Being Amber Rhea

A while back, Toadvine said in a comment:

My concept of “our modern voyeurism” has to do with placing sex as an act at the center of our collective consciousness. There is an inordinate attention placed on sexuality wherein we spend more time than needed commenting or viewing or attempting to determine the underlying sexual impetus for behavior be it through psychoanalysis or in watching a television sitcom or in answering questions about which relationship to enter into.

I agree with the assessment that we as a society place sex “at the center of our collective consciousness” - but based on Toadvine’s other comments, I don’t agree with that statement in the way I took him to mean it.

Sex is certainly at the center of our consciousness as human beings. This fact alone is unremarkable - sexuality is a fundamental part of what it means to be human, so of course it’s going to be central to our consciousness.

Sex at the center of societal consciousness is a different matter. Sex is placed on a pedestal, something to be at once strived for and reviled. It looms at the center of our consciousness as a taboo, the elephant in the living room, the opposite of a pariah - because instead of being cast out, the more it’s villified the more central its position becomes.

The stigmatization and marginalization of sex has led to the surfeit of fucked-up situations we as a society currently experience. These problems are caused not by too much exposure to sex, but by a lack of positive exposure to sex. (Hint: “Girls Gone Wild” is not the triumph of a sex-positive society.)

I’ve read a few articles and blog posts about the horrific Duke gang-rape case, for example, wherein the writers attempt to blame the events on “our sex-saturated society.”¹ Blaming such incidents on “too much sex” merely scratches the surface, and belies a lack of any depth of thought about the issue. Mainstream portrayals of sex are unrealistic, infused with judgement, reek of gender stereotype reinforcement, and generally represent an adolescent mentality that’s been carried into adulthood as a result of this sex-negative culture. It’s self-perpetuating for those who don’t choose to break out of it, and this is where the blame truly lays.

You want more examples? I am happy to oblige.

In a sex-negative society, there are men who fetishize date rape. The women in question are there only to be fed roofies and then raped. This is true objectification (refer to earlbecke’s unambiguous definition).

In a sex-negative society, sexual introspection - and hence sexual growth - is not encouraged. The lack of intelligent, frank discourse about sexuality, coupled with the prevalent unrealistic representations of sex, lead to an unfortunate majority of people remaining in a state of arrested sexual development (mentally and emotionally, not physically). Then you get grown women harboring the insecurities of their early teens like a cancerous tumor.²

In a sex-positive society, kick-ass writers like Rachel Kramer Bussel wouldn’t have to spend valuable time belaboring points that should be so obvious as to be not worth mentioning. To wit:

• Embracing one’s unique sexuality embodies the true spirit of feminism.³
• The fact that some women choose to be sex workers does not pose a threat to women who choose other careers, or choose not to work outside the home.
• A profusion of porn does not mean that people who choose not to partake are frigid, sexually repressed ingrates.

In a sex-positive society, I wouldn’t anticipate the likely onslaught of, “But, Amber…” comments, wherein someone will surely use the phrase “baser instincts” - which also would not be a legitimate concept in a sex-positive society.

However, as a preemptive measure against anyone who actively chooses to misread this post, I’ll quote Nikki’s spot-on definition of “sex positive” (and my addendum) from a comment a few days ago:

There shouldn’t be any pressure to be “normal” by being ready to have sex at six weeks after birth, no more than there should be pressure to have or not have sex in order to be “normal” at the age of 20.

It comes down to doing what you are comfortable with, and not caving to pressure from other people one way or another. Pretty simple concept, really.

Legitimate questions/debate may lead to further blog posts instead of commentage, whereas nit-picking and deliberate misinterpretation may lead to me throwing up my hands and being done with it.

The footnotes!

¹ That’s probably not the best example, because there’s so much shit at work in that case - shit related to racism, classism, power struggles, male homosocial behavior, etc. But it came to mind because of the press attention it’s been getting.

² I don’t mean to pick on you, Buttercup, because I really enjoy your blog on the whole. The timing of your post with all these thoughts swirling around in my head was too convenient for me not to mention it here, though. But it is not meant as a personal attack, so I hope you won’t misconstrue it that way.

³ It could also be argued that in a truly sex-positive society, there would be no need for a “feminist movement,” since everything feminism stands for would be par for the course.