Feministe » Feministe Feedback: Being a Feminist Boyfriend
The discussion here has me thinking about some of the pretty damaging stuff that happened during my marriage, a lot of which I didn’t recognize for what it was until much later. I look back on the times he would “tease” me for, you know, not wanting to live in a filthy house like a damn slob, or accuse me of “nagging”… that stuff was really harmful to me. It makes me so angry, to this day, thinking about how it has affected me.
The “equal partnership” thing is important for the sanity, agency, and self-respect of both partners in a heterosexual relationship. It’s something that takes work, not just lip service. And yet so many guys still fall short, and as women thanks to our socialization, we don’t speak up because god forbid we be perceived as “nags.” Disempowering much?
The Barefoot Bum: Whining and complaining
On a similar note, here’s another word that’s often used to knock down legitimate arguments (especially from women): whining.
The portion I quoted in del.icio.us from the above post sums it up: “What’s the difference between a complaint and a whine? Why is objecting to ‘nappy-headed ho’s’ a legitimate complaint, but objecting to ‘Take out the garbage’ a loser’s whine?”
Boinkology: Sexploitation In Anti-Drug Ads Isn’t Normal… No Wait, It Is.
How fucked up is this ad? There are so many things wrong with it, I hardly know where to begin. I suppose “blaming the victim” would be a reasonable start, though.
Astarte’s Circus: I am a feminist
Octogalore explains why disavowing the label “feminist” is harmful. I agree, and I could ramble on this for days!
But, for now, back to bed with me. I need more Aleve Cold & Sinus. It seems to be helping. (Fingers crossed.) I want to be able to go back to work tomorrow, dammit!
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2 Responses to "Stuff I want to blog about when I feel better/have time"
Ooooh … I defintely want to hear what you have to say about each of these. And, unfortunately, I can soooo relate to the not wanting to be a “nag” stuff all too well. :|
I’d love to hear your rambling! On all of the above, in fact.
And you’re right. Nag vs speak up is another estrogen thing. Men do it to women (I’m so sorry to hear about the situation with your ex). And women do it to each other (like when I suggested to a woman who’d decided to abandon the term feminist why it might be helpful to retain it on her own terms — I was scolded for nagging, in so many words).
There should be a separate dictionary entitled “the word they’d use instead if it were a guy” so that we can translate backwards — eg: whine->complaint, nag->suggest, aggressive->assertive, frigid->hard to get.
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