Broken record 2.0

In some ways I wish I had gone to the Network Stars Atlanta Seminar Tuesday night. I am impressed that so many people (175!) showed up - once again, just goes to show that Atlanta isn’t some piddly little second-tier place just because we’re not New York or San Francisco. I’ve heard lots of positive reactions about the event. But reading J’s post should make it obvious why I’m glad I didn’t go.

Am I cynical? I don’t know, but it’s just that these are the perennial questions - how much do you reveal? what is “professional?” what are the risks? etc. - and I’ve been in conversations about them too many times to count over the last several years. I feel like a broken record with this stuff - how many times can I say the same thing? Is it worth it to keep saying it? I get irritated with others for not “getting it” and irritated with myself for being so repetitive.

It’s not the fact that the questions keep being raised that irritates me so much; it’s the way in which they are typically presented: very one-sided, with lots of presumptions and suppositions and pre-conceived notions that go unchallenged. As I said to Toby in an email, “I think the ways in which personal and business presence intersect online is a fascinating and relevant topic.” The dynamic during and feedback from my BlogOrlando session shows that presenting this topic as more than just the superficial clichés of “personal vs. professional” encourages some great dialogue and critical thinking. It’s the interpersonal aspect of social media that is so much more interesting to me than “how do you position yourself in the market” and “how do you install WordPress.” They call it social media for a reason, after all.

As for Geoff Livingston, one thing that really annoys me about getting into it with people like him is that we inevitably end up talking about two different things. He’s over there at J’s blog saying he’s a private business owner and he’s allowed to run his business however he wants. Well, duh! Nobody is saying he doesn’t have the right to run his business how he wants! I don’t know where anybody has ever said that. What a lot of people are saying, though, is that hey, maybe that’s not the best way to run your business, and it might be worth considering other options, because you might be shooting yourself in the foot.

Maybe I shouldn’t have left that snarky* comment toward him at J’s blog, but I just couldn’t help myself, and who cares anyway? It’s not like he’s going to consider me an “equal” in any sense of the word anyway - I have POLE DANCING PHOTOS and TALK ABOUT SEXUALITY and USE THE F-WORD, for heaven’s sake! (Shades of Dave Mastio.) Toby had graciously attempted to introduce us via email, after I inquired about who spearheaded the Tuesday night event and whether they might be interested in presenting my defunct BlogHer Atlanta panel topic. I doubt I’ll get a response or that he would be interested, so it’ s not like I’m “burning a bridge” or anything. I’m used to that kind of preemptive dismissal by now, after nearly seven years of blogging. It never ceases to dishearten me, though.

I absolutely agree with Ellie that my panel topic needs to be presented in a space that is not already coded as sex-positive. That’s how real shifts in perspective happen - getting outside the echo chamber (a term I don’t like, but I’m writing this quickly), engaging with people and presenting them with viewpoints they might not have previously considered. That’s what was so great about my BlogOrlando session.

So, I’m still looking for a space - or spaces, plural! - for that discussion. But if I don’t find it, I’ll just keep doing what I’ve always done: make my own space. One of the greatest, most transgressive powers of social media, after all, is that we can all speak our truths with our own voices and not be beholden to someone controlling, with an iron fist or a red pen, what we can and cannot say.

* Aside: did you know that “snark” is a contraction of “snide” and “remark?” I recently found that out. Makes total sense!

BlogOrlando wrap-up (part 1?)

I was really happy to be able to go to BlogOrlando this weekend. Josh Hallett once again put on an amazing event (I say “once again” even though this was my first time going; but based on reports I’ve heard from people who went the previous two years, I feel justified in saying that!) and it was a great success.

I was nervous but also excited about my session. It ended up going really well - although I was very upset with myself because I forgot to bring the recorder, so I couldn’t record it for a podcast!! The room was full and we had a great discussion. I easily fell right back into “teacher mode” from when I used to be a TA in grad school; and you know, I really do like doing stuff like that!

The one thing that came out of my session was (as I predicted) we don’t have a clear definition of what is meant by the word “professional” when talking about blogs and social media. Everyone has their own conception of what that word means. To illustrate, here’s a photo of the whiteboard from my session; I started with an exercise where I had people shout out words/phrases that characterize a professional blog, and then words/phrases that characterize an unprofessional blog.

