Being Amber Rhea

I didn’t have a particularly “crazy night” or anything, but I just wanted to record what I was doing, because I want to be able to refer back to it years from now and remember.

All I remember from election night in 2000 - the first Presidential election I was able to vote in - was sitting on the floor of the living room with C., mouth agape. We were both just staring at the screen going, “What. The. FUCK??!!!” And I was feeling increasingly regretful about writing in Nader.

In 2004, I was in my apartment, having another what the fuck moment, as you already know.

Last night we went to the DPG party at the Hyatt. I had a suspicion it would end up being just like every other party I don’t like being at - loud, too crowded/packed, lots of drunk people. But I figured I’d give it a chance because I had never been to an election night party. Well, that’s pretty much how it ended up being - but I’m not saying it sucked; Rusty and I ended up hanging out in a corner of the Red Clay Democrats’ hospitality suite with Jen, Tony, Joseph, and BJ (which is who I’d be hanging out with regardless) which was fine by me. We briefly saw Catherine and Jerry in the hotel bar before the official party started; Grayson was there but we never found her; Sara and James apparently showed up later, past my bedtime. Jen mentioned that she should’ve just had a returns-watching party at her house. Live and learn!

At one point someone said something about “now that we’re older” - but you know, I just want to point out that those kinds of statements frustrate me and make me feel kinda, I don’t know, erased (too strong a word but I can’t think of another one right now). Because that’s not accurate for me. It’s not about age, for me. I was never someone who went to parties or liked to stay up all night and get drunk and whatnot. That’s not who I am and it never was - and there’s nothing wrong with that. Or like Dacia said on Twitter today, “I just hate feeling like my personality is not a good way to be.”

But that was a tangent… back to the recap! By around 10:30 I was getting pretty tired, and there didn’t seem to be a whole lot of updates on who was winning, so Rusty and I decided to take a cab home. When we got home, I got in the shower; I was almost done with my shower when Rusty knocked on the bathroom door and shouted, “He won!” I was shocked! I mean, just like that? So soon? Amazing! I had thought it might be morning before we’d know anything. Then Rusty shouted that McCain was about to concede. I got out of the shower and listened to the first part of McCain’s speech while I was still toweling off, then came out to the living room to watch the rest. It was the best speech he gave the entire campaign. :P (My grandmother said that when I talked to her today, too!)

I could hardly believe it! I mean, I’d had a pretty strong feeling that Obama would win, but still I had that feeling of trepidation lurking under the surface - you just never know. And now it was actually happening! It was official. I was just… blown away.

We stayed up to watch Obama’s speech and then we went to bed. Kind of anti-climactic maybe, but that was our night. But I went to bed with a renewed sense of HOPE!

There are no words.

:D

I can’t believe it’s actually election day.

Here’s what I wrote on election day four years ago:

I can’t take the stress. I just can’t stand it! I’m getting really tired, so I’m going to have to go to bed, but… aaauuuuggggh!!! I’m hoping I won’t be plagued by nightmares of 4 more years of Bush. Actually, nightmares won’t be a problem — as long as they don’t come true.

So, I’m heading to bed, because I must. Jenny (as if you ever read this!), I hope you’re not still answering phones at the Kerry campaign office; you need your sleep too. You’re a trooper! Kira and Sara, if you’re at the rally at Copley, congrats on being part of history… although I wouldn’t blame you for sitting home with various types of alcohol.

Just a parting thought as my eyes droop… WHO are these PEOPLE who are voting for BUSH??? I’m going to cry……

And once again, four years later, Jenny is a trooper - and working for a much better candidate this time around. :)

Rusty and I are going to the DPG party at the Hyatt tonight (not sure how late we’ll stay; it’s a school night after all). I don’t think I’ll be bringing a laptop. I’m looking forward to it, and obviously hoping things go well. Honestly, I’m glad that four years ago I was in my apartment, alone. I don’t think being around people that night would’ve been a good idea. :P

Here’s some of what I wrote the day after the election four years ago:

I know the final election results aren’t in yet, and probably won’t be for a few days. But CNN is showing the popular vote (the portion that has currently been reported, that is) as 51% Bush, 48% Kerry. (And 1% Nader… I am really starting [ok, not starting... I started a while ago] to dislike him. I voted for him in 2000, but this year is a different story. F*ck Nader!) I guess it’s encouraging that it’s so close… but still, not looking good at this point, even though I am trying to remain optimistic — the Democratic party, and more importantly, the country, needs our continued optimism. However, that said, I am really and truly scared for the future of America. I feel like this nation is just teetering on a pinhead… or wait, here’s a different analogy; it’s like in the movies when a bus or car is hanging partially over the side of a cliff, and any small movement could possibly send it crashing into the gorge below. Yeah. That’s how I feel about America right now.

