Wonderful, thought-provoking, and very important post over at Shakespeare’s Sister (which links to an equally kick-ass post at Orwell’s Grave, which prompted the former).
To a woman whose every post on sexual assault and domestic abuse has prompted untold numbers of women (and some men) to share their stories of having been raped or otherwise violently abused, that the subject could never come up among men is simply astounding. And yet I am assured by the men in my life, it does not. Of the issues with which they concern themselves, sending them into tumbling debates about what should be done and how best to solve the problem - the environment, poverty, encroachments on civil liberties, etc. etc. etc. - the fact that one out of four women will be raped in her lifetime, and many more yet victims of domestic abuse, rarely, if ever, makes the list. How can it be that so many men and women live such different lives?
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8 Responses to "More hell yes"
“How can it be that so many men and women live such different lives?”
In spite of the popular belief that the only difference between men and women is their upbringing, I think there really is a genetic tendency to think in a particular direction. I believe men are big-picture thinkers (I am GENERALIZING! I Know there are exceptions!), I also think that men don’t like to talk about stuff that involves a diminishing or loss of power. It’s the whole “men don’t like to talk about their feelings” stereotype. I am basing all this on my experience with men- my father and brother, my husband and his brothers, and my 4 sons, also the various men I’ve had relationships with. They weren’t assholes because they didn’t want to discuss personal stuff, they were men.
I think that a man’s reaction to rape or abuse is to go out and whup-ass on the rapist. It happened here, and no jury was willing to convict the father of the 9 yr old that was raped, after he went out and shot to death the rapist. A man’s reaction is not to talk about it. The men I know would act, rather than talk. The role of disseminating information- talking-is vital. So is the role of whup-assing, sometimes.
Men and women are different. One is not superior to the other. We complement each other, each filling roles and overlap some but don’t quite match each other. I don’t see anything wrong with that.
I realize this is not the most popular way of thinking these days, but keeping in mind our differing yet complementary roles has allowed each of us to develop ourselves more fully.
~your friendly armchair psychologizer
PS Yes. NaDruBloDa is Dec 29. BYOB
Okay, but what makes you think that tendency is based on genetics? Also, I’m not seeing this “popular belief that the only difference between men and women is their upbringing.” In fact, what I most often see is the opposite - people trying to excuse shitty behavior by using nature as an excuse.
A biology professor I had in college explained to our class, far more eloquently than I could if I tried to repeat it now, that even when something is determined by genetics, most people don’t understand the way genetics actually works. That is, it’s not a strict either-or scenario. So, if human cloning actually existed, a clone of me would actually end up looking very little like me, and having a completely different personality.
perhaps the word is congenital, but in any way, there are male tendencies just as there are female ones, and the difference, it would seem ,would lie in the whole x and y chromosome thing. Naturally, it could be somewhere else in the genome, but the point is that I don’t think it’s all about upbringing/enviroment.
Yes, people do use the genetic thing as a bad excuse for lousy behavior. If I can use genetics/nature as an excuse for (insert bad behavior here), then I am absolved of responsibility for it. HOWEVER, I am NOT saying that a person isn’t responsible for their behavior. I am saying there are gender specific TENDENCIES toward specific behaviors. We still have free will and all. So why can’t they use it as an excuse for good behavior as well? I think that could just as well be a gender related issue.
I think it’s been apparent through the discussions recently that there is no such thing as absolutes in anything, and to say there is would be foolhardy.
I get what you’re saying; but I just can’t buy the concept that something like “tendency to think in ‘big picture’ terms” could be caused by one’s genes. Plus, wrt X and Y chromosomes? Let’s not forget that most people don’t have strictly XX or strictly XY configuration across the board.
if the tendency to have musical ability is a genetic trait, why not the tendency to think in big picture terms? or to be physically coordinated, or shy, or outgoing? And like I’ve said- tendency…no absolutes, and I ammended my statement about xx or xy, that it could be elsewhere on the genome. I’m not all nature vs nurture..I believe its a blend with influences from both.
you’re fun…I like you. We should eat dim sum at the Oriental Pearl sometime.
I so, so agree with this. Whenever a politician runs for office, there is ZERO talk about sexual violence against women, yet most women lives their lives everyday with this possibility in mind: Spending money to take cabs, making sure they don’t leave a meeting too late for fear of walking alone, locking the doors before taking a shower, etc., etc. It is not on men’s radar screens, and it’s time this has changed. Personally, whenever I attend events around Boston where new candidates for local office are introduced, I make it a habit to ask the person publicly about their stance on sexual violence. I have actually had otherwise polished and confident pols be DUMBSTRUCK because they have nothing to say about it. It never occurred to them to think about it. How terrible.
Interesting!
many men aren’t aware of how would sexually abused women/man would feel or how s/he life would turn into hell after that experience, maybe this is why they have to think about it.
I’m also fan of understanding the roots rather than bitching on results and honestly I’m not aware of what would push men to rape a women, is it lack of ethics in society that lead to that? or would it be disconnecting from religion or what? I guess it’s ethics rather than religion but I can’t go further.