April 2008
- Read a few stories in Dirty Girls. Will put up a blog post about it after dinner. #
- @jenbrock / @extraface – I, too, am not a fan of the bkite auto-tweets. FAIL. #
- Going thru closets, cleaning, organizing. Don’t want to stop, but know I have to bc otherwise I’ll be up all night. #
- …but someone is coming over for an interview tomorrow after work and I wish the apt. looked a little better :\ #
- @shelbinator – Pics and notes, yes, as long as they aren’t excessive #
- Wondering if we’ll ever catch up on all the backlogged Daily Shows and Colbert Reports on the Tivo #
- @playwithmatch – If you have a NYC orgy, pls. make sure to @ me while you’re doing it. (Let’s keep this meme going, folks!) #
- Add to the list of word that set off my BS detector: "reputation," esp. "online reputation" #
- Did not have time to do the top-secret task I needed to do tonight. :( Tomorrow, I will! #
- @audaciaray – I am, and OMG, is that a Twitter threat?! #
- @eternal42 / @audaciaray – Sadly, I have to go to bed, so you’ll just have to continue the Twitterfight without me #
- Struggling w/ our kludgy time-off request system #
- Tonight, we’re interviewing this woman: http://mykinkyagent.com/ Cool huh? #
- If you know a way to convert Ultimate Tag Warrior tags to WP 2.5 tags that isn’t a total PITA, let me know #
- @ramsey – Ok, go to Import > Tags, and click! Then use this on your template: http://urltea.com/34xkk #
- This comment is in moderation on one of my YouTube pole dancing videos: "awful! Your legs dont even bend very well" DELETE #
- Snacking on leftover rice and veggies while I wait for today’s free pizza lunch to arrive #
- Yay, my SWOP East shirt and bumper sticker just arrived #
- Hoping Georgia Power isn’t going to drop a huge bill on us… I get nervous if idk what is going on w/ money! #
- Tired for no good reason. Maybe the pizza? #
- @sarawara – What’s the acronym? #
- About to head home and get ready for podcast interview w/ the kinky real estate agent #
- Have been going thru the closet, throwing stuff away. Ahhh refreshing! Waiting for podcast interviewee to arrive. #
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Apr 30 2008 11:59 pm | Category:
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Later this month, Rusty and I are going to Balticon. Yay! I’m looking forward to seeing Jenny (either at the con or just within Baltimore), hanging out with Regina Lynn, and being on some panels about sex, tech, and other related stuff. One of the panels I’m going to be on is called “Don’t Be That Guy: Advice From the Women of New Media.”
Serendipitously, Ren recently had a “don’t be that guy” open thread on her blog. It’s full of good stuff, including a damn perfect object lesson of someone being that guy. (I like and respect Ernest, but seriously, again with the “I believe in gender equality” line? Please. I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that!) And then today, I came upon synecdochic’s post entitled Don’t Be That Guy, which is all about being a feminist ally.
Guys, read it and learn, especially if you consider yourself progressive, feminist-identified, not a troglodyte, etc. Here’s an excerpt:
If you consider yourself an ally, and you wind up doing or saying something that gets a really strong negative reaction, and you see one of your friends saying something along the lines of “it’s okay, he’s one of the good guys, it’s not like that”, that should be a warning sign that it’s time to immediately apologize. A real apology, not an “I’m sorry if you were offended” — because that kind of language isn’t an apology at all. You clearly did offend someone, or else the dogpile wouldn’t have happened. “I’m sorry that I offended you, and I’d like to make sure I understand why, so it doesn’t happen again; what I’m getting is that it was such-and-such, and I’m sorry I did that, and if that wasn’t it, I’d like to listen to anything else you have to say…”
If you hear a guy who says “I’m a feminist”, but who behaves in ways that trip women’s creepdar, call him on it. It is a very sad fact that nine times out of ten, people with privilege, who are exercising that privilege in a way that makes other people feel uncomfortable, will not hear the fact that they are making other people uncomfortable until it’s pointed out to them by someone with the same privilege. They literally will not process what people are saying. It happens all the time, and it is so subtle and pervasive that people don’t see it even when someone calls them on it. You can, however, use this for good in terms of pulling another guy aside and saying: dude, you’re being a creep. The sad fact is, that guy is way more likely to listen to you.
