Being Amber Rhea

Twitter updates for 2008-02-29

• Had a nap & woke up feeling weird. Watched a History Channel show about the Interstate Hwy Sysem. Rusty is cooking bean tacos… yum. #
• @jenbrock – There’s no such thing as too sexy. And whoever said that about VS was being an idiot. #
• @jenbrock – Oh for fuck’s sake. #
• Loving the SitPS forum on Sex Work, Trafficking and Human Rights http://urltea.com/2s98 (going on thru tomorrow) #
• Angry #
• But, good news: WAM!2008 schedules is up, yay! http://urltea.com/2t9h I’ll be volunteering there & I’m very excited #
• I have to code a bunch of pages about Ralph fuckin’ Nader #
• If anyone else in ATL wants Sex 2.0 postcards to distribute places, pls. DM or email me. #
• yay, my stripper clothes *finally* came! (except for a skull-and-crossbones shirt that was backordered) #
• Too hot in here #
• About to head home and eat leftover bean burritos #
• @dtanton – You’ll be happy to know, we had a cake day in your honor today (actually, all Oct.-Feb. birthdays.) #

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links for 2008-02-29

• LUSTY LADY: Blogging your way to a book deal
  (tags: blogging books interesting advice)
• Shall we conjugate? – Figleaf’s Real Adult Sex
  Very interesting post by Kochanie. I find stuff like this so fascinating. I wrote a few linguistics papers on the subject in college. I think language *does* reflect societal attitudes, but only up to a point, bc attitudes change faster than language.
  (tags: linguistics language gender interesting)
• Things I Hate to Hear People Say About Sex » The Daily Gazette
  “The distinction between foreplay and sex is an arbitrary one. It intimidates and confuses, obfuscates far more than it reveals, and is heteronormative to boot, implying that anything but penis-in-vagina penetration is just an opening act for the real deal.”
  (tags: sex sexuality awesome communication)
• Seven Days Blogs: Mistress Maeve: With Us, It’s Personal
  “As I rounded the corner from beauty aids, headed to the medicine aisle, I saw it – the personal care section. And what was front and center, at eye-level, on the shelf? A vibrator. A fucking VIBRATOR. At RITE AID.”
  (tags: awesome sexuality)
• Uncool: Do NOT fucking tell me what I am
  Yeah, I can relate to this.
  (tags: feminism communication porn sexpositive blogs)

Twitter updates for 2008-02-28

• Watching PoleLaTeaz videos on YouTube http://youtube.com/polelateaz #
• @audaciaray – First I read that as "takeout and ATM." Which also sounds like a good time, mind you. #
• About to upload another pole dancing video! :D We made one tonight at home. #
• New pole dancing video is up! http://blip.tv/file/701776 And now I’m going to sleep. It’s past my bedtime. #
• At work. I’m having a bad eye day. (Left eye is all blurry.) I hate when that happens… it’s so weird. #
• @Sarawara – Are you serious? Not the other way around?? #
• Newsflash: I am not a patient person. #
• It just happened again. I saw a self-identified progressive say "Mann Coulter." :P Ok… must work now. #
• Co-workers talking out of their asses (as usual) about the history of military journalism. As if they know anything! #
• Bad eye day continues. So annoying! #
• Working where I do, it’s hard not to become paranoid about every little thing (like my "bad eye days"). :P #
• Having iPod issues. Will need to adjust volume of some songs in iTunes tonight. #
• Dreamweaver is *still* crashing when I try to do width or height on an <img>! #
• Thinking I will need a nap when I get home. Stayed up late last night, eye still fucked up. I’m such an old lady. #

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links for 2008-02-28

• what is authority? (expertise) – After Hours| random discourse from a retired escort
  “It’s a question I’ve often had internal debates about. Who is considered an authority? And this ties into the back-and-forth over my last post.” Amanda raises some really good questions here.
  (tags: authority interesting debate)
• Text Sex: Dirty Texting Comes of Age | mobile web & digital lifestyle
  (tags: sex tech)

Home movie time

I was so happy with my recital video, that I decided to make another pole dancing video last night, at home. Rusty wanted to test out our new video camera anyway, so why not!

