links for 2009-04-09
-
"In all this talk about rape, where’s the part about parents teaching their sons?
Kaya’s statements completely ignore the lessons here about teaching young men that rape & other abuse is not to be tolerated. Like Ward’s original statement and those of the other show participants, such language of omission isn’t an accident. They are excusing bad male behaviors, placing the blame for 'enticing' upon Arian’s shoulders — and all women’s shoulders — when the blame clearly belongs to men who commit rape, assaults, and abuse of any sort.
This sort of complacent language dismisses male responsibility & diminishes the crime. It complicates how we as a society react to charges of assault & rape. It’s why Ward said what he did, why the other women agreed with him, and why the comments at VH1 have been so stupid. It perpetuates the myths, blames the victims, and places other women in danger with misinformation."
-
"I wasn't strong enough to accept the truth of how strong I was. Acknowledging and owning my vast strength meant acknowledging that I was holding up something very heavy all the time, that I had been through hardship and not just normal life, the natural order of things. What I wasn't strong enough to accept was that I was a good kid, a strong kid, a brave kid, because that meant admitting that I was going through something that required virtue, strength, and courage, something that would make an inspiring TV movie about human resilience if it were happening to a person considered real by her society. Accepting that I was okay, that I was even beautiful, meant admitting that what I went through at school and at home, rather than being normal and good, was a horrorshow."
-
LOVE this post!
"It seems these guys on FCB do not understand this, although they love to continuously bellyache about whatever THEY were never allowed to do… surely they understand the dynamics I describe are very similar for boys? Some boys were allowed to play with dolls, but never permitted to cry. Other boys were allowed to cry, but never wear dresses; yet certain boys could wear dresses if they called them kilts. Etc. I knew boys not allowed to play violin (the instrument forced on me) since it was considered frou-frou and girlie, but were forced to play properly manly brass instruments. Again, go figure. (Cultural note: For this reason, I've always found it fascinating that BRASS is often used as a euphemism for boldness and/or high-ranking military status.)
One of the basic truths about sexual stereotyping and gendering is how arbitrary and ridiculous it is. OF COURSE it makes no sense and is not consistent! That's how feminists first discovered it was a crock!"
-
"One method used to illustrate the way that rape is actually not only accepted in popular entertainment, but in many ways more accepted than consensual sex, was to use the MPAA’s ratings system. The kiss of death rating NC-17 is hardly ever given for films on account of violence, but regularly threatened with regards to consensual sex. One example used was the case of Boys Don’t Cry, which was threatened with an NC-17 rating not for the violent gang rape scene, but for a scene that depicts the wiping of the mouth with the back of the hand after performing consensual oral sex."
-
"I actually think this whole 'don't sleep with him on the first date' nonsense really stems from fear. A fear that once you 'give it up', he won't be interested in you any more. When you break it down, this is essentially saying, 'All I have to offer is a sexual experience — nothing more, nothing less — & if I don't make him wait, he won't value it, & he will leave'. That you are not interesting, or smart, or clever, or hilarious — you're a walking blow-up doll." Via Aspasia. I always love to see some sense being spoken.
-
"Well. Apparently that Seth Rogen Observe and Report movie is way, way, way, way worse than I had already anticipated. It does not only just make plain old 'rape jokes,' as in characters joking about rape — it actually includes a scene of rape as a joke.
Check out this full post on Tiger Beatdown (h/t) because I for one cannot bring myself to write any more about this utterly triggering bullshit, and because the post is already totally excellent and I can’t top it.
I can only add that I wish horrible, horrible things on Seth Rogen and writer-director Jody Hill. Bad, horrible things that might just maybe show them what awful, shitty excuses for human beings they are."
-
Feministe » Shaming Women Into Adhering to Beauty Standards — This Time With Threats of Catastrophe!"Three things about this Wilkinson Sword Quattro commercial (sorry, not able to be embedded), which tells women that if they don’t shave their legs, terrible things will happen and the whole damn world is going to fall apart:
1. It’s women’s responsibility to the world to adhere to feminine beauty standards.
2. There is nothing that grosses out a guy more than the realization that women are not naturally hairless. This is because all men are a) stupid and b) shallow pigs. Really, they can’t help it, and it is not their fault.
3. Accordingly, note that the bus catastrophe is not the fault of the man, even though the woman repeatedly pushed his hand away from her leg and he was therefore engaging in non-consensual sexual behavior, however comparatively 'mild.' It is the fault of the woman for not constantly being prepared for men to force themselves on them. Obviously."