Whiteboard from my "Professionalism 2.0" session

You’ll notice that some of the things in these lists contradict each other, and that’s exactly the point. One that I found very interesting was ‘lots of pictures’ under the Unprofessional heading; my response to the person who said it was something like, “That really depends on the type of blog we’re talking about, right? For a photography blog, lots of pictures would be appropriate, expected, and professional.”

After deconstructing what some of these words mean - e.g., it’s not okay to just use “credibility” as a qualifier for professional, because that’s another word that doesn’t have a common, accepted definition, so we need to define it, too! - I started presenting some examples. I mentioned a small business owner who wrote a post about her thoughts on the election, and asked what people thought of that. Two very interesting responses were shouted out at the same time. One person said it’s okay to write about her political views if she articulates what she means well. Another said it’s okay as long as it’s nothing too radical.

(Of course, you can imagine where I went with that: what is “too radical?” That’s subjective too.)

The two opinions diverged on what really mattered.

Later in the day, Nik Wilets and I were discussing how this was all very interesting because, we both agreed, to us professional/unprofessional has more to do with conduct - e.g., are you consistently late for meetings with clients, are you unprepared for meetings, etc.

Take-away: “Professional” is one of those words where someone says it and ten different people hear ten different things.

Other buzzwords:

  • Credibility
  • Monetization
  • Non-starter
  • Thought leader
  • Personal brand - this term really creeps me out

Also:

twitter

And then in the afternoon, there was the Online Identity session… but I really don’t feel like writing about that right now. (Read the liveblog to get the gist of why; also, Dacia joined in the chat, which made it more bearable.) Maybe later. :\

