches.com/.sc/ms/cat/Sexy%20Shoes