Last weekend, Rusty and I attended BarCamp Atlanta. I’m glad Jeff took the time and effort to pull the event together. And this is no reflection on him personally, but I’d be lying if I wrote an effusive post about what a great time it was for me.
I’m used to being a minority at tech conferences. Let’s face it: most tech conferences are, still, major sausage parties. Being one of a small number of women doesn’t make me uncomfortable, because I’ve never experienced anything different; it’s the norm (even though it shouldn’t be).
And, too, sausage parties though they may be, the guests at those parties are also individuals. Many of whom are pretty nifty folks. One’s gender is only a portion of one’s identity, after all.
But sometimes, there’s just a confluence of many factors (a propensity toward homogeny in several areas being a major one) that creates a really bad, uncomfortable situation.
On the way home after day one of BarCamp, Rusty and I were discussing different kinds of “uncomfortable.” I remembered reading, via Technorati, a few male bloggers’ wrap-ups of the BlogHer conference, where they said they felt uncomfortable because there were so few men there.
That’s one kind of uncomfortable. That’s uncomfortable as in, “I’m in a situation that’s new to me and I’m trying to figure it out.” (As a side note, one might use the particular BlogHer situation as an opportunity to reflect on how men being the majority at tech conferences as the default is fucked-up.)
There’s another kind of uncomfortable, though, and that’s what I felt at BarCamp. I’m not sure if I’d call it a feeling of physical danger, because I think that’s too simplistic. The fact that I’m having trouble coming up with the words to accurately convey what I felt annoys me, but I’m willing to bet there are other women out there who know exactly what I’m talking about. (This feeling is not confined to tech conferences, of course!)
Right off the bat, grown men were making unoriginal, sophomoric jokes about Sex 2.0; that should help set the scene a bit. I refuse to tolerate that crap and I’m certainly not going to pretend to laugh at something that I’ve heard fifty times before and wasn’t funny the first time. I expect adults to act like adults, and I won’t tolerate any apologists who inevitably come around with justifications about, “Well, they don’t know any better” and “Well, that’s the society we live in” etc. Bullshit. People raise to the expectations set for them, and if expectations for adults are perpetuated at a 7th grade level, nothing ever changes.
Then there were the assholes talking about going out to the liquor store, and one of them added, “There might be hookers out there, too!” They were only a few feet away from me, and there were so many things I could’ve said to them. But I did not have the energy to get into a pointless, fruitless fight, expending my energy while they expend none of theirs.
I don’t know where I’m ultimately going with this post. I do know that I wanted to get this out there and not hide it or pretend it’s “not a big deal.” Because it IS a big deal, and I won’t self-censor or be silenced. I want to support the local tech/social media community, but I expect that community to support all its members. And I know that’s possible - I saw it happening at PodCamp Atlanta (which had an impressive degree of diversity across many areas), SoCon07, and in many other spaces.
If any guys are tempted to leave a comment saying they didn’t get that feeling at all from BarCamp - calm your itchy fingers and re-read my post. Because that’s the entire point.
I was glad to see Dave, Tim, Vic, Tiffany (one of a total of six women!), and Jeff at BarCamp. If the whole thing had been as awesome as the parts where Rusty and I were hanging out with them, I wouldn’t be writing this. Here’s to next year.
READ ME: Disclaimer
10 Responses to "BarCamp post-mortem"
Yes, but, between ATDC and the liquor store (presumably Green’s on W. Peachtree?), there are hookers. A lot of hookers.
Many of whom have penises.
Even some of the ones in high heels and skirts.
I know the feeling you’re describing all too well, but I don’t know how to put it in words either. I think it’s almost a sense of intimidation because you’re the minority and people know they can use it to undermine you. It’s like a mob mentality where you’re outside of the mob. I don’t know why some situations are like that - where it’s as though your power is just taken from you - but I know what it is.
I’ve felt that way a number of times, some related to gender and some not. e.g. Everyone knowing I was the only “liberal” in a room full of hardcore Republicans. (Must be my Democrat shoes.)
And let’s just say that sentences that start with “Yes, but” are generally a red flag for me.
Totally agree about sentences starting w/ “Yes, but” being a red flag.
Of course, to Shelby, I’d say: so? What’s wrong w/ hookers? What’s wrong w/ transgender hookers? Using terminology such as “many who have penises! and wear skirts!” is doing the exact same adolescent-level bullshit that was part of what made me feel so uncomfortable and unwelcome this weekend.
It’s not about whether or not there are hookers on W. Peachtree. It’s about the presumption of what it means to be a hooker, that a hooker would be out on the street and not in the ATDC with them, that you can tell who’s a hooker and who isn’t from looks alone. And it’s about the tone in their voice that made it quite obvious how they felt about hookers.
But I don’t want to get sidetracked. Jenny, I think you’re right, it is a certain feeling of powerlessness. It’s like, *I* know I have power, but I also know the people in the room will not take that power seriously, and will only act dismissively toward me. And see this is why often those good ol’ truisms about “people only have as much power as you give them” fall flat to me. It’s bullshit that smells an awful lot like “she shouldn’t have been wearing that short skirt.” I’m not choosing to GIVE these people power; THEY are collectively *not respecting* me.
I think (or at least I’d like to think) that “people only have as much power as you give them” might work long term, but not necessarily short term. Maybe not, but my rose colored glasses want it to.
[typo from above: poower...It made me giggle. Yes, I'm 12.]
For example, my former bitch of a boss had the power to treat me like crap. She absolutely had that power. I had the power to remove myself from the situation, but I didn’t have the power to prevent her from shitting on my work environment. I left a job I loved (and still miss) to maintain (or maybe reinstate) my self respect.
Power long term v. short term…I don’t know. I need to read more Foucault. :-)
Re: Feeling uncomforatble
I know the feeling you’re talking about and I can only say that it will only go away once you realize (or delude yourself into thinking) that you can kick everyone’s ass in the room (at whatever it is that you’re doing).
Of course, I still get that feeling at the jail.. but that’s probably because all the men really are thinking nasty thoughts.
I probably could kick most of their asses, thanks to pole dancing. But that didn’t make the feeling go away.
I don’t know the feeling at all, but that’s probably because I spend most of my time as one of the only women (or even most often the only one) in large groups of men. It never bothers me. I guess being 6ft tall I grew up believing nobody would ever want to mess with me, so I don’t worry about it.
Well as I said in my post, it’s not just about being the only woman in a group of men:
It’s one of many factors, but not the ONLY factor.
I think I understand the feeling you’re talking about, it’s the reason I don’t enjoy events like Fantasm or Dragon*Con. Just b/c I’m female, and happen to be dressed in a sexy outfit (but nothing more risque than I would wear to a nightclub), men I would never have sex with or give any attention to in “normal” life think my presence is an excuse to grab me and blatantly hit on me in an extremely vulgar way. Not that, of course, you went to BarCamp to dress up or appear sexy, but I think I am drawing a vaguely similar parallel.
During my time in the pizza business, I’ve gotten shit for being the sole female driver at some stores where the men were assholes, but most of the guys have been respectful. The assholes, IMO, were jealous of me b/c I was in there doing as good of, or a better job than them, plus, they made it clear they wanted to fuck me, and I rebuffed them, so they became meaner … classic “North Country” sexual harassment B.S.
OH one thing re. those guys and the hookers. Sometimes those are the kind of guys that GET hookers. Imagine fucking a guy like that, eh?
Leave a comment