LiveJournal, maybe?
Once again, and more and more, I am considering starting a friends-locked LiveJournal. Yes, LiveJournal! Why not continue to do password-protected blog posts on here, you might ask? Well, I have to send out the password each time and that feels dramatic. People who don’t have the password can see that the post is there and that has led to stupid drama in the past. And somehow I feel like it would be comforting to steal away somewhere that’s on a completely different system, totally third-party managed, not a domain I own and a platform I manage myself. Might not make much sense but for some reason it appeals to me in a way that doing password-protected posts here doesn’t, at the moment.
I won’t abandon this blog (and hell, I might not even start that LJ at all, I might just talk about it forever and never do it) and I actually hate blog posts where the blogger talks about how they don’t feel comfortable posting anymore because of what people might think. But that’s my situation and it’s not as simple as “what people might think” in the reductive sense of, OMG I base my entire self-worth on the approval and validation of strangers. No, it’s just, like Mary J. Blige, I too do not want drama in my life. And I’m sick of feeling eyes on me, of people who have their own expectations of what I should write or should do. Or people who have just decided I’m The Enemy and no matter what I say, they’re going to pounce on it and tell me how wrong I am. Or my mom will read my posts and call me up and say she doesn’t want me to get mad but am I okay, really, am I, can I please take care of HER needs by NOT working shit out in a way that’s helpful for me? For some people, I’m not enough of an activist w/ my blogging – it’s too personal, everyone hates navel-gazing, I mean no one CARES, get over yourself, geez. For others I am not personal enough, they want to know more, they feel entitled to every detail. And for still others I’m just doin’ it wrong, no matter what.
Some things I’ve had on my mind and wanted to write about are:
- My experiences w/ depression – past, present, possibly future. Musings of all manner along those lines. In particular I keep thinking about something mentioned on BADD – like Melissa at Shakesville, I wonder, should I call myself a person w/ a disability? Whenever I try that on for size, it feels wrong, like I’m appropriating, or trying to give myself a label to get attention, or making a mountain out of a mole hill, I mean I’m not REALLY disabled, and wouldn’t the REAL disabled people get pissed off if every person who just has DEPRESSION starts calling themselves “disabled?” -But that’s the problem, right, the “just” – JUST depression.
Is the whole identity thing getting out of hand, anyway? Sometimes I see people with so many comma-delimited self-descriptors that it makes me roll my eyes. But I think it’s important for people to self-identify and name who and what they are. But I’ve also seen people abuse it, as a way to manipulate. They had ISSUES but they cloaked it in identity. I don’t want to look like one of those people. And the eye-rolling, too, well maybe that’s just knee-jerk from growing up in a culture saturated w/ Fox News type media, where “political correctness” is a big joke… look at those silly people making up terminology! Woman of color? Person of size? Sex worker? Haw haw haw, come on now, we’re the WASPy upper-middle-class straight dudes and we set the terms, not you, silly Others!
And on and on along those lines.
- How sick I am of people misusing the word privilege. Hint: If you put the word “unearned” in front of it, you are talking about something totally different.
- More about my history of wanting to go into sex work but never doing it.
- Sex 2.0 anxiety and how I am really worried that once again I’ll end up doing everything even though it’s supposed to be a committee, but I can’t write about that because I have to be all diplomatic because I’m the founder and there are certain things I can’t say because I’m a figurehead, or something. And, more generally, how people drop the ball and let me down a lot and have done so throughout my life, and it’s a pattern, and I hate it.
- Kind of along the same lines as the disability thing, calling myself an abuse survivor. I know that’s what I am but since I didn’t have physical bruises it’s not REALLY abuse, and it would be disrespectful to REAL abuse survivors to try to appropriate that, wouldn’t it? Etc.
- Posting old written journal entries for reflection. Sometimes it helps to see things typed out on the screen in a nice CMS interface, don’t ask. It just does, for me.
- How I don’t trust people who don’t share certain beliefs, because it’s not just theoretical nebulous “beliefs,” it’s the knowledge that if given the chance they would take control of my life away from me, and indeed they work every day to do so. Basically the same thing Apostate’s commenter says here.