Twitter updates for 2008-09-27

  • Finally landed in orlando. We were late departing atlanta. #
  • In taxi headed to hotel. Driver has what sounds like the debates on the radio. Is that still on? #
  • Terrified by the florida turnpike #
  • Finally at hotel, and on the wifi. Vending machine gave me 2 drinks when I only paid for one. About to go to bed; @blogorlando tmrw! #
  • @leahjones - Awesome, you rock! I’ll be downstairs at 7:45. I love Twitter for stuff like this; we’ve never met but you’re giving me a ride! #
  • Can hear person in the room next door on the phone. Fortunately I’m taking Ambien in about 2 minutes. #
  • Heading downstairs to grab some quick bfast & meet @leahjones #
  • wonder if these 2 guys out here are also going to @blogorlando #
  • So @leahjones is late. Debated taking a cab but figured it’s six of one half dozen of the other. (@blogorlando) #
  • guy just asked me what the m stands for #
  • Made it to rollins. Now i’m the late girl, booo. #
  • Listening to @hyku’s intro @blogorlando #
  • @hyku says you have to pay $1 if you say “web 2.0.” Ha! How about “conversation” too? (@blogorlando) #
  • LOL @extraface #
  • just realized i forgot the recorder. :( can’t do a podcast of my session. :( #
  • Can’t get on wifi @blogorlando. Is anybody on? #
  • I love Twitter! I said I couldn’t get on wifi and @hyku found someone to fix it. In @tiburon’s photojournalism session now. #
  • I’ll be liveblogging when I can (like now!) http://tinyurl.com/3hdvqf #
  • blogorlando.com is down for me, anyone else? #
  • Ok sneaking out to have a few minutes to take some deep breaths before my session. It’s called Professionalism 2.0, I don’t think I owe $1! #
  • My session went great!! Just wish we’d had more time. Decompressing now bc I couldn’t decide on a session. #
  • ANd I can’t believe I forgot the recorder. I woud’ve loved to record that. :\ #
  • @tiburon - where are you going to lunch after this? I don’t want to be the loser eating by myself. #
  • Oops forgot to use @blogorlando; my session went great and I wish it had been longer #
  • In my @blogorlando session I said I find term “personal brand” creepy, and yeah, I stand by it! #
  • Ok correction to what I said about K2: just make sure it’s modified K2! (@blogorlando) #
  • I haven’t taken any photos yet, feel kinda bad about that. Also we were arguing about hashtags @ not # blogorlando!!! #
  • So apropos to my @blogorlando session!! http://is.gd/3dbO “So little of it feels like honesty. Much more of it feels like public relations.” #
  • Going to lunch w/ ppl who walk too slow #
  • @Hyku at pita pit #
  • Had lunch at the Pita Pit and it was really, really good. Do we have one in Atlanta? Chilling now before 1:30 session @blogorlando. #
  • @jenbrock - They are, but I am prepared to confront the fallout if necessary! #
  • @jbrotherlove - I know, I am really irritated w/ myself. I’ll write a recap of it later w/ as much as I can remember. #
  • Really loud annoying guy in here. And I don’t even care if he’s on Twitter! Because he’s loud and annoying! #
  • @blogorlando - Schedule says we start again at 1:30! Confused..? :\ #
  • Ok I *so* don’t want to talk about the election @blogorlando. GEEZUS. #
  • Why do my old liveblogs not have that annoying “Watch now” thing over them but the ones from today @blogorlando do? #
  • Up next @blogorlando is a session on Online Identity led by a dude. I am nervous. Description: http://is.gd/3dov scroll to “Taking Risks…” #
  • @museumfreak - That’s good to know, that makes me feel reassured a bit! #
  • @rustytanton - Ha, what a great iPhone typo! #
  • Will be liveblogging online identity session @blogorlando, join in w/ questions/comments! http://is.gd/3dq7 #
  • Ppl are being assholes to this woman who writes this blog about murder in Orlando @blogorlando #
  • So nervous about this session seriously @blogorlando :o #
  • @blogorlando session is going ot make me need a Klonopin after all. Nude modeling is once again THE WORST THIGN EVER. #
  • Ack! Twitter search says “You have been rate limited. Enhance your calm” for @BlogOrlando search! #
  • Twittersearch icons for replies are super cool #
  • Considered going to @blogorlando Traditional Media & the Web session at 3:05 but decided I’ve had enough stress for the day. #
  • So I’m going to to the @blogorlando session Movements, Activism & Social Media #
  • Not going to liveblog this @blogorlando session, out of energy for the moment! Just want to listen and relax. #
  • @leahjones - Which way do you walk on that street? I will need caffeine after this session! #
  • Interesting points on difference between campaigns and movements @blogorlando #
  • A few ppl laughing at photo of boy w/ cerebral palsy @blogorlando WTF? #
  • QOTD from Geno Church: “It is not sexy, and it is a scissor.” Love it. #
  • I love this history of the company that makes scissors! (Fiskar) @blogorlando #
  • Was thinking I might need to go back to the hotel before the @blogorlando happy hour for a nap but remembered I don’t have a car :\ #
  • @museumfreak - Overall good; I’ll write a wrap-up blog post later #
  • Maybe I’ll just nap here on the couch @blogorlando #
  • @leahjones - are you staying for the closing session? #
  • @leahjones - sounds good! in the meantime, sbux. :) #
  • a million ppl at starbucks #
  • @tmoenk - omg that’s the same photo! #
  • Came in a few minutes late to @blogorlando final session. “Why we blog.” Erik says you’re less relevant every year; I disagree! #
  • He’s putting ppl’s blog screenshots on the big screen @blogorlando #
  • “The tools we use online enable us to meet offline” YES! (@blogorlando) Ok stopping Twitterrhea now *and* not liveblogging #
  • UStream of BlogOrlando closing session here: http://tinyurl.com/4jkbh2 #
  • @TheDisneyBlog - Yes, @hyku is awesome! #
  • Really cool app Erik was talking about @blogorlando, built in Africa http://ushahidi.com/ #
  • Lost in orlando again #
  • Getting to see a lot of cool mid-century architecture, tho! And journey on the radio. #
  • About to head to @blogorlando happy hour at finnhenry’s #
  • Finnhenry’s is WAY too crowded. I’m going back to the hotel. Too claustrophobic. (@blogorlando) #
  • Back at hotel, at the restaurant. Not sure if i seat myself or what. #
  • it’ll be an early night #

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BlogOrlando session input

If you have any questions/thoughts/opinions/talking points for my BlogOrlando session, please leave them in comments here! I’ll record the session and post it as an episode of (un)ConCast.

Reminder of my session description:

Professionalism 2.0
What does “professionalism” mean in the context of blogging? Is it a matter of the topics you write about, the language you use, the amount of research you put into a typical post - or all or none of the above? Social media tools offer us the opportunity to express our full humanity instead of compartmentalizing aspects of who we are. To what degree do we need to adjust our pre-conceived notions about what’s professional and what isn’t?

