The title of this post is an obscure reference to a friend’s long-defunct blog. Anyone who knows me well knows that I can be cryptically self-referential - I guess what you could call very “inside baseball,” but I hate that term. Almost as much as I hate “it is what it is.” That is one of my all-time most-loathed phrases. It’s meaningless!!
A conversation among (not “between!” between is for two people only! pet peeve!) Jenny, Niki, and I might as well be in a foreign language as far as third-party listeners are concerned, once we get going on inside jokes and shared history and such.
Anyway. Once again, I’m thinking that I really need to blog the way I used to, the way this blog started out. A post didn’t have to have a central theme. I didn’t delicately pick and choose my every word so as not to offend some theoretical reader showing up out of the blue. I didn’t feel so inhibited.
And while I don’t want to just keep putting up an endless stream of “why can’t I blog like I used to?” meta-posts, I also want to make it clear that I really do feel a sense of inhibition with my blog unlike anything I felt ~5 years ago.
When I first started my blog you could say I was too far in the opposite direction, honestly. Bless my heart. But then, nobody really knew about blogs in 2002 so it didn’t matter anyway.
In a few ways I feel less inhibited now, but I don’t want to get off on that tangent right now.
Speaking of titles. (Well, I was in the first paragraph.) Penelope Trunk says it’s important to write good titles for your posts. Obviously I agree, for SEO purposes and such. But one thing I love about Penelope Trunk is that she acknowledges the rather simple, common-sense (or should be common sense) fact that everyone’s blog has different goals. Not everyone blogs with the same kind of purpose in mind. If you’re blogging to draw attention to a cause or a business or an issue, or to spur conversation about a topic you’re interested in, or whatever, then yes, SEO is important and therefore you have to write good titles. Me, I’ve never been very good at writing titles. They’re usually an afterthought. I didn’t have titles on my blog in its first incarnation, and even once it was on the second database I didn’t always include them. I understand about SEO and all that, but for me and my blog, I just don’t care. I write my blog for me and if other people show up, fine, but that’s not the main point. As with everything else with blogging, social media, etc., I’ll just keep doing my thing like I always have, and not get caught up with all the earnest “trends” and whatnot. I went through a phase where I thought I should try to be what you would now see called a “thought leader” (I hate that term!) but it stressed me out too much and it wasn’t what I really wanted anyway - it was just BS. I know for people who are trying to use their blog for their business or whatever it’s different, but fortunately for me that’s not what it’s about.
So all this is to say I really need to take my own damn advice already and get this blog back to its roots, for realz! I can always ban asshole commenters, after all. There’s one guy I’ve been on the verge of banning for a long time because his comments don’t make any sense and they make me feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
This is one unfortunate fact about the internet… people feel entitled to make all kinds of proclamations and declarations about your life. I really don’t get it. I mean think about it, how freaking presumptuous can you be, waltzing onto somebody’s personal blog and telling them what they should and shouldn’t do? Several years ago I had a guy who used to come around and berate me for what he called “poor financial decisions.” As if he knew shit about dick! The latest exhibit is the guy who is obsessed with me and says I hate freedom - seriously, he said that. Sometimes you just have to strap on your lollerskates and roll along.
Today I was talking with my sis, Crystal, and we started hatching a plan to take a trip to Australia. Unfortunately I doubt we’ll ever do it. I don’t like to hatch plans like that if I don’t think there’s a chance of it actually happening, but somehow we got going. I would like to go to Australia, but that is such a long flight, and I don’t know if I really want to leave the country right now anyway. Maybe I’m becoming an old lady. I would like to see zebra finches in the wild, though. And it would be interesting to see if what they say is true, about the toilets flushing in the opposite direction. I would also be tempted to do a stint at a legal brothel like Kimberlee is now, but in reality I know that wouldn’t happen.
