Being Amber Rhea

They’re in! Yesterday I received my disc with the photos I selected from my shoot. Can I just say how much Knottie Pictures rocks? They were fun and professional to work with, had a really quick turnaround time on everything, great quality photos - and a really nice disc with a custom label and icon and a fancy case. (The little things like that really add to professionalism, in my opinion.) I definitely recommend them!

Here are three photos from the final set. I’ve put all of them on Flickr, set to “friends only.” I might make them public later, I haven’t decided yet… I’ll just have to decide how comfortable I feel about anybody and everybody having access to them. Anyway, I sent a guest pass to a few folks who aren’t on Flickr, but if you aren’t on there and want to see the full set, comment or email me and I will send you a guest pass as well (unless you’re creepy!).

I’m really glad we found the little purple “I’m Scared” guy. Ever since I saw this photo of him I knew I’d want to try to track him down when we got there. He was in a room off of the hallway where the solitary confinement cells were - so creepy that we almost didn’t go in there.

The final word on my photo shoot? “Yay!” :)

So yeah, today’s my birthday. I feel like I should have a post that’s really deep or something - especially because I’m the kind of person who’s really into anniversaries of any sort. For some people New Year’s is just a day, but for me it’s a time for reflection. That sort of thing.

But, it’s been a good day, and I simply haven’t felt motivated to write - so I won’t try to force a pithy post! Maybe I’ll have something tomorrow. I do have two topics that have been floating around in my head:

1) What happens in 30+ years when everyone running for public office has been on the internet since they were teenagers? When no one has “skeletons in the closet” anymore? (Or, will they still have them?)

2) Are there some things that really shouldn’t be blogged, because when they’re on a blog they come off as passive-aggressive or shallow, even though people have been using their personal journals to work through things like that forever? Does perception - by having it “out there” - change the function? And, so, is that healthy?

But, for now, here’s a photo. Rusty bought me a robotic baby chick for my birthday! :D

The instructions are in Japanese. Fortunately, it’s pretty straightforward, so we don’t really need instructions.

Off to bed now.

Update: I like this picture Rusty took with his iPhone. Me at 29!

…because sure it might sound emo, but I’m being serious here. And I need to stop trying to manage my own fear with sarcasm. Making light of what I’m saying, etc.

See, I keep coming back to this, from AV Flox’s post Splitting The World: The Art in Oversharing…

As with everything, detractors have risen across the blogosphere mocking those who dare to share in the same way that polite society once shunned those who dared to speak their truths, simple and complex.

But we have our voices and we’ve found courage in those who told their deeply personal stories before us. We’ve found kindred spirits who share our trials and we have opened our eyes to the realities that others are living.

And all I can say is, YES.

When I embark on my 29th year, the gift I want to give myself is to not stop telling my truth, even when it hurts, even when it’s scary and I feel self-conscious and afraid of what people will say, what labels they will put on me - because, I have to do it. Some people might think it’s hyperbole but I truly feel that if I can’t speak my truth I will die. I want to push my own boundaries. And as usual, I want to continue to break down the boundaries that have been set for me.

I want to keep writing for my life.

Yesterday was my birthday photo shoot (as mentioned here), and it was an amazing experience. THANK YOU to Bryant and Sadie for being so professional, fun, organized, and making me feel comfortable and relaxed - at least, as relaxed as possible when half-naked inside an abandoned prison!

Yes, we did the shoot at the old Atlanta Prison Farm. There’s an entire Flickr group for the place - 788 photos and counting - and apparently it’s kind of passé among “serious” urban explorers. But screw those pretentious people! It’s a really cool place and it was exactly the sort of thing I had in mind for a location.

Abandoned Atlanta Prison,
originally uploaded by erokCom™.

Info about the prison:

Inmates at this facility, who served sentences for ordinance and traffic offenses, were routinely assigned to farming, livestock, cannery and dairy operation details. This enabled the detainees to benefit from vocational training and contribute to their sustenance. The 77-year old prison farm, though effective in the past, became too inefficient to manage the change in the detainee population and was consequently closed forever in 1985. (Note: I read another source that says it closed in 1995. Not sure which is true.)

