My ex-husband thought that because I was dealing with depression, I was “fragile.” That’s the word he used. I was flabbergasted - and offended - that someone who I thought knew me so well could completely misunderstand something so fundamental about me.
If anything, the opposite is true - I’m strong because I am dealing with depression.
Today, so far, has just been one of those not-so-good days. Nothing remarkable one way or the other has happened, so there’s no concrete reason for it - but that’s depression for you. I’ve been unable to concentrate on anything, and as such my work productivity has been pathetic, and that pisses me off, and the cycle perpetuates. And everyone has seemed combative with me, which I’m sure is at least partially attributable to my fucked-up perception today, but it doesn’t matter, because that’s how it’s all felt, and I do not like that one bit. I can only hope that things will get better as the day goes on. I’ve been taking lots of deep breaths and trying to make my brain focus on one thing at a time.
My therapist said I need to eliminate sources of stress wherever possible, so that’s what I’ve been trying to do over the past several weeks. But today everything just feels like a source of stress. My therapist also said he doesn’t want to “mess with [my] meds” just yet, but I wonder if that’s exactly what’s needed.
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