Read the whole post, seriously.
It’s like I was saying to Rusty earlier today… one thing that bugs the shit out of me is when guys try to ingratiate themselves with feminists but clearly have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about, and then when someone calls them on sexist/assholish behavior, they get all petulant and sulk away with their tail between their legs, or trot out the old tried-and-true “YOU’RE the sexist one!” trope.
I think I’ll have plenty to talk about at Balticon!
Update: Check out this object lesson, as if on cue!
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“That’s not say there’s anything wrong with being comfortable in white skin. If that’s what God gave you, sure, be happy with it. However, the whole concept of having to be pro-white is redundant.”
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“There’s still the assumption among the media that women who are too fond of sex or who work in the adult industry must have come from a dysfunctional childhood. The subtext is that liking sex in itself is somehow wrong.”
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“Never mind the Evil Angel web site has warning pages, never mind that any kid with an Internet Connection and thirty seconds can find graphic war footage, films of real life beheadings and beatings, step by step plans to make pipe bombs…”
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This is fucking annoying and obnxious
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“I have a healthy mistrust of the status quo, especially when it starts trucking in fears about sex, kids, or Sex & Kids®. I don’t like it when the press rolls over and swallows government claims without examining them.”
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“Oh, the things we learn from gadget blogs. Apparently, jizz is gross, vaginas are gross, and scientists who want to learn about the body by putting cameras inside the vagina during intercourse are sick, twisted pervs.”
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Rev. Timothy McDonald of First Iconium Baptist Church says movement and mobility are a human right and essential to getting people to hospitals, jobs and families.
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“Yes, the less kind interpretation is that uppity women should be killed, and, as we’ve seen, there are men in the media (Keith Olbermann, Jack Cafferty) who are patently willing to go there. Just jokingly, of course, hardy har.”
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“But what makes privilege so dangerous is that it includes the luxury to ignore. As Kate Harding said: That’s what privilege is. It’s the option to ignore nasty shit that doesn’t directly affect my own life, my career, my relationships…”
Apr 30 2008 07:44 pm | Category:
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Apostate and I have had our disagreements, and I imagine we’ll continue to do so. Some of what she’s written (especially wrt sex workers’ rights) has made me downright livid. But I am nodding my head in 100% agreement with this:
It’s very easy to trivialize discriminatory attitudes against women’s sexuality, because who cares about your right to screw around while people are dying!
You know, someone’s always dying. It’s not our job as feminists to make women feel bad for focusing on what matters to them and what makes it harder for them to live in this male-dominated world on a day to day basis. Anti-feminists are doing a terrific job on that without our help.
Black civil rights workers are not going to take a break from their earth-shakingly important work and tell us about sexist condom commercials and sexist media in general. They’re not going to point out all the videos out there that our young women’s male peers make about how screamingly funny rape is. But someone needs to.
We’re well-aware that our concerns always come last. It’s why women are self-conscious about calling themselves feminists. It’s very trivial to worry about your body and your safety while other people are dying. After all, you’re a privileged white woman. And black men get raped in prison too! Who cares what your concerns are, and never mind that you’re still a second class citizen even if higher on the totem pole than the people who are dying.
This is another sneaky technique to put women last. This is yet another way to confuse women about themselves, about their place in the world, about their importance.
To put it another way (via Mint Jelly)…
Unless you’re a female you just don’t get the experience of catcalls and “playful” followers and hard-held stares. How men pretend that suddenly the whole world is small town america, – they’re just saying hi, they’re just being friendly, women like it they say, when they know full well that’s not what they’re doing and that’s why they’re shouting from cars, waiting outside of convenience stores and following you home from the mall. If a man gave them the finger, they wouldn’t say, “oh yeah! is that what you want baby!?”
If I were president (i know, i know) there would be a recipe for immediate corporal punishment: grab throat, throw to ground, beatings until there is sufficient whimpering, vary ingredients and amounts according to need. And one would be allowed to walk with a spark plug in hand, to smash the windows of offending men in vehicles who think that slowing down and pacing you while you walk is cute.