The lighting is not the best; I prefer lower lighting. Dancing under hot lights is not fun, and plus I think the whole silhouette thing looks neat. We’ve ordered two lamps from Ikea, the same kind that the studio has, so that issue should be resolved soon.

(I am hating this thumbnail. Lisa hates that entire move because she says it looks like you’re taking a shit. I disagree, but this frame certainly supports her view.)

Click To Play

Here’s the description I wrote on the blip.tv page:

My pole setup at home is very different from the studio: I have a free-standing pole on a 4′x4′ stage. This makes things a bit more difficult, as there’s not nearly as much room; therefore certain moves simply aren’t possible, and others require modification. But, since I need to be flexible (in both senses of the word!) and be able to adapt to different environments, it’s important for me to get a lot of practice on this stage. So, this is my first attempt at dancing for a full song on it (as opposed to just practicing tricks and techniques, which is what I usually do on it).

And save your comments about the song, because I like it a lot! Someone danced to it in class Monday night, and I was hooked.

Again… be gentle. I know I messed up in a couple parts, but I tried to play it off. As our instructors say… “Just outline something!”

Twitter updates for 2008-02-27

• Rusty and I watched an episode of Law & Order SVU. I’m feeling major writer’s block for my SitPS contribution. :( #
• Also, power outage erased everything on our DVR. We’re using this as an excuse to finally buy a Tivo tomorrow. Comcast DVR sucks. #
• I want to make more pole dancing videos now! Hmm, maybe when Rusty gets home, if he’s not too tired… #
• Eating too much cheese. (Pole dancing videos will be made another night.) I’ll probably get constipated, but it’s soooo good. #
• Listening to Conway Twitty’s version of "Slow Hand." And I don’t even care what you people say, I really like this song. #
• Taking a mandatory online training course about HIPAA. It’s mostly common sense. #
• Doh, Sex in the Public Square is down. (Maybe bc of so much traffic? That would be a good problem!) #
• The WebMD brain cancer health center scares the shit outta me #
• Pulled in several different directions at once #
• @debrisblanche – You are an excellent copyeditor! :) And you know, Allison can give you stuff so you’re not bored… #
• We’re going to buy a Tivo after work. Then, I may need a nap. And then I want to write a DLS post. #
• Co-workers arguing heatedly about what the stratosphere is. #
• Maybe we’ll make another pole dancing video tonight! ("We" being me and Rusty; not the royal we.) #
• At home. Snacking on cheese and cake (not cheesecake). Dinner will be chicken and rice casserole. Oh, and: @tiffanybbrown – LOL! #
• Best Buy was out of Tivos, btw #

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links for 2008-02-27

• Turn text files into pull down menus – Tiffany B. Brown
  (tags: php code webdev useful programming)
• BOINKOLOGY | The Pink Ghetto: The Mainstream Media, the Madonna, and the Whore
  “But try discussing sex in a healthy, rational way: try talking about sexuality in a rational, intelligent matter, giving the topic the sensitivity and insight it deserves. Suddenly you’re perverted, you’re sick, you’re unmarketable.”
  (tags: important sex sexuality media awesome hypocrisy reference pinkghetto)
• BMW Marketing Consultants Ripped Off Our Work » cnp_studio_Blog
  “BMW Marketing Consultants ripped off our work – pretty much in its entirety.”
  (tags: css html design webdev ethics assholes)
• What are they teaching at your school? at Midwest Teen Sex Show
  REALLY interesting discussion going on here. Teenagers share what they’re learning in sex ed at their schools, right now. The contrast between what American teens and European teens are learning is huge, and telling.
  (tags: sex education sexeducation important america schools)

What they said

What Lux said: (yes, I’m quoting the whole damn thing)

We live in a sex-soaked world. Star-studded sex tapes flood the channels of media, mainstream blogs publish pornographic spreads, self-proclaimed whores offer sex commentary on tech gossip sites. So all this sex must mean we live in a sex-positive culture, right? It must mean we have healthy attitudes towards sex, that we’re comfortable discussing sexuality, that sex is viewed as just a normal, every day part of life, right? Right?

Yeah, not so much.

The media is all too happy to cover sex when it’s sensationalistic, when there’s a scandal, when they can cluck their tongues about what this world is coming to while simultaneously showing us Paris Hilton’s goodies for our masturbatory pleasure.

