So I know that last post of mine wasn’t very “fair.” Part of me feels bad but part of me just can’t get too worked up about it.
I just feel like in BlogLand recently (well, and not so recently, too), there’s a lot of “group think” and generalizations going on, and if you don’t fall in lock-step, then you’re out of the Cool Kids Club.
There are some situations where generalizations are helpful, instructive, and necessary. I think making a blanket statement of “no blanket statements” is just as ignorant as, well, most blanket statements! Because sometimes it’s appropriate. But I think that’s the exception rather than the rule. And I get the impression that a lot of bloggers who move in some of the same circles I do kind of blog with an iron fist.
It’s hard to write about this, too, because I’m afraid I’ll end up sounding like those whiny assholes who come to feminist blogs and go, “Not all men are [x]!” YES, we know, thanks for making it all about you YET AGAIN, now please to be shutting your dumb mouth.
I’m not a patient person in general, BUT, with friends and on a one-on-one basis, I can be very patient. See, nuance. What might look like a contradiction to the casual observer is actually just the fact of nuance and complexity that we all have within us. And I think a lot of what is missing from some of this blog drama (which I’ve mostly just been observing and shaking my head at, rather than getting involved in, as I know I wouldn’t be welcome anyway) is nuance. Context. Because guess what, context matters. A lot of things have to be taken on a case by case basis.
Like I said at Trinity’s, wrt porn and such: (as usual, double blockquotes are me quoting someone else)
So uh, “men ask women to do Those Things” is true, but not really worth getting furious at people for, to me. Again, even if that’s sexist: mosquito bite. Not worth my worry.
It seems to me that a lot of the time, the asking is set up as a bad thing. And I’ve never really grokked that. Because what always comes to my mind is, “So, one partner is communicating with the other partner about hir sexual desires.” What’s bad about that?? It’s a GOOD thing to be able to tell your partner, openly and with no shame, “[x] turns me on” or “I’d really love to try [y].” The part where good or bad comes into play, I think, is what happens next - and even that is a lot more complex and nuanced than a lot of these scripts make it out to be.
It’s not enough to just say “[x] is wrong.” [x] doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and all the internal and external factors surrounding it have to be parsed in order to get an accurate understanding.
And yet, with all that said? Yeah, there are still plenty of times when the motivation, intent, etc. doesn’t matter AT ALL; what matters is the resultant action. But again: nuance! None of this applies across the board!
I’m having a hard time trying to explain this but I don’t actually think it’s that hard of a concept to grasp, mentally, without words.
Next thing I want to write about: the fallacy of assuming that just because someone’s poor, it gives them special insight into, well, everything. There’s a term for that but I can’t remember what it is.
READ ME: Disclaimer
2 Responses to "A little further"
This is why I have such a difficult time in “social networks”; it’s complicated enough in real world groups, but being online seems to magnify things, putting them under a microscope so to speak/type… And the specific behavior you mention becomes so exaggerated that I can’t bear it. ‘Tis why I don’t appear at many places. I read, but don’t “participate” (directly with comments or even joining lol) as much as I should/could/would if there was some more constructive way to deal with this.
The down side is all these years later people are still surprising me by their “discovery” of SK etc.
Maybe I just never learned to play nice. ;)
Seriously, I do well on the radio, at my own sites, & even when confronted in person (live or email etc.), but the group behavior on the ‘net is (usually) so beyond my tolerance.
Is there a difference between being wrong about something and being obnoxious about our privilege?
Can it be that everybody’s an assshole and that friends occasionally tell you when you’re being an asshole and sometimes even point to where clues can be found?
Poor people (etc.) get their insights. If i demand you get my insights or that your insights can’t possibly be valid because one of us is more powerful?
Somebody said “whiteness is rightness” to help folks build some useful insights about part of our situation (e.g., everything that was on TV at the time).
Maybe listening to each other and asking how’s the view from up/down/over there?
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