Being Amber Rhea

Empowering, etc.

Our software is down for the next half hour. So I have a brief respite, wherein I can put up a blog post and maybe just sit on my ass for a few minutes!

RenEv asked, “What do YOU consider empowering, personally? What actions or accomplishments or other such things have you experienced within your life, perhaps once, perhaps more than once, perhaps daily, have you found empowering?” This list served as my answer:

• Getting my Master’s degree by the time I was 23, paying for school almost entirely by myself. (And I’ll still be paying for it for another ~20 years, but that’s neither here nor there!)
• Enrolling in that Master’s program in the first place, and accomplishing all that I did while in grad school. It was called the Master of Internet Technology program. Prior to that, even though I’d been a “geek” for years, I had some mental block against programming, for whatever reason. It was something I wanted to do, but for whatever reason, I just felt like I couldn’t. Or I should say, I assumed I couldn’t so why should I try? Well, it’s a good thing I decided to push that boundary and actually try. I was one of only 3 people in my cohort to get a 4.0 the first semester. I was also working 2 jobs at the same time, as well. I was the Technology Lead on our group project, and I think I did a damn good job. The product we turned out was awesome. It felt so empowering when we went to UPS headquarters to present to all those business people.. there I was, up in front of a room full of suits (wearing a suit myself!) talking about the technical aspects of this web application we’d built. Damn was that a rush of adrenaline!
• Quitting my previous job because of sexual harassment. Not capitulating when the CEO tried to insist that he didn’t foster “that kind of thing” in his workplace. I wish I could write more about this online but I’m paranoid about doing so, for some reason.
• It’s empowering in a way when I sit back and reflect on everything I’ve been through wrt my defunct marriage. It certainly didn’t feel empowering at the time when I was in the middle of the shitstorm. But I’m proud of the way I’ve handled myself, bumps and mistakes and all, and I feel like I’ve come out the other side a stronger person. I feel like the whole experience proved to me exactly how strong I am.
• I know this is sort of a generality and kind of nebulous, but for me, sex is empowering. I have been fortunate in that I’ve never been coerced into sex, or had sex against my will. My experiences with sex have been mostly positive, and for that I am thankful. I am a very sexual person, and I’m glad I’ve allowed that part of myself to flourish, even when it’s scary and even when I feel vulnerable about it. But pushing through all the bullshit I grew up with is something I absolutely had to do (and am still doing, to some extent); otherwise I would’ve felt I was living a lie.
• Most recently: pole dancing. Seriously, taking these classes has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. I have felt such a profound positive change in my life since I started doing it. I love the way I feel when I’m dancing, and I can’t wait til I can have a pole in my apartment! Really I can’t put into words what it has done for me. And this is another instance where, like the programming thing, it feels so awesome to see myself succeeding at something that, for a long time and for whatever reason, I just assumed I couldn’t do. (And a big fat FUCK YOU to anyone who wants to make fun of pole dancing or tell me it’s not empowering or that it indicates low self-worth or some shit. Fuck off!)

Then I ended up feeling all weird and insecure after another commenter said something that seemed to imply that my entire list was shit. But fuck that. I stand by my list.

Okay, gotta send a few emails and such before the software comes back up. I feel like lately all I have time for is quick-and-dirty cut-and-paste blog posts. There’s plenty of stuff trapped in my head that I want to write about; but no time. Either that, or I can’t find the right words. (Or both!)

Also – this morning the radio interview went well. I think I managed to not sound like a complete idiot, though there were a few times I got tripped up and had trouble articulating what I wanted to say. (I did most of the talking because Rusty is still feeling under the weather.) I know, I’m too hard on myself, probably.

A little of this, a little of that

When NaDruBloDa rolls around, maybe I’ll finally let down all of my inhibitions and post all the shit I’ve always WANTED to post but never did, for various reasons. (Except the stuff I haven’t posted because I’m afraid it might get me sued. I doubt I’d get drunk enough to lose ALL sense.)

You know I’ve been trying to battle self-censorship, as much as I can. I need to sit back and remember, sometimes, what this blog was supposed to be for in the first place. A place for me to write whatever I want – and not have to worry about each and every word, turn of phrase, etc. and how it might be interpreted. Because fuck it all, this blog was supposed to be for ME, not for anyone else. And even though I’ve mostly gotten over the fact that, for example, my mom reads it (even though she says she doesn’t), because I’m a goddamn grown woman and I shouldn’t worry about whether or not I have a potty mouth around my mommy… but still, just in general, there’s a block there. I think it’s because I blog under my real name.

Just now, on my iPod, Liz Phair says: “Listen here young lady, all that matters is what makes you happy.”

This is stream of consciousness, while I wait for the software we’re using at work to come back up. (They had to do a server restart or somesuch bullshit.)

Here’s something seemingly random. I’m sick to death of people saying “There are tons of sex positive messages in this society, everywhere I look.” Sorry, no. Cosmo and Glamour aren’t the pinnacles of a sex-positive society. Paris Hilton ain’t it. GGW sure as shit ain’t it. Next.