There would be public service messages on television, with rainbow graphics and shiny faces telling you to not be such an idiot all the time.
That’s just how I feel. If my humanity isn’t acknowledged I will have to act like a thing, a monster. Women don’t get credit for the courage they find and the normalcy and humor they apply to it. It takes balls to be a girl, to walk around being a girl.
Couldn’t have said it better.
Note: As I’ve mentioned before, I do dislike the use of “female” as a noun to refer to women; but other than that slight nit-pick, this is brill.
Apr 30 2008 01:45 pm | Category:
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So, the details of the showcase, because I want to!
It was similar to the first student showcase, but with 1) a bigger audience, 2) instructors as well as students performing, 3) over twice as many performers, 4) pole circuits in addition to solo performances.
I was nervous the whole weekend leading up to it. I arrived at the studio at 4:30 on Sunday (the show would start at 5:30). Once I walked in and was surrounded by my fellow pole addicts, everyone getting dressed and prepared, my nervousness disappeared. I could feel everyone’s excitement in the air and it was contagious.
We warmed up, checked music, talked, got mentally prepared… then, as more and more people started arriving, audience members were ushered into the studio and we, the performers, went back up front to continue warming up. Darcey and Angela gave us all a pep talk. Then it was time to start the show!
We walked in a single-file line into the studio and were met with a huge round of applause. For the first part of the show, we were all dressed in pink and black (official PoleLaTeaz colors!) so we’d have a unified feel. Darcey introduced the show and gave people an idea of what to expect. Then each of us talked briefly about our personal experience with pole dancing, how long we’ve been doing it, what kinds of things it’s done for us, etc. I think this was probably the most inspiring part to Level 1 students and prospective students in the audience.
After the introductions, we broke up into three groups and did pole circuits for four songs. Let me see if I can remember all the moves we did… fireman, chair, pinwheel, fireball, climbing, inverting. (I think that was it.)
We took a brief intermission, changed outfits, and got another pep talk from Darcey. Then the solo performances started. The first performance was actually Angela and Talya doing a duet, which was awesome. After their performance, Darcey explained to the audience that theirs had been choreographed, but the rest of the performances were improv.
Everyone was so impressive! The only person I didn’t get to see perform was Melissa, because she went before me, so I was out in the hall warming up. When it was my turn to go on, I felt a little wound up, but I wouldn’t say I was nervous exactly. Also, I decided to perform without my glasses on – which I almost never do – so that I wouldn’t be able to see people’s faces in the audience! That definitely helped quell any remaining apprehension that lingered. I also asked Rusty not to record me, which I think helped me feel not pressured (although as I said already, now I wish he would’ve secretly recorded anyway!).
All in all it was an amazing show. I just wish there were even more opportunities like this! Angela said people would definitely pay for a show like this (she’s gotten tons of emails asking how much it costs, etc.) and she said she wants to start a “clothed strip club” and give us all the money! I know she’s mostly joking, but I don’t think it’s a bad idea. I really wish there were more places where you could see good, fun, interesting pole dancing without it being a strip club. Not that I have anything against strip clubs, but there need to be alternatives to that type of environment. I mean for one thing, it pisses me off that a lot of the male customers in strip clubs have basically no appreciation for any pole work the dancers do. When a bunch of us from PoleLaTeaz went to Mardi Gras back in November, we were clapping and hollering and tipping like crazy, and several strippers told us it was a much better atmosphere with us there.
