My big gripe was with people who, knowing nothing about my situation, felt entitled to pass judgment on what I should or shouldn’t do, and even to opine on how much of a “good person” or “bad person” I was.

Anyways…my point is, I don’t fault anyone for having an issue with their partners transition (I’m probably having an easier time than most, but hey, that’s just one person’s experience, and it doesn’t make me better than anyone else). And nobody should stay in a relationship where they’re genuinely unhappy, for any reason.

And again, it was never only about the transition itself. This is what people “on the outside” (and by that I even mean, yes, other TG partners of cisgendered folks, well-intentioned or not) failed to grasp. It was about dishonesty. A lie so big, I could not abide. Betrayal. Manipulation. A no-win situation.

Stupid internets…things don’t come out the way I mean them to.

Anyways…my point is, I don’t fault anyone for having an issue with their partners transition (I’m probably having an easier time than most, but hey, that’s just one person’s experience, and it doesn’t make me better than anyone else). And nobody should stay in a relationship where they’re genuinely unhappy, for any reason.

Hugs?

Hell, if it did your ex wouldn’t have needed to go MTF!

I do have to nitpick here, because this is a common source of confusion - transitioning is about gender identity, not sexual orientation. They are two separate things. True, sometimes with some people, their sexual orientation shifts a bit as they go through the transition process. But not always, and there is no hard and fast correlation.

Hell, if it did your ex wouldn’t have needed to go MTF! If it did don’t people realize most gay people would chuck the flipping 99-manure-truck pileup society slams down on them and “just” turn straight. And yet *somehow,* despite all that they can’t. Or if they do they wind up like that pitiful mackerel of a minister from the Wesborough Church, roaring around the country trying to make everyone else as miserable as he is.

So… if it doesn’t work for them — and why should it? Why would it work for anyone else?

When my partner of many years finally discovered her unhappiness with men, and me, was about her orientation towards women I was able to abstractly celebrate her very real relief and happiness… while at the same time mourning her loss as bitterly as I’ve mourned any other loss of a beloved partner.

And if, in my case, there was nothing I could do then in yours there was nothing you could do either. She was who she was. Your ex was who he was. And we’re who we are too. And dang it, if they deserve our sympathy and respect and support (and hard as it sometimes is they do) then we deserve ours too.

So well said, Amber,

figleaf