Repost from the comments on this (excellent!) post by Octogalore…
—
Anyway. Looking at older, well-off women (”OWW”) as foreign creatures - moms, or well-off friends’ moms… sometimes, I want to say: how do you know that won’t be you? Why are you so sure these people have no relationship to you or your interests? You really never know. And you really don’t know if, in becoming… that… you’d lose your humanity, perspective, values.
THANK YOU!!!
That’s one of the things that bugs me the most about this whole theme. And it’s not just the age thing, but the “age-with-money” thing. Like, if you reach a certain age, and/or have a certain amount of money, suddenly some evil fairy touches you with their wand and you become “out of touch?”
The money thing in particular, I find quite offensive. As if it’s bad to have money. As if it’s bad to achieve monetary success. I’m sorry, but a whole lot of it reeks of jealousy and cluelessness. And I feel like I can’t say any of this very many places, because people will be like, “Oh yeah? Well, PRIVILEGE!!! You just say that because you must be rich, and you don’t know what it’s like to deal with blah blah blah…”
Oh really?
And those kinds of assumptions make me LIVID. How DARE you (general “you”) assume anything about my past, or my present for that matter, based on the fact that I don’t think having money is the worst sin ever? Having money allows one to do things to help others! Not that you can’t help others without a ton of money, but it sure doesn’t hurt! The economic leverage allows you to do some very concrete things to effect change.
I don’t come from money. AT ALL. I make a decent living in my job now, but I doubt I’ll ever shake the underlying fear/knowledge that the bottom could fall out at any time. That it’s all so tenuous. This is something that I don’t observe in my friends who grew up with a relatively more stable economic situation. They don’t get nervous dropping a few hundred dollars on, say, a new TV, if they have a few thousand in the bank and some savings to boot. Why should they?
Anyway, I’m rambling, and veering all over the place. I hope this makes sense. And aw hell, I might end up reposting it as a post on my own blog.
READ ME: Disclaimer
9 Responses to "Sometimes I say worthwhile stuff on other people’s blogs"
hey, totally un-related, by I “tagged” you. you have to play! :)
http://thestripperhatesyou.tumblr.com/post/38159867/what-a-semi-indie-stripper-peels-too-seven-songs
Well, ignore my advice if you wish - it’s unsolicited, sorry - but if you haven’t pulled back yet, don’t. I doubt they expect anything right away and one method I always use is to let it come in its own time.
I prefer to write something for my blog first, where I feel safe, and then if I think it’s good enough, submit it to whoever. But I know it’s in me and I know it’ll come. It just can’t be forced.
For what it’s worth.
I know it’s in me, too, and it’ll come - but it might not be in the form a third party needs.
Plus I just hate to keep people waiting around. And anyway, it’s Jill - not some random Editor, so I just emailed her and told the truth: that this time around, it’s not happening, but maybe later.
Thanks Amber!
I know, some assumptions are better than others, right? And many of them tend to be around women and guilt.
We naturally default to guilt on a number of things, and many of them have to do with not playing our traditionally-mandated role as women. Lefty women have the additional burden of not only the guilt about working (not traditional for women) but the guilt about money (not hip for lefties to care about, unless they have penises and can pretend to care only because of family support obligations).
So it’s kind of WRONG to jump in and say anything when you hear about older well-off women, because hey, those greedy bitches deserve all they get!
But as you say, nobody knows what the OWW started off as. I wasn’t anyone’s idea of poor, but I lived month to month until 30, and since I wasn’t always successful at that, my credit cards at that time were up embarrassingly high, not to mention my school debt. And it sounds like you weren’t the poster child for privilege. WIth that kind of background, fighting for security is not something you want to have treated like a silver spoon, or something you’re using just for exotic vacations. And you’re right, it does seem tenuous.
But even apart from my own reaction, because let’s face it, once you do have the “privilege” (earned or otherwise) you do have the ability to not care. The part that gets me is that lefty women, like people in general, tend to go in for a certain amount of groupthink. If the prevailing, accepted wisdom is that OWW are corrupt “thems” then there is disincentive to emulate them — even those of them who are actually making real change happen. And that to me is depressing.
Especially because it’s not happening to men. No matter how liberal, it’s cool to have that penis/success combo, and little boys don’t get the countermessages.
Just one more obstacle in an already crowded course.
And now I’ve ranted on your blog! I’m sorry. Thanks for the good discussion.
Amber, my comment landed on the wrong post. Sorry. Meant to leave it on the one above this one.
Octo, no need to apologize. I hear you on this, esp. on the same sort of guilt-tripping not happening to men. Could it be internalized sexism by women?
As for me personally, I keep waffling on whether to write about this in greater detail… but part of the reason why I don’t work freelance, or have a more “non-traditional” job that doesn’t necessarily guarantee a reliable paycheck every two weeks (but the type of job I see a lot of people romanticizing), is because stability is VERY important to me. I know what it’s like to live with uncertainty, not knowing when the next paycheck will come in or what you might do if it doesn’t.
I grew up w/ parents who didn’t have jobs that reliably produced a steady paycheck for a standard amount every week, two weeks, month, whatever. They worked hard, but it was not smooth sailing. We didn’t have health insurance. There was nothing romantic about it.
Answer: yes.
Hey — old post, I know. I haven’t commented much around here lately :) Good posts lately though. I’m with you on the money/stability thing. Kind of echoes a post I’ve been working on, but haven’t published yet, about “selfishness.” Sure, I’d like to make more money. LOVE to. I’d also like the “privilege” of being able to donate to every cause I want, or to have the free time to volunteer (i.e. not have to feel like every free moment I have should be spent on scraping up money). And yet, as you know, I have been spending lots of my free time on a ridiculous — selfish — and silly film project. But, I can’t give up who *I* am and be a whole person either …
Need to finish my post …
[...] Yet again, I say worthwhile things on other people’s blogs, and then cross-post to mine. [...]
Leave a comment