- I mentioned this on Twitter the other day, but I am SO sick of whenever you bring up some instance of sexism, some dude is so quick to point out that that doesn’t happen JUST along gender lines! Some dude who is TOTALLY NOT SEXIST, btw. And don’t you forget it. He’s so not sexist, that he gets squeamish if you even mention sexism, and goes out of his way to show that it’s not “just” discrimination based on gender. Because that’s how we know it’s important, see? If it were JUST affecting women, JUST along gender lines, then it’s not a big deal, but once it affects men, well that’s a whole other story!
But don’t mention this to him, because he is NOT SEXIST, and you’re a feminist who looks for reasons to get offended and sees things that aren’t there and you probably don’t shave your legs, either. Smile!
- I hate when men describe me as “angry.” Go fuck yourself. I need to be able to say my piece and not get pigeonholed in that oh so typically sexist way. And hey here’s a thought: if I do happen to be angry about something (different from ANGRY as my ENTIRE BEING) – maybe there’s a REASON for it, have you thought of that??
- I hate when people make jokes that are so old and have been said a million times and weren’t funny the first million times anyway. I should put “jokes” in snark quotes, to be more accurate. Do they really think they’re the first person to think of that? Do they really think they’re a laff riot?
- Can I tell you how little I care about social media marketing, personal branding, and all that other crap? Can I tell you how absolutely bored I am of conversations about strategies for viral marketing and being transparent?
- Work stuff that might get me dooced, but I probably wouldn’t even mention that on a friends-locked LiveJournal. That’s always been beyond the pale. -Well, except for that secret sex and job hunting Blogspot blog I used to have. But that’s another story.
There’s more but I’m forgetting it.
And to be fair part of why I haven’t written as much is time, but that’s also a cop-out as a full excuse, because if I didn’t feel so inhibited I would find the time. I would write this stuff instead of clicking around on Twitter and Tumblr and shit.
Those seem like fascinating topics!
Out of curiosity, re “I don’t trust people who don’t share certain beliefs” — what beliefs are those?
I agree with octo – fascinating topics, all. Obviously, the one I’m most curious about is the depression topic and all the questions you reaise there, because that’s my biggest overlap here.
Friends-only LJs are FTW.
And I must say, I agree completely WRT guys telling you you are “angry” (which in my experience can mean anything from “not smiling, OMG!” to “smarter than me and not afraid to show it”) as well as media marketing and branding shit.
I find the combo of flocked LJ and public ranty blog really works for me. And I would love to read all of those entries!
Octo:
The biggest one is the same one Apostate’s commenter mentioned: reproductive rights. If I know someone is “pro-life” then I can’t trust them because I know they are working to make sure I do not have control of my body and my life. There are others too, such as decriminalization of sex work and universal health care.
I’ve noticed a recent trend in some of the people I read on LJ – they’re defecting to Dreamwidth. It’s still in beta and I think you might have to open a paid account, but it’s probably worth a look. As I don’t use LJ, I’m not as up to speed on the issues, but one person cited this link as her reasons for switching.
I’m thinking that these three might be reason enough for you to consider Dreamwidth over LJ.
My sense is that Dreamwidth is really looking to cater to fandom, but that may just reflect the people who I read on LJ. ;-) They’re also friendly with people involved in the Organization for Transformative Works, which is a good sign, to me, that they have users’ best interests in mind.
There’s some side-by-side comparison of policies here.
Look! Look! Practical applications for fandom! :-)
Amber — makes sense. I’d have a hard time too, re friends who are anti-choice. I have a couple friends who don’t believe in abortion for themselves, but wouldn’t restrict others from making that decision. So they’re basically pro choice for all intents and purposes. The majority of my friends are pro choice per Roe.
My curiosity was based on some folks’ saying they could not be friends with a conservative. It’s unclear to me where a left libertarian fits — fiscally conservative, socially liberal. Various people I know , some in my family, have a major disconnect with that level of conservatism. And I think it’s fairly clear that it’s enough to make one a second class citizen (at best) in the feminist blogosphere (more evidence of the movement’s self destructiveness).
Anyway, glad that doesn’t seem to be what you were saying.
Well damn, I’m going to have to look into Dreamwidth (resisting the urge to make the obvious joke about the name), its terms of service sound WAY better than LiveJournal. Practical applications for fandom indeed! :)
Heh. Feel free to make the obvious joke.
Leave it to slashy fangirls to lay on a little silly innuendo and provide better terms to service you.
;-)