Thanks in advance!

OMG YES

This is so perfect I can hardly stand it:

I’m tangling hard with this notion of public persona. That for whatever reason, writing about sex gives some people the idea that you are available sexually to them (this is not new, this is something I’ve noticed a long time ago). But this being commonly understood as a consumable girl is hitting a breaking point for me. Does it mean I can’t flirt-for-real in public spaces without being perceived as buying into a role, without agreeing with that being pegged as The Sex Girl?

I was never that girl. I never played against my own intelligence to make men comfortable around me. I come on strong by being open, not teasing. I don’t look for strength in men’s eyes that way. As temporarily delightful as cocktail conversation may be — until our cabs come — I get my real and lasting courage from my own vulnerability. I can only trust my sense of worth to be safe with those unafraid to love me, not someone who finds me amusing five minutes at a time.

It kind of gives me déjà vu because it’s everything I’ve been thinking but, as usual, Melissa puts it into words so much better than I could hope to. (That sounds kind of assholish, doesn’t it? Argh…)

On Twitter I said: “This is what I would’ve talked about at BlogHer ATL” and “I’ll mention this at @blogorlando, too; I won’t have a prepared presentation but it’ll be a ‘talking point.’ We’ll see where *that* goes.”

I HATE it. I hate this stupid, asinine, absurd, insipid idea that if a woman writes about sex then she is The Sex Girl (as Melissa puts it). This pigeon-holing, it’s… well, there just aren’t enough adjectives for “ridiculous” to convey it!

I was never That Girl either - I wouldn’t even know how to be - and this is why, for instance, it makes me absolutely livid to see sex-positivity so COMPLETELY misrepresented by people who obviously have NO FUCKING CLUE what they are talking about. I’m staying out of blog wars with “radfems” for good - it’s just a waste of time - but occasionally I see them quoted on Ren’s blog or Caroline’s blog, prattling on about how “sex-pozzies” (yes, they really say that; can you believe it?) are all about pleasing men and the men love us because we do what they want and blah blah blah and I’m like, okay, this is the part where it is GLARINGLY obvious that you have absolutely NO GRASP of my life, my experience, my reality, and holy hell could your head possibly be FURTHER up your ass? I mean it’s kind of funny in a way, but it still just infuriates me. I cannot even convey to you how totally absurd it is.

Oh, and as for people assuming that because you write about sex, you obviously want to have sex WITH THEM - well, that’s nothing new, either. It’s as old as the hills and it, too, is a jaw-droppingly ridiculous depth of stupidity.

And, too, let’s revisit this.

Upcoming stuff

  • This Wednesday night, I’ll be on the Cult of Gracie radio show on XXBN. The show will be streaming live at either 9:00 or 10:00 - I’m waiting to hear back from Gracie on which it is, because her blog says one thing and the BlogTalkRadio page says another. I’ll update this post when I know. Update: It’s at 10:00 p.m. Eastern Time! You can call in during the show… and I’d love for some people to call in, so I don’t feel like I’m just listening to myself bloviate the entire time.
  • This Saturday, I’ll be at BlogOrlando, a social media unconference organized by Josh Hallett and now in its third year. I’ll be leading a session called Professionalism 2.0. I posted the description a few days ago, but here it is again:
    What does “professionalism” mean in the context of blogging? Is it a matter of the topics you write about, the language you use, the amount of research you put into a typical post - or all or none of the above? Social media tools offer us the opportunity to express our full humanity instead of compartmentalizing aspects of who we are. To what degree do we need to adjust our pre-conceived notions about what’s professional and what isn’t?

    I’m interested to see what direction the discussion takes.

  • Sex, Wine and Chocolate 2008 is coming up on October 2, at the Park Tavern! Buy your tickets now (it’s only $20 this time around). And yes, the PoleLaTeaz ladies will be performing again!

BlogHer Atlanta thoughts

As you’ve seen if you read my Twitter tweets, a few days ago BlogHer Atlanta, along with the three other Southern locations of the BlogHer Reach Out tour (Greensboro, Nashville, New Orleans) has been canceled.

:( :( :(

(I guess this means I don’t have to worry about writing that other post where I talk about how I found people’s reactions to my panel announcement to be weird and hurtful!)

