As smart, sensitive and educated as this good man is, he still has difficulty really understanding the female experience. That’s how insidious misogyny is in our culture; men just can’t see it. And when it’s pointed out, it makes them uncomfortable & defensive. “Hey, not all men say/think/do that… I don’t!”
As if that’s what I am saying when I point out the crap; as if I am blaming him personally.
Then there’s the, “If it’s not everyone, then don’t worry about it,” and the looks that say, “Oh, gawd, there she goes again…” as if I’m “one of those foaming at the mouth feminists” because I won’t just sit there silently and take it.
This is what I was trying to describe to Rusty the other night, about a certain asshole commenter who used to come around my blog all the time until I banned him, and even though he was an intelligent person he would ALWAYS try to find ANY other explanation for an obviously sexist situation than, well, sexism. It’s like, if YOU’RE “not like that,” then why are you so fucking afraid of admitting that YES, sexism exists, and calling it out when it does??
Oh wait, because maybe you are “like that.” That’s the ugly truth.
So frustrating!
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3 Responses to "What Gracie said"
I’ll tell you, I feel that same urge as your banned commenter sometimes, but that’s mostly (as you correctly surmise) me self-hating some of those old sexist stereotypes and mores.
I’ll admit, I am sexist (and racist). I’m just trying to be better and teach my kids better.
And that’s all that anyone can do!
I think as long as one doesn’t just give in to those knee-jerk reactions all the time, that’s half the battle anyway.
When people use this as a response, I think that they are confusing truth with relevance. Yes, it’s *true* that not everyone is like that. But it’s not relevant to the argument that sexism exists/is a problem/is entrenched/et cetera.
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