I found this to be an interesting article. I know what the criticisms of it will be, and some of it’s legit, but goddamn, it’s a quick post on the web, not a master’s thesis. I will probably write about this in more detail later, but here is one of my favorite excerpts:

While American culture remains very puritanical and sex-negative – and sex is used to sell everything from car waxes to diet colas to Britney Spears’ “music” – pornography is one of the only genres that advocates for positive sexual experimentation, openness and expression. The porn that we need more of is the kind that portrays men and women as sexual equals and revels in the glories of mutual pleasure between willing individuals, whether involving one, two or more.

It also includes a reference to Ellen Willis. Kickass.

Also, here’s something I wrote on a thread at RenEv’s blog. The italicized part is me quoting another commenter:

*sigh*… for anyone who wonders why RE gets REALLY FUCKING ANNOYED sometimes…

It’s just that I question your motives as to why you prefer the work (really look deep inside – but it’s your choice as to how deep), and you say you have no problem having sex with men you do not fancy – why? I am just trying to understand.

See… if I were RE, I would NOT be able to remain as patient and calm as she does. I mean, *I* am sick of such questions, and I’m not even a sex worker! It gets old real fast when people are constantly demanding you explain yourself, MORE and MORE, no, look DEEPER, what are your REAL motivations, you must tell ME, I need to know, oh and let me pick at you JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE if you don’t mind…

- hey, why are you being so pissy?? Did I hit a nerve? Did I hit a truth you don’t want to admit to yourself??

Um, no, you were just being an insufferable asshole!!

This is how it goes.

And look, Anon? Best of intentions or not? I don’t really care at the moment, because this: “really look deep inside – but it’s your choice as to how deep)” just sounds REALLY assholish.

If it were me you were speaking to, I’d say, “Hey, fuck off! K thx bye.”

Speaking your truth is powerful. In fact, it might be one of the most powerful things out there that we as individuals can do.

Later I will post my pole dancing video and we can take bets as to who will be the first to talk about how falsely conscious I am. Oh, by the way, Kim says:

For our Becauses, we don’t need to explain and justify.

Matter of fact, our Becauses are maybe best kept to ourselves, at least in part.

Because sometimes, our Becauses belong in only in our souls, as trying to explain can change them in ways.

Anyway. Software’s back up. Gotta get back to work. I have so much shit to do today. I’ll be at work til 8:00, then I’ve got plenty of other stuff to do after that. I’m not complaining, just saying. Also, thank god for my iPod, or I think I would punch some of the people I’m sitting in this room with.

Reminder: Rusty and I will be on the radio Thursday.

GAPN co-founders on What Is Goin’ On? radio show this Thursday

Tomorrow morning, Rusty and I are going to be interviewed for What Is Goin’ On?, a radio show out of Lyons, Georgia. The interview will be about 30 minutes long, and we’ll be discussing – you guessed it! – the Georgia Podcast Network. It’ll air Thursday, Nov. 29th at 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. on WLYU in the Savannah/Lyons/Vidalia area. If you don’t live close enough to get the station, the show will also be available on the web by Friday.

So if you just can’t seem to get enough of our voices, be sure to tune in! Thanks to Wilson R. Smith and all the folks at What Is Goin’ On? for inviting us to the show.

(Cross-posted on my Georgia Podcast Network blog)

Note to self: go easy on the sweet tea

I have had way too much caffeine today and I am really feeling it. Ugh, lesson learned. At pole dancing class I was getting all my spins mixed up – even the damn fireman spin, which I’ve only known for about, oh, 5 months now – and looking generally spastic. I attribute this to the caffeine high.

Even so, Darcey and I re-recorded our routines from level 1 graduation, on my regular camera (it can take short video) because the original videos didn’t turn out. I’m about to get mine off the camera now and try not to be too hard one myself when I watch it. Maybe I’ll put it up if it doesn’t suck too badly… and, if I do put it up, also keep in mind that I hadn’t done this routine in almost a month.

I hope I can actually sleep. It’s another 12-hour work day tomorrow… fun.

Coming in February: Atlanta social media conference

Last weekend, I mentioned the as-yet-unnamed social media conference being organized by Sherry Heyl, the Atlanta Media Bloggers, and a bunch of us local new media riff-raff. The conference is still seeking a name, so as before, share your ideas; but now I have more information about the conference.

The Basics

• What: A conference with the goal of showing how the various components of social media are interrelated and how they affect our lives. The bulk of trusted information is no longer coming from journalists and advertising, but from consumer-generated content and ongoing online conversations.
• When: February 10, 2007
• Where: Kennesaw State University
• How much: Free!

Speakers

• Keynote: Chris Klaus of Kaneva
• Leonard Witt of Kennesaw State University
• James Harris of ListenShare
• Jonas Luster of Social Text
• Josh Hallet of Hyku

Sponsors

• What a Concept!
• Georgia Podcast Network
• ListenShare
• PayPerPost
• HiddenMarket
• Kaneva

Mark your calendars for February 10th!

