This post has been in draft mode for at least a month now. I always thought I’d flesh it out into something less stream-of-consciousness/”bad emo poetry.” Then I went and wrote a long-ass comment on Apostate’s blog, and it reminded me of this as-yet-unfinished post. So, first I’ll give you the initial free-writing version that I fantasized about turning into a coherent narrative, but never did:
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There’s always part of me that’s bugged about the fact that I never tried sex work
(I know the past tense makes it sound like it’s not a possibility in the future…)
But when I think about it, I wouldn’t make a good escort - I’m too introverted and socially awkward. Good escorts have to have the skill of putting people at ease. If anything, I tend to make people nervous. Or in my attempt to put them at ease I’d make *myself* nervous.
I hate small talk, and I suck at it
I do love sex, though
Stripping - same thing - I’m an exhibitionist, so that aspect (along w/ the money, duh) always appealed to me. And now I can pole dance something fierce. It’s the lapdances that would bug me. The “hustling.” It’s an awful lot like cold calling - something that absolutely petrifies me.
So what would I realistically like to do?
I want to have beautiful, creative photos taken of me
I thought of running my own porn site but the maintenance, up-keep, and trying to always come up w/ new creative content seemed too daunting
PSO? Hell no… I hate talking on the phone!
I think maybe I’d like porn the best
But in some way I feel like a fraud for never doing any type of sex work
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(Does this fact of my life make me a shitty/creepy ally? I wonder that, sometimes. I know I’m probably just being paranoid and over-thinking things, as I’m wont to do.)
And here’s the comment I left on Apostate’s:
For going on ten years now I’ve wanted to try some form of sex work, but so far have been too chicken to actually go through with it. I absolutely LOVE pole dancing, so now the original things that made me afraid to try stripping - not being able to dance, not being able to walk in heels - aren’t issues anymore, but I realized there are other, more basic issues such as 1) strip clubs are usually smoky, and cigarette smoke REALLY bothers me; 2) I hate approaching people or being “outgoing,” and that’s what you have to do to get lap dances; 3) speaking of lap dances, they would annoy me for the same reason waiting tables annoys me: the asshole customers.
i think I would be good at having sex for money, but it would have to be JUST that. I don’t have the time, patience, or poker face* to keep up the pretense of “escorting” - basically, I have no desire (and no ability, really) to pretend like I give a shit about some guy or want to be his arm candy, let’s just get down to business and give me the money, no GFE bullshit. I also couldn’t do the full body sensual massage thing because that would be hell on my muscles, and again, let’s just get down to business already.
After much thought and consideration I think porn is where I could be the most successful and get the most enjoyment out of it. But so far I’ve been too lazy to actively pursue anything. (It doesn’t hurt that I also happen to love my current job, so it’s not like I have a strong motivation.)
* Borrowed that terminology from Dacia. It’s apt.
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10 Responses to "Thoughts about sex work"
What stops you from a one night stand type of encounter? $200-300 for an hour. Shouldn’t involve too much small talk or GFE.
you’re a good ally.
and even if not the GFE…yeah, you are expected to be able to converse with the client.
Liking sex is one thing, but learning to like it with older/heavier/often Republican men is also part of the mind-warp of escorting. It all depends on how much you like money I guess! Escorting really is a *service* job when you get right down to it though.
Solo porn is fairly easy to get into … maybe just do a one-off for someone else’s site. I once knew a couple who did porn, so, you could even do it while fucking your SO.
Re. the strip clubs — maybe at some point they’ll ban smoking in all bars in Ga. (which would kind of annoy me, I like to smoke when I drink). But yeah, the hustle … bleurgh … Unless you did the Clermont …
You’d be surprised at what needing money very fast, and very badly, will make you capable of doing. Dabbling in sex work simply for the experience is quite another thing.
Emilie,
I have been in that position (of needing money very fast). Perhaps it was unintentional and/or perhaps I am reading things that aren’t there, but I dislike what I perceive as a superior/judgmental tone to your comment. You don’t know everything about me. Comments such as this were exactly what made me hesitant about posting this in the first place. It’s the reality of my life and my feelings, you don’t have to like it but there it is. That’s what this blog has always been about first and foremost to me.
Btw, I’ve been a reader of your blog for some time now (just never commented) and have enjoyed it.
I just checked out Emilie’s blog, and will probably go back and read more, but when I see a big old thang saying “prostitution blogs worth reading” I get a little leery. Sure, folks don’t have to read/like all sex worker blogs, but I’d say “worth reading” is very subjective…
Agreed, Ren. “Worth reading” IS subjective. I’ll admit it would stick in my craw a little less if Emilie hadn’t just left a condescending comment here; I think we all use language like “worth reading” from time to time, but in this case it strikes me as a little less off-the-cuff than normal. I don’t know.
Amber, I was only dashing off something that popped into my mind after reading the comment above (”Liking sex is one thing, but learning to like it with older/heavier/often Republican men…”) with a little emphasis on how money can make things more palatable. NO OFFENSE!
As for my worth reading list being
sub parsubjective, why didn’t anybody leave a comment to let me know of something better? I’m always trying to keep that list updated. Thanks for your input.OK I’m jumping back in for a sec … I’ve never read Emilie’s blog, for the record, and I don’t want to seem like I’m ganging up on her. I’m just fond of offering up self-explanations …
In reference to my comment about fucking Republicans (LOL), I gather that, to some, fucking a Republican would only be done in the direst of straits (”needing money very fast, and very badly”). LOLs again. For the record, again, I was a SW for a little over 2 years;
A client’s political leaning didn’t matter to me, though it certainly seemed to me that most of my clients were of a conservative, or at least libertarian bent.
I didn’t do it b/c I needed money fast. I did it b/c I am a lazy slackass who only wanted to work 2 or 3 hours a week and go out and party with my hippie/pagan friends and go to concerts and festivals the rest of the time. Believe me, I got plenty of shit from my “straight” friends when they found out what I was doing for money.
My two favorite clients were a cigarette and weed smoking art gallery owner and a dowdy, dumpy beer-drinking Ga. Dept. of Labor employee who would always bring me margaritas and cheese nips. Ha ha! Not guys you would date, you know, for free. But they were nice and our time spent often felt like a mini-party. I still smile when I think about them.
Of course, I also had one hippie guy I would fuck sometimes for an ounce of weed (street value: $200-$250). Ah crap, did I just admit that? But … he was a guy I already knew (ex-husband of one of my friends’ friends).
(I used to party too much, BTW!!!)
You know, Amber, there’s nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about with respect to you not having tried sex work. The important thing is that you make the effort to understand sex workers and advocate for their rights. That means far more in the world view of things that whether or not you’ve worked a pole (on a stage or with a client). ;-)
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