Jenny has written another post that makes me want to do a little happy dance over the fact that she finally has a blog.
An excerpt from Sex, Guys, and Videotape:
Similarly, my experience on the way home last night can be written off as No Big Deal. It’s harmless, right? Silly, right? There’s nothing wrong with being called beautiful, right? Wrong. And, honestly, I do write off situations like this pretty much every day.
Which makes me part of the problem.
I put it to you, dear readers: How does a feminist respond firmly and unequivocally to this type of innate sexism without escalating a situation? When you cannot (and really should not) take the time to explain the inappropriate and harmful nature of these comments, what is a productive response? I’m at a loss.
Rusty and I were talking about this the other day. I can’t remember the specific thing we were talking about… something like a woman being verbally harassed while walking down the street, but it wasn’t that. Whatever it was, it was something asshole-ish, and Rusty said something like, “He turned it into a situation no one should have to experience.”
And I said, “But see, the thing is, women experience shit like that all the time. So much so that, unfortunately, we tend to forget how fucked up it really is.” Or to put it another way: of course it was a situation no one should have to experience. But women experience such situations on a daily basis, and no one (including the women, half the time) bats an eye.
And how fucked up is THAT??
Then I described a blog post I read a while back (too lazy to search for it right now, might do so tomorrow though) written by a guy who didn’t used to consider himself a feminist… you know the type, women have the vote and can get jobs and wear pants, so why do we need feminism anymore, and anyway shouldn’t it be called humanism, because otherwise that’s sexist. But then one day he was talking with a female friend of his and she was complaining about some asshole who’d just cat-called to her or something, and he was OUTRAGED, and was outraged that SHE wasn’t MORE outraged. And she was like, “Um, yeah, it sucks, but that happens to me all the freaking time” and that was when the light bulb went on over his head that, hello, feminism is VERY necessary! (Hello, male privilege… ah, how weird it must be NOT to know that women put up with this shit all the time and to truly believe that feminism’s work is done.)
Do we, as women, sometimes forget that men don’t know all the shit we put up with?
Maybe… but also part of it is, it’s not as easy as just calling them on it all the time, because 1) then we’re responsible for policing other adults’ behavior; 2) we’re humorless hairy-legged bitches if we do; 3) often there is the real threat of violence if we do; 4) we’d never have time to get anything else done.
So, what do we do, indeed? I don’t know. I’ve asked this question many times before and it sucks because I just don’t know.
And until more men have that light bulb go on over their heads, of the bind women are truly in with this stuff, unfortunately I think I’ll have to keep wondering (and trying to flip the switch myself, if possible…).
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2 Responses to "What to do indeed"
My reaction depends on the situation. The only recent creepy guy scenarios I have occur at the jail and well, giving someone the finger when they’re in the cell staring at you will not work.
But, I do have a great story to tell.
In college, a drunk guy decided to put his head on my shoulder. He didn’t respond to my or my friend’s plea to leave.. so, I dumped my drink - ice and all - on his head. When he lifted up his head, he looked like he was about to beat my ass, but the bartender threw him out before this could happen.
And you’re absolutely right that we forget that “men don’t know all the shit we put up with.” It’s “no big deal” because it “happens all the time.” The problem is that most men don’t care until it happens to their girlfriend / wife. Otherwise, it’s all fun and games.
And btw, I love the chicks!
Ha! Love it!
And what drives me around the bend is, DUH, the fact that it DOES happen all the time and is considered no big deal is indicative of just how big of a problem it really is!!
*headdesk*
Re: the chicks, I figured, how could anyone leave an asshole-ish comment with this adorable little chick guarding the comment form? Anyone with an ounce of decency will just melt at the chicks’ cuteness.
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