Bring on your sex toy busts, your celebrity sex tapes, your teen sex scandals: the media will eat it up and serve it back to us on a platter.

But try discussing sex in a healthy, rational way: try talking about sexuality in a rational, intelligent matter, giving the topic the sensitivity and insight it deserves. Suddenly you’re perverted, you’re sick, you’re unmarketable.

When the mainstream media shows us the latest celebrity sex tape, when it invites us to check out the latest Lindsay Lohan upskirt shot, it’s not a sign of progress. It’s not a sign that we’ve suddenly become okay with sex, that we can talk about sex – no, it’s just another iteration of the age old madonna/whore complex. It’s just another example of sex as the tempting, tantalizing bait that’s dangled in front of us; only to be snatched away when we try to examine it, try to talk about it, try to treat it as something more than the next cheap thrill.

Oh, and for that matter, what Figleaf said, too:

So yesterday during a brief lecture on what was meant by “sex-negative” culture, our professor presented a very cool statement about food:

Try to imagine the following world: Accurate information about food is freely available and exists for all ages in appropriate ways. Talking about what sorts of food you like and negotiating with a dinner partner is a simple and relaxed experience. Different preferences, whether personal or cultural, are important for the information they provide and are no more or less important than hair color or family history, unless people are trying to figure out what to eat together. Some people prefer to eat with the same person indefinitely, others prefer to eat in a group and still others eat with a variety of partners as the mood suits them and nobody is ever forced to eat anything or with anyone. Each person is an expert in their desires and needs around food and their choices are respected.

Now what was missing from the presentation was the source of that quote. Once I got home and started Googling around I’m pretty sure the source must have been The Language of Sex Positivity, by Charlie Glickman, from Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Volume 3, July 6, 2000. It contains the preceding paragraph and adds a nice follow-up…

While there are many examples of how our world is different from this food-positive one (as anyone who becomes vegetarian in a family of meat eaters knows,) it isn’t too hard to imagine this place. Now go back through the last paragraph and substitute “sex” for “food” and “have sex” for “eat.” How much more difficult is this world to imagine? How much more work would it take to make this happen?

On the other hand, our professor’s version contained a modified version of the first that didn’t require us to imagine…

Try to imagine the following world: Accurate information about sex is freely available and exists for all ages in appropriate ways. Talking about what sorts of sex you like and negotiating with a sex partner is a simple and relaxed experience. Different preferences, whether personal or cultural, are important for the information they provide and are no more or less important than hair color or family history, unless people are trying to figure out what kind of sex to have together. Some people prefer to have sex with the same person indefinitely, others prefer to have sex in a group and still others have sex with a variety of partners as the mood suits them and nobody is ever forced to be sexual or have sex with anyone. Each person is an expert in their desires and needs around sex and their choices are respected.

Our professor suggested that for all of society’s bragging about this or tisk-tisking about that, the fact that the two versions of the paragraph have highly different implications suggests that we have a sex-negative society. And *I* would add that the simple fact that we’d consider making the comparison in the first place is evidence of the same thing.

Would sex work be so profitable if it weren’t stigmatized or criminalized?

Cross-posted from the Sex in the Public Square forum on Sex Work, Trafficking and Human Rights. Comments are disabled so as to force you people to go comment over there instead, where lots of good discussion is going on.

—

This is a question that’s been bouncing around in my mind for a few days:

“Would sex work be so profitable if it weren’t stigmatized or criminalized?”
Example:

Sex work is often an attractive option for single mothers, because they can earn more money and (sometimes) work fewer hours than they would at a retail or other service industry job, thereby allowing them greater economic stability and more time with their children. But to what extent is this attributable to the stigmatized – and, with prostitution specifically, criminalized – nature of sex work?

I think that if sex work were decriminalized and de-stigmatized, it would still offer attractive, competitive pay, for the same reasons that other professions that require specialized skills or training come with higher compensation – e.g., lawyers, doctors, etc. (No jokes about lawyers being stigmatized!) I do not think that if prostitution were decriminalized, for example, tons of women would suddenly flock to the profession; that argument holds about as much water as the argument that making emergency contraception available over the counter will encourage promiscuity.

However, I am curious to hear what others think about this question.

Succinct

This is all I have to say about tomorrow night’s Nightline special: