Being Amber Rhea

From Apostate:

Back to my bosses… there’s something in their voices, a quality of how they speak when they are issuing orders, disagreeing, taking an antagonistic position. I believe it’s what people call “strident” when it’s coming from women and “authoritative” when it comes from men. And I’m serious: it gets me fucking hot.

I actually get a high surrounded by these strong women. What’s the smiles of men approving of my tits compared to the knowledge that kick-ass, strong as hell women have my back?

They don’t give an inch. They win arguments. They carry their points. They aren’t afraid of retorting sharply to the condescension of a man. They’re bitches. And you bet, they’re seen as such by most of the people they deal with, but damned if they care.

I’m learning. My voice has always, at times, acquired that strident quality but only if the situation was right. I still keep it consciously out of my voice very often because I have more superiors than juniors (as an aside, gaining worldly status - professional, ideally - is absolutely necessary to achieving full bitch status). But the bitch inside me is not very well-hidden. When I recently tried to tell one of my bosses that I was “easy-going” she gave me a funny look and then said, “Yeah, I get that a lot too,” and then we both burst out laughing.

I’ve noticed. You get old enough, you’re a woman - an intelligent woman - for long enough, and you become a bitch. There is no way around, unless people’s attitudes regarding powerful women change. Your voice and manner become strident acquire authority. People may not like you, but you get shit done, people do as you say and yes, you get respect.

Women like this inspire the hell out of me, too. I’m reminded of what my (awesome, female) lead business professor said in grad school, to my project group, which was made up of all women:

“A stern man is a stern man. A stern woman is a bitch.”

And I think most of us knew it by then, anyway - seriously, you learn it pretty early and it gets beaten into your head repeatedly - but coming from her, there was something inspiring about the way she said it. Yes, that double standard SUCKS and we have to continually fight to change it; in the meantime, though, I’ll happily be the ball-buster, the cunt, the bitch, whatever else, and anyone who has a problem with it can attempt to blow it out their tightly-clamped ass. It sure beats the alternative.

I’m also reminded of something Sassywho wrote a while ago. Her blog has since gone invitation-only, but I have a quote of it saved in an old post:

I am the Cunt who challenged your ideas in a meeting, and it even turns out I was right. I am the Whore who has slept with more men than your quota for a woman who deserves your respect, even if it is less than your number. I am the Fucking Slut who responds to your verbal abuse while I am bartending by making you wear that beer you just ordered.

I am the Bitch who wants equality in a relationship and refuses to be your mother. I am the Ballbuster who isn’t intimidated by your masculinity. I am the Wife that was not okay with your 15+ affairs, so I had an affair myself before I left. I am the Fucking Bitch who filed a restraining order on your ass and prosecuted you to the fullest extent of the law when you tried to intimidate me and my friends with harassment to keep me in the relationship. I am a Misogynist’s worst nightmare.

YES.