In some ways I never thought this day would come, but I’ve been feeling the need for a while now: I’m closing this blog. Not necessarily forever – because I don’t want to be one of those bloggers that makes some grand exit statement and flounces off, only to reappear back at the same URL a few months later – but for the near future, at least. Who knows, I might end up back here at some point, writing about any number of things. Or this might become another internet artifact.
I don’t have a grand exit statement, other than this blog has run its course and is no longer good for me. I’ve written here for over seven years, and now it’s time to pack up and start over. You might say that’s just a psychological thing, and yes, I’m sure it is; but I need the feeling of a fresh start.
I’m tired of feeling the breath on my neck from readers ready to latch onto any word and twist it based on their own bizarre motivations. I’m exhausted from trying to explain myself and anticipate attacks. The imperative to self-censor has become too great a feeling, and as much as I’ve tried to soldier on, I’ve realized I can’t, and it would be foolish to continue trying.
I’m not going to be ultra secretive about my new location, and if you try hard enough (it’s not even all that hard), you’ll be able to find it. I’m not keeping it a secret, I’m just not publicizing it. If you do find and choose to lurk in my new space, there can be no misunderstanding as to its purpose. It is mine to do with as I choose, and its use is at my sole discretion.
In its time, this blog has been good to me and led me to some really great things. With any luck, the new blog will do the same.
See y’all later.
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Jun 15 2009 11:59 pm | Category:
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Here’s what will probably be the last of my “Thanks for the memories” videos. Sorry for the camera shaking at the beginning; hopefully it’s not bad enough to make anyone seasick.
I talk about the Apple IIe and the Mac Plus. (I also have an Apple IIgs Woz Limited Edition but I couldn’t think of anything to say about it!)
Jun 15 2009 10:59 am | Category:
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Jun 14 2009 11:59 pm | Category:
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Jun 13 2009 11:59 pm | Category:
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…tonight, I’m having that thought, of what would happen if I really truly stopped apologizing for who I am, for taking up space, for having feelings, for having quirks, for being me? If I stopped cloaking my vulnerability in sarcastic self-deprecating asides about “navel-gazing” and being “emo?”
What would that be like?
Every few months/years/whatever I have this moment of, good lord, that would be REALLY different, maybe I should try it! And I’ve been steadily moving toward it for years, but let me tell you, it’s REALLY fucking hard. This isn’t just psychobabble, people.
What would happen if I really did enact that personal revolution?
No time to write the long response post right now because I’m about to head out to a potluck lunch for SPARK. But I do want to say, some of the comments kind of irritate me because it sounds like people think I have trouble talking about the fact that I have dealt with depression for years and take medication for it. That, I have no qualms whatsoever about mentioning, and in fact sometimes I can be rather aggressive about inserting it into conversations when I perceive the discussion is veering toward “judgmental, ignorant, and assholish regarding mental illness.”
It’s probably not fair of me to be irritated but I just wanted to draw the distinction. I’m not writing about coming to terms with “admitting” that I have depression or how awful it is to “admit” that I take meds. Fuck that. This is something I deal with, the meds are necessary and I would not be alive without them, people can either believe me or blow it out their ass. The stuff I’ve written about so far and intend to write more about, either here or in another space, is more of a higher level thing of confronting my own internalized prejudices/stigma about the concept of disability, and how society in general perceives disability, including a lot of the language around it (e.g., the idea that a person w/ a disability is “damaged” – you would not believe the back and forth I was having w/ myself in the shower this morning over that concept!)
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"Ideally, Flint wouldn't be attractive. Very unfortunately, she is attractive, so the least she could have done was glossed over it in an embarrassed and perhaps even a little flustered manner. But no, she flaunts it in not one, not two, not three but four pictures for the Observer last month. Apparently, these pictures are synonymous with her career. Flint is 'showy'. As the papers and blogland show, the two can't go together. She was defined by her looks from the beginning (even before those pictures, the Press was fixated on her attractiveness). The photoshoot, only done a month ago (whilst she's been in the Cabinet for most of this decade), is an excuse not to take her seriously. It's an excuse for Gordon Brown to keep her on the periphery (if that is, indeed, what he did and what he intended). She can't have an active role in politics, not now. She asked for it. She's window-dressing.
I'm just waiting for the 'but she's not even pretty' bloggers to come out."
Jun 13 2009 08:30 am | Category:
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Jun 12 2009 11:59 pm | Category:
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