The shoot took three hours and we went to several different areas of the prison. I managed to incorporate three different outfits - or really three and a half, as one was a last-minute partial switcharound. It was definitely a weird feeling changing in the middle of a big open former prison cafeteria, for example; even though I knew the place was deserted I felt very “exposed.” I got over it pretty quickly, though.

Walking around in heels was also not easy, because there was so much debris and because one of the pairs of shoes I brought is a pair I can barely walk in under normal circumstances. I didn’t bring my old reliable chunky black stripper heels because I actually dance in them at least once a week, and I didn’t want to mess them up. I don’t think the other shoes had any permanent damage done (just a lot of dirt!), but I didn’t want to take any chances. I know it sounds really cliché and possibly annoying, but standing around in heels for several hours isn’t easy. I now have a very real appreciation for how this sort of thing is not just standing around. I also had to contort myself into some positions that felt weird, stupid, or awkward, but hopefully they’ll turn out looking good! I know that a lot of things have to be exaggerated for photography.

Also, make-up looks cool but is a pain in the ass! Thank goodness Sadie was there to do mine, otherwise I don’t know what I would have done. I just do not know how to apply make-up other than your basic eyeshadow-and-lipstick routine, and even then only if I’m really under duress. I liked the way it looked yesterday - although it did feel a little weird and “not me,” but again, I know it has to be exaggerated for the photographs - but if I had to do that every day I would lose my mind. I just don’t have the patience. But as I’ve said before, my not wearing make-up is simply because I don’t want to; it’s not some kind of political statement. I hate that I feel compelled to say that, but there it is!

I got a few mosquito bites and almost touched some poison ivy, but hey, all in the name of art. And naturally I made the requisite quip about how my stripper name is Poison Ivy.

What else… really, I don’t know what else to say. It was just a really positive (and tiring!) experience, I’m glad I did it, and I can’t wait to see the results! Maybe if I’m happy with the way they turn out I’ll try to do actual modeling gigs… I don’t know, I guess I’m getting ahead of myself; I’ll have to decide later. But it was - dare I say it?? - empowering for me!

Not sure if I will post the final 15 shots that I choose online, or what. I’ll probably post at least one. Stay tuned.

Oh, and next time? We’ve gotta do a shoot at the old shower door warehouse - check it out, they have poles!

I go through phases with blogging. Sometimes I want to pour my heart and soul out, and other times I’m just not feeling it. This past week has been one of the “just not feeling it” times. The only two three posts I’ve done haven’t been remotely personal, and were mostly blockquotes. I’ve been finding myself falling back into some old patterns of not taking care of myself and not speaking my needs, and I’ve been trying to focus on how to make that stop.

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House-hunting will resume possibly next weekend.

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A while ago I had a dream that my mom was trying to force me to wear make-up. I was really distressed and started crying and saying that I didn’t want to wear make-up, but she kept insisting. This kind of happened in real life when I was a teenager, though never to such an extreme. And besides, I actually did wear make-up when I was a teenager (most of the time) - I even used glitter eyeshadow! By the time I was in college, though, I’d decided it wasn’t my thing.

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Next Thursday, I turn 29. I’m trying not to have an existential crisis about it. Not only is that cliché, but I really should save it for when I turn 30. (I already had the requisite “quarter century crisis” when I turned 25.)

I decided that for my birthday, I’m going to do something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time - get professional photos taken. I’m getting déjà vu writing this, but I swear it’s going to happen for real this time (but that’s another story). I’ve paid the deposit, picked out my outfits… and the shoot is set for next Sunday. We’re still working on a location but I have no doubt we’ll find something great; I just hope it’s not too cold.

I don’t want to write more about it right now because I don’t want to jinx anything. But, if this goes well, I might do it again!

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I am very disturbed by this. I mean, what the fucking hell?

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Recently while looking for my DVD of Lost In Translation, I found the video I made after completing my senior project in high school. I interned at Flagpole for two weeks, and what I learned was that I didn’t want to be a journalist. I haven’t watched the video since the day I showed it to my class. As I mentioned previously, our VCR died, but fortunately thanks to Twitter I found out Jen has one she doesn’t want, so as soon as I get that from her I can watch the video and digitize it and put it on YouTube. I remember it being pretty good; we’ll see if I still feel that way 10 years later.