Oh, that reminds me, before the show started, someone (Eva, I think?) said, “I want everyone to reach into your pockets…” -and you could tell we were all expecting her to say something about bringing out money! But she said, “…and turn off your cell phones.” We all laughed because we were ready to accept any and all cash donations. Ah well, maybe next time! ;)
Apr 30 2008 12:45 pm | Category:
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- My copy of Dirty Girls just got here. I’m supposed to blog about it tomorrow… ack! Will try to read a few stories tomorrow night. #
- What the hell is Bright Kite? I mean seriously… yet *another* social network? I haven’t even caved to FetLife yet. #
- Sorry, all, that my del.icio.us links are auto-posting in the blog category and invading the "real blog posts only" feed. #
- I wonder if my serotonin levels are low in the mornings, or what #
- Blocking more creepy assholes on Flickr #
- Shopping on Ren’s CafePress store! The proceeds go to sex workers rights groups! http://urltea.com/34su #
- ATL bloggeratti need this shirt: http://urltea.com/34sv #
- Trying to get into a better headspace #
- 12 Krystal Challenge commences at noon today. Everybody is talking all kinds of shit like a bunch of idiots. #
- Sad again #
- When I search "pole dancing" w/ Safe Search & CC license in Flickr, half the photos are my own :P #
- Time for the Krystal challenge. I can’t believe I didn’t bring my camera today. #
- Michael takes first place at 23 minutes #
- Krystal Challenge photographic evidence: http://tinyurl.com/5rbceb #
- OMG this is awesome! (via @extraface) http://twittersnooze.com/ #
- Calling BCBS, annoyed, ready to stop seeing my therapists #
- Contemplating blog post about sex worker representation in Grand Theft Auto 4 #
- Stomach ache, wonder if it’s sympathy pains for all those fools who ate Krystals today #
- @debrisblanche – Or maybe you don’t want to go to pilates because it’s FUCKING BORING #
- @jbrotherlove – And see, I don’t have time for the haters. Although how could anyone be a hater w/ that baby chick on my comment form?? #
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Apr 29 2008 11:59 pm | Category:
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Via Jen at Blog for Democracy:
This gets the opposite of the FAIL stamp.
Apr 29 2008 10:47 pm | Category:
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Rachel signed my copy of Dirty Girls, “from one dirty girl to another.” How apt. Little did she know that one of Rusty’s nicknames for me is “dirty girl.”
When I first heard about the book, I had a personal “heh” moment re: the title, and at the same time I wondered if Rachel would take any flack about it. I’ve read, in various places both online and off, criticisms of terminology used to describe women who enjoy and pursue sex unapologetically, as dirty, slutty, nasty, etc. ad nauseum. Hell, I’ve even made such criticisms myself, especially wrt mainstream porn copy. So to the simple-minded, it might seem like a contradiction that I like being called names while fucking and being called Dirty Girl pretty much whenever (only by Rusty, though).
But like my personal penchant here, I see the title of this book as a reclaiming of words that have been used against openly sexual women.
Enough about that, though; get me started and I’ll pontificate all night instead of actually talking about the book. I’m not very good at writing book reviews, so I’ll just jump right in…
I received it yesterday, so I’ve only had time to read a few stories so far. Of course among the first I read were those written by people I know – Rachel’s “Icy Hot” and Melissa’s “A Prayer to be Made Cocksure” (love that title, btw). I also read the first story in the book, Marie Lyn Bernard’s “Fucking Around.”
“Icy Hot” is straightforward erotic fiction, but it’s not cheesy. That’s my problem with a lot of erotic fiction I’ve read; it just seems too silly. I can’t take it seriously, much less get turned on. Fortunately Rachel doesn’t do things like use the word “sex” as a euphemism for vulva. Personally, the idea of fucking in 105-degree weather makes me feel ill, but really that just shows that it’s good writing – because I could also really get a sense of how good an ice cube would feel on my skin in that situation.
Melissa’s story “A Prayer to be Made Cocksure” is written in a prose/poetry style that I used to try to achieve but always failed at. She pulls it off. It’s really a thing of beauty, and doesn’t feel forced or overly emo. It has a feel of timelessness, which I think was the point. I loved it, and I just have to say again that I LOVE that title!
And, I just loved “Fucking Around.” Basically she describes fucking different cities, or people that personify different cities. It might sound weird or corny, but you just have to read it. It was an excellent choice to kick off the book.
Thanks, Rachel, for sending me a copy of Dirty Girls, and I look forward to reading the rest as soon as possible!
Apr 29 2008 10:30 pm | Category:
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Apr 29 2008 07:49 pm | Category:
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