Being Amber Rhea

Downtime, or something like it

Apologies for the relative dearth of blogging. In addition to being really busy, I’m also going through one of my rare-but-important “need to stay away from the computer” phases. (So if you’ve emailed me recently and I haven’t written back, I apologize for that, too.) In a few days I should be back into the swing of things, but I need to disengage every once in a while for the sake of my mental health. (Wow, could I make that sound any more dramatic?)

Anyway. This has been a public service announcement!

T-minus 30 minutes…

In about half an hour I’m heading out to my Level 1 Pole Dancing graduation. Excited? Of course. Nervous? Hell yes. But I’ve been practicing to my music (as much as I can, without a pole in the apartment), and I feel ready. As ready as I’m going to be, anyway!

And oh yeah, I’m 27 today. I’ll catch up on blogging eventually, complete with photos from last night’s party. It’s been a great weekend (and Rusty and I had the day off work today), and because of all the awesomeness, I haven’t been on the computer very much.

Okay, must run. Wish me luck!!

Friday links

• You know, reproductive rights goes both ways. Funny how the ‘pro-life’ folks are all, “Pop out more babies!!” – oh, unless you happen to not meet certain requirements determined by them. Just proves, yet again, that ‘anti-choice’ is the more accurate appellation. (Also, if the main concern is that she’s too poor to care for more kids, then why the hell would that suddenly cease to matter if she were to get married?? Idiots.)
• Another great post from Sara, about the staggering degree of cognitive dissonance required for certain people to maintain their privilege while simultaneously blaming everyone else for The Ills of the World. I’ve encountered plenty of people like this; I bet you have too.
• PodCamp Atlanta is in the early planning stages. If you’re interested, add your name to the registration page (yes, just edit the page, it’s a wiki) and join the Google group.

That’s all I’ve got on this rainy, dreary Friday. (A Friday, however, that precludes a busy yet fun weekend!)

And please, nobody else send me those two pole dancing articles from BoingBoing. I’ve already gotten each of them about 6 times. I don’t know if I’ll blog about them or not.

You made me log on to OkCupid for the first time in over a year

The Stiletto Deliberate Brutal Sex Master (DBSMf) Edgy. Physical. Devastating. You are The Stiletto, of all types, the most likely to be a dominatrix and the least likely to apologize. Sex is your object, and you have a LOT of it. Doubtless, you’ve figured out how easy it is for a dominant, assertive woman to have as many and whichever partners as she chooses. You’re in control, you know what you want, and you get it, right there. It’s highly likely you have a nice body, and it’s even more likely we’re getting all turned on right now writing this. Your exact opposite: The Window Shopper Random Gentle Love Dreamer You’re generally careful with your actions and words, but your test answers indicate you’ve hurt some people, drawn some blood. This means one of two things. Either you’re calculating, and pain is just part of your game plan, or hurting the occasional guy is just the unfortunate, but natural, byproduct of your liberated sexual existence. Our tendency is to believe the latter: you’re willing to engage men on a basic sexual level, and clearly they’re attracted to you. It’s understandable that a few might get overly attached, and sometimes harshness is the only way for you to escape: you’ve got to cut your way out. After all, it’s not emotional bondage you’re looking for. ALWAYS AVOID: The Slow Dancer, The Manchild CONSIDER: The 5-Night Stand, The Bachelor Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid – Free Online Dating.

Via Nikki and Alyssa.

And Garrett, don’t give me shit; I know this code will fuck up my standards-compliantness. But I’m not going to take the time to sit here and put quotation marks around every damn attribute value.

Let the frivolity ensue

I got into an argument with Leann about the topic of her most recent podcast: “slutty” Halloween costumes. I have quite a few thoughts on this matter, and I figured instead of co-opting her comment section to promote my slutty agenda, I should just write a post of my own.

First of all, the thing that grated on my nerves the most about this podcast was the frequency of the words “slut” and “whore.” Tag In The Seam is supposed to be a podcast for women… but, I guess, only certain women? Which, I mean, that’s fine; but if that’s the case, then define your audience. However, I don’t think that was Leann’s intent (as she clarified later in a comment) – but it sure came off that way. And as I said in her thread, some of us are a little tired of hearing those names thrown around – especially by other women.

So what do I think about “sexy” Halloween costumes? Well, WRT the costumes themselves, I really don’t care all that much. It’s a costume for one day of the year; if you’re an adult and it’s what you want to wear, then wear it. Now, as for why there are so few options available in stores for women, other than the “sexy” stuff – okay, that’s a topic worth discussing. (In the comments Leann says this was her original concern. Great, but let’s discuss it without demonizing women who choose to wear such costumes.) I think there are a few things at work here: first of all, supply and demand. Probably the manufacturers have found that sexy (I’m sick of putting it in snark quotes) costumes sell the best, so that’s where they put their focus.