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Last night I was at Barnes and Noble and they had this stupid “Porno for Women” display:

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I saw chickens in front of an abandoned school on Huff Road:

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I need to write a full post with my thoughts on this. I love AV Flox’s blog, and if you aren’t reading it, you should be. This is the sort of writing that someone should be getting paid for! It blows me away. One pet peeve about the post in question: Emily Gould did not coin the term “overshare.” Dooce used it in a 2005 interview in Glamour magazine, and that’s just what I know of. Someone else probably used it before that.

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I’ve been having fun with my Tumblr (I think the actual correct terminology for an individual Tumblr blog is “Tumblog,” but I refuse to say that, because I think it sounds stupid). I should probably warn you that it’s not safe for work, but I hate that whole “NSFW” thing, so… consider this an ass-backwards non-warning, I guess.

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We should probably do a new episode of Mostly ITP soon. Who should we interview?

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Tonight on the phone, my grandmother said, “These stupid people who say they haven’t decided who to vote for! How can they be undecided at this late of a date? I think they’re just imbeciles.”

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Jenny: where are your dispatches from the Obama campaign??

I used to keep a “secret blog,” whose existence was revealed to only a handful of people, wherein I gave everyone pseudonyms and wrote about exciting things like the gory details of my sex life, and boring things like the gory details of job interviews.

The last time I posted to that blog was November 2006. It served its purpose when I needed it. I haven’t deleted it, because who knows, maybe sometime in the future I’ll need it again. But I was going back and looking at some of the old posts, and realizing that they do chronicle a very significant time in my life. This one in particular, I just thought was so sweet that I wanted to post it here.

Fair warning: if you’re going to be weirded out by X-rated language explicitly describing acts of fornication by people you know (read: me and Rusty), and/or if you’re my mom, don’t read below the cut. If either of those descriptions apply to you and you choose to read anyway, well, your reaction is your responsibility, not mine. Don’t act weird.
Read the full post »

Thank you to everyone who came to my birthday party last night! It was great to hang out with everybody and eat Boston Market catering and boob cake. (Thanks, Jen!) I feel weird when I’m the center of attention, so if I acted weird when I was opening the various cards and gifts, that’s why. Thank you to everyone who brought stuff… you certainly did not have to… and I really appreciate all of it. I appreciate everyone being there and helping make my birthday a fun day! Oh and to everyone who stuck around until I got up the nerve to actually do some stuff on the pole, thanks for putting up with my nervousness and not laughing at me. Maybe once I’ve had more practice on that pole/stage, I’ll be less nervous!

October is always my favorite month. I can’t put my finger on exactly why (I swear it’s not just because my birthday is at the end of it), but the weather plays a huge part. October weather in Georgia is just perfect to me. The air gets a certain autumny smell that makes me feel refreshed and generally optimistic.

A lot of shit has gone down over the past month and a half, and a lot of it has been (and currently remains) un-bloggable. It’s certainly not going away with the advent of October, but things are feeling so much better overall. We’re in our new apartment in Decatur, which feels way more like home than the old place ever did, even with furniture positioned haphazardly and boxes still stacked everywhere. Our plan is to stay here for a year, and then buy a place. This is going to be a good year.

And October is going to be a good month! It’ll be a busy month, but busy with good, fun, life-affirming stuff.

Upcoming awesomeness for October:

• Oct. 5: North Fulton Drama Club’s production of Merry Wives of Windsor.
• Oct. 6: Harvest ‘07 Erotic Art Show
• Oct. 12-13: BarCamp Atlanta
• Oct. 14: PoleLaTeaz student showcase - I’m performing!!! :D More details to follow.
• Oct. 18: Sex, Wine and Chocolate. (If you’re planning to come, buy your tickets now; space is limited.)
• Oct. 19-20: ConvergeSouth - I’m leading a session entitled “Podcasting and Beyond.” (Hmm, gotta make some PowerPoint slides this week… but only a few, I promise!)
• Oct. 21: After we leave Greensboro we’ll be visiting the Carolina Raptor Center, and then moseying back toward Atlanta, stopping along the way to photograph various small towns and Southern oddities.
• Oct. 22: Day off work for continued moseying if necessary, or sleep and whatever else.
• Oct. 26: Club 2Risqué new facility opening party.
• Oct. 28: Recording a new episode of the GA Politics Podcast at Manuel’s. (This is the part where I sit around and sip tea while other people talk about politics).
• Oct. 30: My birthday a.k.a. 28 Years of Amber Rhea.

