Briefly, because I have to wrap a few things up before I leave the office and head home to get ready for pole dancing class… which is particularly timely given some of the links I’m about to provide.
Yes, no surprise, shit like this and this (check the comment from “L”) downright enrages me. And even that word, I think, does not do justice to the pure RAGE I feel when I see people DENYING MY AGENCY AS A HUMAN BEING, denying my very existence, denying that I am an intelligent, capable, self-aware woman who is CONSTANTLY examining and reflecting on my own life and the choices I make. It hurts the most when it comes from other women, in particular other feminists.
I don’t know how or what to write about this shit anymore. Ren has written rounds and rounds of sense on her blog, as have many others; but Ren has been particularly prolific (and repetitive, because apparently it’s just NOT GETTING THROUGH to some people). Frankly I don’t know how she has the energy anymore. It drains me, to constantly try so hard to get people to understand the simple fact of, “This is my life, this is my truth, this is WHO I AM, and you don’t have to like it but you DO have to accept it, and accept that I have done enough ‘examining’ for the both of us, thankyouverymuch.”
It enrages me, and it makes me feel sick, and sad, and just awful about humanity, actually. Because why is it such a difficult concept to convey, that my life is mine, my choices are mine, and just because they differ from yours that does not mean I’m damaged or stupid? Why is it so hard to see that accepting the same old stereotypes of women who are openly sexual (not to mention women who work in the sex industry!) as stupid or damaged or victims or villains is nothing more than some seriously OLD-SCHOOL PATRIARCHAL BULLSHIT? It HURTS to have that same old double standard inflicted on me by other women, by other FEMINISTS.
This post gets the “hypocrisy” tag because, as I said to Elisa the other night, that’s what it is, plain and simple.
Pole dancing, for example? The smug characterizations of it as “empowerful” or “degrading” and whatever other bullshit so-called feminist bloggers (not to even mention non-feminists, especially anti-feminist men; holy shit, I can’t even go there, I would get damn near suicidal) say about it, talking OUT OF THEIR ASSES, assuming I must be doing it for my boyfriend (!!!!!!) or whatever else… holy fucking shit I cannot take it anymore. But guess what I DO know, assholes? That when I’m pole dancing, I feel joyful and whole, I feel a happiness that I rarely feel at any other time that permeates my entire being, I feel ALIVE - and the last thing on my mind is what “Teh Menz” might be thinking (especially because nine times out of ten, there AREN’T ANY MEN PRESENT anyway).
I don’t know how many times I can say this before it will get across. And maybe it never will - which is the part that hurts the most.
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11 Responses to "Now as for things that I feel passionately about…"
The thing that bothers me is even if you were doing it for a man or a man was enjoying it or *whatever*, that ALSO doesn’t give them the right to degrade the choices you make.
i have the time currently because I’m recovering from burns…which makes me grumpy…grr/hiss.
But yep, if people won’t listen or flat out refuse to believe, not my fault.
Amber….I wouldn’t even lose sleep over these fools, since no bit of logic and truth will ever get into their heads, which have already been totally wiped clean with the MacKinnon/Dworkin microchip implanted in their brains.
The fact that they are willing to use even the most vile racist stereotypes (as in the enclosed cartoon that Nine Deuce included in her little rant against sex-pozzie men as innate rapists (and her ally Witchy-Woo even went as far as to target me and IACB personally) says all that need to be said about these…..women.
You know what you like and how you feel….just tell the haters to blow it out of their asses. And let us who don’t mind kicking back do the work.
Oh…and belated condolences from me on the passing of your father. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be here earlier.
Anthony
Ren,
I hear you. And, I didn’t mean my post to sound like I was saying you’re wasting your time or anything like that, so my apologies if it came off that way. Rather I intended it to mean that you’re fighting the good fight.
