Lots of stuff
I have several posts on particular topics saved as drafts, but since I’ll probably never actually write them all, I decided I’ll just do one post addressing all or most of them. Besides, reading my archives (which I’ve been doing periodically over the past week or so, as I slowly go through and tag the old pre-WP entries and update old URLs) made me remember that that’s how I used to write my blog all the time, that’s what comes naturally to me, and that’s why and how I started blogging in the first place. So, back to basics!
First of all, a few days ago blogger Rori at Between My Sheets released a list of Top 100 Sexy Bloggers of 2008, based on nominations from readers. I’m #12 on the list! It was definitely a nice surprise to see the email from Rori and all the pingbacks to my site. And tonight I noticed she posted a description of my blog. Here’s what she wrote (the “About” part is from my Twitter bio)… it made me blush:
12. Amber Rhea http://www.beingamberrhea.com
- About Amber Rhea: Blogger, podcaster, web developer, pole dancer, all-around nerd. Founder of Sex 2.0; co-founder of Georgia Podcast Network.
- For a great read: Subscribe to her via Twitter! (click here to do so)
- Why you should love Amber Rhea: This site is much different than all of the others I’ve already listed…and different is a good thing! Her posts fall into three categories: actual blogs, tweet roundups, and lists of interesting sex-related posts on other blogs. It’s not all sex, all the time, but instead it’s real life, from a sex-positive feminist.
:D
Also it’s kind of funny that this list came out when it did, because I feel like I’ve been withdrawing a bit as a blogger. -Or not really as a blogger, but I guess as a participant elsewhere in the blogophere, with my fingers in a bunch of different bloggy pies. The cop-out answer is I haven’t had time (yes, we get it, everyone’s busy, you’re so fucking busy – more on that pet peeve later); the for-real answer is that I’m tired of all the DRAMA. Especially in the feminist blogosphere. I’m just SICK OF IT. And, too, I can’t read any political blogs that AREN’T feminist, because I remain, as always, disgusted by their LACK of feminist analysis and downright ANTAGONISM toward and IGNORANCE of feminism. (See? I must be really worked up because I’m using all caps!) My BlogLines is getting all backed up and I don’t care. I might unsubscribe from some of those blogs; I haven’t decided yet. Many of the bloggers are people I consider friends; it’s certainly nothing personal against them. It’s just that I’m realizing it’s better for my mental health to not engage in that kind of thing. It drains me, and now is a time when I really don’t need to put myself in situations like that (not as if I ever should, but right now it’s especially important for me to be mindful of such things).
I actually did read a few blogs tonight, and I feel kind of like Kim does – with the big difference being that I am not disgusted with “feminism,” and never will be, and frankly I get really really annoyed when people say they’re disgusted with feminism or don’t call themselves feminists anymore because of the shitty behavior of some people who claim the label. Am I disgusted with certain people’s behavior? Absolutely! But it’s like, if I were a Christian, I would not renounce that identity simply because there are tons of people who say they’re Christians but behave as judgmental, hateful jackasses. I AM a feminist, always have been, always will be, and I’ll be damned* if some bloviating asshole is going to take that title from me.
ANYWAY. That was a tangent. What I was going to say was that I feel the same as this part of what Kim wrote:
I’m also not interested in Ashley’s proposed debate (see comments in below post). Not that she doesn’t have points worthy of discussion, but after over three years in this “feminist blogosphere,” I’ve read about, written about, and pondered about privilege privilege privilege to the point of saturation.
Is it privilege that I don’t, due to my Caucasian status, necessarily have to read, write and think about privilege?
Of course.
Is it potentially dangerous, due to my lack of privilege as a woman, that I don’t want to discuss privilege at the moment?
Maybe.Call it a cop-out, but I deal with misery, entitlement, poverty, addiction, prostitution, death, homelessness, problem-solving, abuse, and the like five days a week.
ENOUGH ALREADY!
Here’s a photoshopped picture of my ass on a Lipizzaner horse, for fuck’s sake.
Take it or leave it.
I too am sick of discussions about “privilege,” and it floors me because more and more I see that term getting used as an attack, when the people doing so should definitely understand that THAT’S NOT WHAT PRIVILEGE IS. That’s not how it works. As in, privilege isn’t something that comes in measurable quantities, where you can easily measure one person against another; and it’s not something an individual can “renounce,” because it’s something granted to the individual by society. The individual can and should RECOGNIZE their privilege and work to fight against the inequities that lead to him/her being granted that privilege where others aren’t. But you can’t say “That’s it, I give up my privilege.” It doesn’t work that way.
I also hate even writing about this because I feel like I’m not quite articulating it correctly, and I sound like one of those asshole white male “progressive” bloggers who complain about how the mean bad feminists are just so whiny and it’s not fair and he’s persecuted and men are oppressed too and why do they place the gender/race/sexuality/whatever card and on and on and on just call the wahhhhbulance already. FUCK THOSE PEOPLE. I can’t stand them. They’re the reason I don’t read many political blogs – as we’ve already seen!