Somewhere in there I’ve gotta find time to do mundane things like renew my driver’s license and upgrade the blog to WordPress 2.3, but that hardly warrants placement on the List of Awesomeness. Oh, and Jenny… are you still coming to visit? :)

I started a new/old job yesterday (if you know me IRL you probably know what I’m talking about), so now I’m busy with that. I’m still maintaining my computer break, but the point is, I don’t think I’d have much time for blogging this week even if I wanted to.

Anyway. Some quick updates. Sunday night’s party was a rousing success, complete with pumpkin carving, silly costumes, free flat beer, and podcasting. Here’s Rusty and me, looking holy:

Here’s what Publix did to my cake (Alyssa fixed it later):

This apparently made some people uncomfortable:

Alyssa carved a Loss Cat jack-o-lantern:

The rest of my photos from the party are on Flickr. Check out Dorie’s, too.

Moving on to Monday night… my Level 1 Pole Dancing graduation went really well! The video turned out less than stellar (that was partially my fault for not putting the camera in a good position), but I might post a short clip later. Photos will be on Flickr once Darcey gets them off her camera. I received a certificate, which I will frame, and a ceremonial white garter. The 6-week refresher course starts Monday, thus preparing me for Level 2 in January (featuring side spins!)

I’m sure there’s something I forgot to mention, but that’s all I have time for now. More coming… eventually!

The 1-year-anniversary edition of the Carnival of Feminists is up at Philobiblon. Check it out! Natalie has done an amazing job keeping the carnival going!

Since my birthday is coming up next Monday, this is probably the appropriate time to announce that I have an Amazon wishlist. I figured, why the hell not. I even added an 80×15 button about it to my sidebar, as if I need more of those.

Must work now. I’ve been reading too many interesting blog posts today and it’s one hell of a distraction.

This is from a spam email I just received:

panic bar dak bungalow carpet bed
thorny-edged corn-fed fat-tailed
high-stepping tooth cough Alpine parnassia
balance piston silver salt window dressing
foot stove still-flowing swift-spoken
Un-semitic self-purifying gold-rush
Wen chang bee milk quasi punishment
broad-spoken servant girl cattle mange

Wow. It’s like a haiku, except… not. Interpretations are welcome and encouraged.

In other news, today is the 26th birthday of the Village Whore Junky Slutbunny, a.k.a. my dear friend Jenny (or in the comments as “jt”). So that the legacy of her personal achievements lives on, I refer you to the old-school photo I posted on her birthday last year.

I know this was the iconic Being Amber Rhea image for a long time, but I think I might have a new one now. If you’ve been paying attention to the description field in my RSS feed lately, you’ll have noticed that it contains my new tagline. And now, thanks to the GDBF, I have a shirt that proclaims a variation of that slogan to the world:

It’s been a pretty goddamn good birthday so far. More blogging to come.

…not to be opened until tomorrow. (Well, maybe one tonight, like on Christmas Eve.)

Happy 25th birthday to the fabulous Niki Sol. Commence ruminations on life, the universe, and everything… now.

Since I couldn’t find the picture that I wanted to put up, of Niki and I from her 16th birthday party, this one will have to do:

(click for larger picture)

Sure, Jenny may hold the title of Village Whore Junky Slutbunny, but that’s a mere formality.

I love you, mtani. :) Welcome to the Quarter of a Century Club.

♪ Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday Michael Stipe,
Happy birthday to you! ♪

(A little late, but at least I remembered!)

…I’ll write an entry about my birthday. I turned 25 last week. I feel like I’m in a pretty good place for someone my age. Here are what some other people did when they were 25:

• Orson Welles coscripted, directed, and starred in Citizen Kane.
• Charles Lindbergh became the first person to fly alone across the Atlantic.
• Bavarian painter Aloys Senefelder invented the lithograph.
• Alexander the Great became Pharoah.

Kind of puts ‘Web Site Developer III’ to shame.