Anthony,
Thank you for the condolences. As to the rest of your comment, I actually find the characterization of them as illogical and brainwashed to be problematic and counter-productive. That same kind of language has been used by anti-feminists against feminists of all stripes, and not only do I not want to reproduce that behavior, I also think it’s too reductive. Sure, it might be tempting and easy to say “they’re just stupid” or “they’re just illogical” (and to be sure, some of them are both of those things and more), but the thing is, I think a lot of them are NOT stupid - which is why it bothers me so much. And while the sentiment of “not losing sleep” is a nice one, and I do my best to ignore such discussions, the fact remains that these ideas are widely held, and they have the power to cause real damage to real women, and yep, they do make me feel angry and hurt.
Oh and as for the cartoon, interesting about racism… that hadn’t occurred to me. I saw it as a bunch of pale white dudes who were out of the spotlight. But regardless, it’s offensive on many levels anyway.
I wanted to explain and apologize for my comment at Rage Against the Manchine. First, I apologize because the comment was inappropriately worded and obviously biased against sex-positive feminists and sex-positive feminism. I don’t necessarily agree with your brand of feminism, but it’s not my place to say whether you’re right or wrong about your own choices in your own life. My point in the comment — which I obviously failed to make clearly — was that it’s frustrating that the conversation between sex-pos feminists and non-sex-pos/radical feminists is always, always the same and I want to know what we can do instead of having the exact same conversation over and over again without accomplishing anything. I don’t know if there IS anything we can do differently in this conversation, since our differences seem so fundamental, but I want to know anyway. I could have expressed it better, and I will in the future.
[...] Being Amber Rhea: Now as for things that I feel passionately about… “It drains me, to constantly try so hard to get people to understand the simple fact of, “This is my life, this is my truth, this is WHO I AM, and you don’t have to like it but you DO have to accept it, and accept that I have done enough ‘examining’ for the both of us, thankyouverymuch.— [...]
“As to the rest of your comment, I actually find the characterization of them as illogical and brainwashed to be problematic and counter-productive. That same kind of language has been used by anti-feminists against feminists of all stripes, and not only do I not want to reproduce that behavior, I also think it’s too reductive.”
Well, the problem is, there’s a certain amount of truth to that, even if it is an “anti-feminist” stereotype. Its needs to be pointed out that its not a problem with feminists per se, but ideologues in general. And, unfortunately, feminism has more than its fair share of ideologues, who I can’t see as being any less deluded than hard-line ideologues of any other stripe.
“Sure, it might be tempting and easy to say “they’re just stupid†or “they’re just illogical†(and to be sure, some of them are both of those things and more), but the thing is, I think a lot of them are NOT stupid - which is why it bothers me so much.”
No, except for a few obvious examples, they’re not stupid. But that doesn’t mean that they necessarily have a logical, fact-based, or even internally coherent set of arguments, either. Quite the opposite, really, and that’s what needs to be chipped away at. (”Logic: Ur doing it wrong” as Caroline put it.)
As for the cartoon, I have a bit to say here about the fact that its kind of a rip-off of an older cartoon.
Also, my condolences as well about the loss of your father – I hadn’t heard about that, and I’m sorry to hear it. Losing a parent is one of the most painful things most of us have to go through in life – I’ve been there, too. Put time aside for yourself - you’ll need that for a while.
L,
I think one thing we can do better/differently in the future is to stop using condescending, judgmental language, such as you did in your comment. Terms such as “sex-pozzers” are disrespectful and, frankly, ridiculous, and shut out any possibility of productive dialogue right from the start. I do not think there’s anything all that insurmountable, especially for feminists, about acknowledging that we are all individuals with different experiences and that none of those experiences are better (and certainly not more feminist or less feminist) than others, and that we will get nowhere by disparaging other women.
For example this part of your comment was very offensive:
The assumption there is that the hypothetical sex-positive feminist you’re talking about clearly hasn’t done enough examining, because if she had, she would have come to the same conclusions as you, and you’re just trying to help her along, the poor dear. I’m sure you can understand why that infuriates many people.
IACB,
I don’t find the argument of “there is some truth to the stereotype” to be particularly useful. There are many sound arguments to be made here; that is a weak one.
[...] note, Ren and Amber Rhea do a great job tearing this silliness apart in [...]
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