Niki, Jenny, and others and I have [semi-]joked that if Bush wins this election, we’re making a run for the border. But in all seriousness, that would not be the best course of action. Running away is not what this country needs us to do right now. For better or for worse, this country is our home and we are its citizens, and as tempting as expatriatism is, our country needs us. It needs the educated, the passionate, the ever-optimistic and idealistic even in the face of huge opposition, the movers and shakers for positive change. It needs us to stay and fight the good fight. Cynicism is tempting… flee to Canada or Europe and leave the U.S. to the gun-toting, Bible-thumping, bomb-loving, gay-bashing masses that sometimes seem to be everywhere, and watch the country drive itself into ruin — or, worse, watch as another fed-up country does it for them.

But that’s not what any of us want. That’s not what I want. I do truly love this country, and I believe that dissent does not equal siding with the terrorists, but rather, a true concern for the fate of our nation and a desire to make it better. To that end, I will not be flocking to cooler climes (why is it that all the countries with a socialized healthcare system are so freakin’ COLD?) — I will be staying here, fighting it out, trying to make my way and dig out my own little piece of a “standard of living” in this increasingly stratified society, and, most importantly, volunteering my ass off.

Hopefully tomorrow morning I’ll be writing something way more upbeat than that!

Finally, here is everything in my blog tagged “2004 election.” (Yes, I went back and tagged old posts. I didn’t have tagging capability four years ago.)

I will be pretty busy at work today so I won’t have a lot of time to check my Twitter stream, read blogs, etc. I’ll see a bunch of y’all tonight at the Hyatt! I’ll be wearing this shirt:

My friend/sister (long story!) Crystal, along with the help of Rusty’s Photoshop skills, designed these “I Heart Obama” T-shirts. She had 12 protoype shirts made in Augusta a few weeks ago and gave me one:

Now she has a CafePress store where you can buy them yourself. I told her she needs to make business cards w/ the URL on them, because when I wore the shirt last weekend somebody at Lowe’s asked me where I got it. He asked if I had gotten from the campaign… ha.

As I mentioned on Twitter yesterday, I am totally feeling Kim’s sentiment in this post. I could barely read the whole thing without breaking down in tears.

I didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton in the primary (I voted for Obama) but it wasn’t because I actively disliked her. No matter what kind of irrational vitriol people spewed about her, I’ve always had a fondness for her. And it isn’t “just because she’s a woman” (which pisses me off that that’s dismissed with a just so much of the time) - I mean take a look at the nice round-up Octo has of HRC’s (can’t type that without thinking Human Rights Campaign) policies and such - a lot of which is stuff she did FOR WOMEN, which yes, matters to me a whole hell of a lot and I will not allow that to be trivialized. (But we’re so used to putting our needs last, as women… why should this be any different?)

I will vote for Obama in the general election, of course; and I cannot comprehend the faulty logic of Democrats/progressives/non-Republicans/whatever who say they will vote for McCain as a protest against Hillary not getting the nomination.

BUT.

It will be hard - impossible, I’m sure - to forget all the bullshit that went down in this primary season. The blatant sexism on display with hardly anyone calling it out - and those who did dare to call it out getting ridiculed and shouted down.

Same as it ever was, right talking heads?

It will be very, very hard to ignore the way this all burned inside of me such that I didn’t even want to blog about it, because it felt, as so many things that never make their way to this blog do, too raw. Not coincidentally, that’s the same word Kim used.

And all this, coming from me, who typically feels disinterested in electoral politics! (Although I always vote, of course.) This whole brouhaha has reaffirmed for me why I don’t get heavily involved in political stuff or watch cable “news.”* It’s not just because I find it utterly boring to speculate on who will get what nomination and blah blah blah.

Side note re: cable “news:” To quote something Rusty said the other night as we watched Jon Stewart interview Scott McClellan… “Can you imagine what it would be like if the actual media asked the hard questions Jon Stewart asks?” To which I replied, “I think he can only get away with it because he can use the defense of being a comedy show, not real news. That’s how fucked up we’ve gotten with the media and our concept of news.”

Anyway.

Pre-emptive note, btw, to commenters… I don’t need anyone to lecture me about why BHO is a better candidate than HRC, why HRC sucks, or any of it. That’s not what this post is about, and such comments will be deleted. I think they both would have made great candidates - great Presidents, I should say - and I think they both have their pros and cons in terms of policies and politics.

But that’s never what it’s been about, of course. And accordingly that’s not what this post is about.

All I can end with is, well… the same thing I started with… *sigh*.