I mean seriously, if I have to put up with another straight white man telling me how it’s just not fair and really racism and sexism don’t exist anymore and I just don’t understand and I misunderstood and feminist issues aren’t important and isn’t “feminism” a sexist word anyway and generally being “That Guy”… well, this image says it all:
- Doh, I can’t find the image. On my work computer I have a really funny image about clawing out your eyes or something like that. I thought I had it here too, but apparently not. Maybe I’ll add it in tomorrow.
Update: Aha! Here’s the image:
Back to more concrete things for a minute. Yesterday Rusty and I met with a mortgage lender and got pre-qualified for a home loan. What a grown-up thing to do! It’s exciting and scary at the same time. Yes, we are actually going to become homeowners, sometime early next year. I’ve been meaning to write a post about why I was never all that worked up about the idea of homeownership – not in the way some people think it’s just the best thing ever, always, for anyone, at the earliest possible moment. Maybe it comes from having Realtors as parents or maybe it’s just my natural pragmatism and tendency not to get caught up in “the latest thing.” I don’t really feel like writing about that right now, but I probably will eventually. I will say that I’m very glad my mom beat into my head so much the importance of having good credit (which again I probably would’ve done anyway, because I’m just not one to do things like ‘forget’ to pay my bills) (and though at a certain point I do wish she would’ve stopped with the beating, once we’d established that I was a responsible and mature adult who wasn’t going to fuck things up) – I have great credit if I do say so myself, and the lender said I would qualify for that loan by myself at 5% down. Maybe it’s stupid and certainly the anti-capitalists will scoff (and a part of me is scoffing internally, too!) but yeah, that did feel pretty empowering in a way. Rusty has some credit issues to fix but then we will be in good shape. Not that we’re in bad shape as it is – but it’s always good to be in the know. The only negative thing on my credit is that fucking car loan that I cosigned on against all my better judgment back in 2003, but again that’s another story for another time.
Now, I would like to endorse the following item of clothing:
I’d been looking for a decent pair of jeans for a while. The pair I bought a few months ago to replace my older pair because of an impending hole in the crotch just weren’t cutting the mustard. Too baggy and weird-looking in the front, just generally not doing it for me. Then I read about these jeans in Glamour magazine, of all places. I was waiting to get a haircut and those were the types of magazines they had in the waiting area, so I picked one up and they had an article on jeans. The Flirt was the kind they had declared as the perfect pair of jeans for any body type. So I went and bought a pair at Old Navy, and guess what? Glamour was right! They also make regular pants (not denim) in that style, and I bought two pairs of those, too. I might just go for the grand slam and buy the other two colors and be done with it. I hate clothes shopping, and when I find something I like, I try to stock up.
I was going to keep on writing, but I think I’ll actually stop this post now, and start a new one with the rest of my topics. Some of what I have to say will probably piss people off, but I’m okay with that, because I feel it needs to be said. And I’m not trying to be all cryptic and dramatic, despite what might look like major evidence to the contrary; I’m trying to be emotionally healthy and mature. We’ll see how that goes. Anyway, I’m stopping now, because already this post is going to have a million tags and I don’t want the formatting to get too out of hand.
* Ed. note: I’ll be damned anyway! Ha! /inside joke
Totally agree with you about the name feminism–I refuse to cede it to some assholes who tell me that I can’t be it. Nope, it’s as much mine as it is theirs, so yeah.
Also, sometimes we just have to take a break. Or spend three months writing about sex and glitter makeup (as I’ve been doing). Sometimes we can’t fight the world’s problems. Other times we can, but we can’t come home from doing that and blog about it too.
I’m trying right now to just allow myself to do what works for me and feels good for me. It sounds selfish, but I need it to keep me sane. And what was feminism about if not at least in part allowing us to have our own lives and do what makes us happy?
and re: honesty (over twitter) I just can’t stomach anything else. I’d rather have an honest argument than a fake agreement, and an honest heartbreak than some bullshit let-down-easy crap. Sucks that other people don’t work the same way.
The Third Wave is ignorant about feminism. All it knows is that feminism is racist and classist. That’s like ignoring all the achievements, role models, heroes, history of the Civil RIghts Movement because it was sexist and homophobic. Not gonna happen.
Congrats, 12th sexiest blogger in the world!
Congrats on the mention, that’s pretty cool. :)
And, it’s legit to be busy. Sometimes that’s living life. I mean, I give up a lot to do what I do with my “free” time – I’m legitimately busy as hell – but it’s worth it to me. I just have to accept that some times that is giving up the ability to do a bunch of stuff or the desire to write all the time. So it’s not like being busy has to be some sort of bad thing or a cop out answer – you’re living your life. There’s nothing to apologize for in that.
I’m not apologizing for it, I just get sick of people invoking “I’m busy” as some catch-all excuse for everything, as if they’re the only people in the world who has ever been busy. WE’RE ALL BUSY. I don’t need to hear about it every 5 minutes. It’s a pet peeve of mine.
Congrats for ranking in the Top 12 Sexy Bloggers, Amber. I wish you were #1.
BTW, go Gamecocks! :)