I’m going to try to cover as much as possible in this post - and there’s a lot to cover. Admittedly it might not be the best time for me to be writing it, as I’ve just taken a Klonopin and drank some sort of espresso/mint concocation, discovered a mysterious crack in my car windshield, fought for 15 minutes to unstick my parking break, and am generally freaking out about staying in Augusta for another two days while Rusty is in Knoxville. I really really don’t want to, but I know I’ll end up staying - at least til Saturday evening. You would think my dad died yesterday with the way my moods are all over the place. So, yeah, maybe not the best time. BUT, I don’t want to keep putting it off, and I’m in this Metro Coffeehouse and it seems (for the time being, anyway; that may change when these fratty-looking fools who just walked in start shooting pool) like a conducive place for blogging - moreso than my mom’s living room, for some reason.

ANYWAY. Onward to BlogHer stuff. If I leave something out, it’s just an oversight, as there’s a lot of related stuff swimming around in my head, and I’ll probably do a follow-up post in that case.

Also none of this is a personal dig at Elisa Camahort, who I think is great. BUT I do think BlogHer as an organization handled this situation poorly, and I feel I have the right to share that criticism, and hopefully they will be receptive.

The official explanation was inadequate “sponsor and community support” in these cities. I think this is an unfair and dishonest way of rhetorically shifting the blame to the communities. We have LOTS of community support for social media here in Atlanta. If the problem is lack of sponsor dollars, that’s not the same thing as lack of community support. Yes, I know it says “sponsor AND community support,” but the way that’s worded, the conflation is bound to happen whether it’s intentional or not.

Also you simply cannot have the same expectations for Atlanta that you have for LA, San Francisco, or New York. We have a thriving social media community here, BUT it does not (nor should it) look like the scenes in those cities. That doesn’t mean we don’t deserve a chance. And it feels pretty shitty to constantly get passed by. I remember when I was in the early planning stages of Sex 2.0, somebody (Melissa, maybe? I can’t remember) suggested I move it to San Francisco to coincide w/ Arse Elektronika or the Folsom Street Fair or something. My answer was an emphatic NO! I live in Atlanta, so why would I hold a conference that’s my brainchild in another city? Also, I am sick and tired of EVERYTHING being in California and New York. There are other places out there, believe it or not, and a lot of ‘em are pretty darn cool. As Jen said on Twitter: “Assuming that said community support doesn’t exist, how it (sic) one supposed to build it up without conferences?”

Basically I think BlogHer was aiming to do too much too soon w/ these Reach Out tours. Yes, it is definitely awesome that they provide breakfast and lunch at their conferences; but that’s not necessary. Cocktail parties are also nice, but again, not necessary. Sex 2.0 didn’t have any of those frills and it was a blast - because of the people and energy in attendance. That’s what will truly make or break any event.

Another issue may have been purely logistical; Darcey pointed out on Twitter, “Maybe has to do with the conference being held for one day during middle of the weel (sic)? Maybe if it were a Friday, would be diff.” I think there’s definitely some truth to that - it can be hard for people to get time off work.

I don’t know if I can convey how much I was looking forward to this panel. And we had some really awesome panelists lined up: yours truly (duh), Tiffany Brown, Amy Davis, and Callie Simms, with Elisa moderating. An excellent diversity of opinions and experiences, and only one panelist was not from Atlanta. To recap, this was the panel description:

The “Naked” Blogging Double Standard
At just about every BlogHer event we end up discussing the ramifications of “naked” blogging; that is, blogging your true self. Blogging’s low barrier to entry has provided a platform for everyone, and particularly women, to tell our own stories, to create a more diverse cultural record than has been historically typical, and to own our experiences and how transparently we choose to share those experiences. Every blogger draws their boundaries differently. In a survey BlogHer conducted a couple of years ago bloggers indicated that it was more taboo to discuss finances on their blog than sex! But, let’s get real: Really? We’re not sure we’re buying it. Is anyone else out there blown away by how much conflict the issues of gender, sex and sexuality (and society’s expectations of how women “should” behave) still stir up… and by how much judgment is still thrown at women who ignore the admonishment that “nice girls don’t?”