I’ve had a post in draft mode for a few weeks now titled “Pole dancing and Teh Menz.” I feel very strongly about the subject but it’s one of those ones I haven’t felt motivated to actually write, because of inhibitions. I’m afraid people will come around and tell me how I’m being so judgmental, and misinterpret my words, which to be fair probably won’t be all that well-chosen - hence the inhibitions, and round and round we go. But I’ll just throw it out here, and decide later whether to write more. A lot of people who don’t know what they’re talking about always frame pole dancing as being “for the men” or “a performance for men” or “catering to men’s desires” and all kinds of related nonsense. Let’s get it out of the way right now that most people have no fucking clue what they’re talking about when it comes to pole dancing, and I wish they’d shut their stupid faces because they always end up saying something idiotic and/or trying to make a dumb joke out of it, hardy har har. I don’t know how many times or ways I can explain that I pole dance for me, that it’s fucking HARD, and that there are no men present and only a small number of men have ever seen me pole dance - not because I feel like that would make me a dirty stripper and we can’t have that or because I’m afraid of what they’ll think or something, but because they’re ANNOYING. Yes, most men in my experience who watch while we’re pole dancing are just as annoying as all the people who talk out their asses about pole dancing! None of them have a clue, that’s what they have in common. At Lisa’s Halloween party, one guy said something like, “Now you don’t have to work out!” and I said, “This is how I work out.” Another guy said, “The pole is your lover” and I wondered if he knew what a moron he sounded like. Most of them have no appreciation for the difficulty of the various tricks and moves, the form, the strength needed, the practical and logistical concerns… and I just don’t have time for it. Just like people in general, as another symptom of our adolescent-mentality society when it comes to anything vaguely sex-related, have to always crack a joke about pole dancing… like “what are you wearing” or something… or joking about are there regulation dimensions and whatever… and then I explain, yes, in fact, a standard dance pole has a two-inch width. Brass is the best material because of its tackiness, hence your skin sticks to it better. This is also why being “scantily clad” is a necessity in pole dancing, especially for the more advanced moves: your skin is what makes you stick to the pole and be able to hold some of those positions. Stainless steel is the most difficult dance pole material, but if you can dance on that you can dance on anything.
All that being said, if I were a stripper I certainly would just pop my booty in their faces, because it’s not nearly as exhausting and I’ll make the same amount of money (or more) because they don’t care about the effort that goes into pole work, they just want to see T&A. Just like how that “Strippers Ball” at Trapeze wasn’t about talent at all, it was about spring break.
This is the part where I get nervous about what people will say because I’m afraid it will come off like I’m saying there’s something wrong with wanting to see T&A. Well, if you’ve known me or read this blog for any length of time, you know how I feel about that - I hate when the sexual is relegated as “less than” or not good enough. So you should know that’s not the point here. There! Now I’ve got that out of the way.
Last thing, I guess, in this back-to-basics experimental post… tonight I was watching Suze Orman with my mom, and I already said this on Twitter but I just want to reiterate, I do not understand some of the crap people spend their money on. And the elaborate justifications they must make in their heads! Why are you going to spend $2000 on a Chanel handbag - especially when you don’t even make that much money per month?! Not that I would understand spending $2000 on a handbag otherwise - that’s the kind of thing I will just never get. Now, you know I’m NOT the kind of person to hate on someone just for having money - if you know me, you know I really hate that, and I think it’s yet again filled with presumptions, and I’ll probably write about it at another time - but I do NOT understand the materialistic drive that so many Americans apparently possess. I never have. I just don’t get it. I cannot wrap my head around thinking you need a $2000 handbag or that that’s a good idea in any universe. Or wanting to spend $30k+ to install a swimming pool when that’s just slightly less than your annual income, and then you have to pay for maintenance, water bills, etc. - oh AND you’ve already got two mortgages on your house, in this market! I do not get it. Do. Not. Get. It. And don’t even get me started on the guy who was trampled to death in Wal-Mart on Black Friday. It’s beyond disgusting. No one needs a DVD player or a new duvet that bad. I can’t even begin to comprehend it.