Okay, you say, but why is there such demand for those costumes in the first place? I think it has to do, in part at least, with the largely sex-negative nature of our society. I think some women look at Halloween as a safe opportunity to play the role of the “slut.” They wouldn’t dare dress so scantily in their everyday life, for fear of being called a slut. It’s extremely unfortunate that this fear of shaming keeps some women from exploring things with which they might otherwise be comfortable. If our society were more open and accepting of sexuality, and women’s bodies, and didn’t like to throw labels around based on what a woman is wearing, would there even be a need for a special, set-aside day of experimentation?

Another issue is where costumes are located in stores. There are a lot of non-gender-specific costumes, and often those are placed in the men’s section. This, of course, is stupid; the notion of “male” as the unmarked case is something that should be called out for the bullshit it is. But without taking this into account, it’s kind of disingenuous to say that women only have sexy costume options. The problem in these cases lies with the positioning and marketing of costumes, not with a lack of available choices.

Plus, let’s face it, a lot of people who buy Halloween costumes at a store are lazy – like me. Actually, I’m so lazy that I can’t even remember the last time I had a costume at all. Usually I would wake up on Halloween and think, “Oh shit, it’s Halloween. Well, I guess I’ll wear black.” So having the forethought to order a pre-made costume a few weeks ahead of time was a major step for me! But, you know, my costume certainly isn’t the most creative or original thing out there. The really unique, creative costumes are always going to be homemade.

Frankly, much of Leann’s podcast and the ensuing comments just sounded curmudgeonly. “In my day, we went trick-or-treating barefoot – and we liked it!” And that’s okay; I mean hell, more and more I surprise myself with how often I scoff at the darn kids these days. But the thing is, I don’t think sexy adult costumes are anything new. I remember going to Halloween stores in Augusta as a kid and seeing plenty of sexy nurses, sexy devils, sexy this, sexy that. So they’ve been around for at least 20 years. Prior to that, I don’t know how much of a market there was for prefabricated Halloween costumes at all, so I’ll just stick with what I know.

So those are my thoughts on the matter. And Leann, this wasn’t a personal attack on you or anything; but I think this is a conversation worth having, and looking at from various angles. (There’s a joke in there somewhere, about looking at a sexy costume from a certain angle.) And stay tuned, readers; there will be Halloween photos after this weekend.

Infinite loop

I just got a Firefox error I’d never seen before:

Firefox has detected that the server is redirecting the request for this address in a way that will never complete.

Such finality. How sad.

A definition

In a comment thread on another blog, someone asked what sex-positive means. Here’s my quick definition. To me, sex-positive means embracing sexuality as an inherently good thing. It means acknowledging the many and varied ways each person experiences and expresses his or her sexuality – from asexual to The Kinkiest Kink You Can Imagine, and everything in between. It means owning your sexuality, and recognizing that every individual owns their sexuality, as well. (Which is to say, you don’t get to dictate how I express my sexuality, and vice versa.)

Sometimes short is better than long-winded!

Oh hi, I upgraded your RAM

I’m usually not one for cat memes or cat blogging or any of that stuff, but these are just too damn funny. Even funnier than the O RLY owls! Yes, I said it!

I was sitting here at my desk LOLing like a crazy person.

Brick wall, meet broken record

I posted a slightly different version of this in a comment on RenEv’s blog, but I felt like reposting it here. Hence:

Honestly, I’m ready to give up, because I feel like I sound like a broken record, and yet somehow the message is NOT GETTING THROUGH to people who insist on not hearing it. What’s that message?

Sex work IS NOT universally empowering for women!! Porn IS NOT wonderful across the board!! Individual women and men may find sex work and porn to be empowering, but the feelings and choices of one person DO NOT implicate anyone but that individual!!

And, likewise? It’s equally disingenuous to suggest that sex work is universally disempowering and porn is universally horrible. There are simply too many nuances and variations to consider. It’s not a monolith.

Now, to use a personal example that apparently plenty of people have trouble comprehending. If I say pole dancing has been an empowering experience for me, I AM SPEAKING FOR MYSELF. No one else. I am not saying it is empowering for everyone, or that everyone should try it, or that anyone who finds it NOT to be empowering for them is wrong.

———

Argh. Seriously. What more do I have to say? (She asked, rhetorically.)

Two quick things

The 1-year-anniversary edition of the Carnival of Feminists is up at Philobiblon. Check it out! Natalie has done an amazing job keeping the carnival going!

Since my birthday is coming up next Monday, this is probably the appropriate time to announce that I have an Amazon wishlist. I figured, why the hell not. I even added an 80×15 button about it to my sidebar, as if I need more of those.

Must work now. I’ve been reading too many interesting blog posts today and it’s one hell of a distraction.