Every year at BlogHer the debate rages: Can we talk about shoes and still be taken seriously? Well, let’s take it a step further: Can women talk openly about sex and still be taken seriously? And is it different for men? Women certainly don’t agree on the answer, so you can be sure the answer is even more unclear in segments of society, industry and the blogosphere that are more male-dominated. How do we challenge that status quo - and support women in their choices, even when they might not be our choices? Join Amber Rhea, one of the women leading the charge for change, in a frank discussion designed to expose the naked blogging double standard and challenge our preconceived notions of what it means to be taken seriously.

I feel VERY passionately about this topic, and I don’t see it being discussed very many places. (And by “very many places” I mean “at all.”) I was SO looking forward to having a somewhat formal panel of questions, also with time for plenty of audience input and sharing of experiences, on this very important and under-explored topic, in a space with primarily women who blog or use social media in other ways.

I’ll be leading a session next weekend at BlogOrlando on a somewhat-related topic; hence:

Professionalism 2.0
What does “professionalism” mean in the context of blogging? Is it a matter of the topics you write about, the language you use, the amount of research you put into a typical post - or all or none of the above? Social media tools offer us the opportunity to express our full humanity instead of compartmentalizing aspects of who we are. To what degree do we need to adjust our pre-conceived notions about what’s professional and what isn’t?

And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m not excited about this, because I definitely am. But it won’t be a mostly-women space, and thus the conversation won’t center on how these deeply entrenched and unexamined biases affect us as women online, and how we (consciously or unconsciously) replicate existing arbitrary standards among ourselves. It will also be an unconference format (which, duh, I love) so there won’t be a formal panel with a moderator, and I think this particular topic is one that is well-served by having a bit of structure.

Elisa mentioned in an email to me that she really likes the topic and hopes I will consider bringing it to BlogHer ‘09. At this point, I don’t know. It kind of feels like, “Sorry you couldn’t present this in your own community and engage the opinions of local social media participants; but hey, fly your ass all the way to California and do it here, because this is the place that really matters.”

Not a good feeling. Once again the South is passed over, deemed “not good enough.”

And it’s not just me who’s sad - a lot of people on Twitter and in email were conveying their disappointment.

Now, I also want to be kind of devil’s advocate here - or not really devil’s advocate, but just address some things that would be valid criticisms if I left it just at this. First of all, it annoyed the shit out of me when I saw people whining and complaining on Twitter about BlogHer ATL being “too expensive.” Well, what do you expect? Do you really expect to be handed an awesome event on a platter for free? If it pisses you off that much, try organizing your own event and then maybe you’ll see how it’s not exactly a walk in the park. The two conferences I’ve organized, which are much smaller in scale than BlogHer ATL would have been (although, tangent: there’s no reason it couldn’t have been on that smaller scale, and in fact originally I thought that was the whole point of the Reach Out tour) drained me completely, so that I will never do anything like that again. And guess what, that shit COSTS MONEY. Even Sex 2.0, where we had no frills whatsoever, cost just over $4,000 - and there were STILL people bitching about paying the $40 admission!! (And you know how much I hate the word “bitching,” so I must be pretty worked up to use it here.) I just get so damn irritated with people who just expect that everything should be handed to them and wah wah wah if it costs “too much.” Fuck that. You want community events, let’s sack up and make ‘em happen - and quit whining!

But all that being said, I do think BlogHer could have (and should have) scaled back the event and then the admission would’ve been able to be lower and then more people might have signed up. Of course, you can’t make people go to anything - and lord knows I’ve dealt with more than my share of lazy asses who say they’ll do something or come to something and then they JUST DON’T - but that might have helped a bit. And then next year people might be willing to pay more for an event with more frills. (Keep in mind, too, that salaries and such in Atlanta aren’t what they are in LA!)

And now I have totally lost my train of thought. There was more I wanted to say, and certainly some of the above that I didn’t say nearly as eloquently as I should. I’ll go ahead and stop for now, though, and put this up in its imperfect state, and let the flamage commence, I guess. I better go get a chicken salad sandwich at New Moon… all I’ve had to eat all day is a banana and a plum, and that can’t be helping my frazzled state.

Overall I am just really, really sad about BlogHer Atlanta being canceled. I’m not sure many people truly understood how important this was to me. Now I don’t know if I’ll ever get a chance to hold a forum on this topic that I’m so passionate about.