Well, I guess I’ll turn off the spigot for now. I need to get some sleep - I’m going home tomorrow, yay!! I’ve been in Augusta since Wednesday and while I know it’s been good for my mom, and I’ve enjoyed being here in many ways, I’ll be happy to get home and see Rusty. Have I mentioned how THANKFUL I am that he’s in my life?? Well, I am!
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8 Responses to "Spigot of whatever"
Is this title a shout out to Adrian’s old blog “Spigot of Nonsense”? He still uses that phrase.
This seems to be as good a time as any to tell you how much I enjoy your blog, no matter what you are writing about. I’ve enjoyed it since 2002. And more than just enjoying your writing, I have learned so much. I don’t comment much, but many of your entries have caused me to re-think a lot of my notions about sex work and feminism. A while back, I found myself repeating some of your words in a discussion about sex workers, and I believe that conversation caused them to re-think some of their opinions as well. Okay, I’ll turn off the Spigot of Fangirl Rambling now.
Aww, thanks Amy! That is so sweet of you. I know you’ve been a longtime reader, but it’s always nice to hear (read) things like that, no matter what. Thank you so much for the kind words.
And yes, the title was a reference to Adrian’s old blog. For some reason it just seemed appropriate.
I’d love more stream of consciousness blogging from you! And myself, but that’s another post for another day..
I left a msg on the Georgia Podcast Network re: the Suze Orman show because I watched part of the same episode. It reminded me of wanting this $800 sconce in New Orleans. It was a monkey wearing glasses reading a book. It was so damn awesome. And then reality hit me, WTF? $800 for a lamp?
Maybe I should register for it.
Yeah, get 16 of your friends to chip in and you’ll be set!
I think that the roots and even the title of your blog are about being yourself, and if you go all scattershot, it’s okay and even entertaining.
And I am beyond disgusted at the Walmart Black Friday murder. Stay classy, America.
[...] exemplified, from Amber Rhea The latest exhibit is the guy who is obsessed with me and says I hate freedom - seriously, he said [...]
Why do you think you have to justify yourself to people? That’s the thing, Amber… you sometimes seem to disrespect yourself. FUCK THEM.
I do understand pressure to be “politically correct” (and let me pause to say FUCK ANYONE who says I can’t use that phrase because the right wing uses it–the left used it FIRST, in a specific context)…. I don’t want people thinking that I am (for instance) oppressing fat people if I write about my old friend who is in major trouble since she is too large to fit in the MRI machine. Am I allowed to say there might be an UPPER LIMIT (like, you know, 500 lbs) and beyond that is unhealthy, since they can’t even diagnose her cancer without exploratory surgery.
I haven’t written that piece either, since that would mean my total honesty in how my friend GOT that big, and it’s not cool to say that some people have a food addiction since it is perceived in some fat liberation circles as “victim blaming” … I am NOT victim blaming, I am mourning that a good friend of mine might well die and I was too concerned with looking supportive to challenge her addiction outright. (Her daughters are currently feeling this, too, so it isn’t just me.)
So, I know how you feel. I haven’t been able to blog about my friend, but the whole situation has me tied up in knots bigtime. :( She is currently in the ICU and nobody knows what to do. She is far too large for safe surgery at this point.
PS: thanks for letting me vent here, hon.
You’re totally right, Daisy, about me disrespecting myself. I’m trying to get out of the habit of doing that, even though it feels uncomfortable to not do so. But I’m trying, ’cause I gotta take care of myself!
I hear you about your friend. Stuff like that can be frustrating. Some people want to “politicize” everything, which I understand to a degree; the personal is political, but I also think it’s important not to forget that we’re all individuals and we all have unique circumstances. The facts of your friend’s condition and that you are concerned about her health does not mean you are fat-phobic. To me the two don’t even make sense as analogous, but yes, there are plenty of people who will try to say they are. I got a similar thing when I first learned about my ex being trans, and I was trying to deal with it and decide whether to stay in the relationship or get divorced; people would say “if you really loved her you would stay!” or accuse me of being transphobic because I wanted to leave the relationship. I got so fed up with it, and it was very much NOT healthy for me, that I started my own support forum, JUST for current and former partners of trans people.