This morning, I’ve read a couple of blog posts about childbirth - specifically, about husbands/boyfriends being present during the birth and “never looking at [the mother] the same way afterward.”
Now, I know it’s impossible to control other people, but nevertheless, I’m making one thing explicitly clear: when I have a kid (assuming I decide it’s still an okay thing to do, given the state of the world), I will not tolerate any looking askance, or being grossed out, or regarding me differently afterward, or not wanting to fuck me anymore, or any of that nonsense.
Not that I had to say any of that, I’m sure. But you know - might as well make it crystal clear.
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14 Responses to "Preparing for the future"
OTOH, most men I know, who had exp’d it the old way in a waiting room, pacing, but then married younger women and were there for delivery, they said it transformed their lives and they were never more in love with their wife/partner because of the experience.
Rusty doesn’t sound like he has a Madonna/Whore complex or even a slight trace of it. So, I doubt he’ll ever freak out like you’ve described. Anyone I’ve known who’s had that problem was with a man who was very uptight about sex to begin with or had some religious thing going on about sex.
Those aren’t men, those are selfish, narcissistic, immature boys and should be treated accordingly.
BL,
I can’t imagine child birth spurring anything but making me love Amber more.
Ah yes, there he is, the happy, healthy, horny man I fell in love with! :)
I can’t wait to get home this afternoon.
Oh give me a break. *gag*
Rusty — LOL.
It was great when I was pregnant for the first time. I’d already been sufficiently weened on planty of Our Bodies, Our Selves, but I worked with a guy who talked about how much sex he and his wife had. They had a few kids. Sex, sex, sex. Love pregnant sex and couldn’t wait for the damn 6 weeks afterward, neither of them.
I’m guessing he’d be a bro. :)
I think it was Pandagon that referenced some article about childbirth and lousy sex afterward. The comments, of dourse!, cnnoyed me. Something like this:
The problem with this woman is all the people running around saying how great sex is and forcing women to feel like they have to have sex 24/7.
blah blah blah.
Sex positive feminists = Evil!
[ deleted rant about that! ]
Amber
When I was waiting for R to move here, after a long separation, I’d crack jokes on a discussion list. Just a couple.
My friend Brian and I were talking about how het males responded to that sort of thing. Brian, who’s tres kinky gay man, said, “Oh come on, when they here you talk, all they can think about is this devouring, sexually agressive woman and they instinctively tighten up their legs and butt holes, freaking out about fantasies of ravenous seduction from a woman.”
You go girl!
Audacity,
I was waiting to see who would be the first to roll their eyes.
Hey, deal w/ it. I look forward to a full recap of your sex life after your soon-to-be honeymoon.
Amber,
What better way to mock the sanctity of marriage than by getting wed by a fat Elvis.
My wife has given birth 2 kids, both of whome I assisted in bringing into the world. I cannot help but to look at my wife differently now. It’s not about being grossed out though, it’s about being completely in awe of her ability to do what she did. Never seen anything so damn amazing and I love her more for it now.
That said, I can understand why some squeamish men might be overwhelmed by the experience, but Love Will Out, if it is in fact love.
Indeed. And, of course, since I have no patience for squeamish men, I wouldn’t bother to get involved w/ one.
Thanks for the comments as someone who’s been there, Will.
BL - I read the same Pandagon post, and while it did end up off in the hinterlands of reason, I think there is a point to be made — if I recall correctly, the woman was very anxious about getting back to sex with her husband after giving birth and found that she wasn’t ready when the doctor said she was (as in, she reported major pain during the attempt). I think it’s incredibly sex positive to say that you will have sex when you are physically and mentally ready to do so after having a child, and that it’s malarky to expect that every person has the same experience with post-partum sex. There shouldn’t be any pressure to be “normal” by being ready to have sex at six weeks after birth, no more than there should be pressure to have or not have sex in order to be “normal” at the age of 20.
It just doesn’t make any sense to me; not seeing your partner the same way again… that is just juvenile.
I am quoting this, Nikki, because you pretty much summed up what the term “sex positive” is all about:
It comes down to doing what you are comfortable with, and not caving to pressure from other people one way or another. Pretty simple concept, really.