Yesterday in Athens, Rusty and I found this on a table in the Barnes and Noble Cafe. It was laying face up, like so:
Clearly we took the bait. I said, “Oh boy, it’s our lucky day - a million dollars!” and picked it up to look it over. On the reverse side was this:
Click through to Flickr to view the larger version, but if you can’t read what’s written around the sides, here’s what it says:
The million-dollar question: Will you go to Heaven? Here’s a quick test. Have you ever told a lie, stolen anything, or used God’s name in vain? Jesus said, “Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Have you looked with lust? Will you be guilty on Judgment Day? If you have done those things, God sees you as a lying, thieving, blasphemous, adulterer-at-heart. The Bible warns that if you are guilty you will end up in Hell. That’s not God’s will. He sent His Son to suffer and die on the cross for you. Jesus took your punishment upon himself: “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” Then He rose from the dead and defeated death. Please, repent (turn from sin) today and trust in Jesus, and God will grant you everlasting life. Then read your Bible daily and obey it. www.livingwaters.com
My favorite part is the definition of “repent” included in parentheses.
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13 Responses to "Found salvation"
So you should worship him! He created you, in his image, to be a lying, thieving, blasphemous adulterer and if you don’t appreciate him for that, he will smite you down!
Apparently I have a zero tolerance policy for evangelicals today.
…today?
;)
These were pretty standard fare in the restaurant biz. I’d say about once a month down here in Texas I’d get something like that. I never had anyone leave me one instead of a tip, but I know people who have.
As evangelism goes, it’s not the worst thing I’ve seen. It’s non-invasive and, at the very least, you sort of appreciate it’s ingenuity from a marketing standpoint.
I’ll tell you, though — The most effective bit of evangelism I’ve ever seen in the “witnessing to your waitperson” genre was when a lady at one table left to use the restroom, came out with her hands full of items from her designer purse (the rest of the things she didn’t need she’d thrown away) and then gave the purse to her waitress saying, “I don’t know why, but I feel like God is telling me you need this more than I do.” The waitress was stunned and, as it turned out, her purse HAD been stolen (along with every dollar she had) the day before.
At the very least it made everyone around think about it for a few minutes.
Maybe the evangelical lady stole her purse the day before, thus setting up this miracle?
That’s possible. Krazy Kristians.
Is that Wilford Brimley on the bill?
I don’t know, I was trying to figure that out!
If you examine the bill closely, it’s full of all kinds of hidden messages.
So if you’ve got a million bucks you can go to heaven? That would explain some things.
Let me know the next time you’re in Athens. I would love to meet and would happily buy coffee or a drink.
Touche, M@ber, touche. :-)
It’s not Wilford Brimley, it’s Grover Cleveland…which honestly feels almost equally random. Was he a particularly good Christian? All I remember about him is that he used troops against labor during the Pullman Strike and that he had part of his jaw removed because of cancer and had a prosthetic.
Strike-busting bastard with a prosthetic jaw…worth a million bucks?
That’s more than I remembered about Grover Cleveland! So good for you.
Maybe he really is on the million-dollar bill? Is there even a million-dollar bill? That seems silly.
I also remember that Cleveland was the only President to actually get married at the White House. Geez, we should write an encyclopedia; that’s like four facts!
There isn’t a $1m bill. I think they highest they’ve gone was $100,000.
Yeah! Didn’t he marry some 21 year old or something hideous like that?
Why on earth do I know things about Grover Cleveland???
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