(Cross-posted on my Georgia Podcast Network blog)

Let’s pretend we’re at Outback Steakhouse

Earlier today, an Outback Steakhouse commercial came on TV. I wasn’t really paying attention, but I did think, “Hmm, something about that jingle sounds familiar.” Then Rusty said, “Hey… doesn’t that sound an awful lot like an Of Montreal song?” So I perked up and listened more closely – and sure enough, it sounded suspiciously like “Wraith Pinned to the Mist (and Other Games)” – incidentally, one of my favorite songs. Now, for Rusty to recognize something as sounding like an Of Montreal song means the resemblance is pretty uncanny, because basically the only time he listens to Of Montreal is if I happen to be playing one of their CDs in the car.

Of course, I had to consult Google to see if anyone else had noticed this resemblance, and if Of Montreal was going to sue Outback for copyright infringement. Turns out, it’s not just an uncanny resemblance – it’s the actual song, with different words!

Via StereoGum, where you can also watch the commercial:

Kevin Barnes confirmed: “We were approached by Outback Steakhouse’s ad agency asking about making their own cover version of ‘Wraith Pinned to the Mist (And Other Games)’ for one of their commercials. We thought it would be totally amusing to hear their take on one of our songs as a jingle.”

Ha! I find this to be odd and hilarious. I have to say, I would never have expected to hear an Of Montreal song in an Outback commercial!

As promised…

Here are some photos from Thanksgiving 1998. I was 19, and Jenny and Niki were 18. So young and innocent! (Well, young anyway.)

Jenny and I waiting at the bus stop after buying Thanksgiving provisions

Niki and Jenny preparing the feast

Jenny, Niki, and I at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport

How time flies. I love you ladies!

Thanks and rambling

Today was a pretty low-key Thanksgiving, which is fine by me. Unfortunately Rusty is sick, so that’s part of what contributed to the low-keyness. Looks like he either finally picked up what I had two weeks ago, or has caught something else. So I’m taking care of him, and hoping he’ll be better soon!

Reminiscing about Thanksgivings past, I have to say my fondest memory is definitely Thanksgiving 1998, when Niki and I spent a few days with Jenny at the nearly-deserted Hamline University. (This was our first semester of college.) We had some adventures, including trekking to a restaurant that turned out not to exist (in search of Thanksgiving dinner), finally buying our own provisions at a grocery store, waiting for a bus that never came… and so on. I was going to scan some photos from that night and put them up, but I can’t find the power cable for my scanner, and I don’t want to disturb Rusty (he’s sleeping) by looking for his in his apartment. So maybe I will scan those photos tomorrow.

I can hardly believe that was 8 years ago. -Okay, well, I can believe it. It’s just weird, you know? That same old refrain: in some ways it feels like not all that long ago, but in some ways it feels like ages ago.

So if I’m supposed to do a “what I’m thankful for” post, then I am far and away most thankful for the GDBF and my amazing friends. I wish Jenny, Niki, and I lived closer together… but I’ve been wishing that for years now. ;) Even though we see each other only a few times each year, you know you can spot your truest friends when you can pick right back up as if you’ve never been apart. (And, of course, I’m thankful for the internet in faciliating keeping us in touch with each other!) I guess because I didn’t grow up in a big family, I don’t have much use for the whole “family gathering” thing… but what I really love is spending time with my family of choice – my friends. I wish Jenny, Niki, and I could spend every Thanksgiving and Christmas together. Maybe one day we’ll all live closer together… you ladies just need to realize, though, that it’s not likely I’ll be leaving Atlanta any time soon! ;) I’ve found a place where I really feel at home, and that’s a nice feeling.

Well, I’m rambling. I was going to write another post in the same vein as the “Telling My Story” post, but decided against it for now. Maybe another time. Well, now I guess I’ll go watch last week’s Desperate Housewives. Tomorrow I have to do a bunch of work-ish stuff, so I am all about lying on the couch for now!

(My blog used to be mostly posts like this. Well, first it was mostly geeky Mac-related posts, then mostly posts like this. That amuses me, for some reason.)

B-List

Apparently I get really into the quick-and-dirty meme thing when I am busy and trying to multi-task.

Anyway, via Liberal Debutante… apparently I am a “B-List” blogger. See? The cutesy little icon says so.

This apparently makes me part of “The High Authority Group,” and puts me in company with the likes of Jessica Cutler and Girlspoke. And a bunch of people I’ve never heard of.

If you’re so inclined, you can see where your blog ranks in this Technorati-driven, high school-esque popularity contest. Now where’d I put my slam book?

Update: My apologies for using the word “apparently” three times in this post. Apparently I really like that word.

Various transit goodness

Metro Meme, via Joeventures – how many transit systems have I been on?

Got at b3co.com!

Also, be sure to check out Joe’s kick-ass, in-depth, easy-to-read (and other hyphenated adjectives) analysis of the cost of smart growth in Atlanta vs. our own Big Dig debacle (as proposed by a place laughably called The Reason Foundation).