Being Amber Rhea

I have an idea: let’s make a BINGO card for media representation of sex workers!

A BINGO card has 25 squares (including on “free square” in the center that can be adapted creatively as necessary), so help me out with your suggestions. Here’s what I’ve got so far off the top of my head.

Terminology:

• The world’s oldest profession
• High-end / high-class
• Working girls
• Virtual street corner
• Ply their trade
• Sell their bodies

Other characteristics:

• Dismissive/snarky quotation marks (e.g., “work”)
• Photo of scantily-clad woman leaning into car window

Hell, we might have to make more than one card!

Note: this post was inspired by Monica at $pread Blog.

Which shirt should I wear to Sex, Wine and Chocolate?

• Sex nerds know how to do it (official Waking Vixen Productions shirt!)*
• I support sex workers’ rights (designed by Ren!)
• Strippers are feminists too
• I -heart- Obama (get your own here)

Too bad I don’t have this shirt anymore.

Input please.

* Can’t see the shirt as well in this photo, but I like it better because of the sign I’m standing next to (to which…).

If you have any questions/thoughts/opinions/talking points for my BlogOrlando session, please leave them in comments here! I’ll record the session and post it as an episode of (un)ConCast.

Reminder of my session description:

Professionalism 2.0
What does “professionalism” mean in the context of blogging? Is it a matter of the topics you write about, the language you use, the amount of research you put into a typical post - or all or none of the above? Social media tools offer us the opportunity to express our full humanity instead of compartmentalizing aspects of who we are. To what degree do we need to adjust our pre-conceived notions about what’s professional and what isn’t?

Thanks in advance!

I have a longer post in the works, but I’ve been bust at work today so I haven’t had time to shape it into anything coherent. But since the GDBF and I in the early stages of house-hunting (it’ll be early next year when we actually do this thing) and I’m the type of person who meticulously researches anything new (aside from a few unfortunate exceptions) and tries to be as educated as possible before making important decisions, I’ve basically been interviewing all my coworkers who are homeowners about their houses. So now I’m turning to my blog readers as well. If you own a home in metro ATL, lay it on me: what do you like about your house/condo/whatever, the neighborhood, etc., what do you not like… anything you can think of that you feel like sharing. Thanks in advance!

ETA: Because I’m not a moron, I can figure out things like “lots of electrical outlets” and “nice neighborhood.” This is exactly why I want to hear specifically from people who own homes in Atlanta. I want to hear about things like what you like/dislike about your neighborhood, what your taxes are like, what your HOA (if there is one) is like, etc. Joeventures’ comment is a good example.

Okay, I’ve put these out on Twitter a few times and so far it hasn’t yielded anything, so I’m posting them here. Please share your input if you have any.

1) I need to find a good upholstery shop to repair a chair from a 1973 dinette set. I originally called Victory Vintage and asked who they recommended. They gave me the name of a place in Snellville, but I’ve called them several times and they haven’t been very responsive and I’m getting fed up. I need a place that knows what they’re doing, especially with older furniture, as I need it to match the other three chairs as closely as possible.

ETA: Scratch that on the upholstery place; they just called me back and were super nice. I’m going out there on Saturday.

2) I need to find a new doctor - a general practitioner, someone I can go to for your basic once-a-year physicals and such. I have an awesome OB/GYN, and I had an awesome GP, but a few years ago she had a baby and stopped working. :P If anyone knows of a good doctor, or even a good doctor’s office (preferably in Decatur or midtown), please let me know.

I really don’t want to just open up the phone book (or Google) and choose at random with either of these!

So, my mom is looking for a second job. It needs to be something with flexible enough hours that she still has time to do real estate stuff when needed, and also where she doesn’t have to be out of the house for 8 straight hours a day, since my dad can’t be left alone for that length of time. She’s concerned about finding something that pays a decent wage, as someone her age and with no college education. Of course, age discrimination is illegal, but it’s one of those things just like other insidious forms of discrimination… you have to prove it. Which can take away time and energy people need to devote to other things (like finding a job).

She is looking into a part-time property management position opening up at the real estate office where she has her license; if that worked out and paid decently, it would probably be ideal. I just worry that the broker might try to low-ball her and/or that she’d end up too busy with this added to everything else on her plate.

I suggested Starbucks, because: 1) they pay a competitive wage for that type of job (supposedly, anyway); 2) they are big on diversity; I have seen plenty of people my mom’s age and older working there; 3) employees have access to health insurance if they work 26 hours a week (BIG PLUS); 4) the hours would be flexible; 5) she was a bartender for years, so making lattes would be a cinch.

She said everything she’s been seeing in the newspaper pays like $8-$10 an hour . (She made a comment about that being more than minimum wage but still not enough to live off of, and I wondered for a fleeting second, could my mom actually turn Democrat? But I digress…) She’s probably going to go to an employment agency and see what all is available. I’m worried that she won’t be able to find something that pays much more than that, especially in Augusta where cost of living is low (but of course, “cost of living” estimates don’t include piles of medical bills), and because damn near every job now, even if it’s just working at a cash register, lists a college education as a requirement even if it makes no sense.

So this is a very long-winded way of saying, does anyone out there have any bright ideas? Here is stuff she has done: Realtor in Augusta for ~21 years; before that, bartender and waitress for many years; before that, worked at a bookstore and at one point did a ~6-month stint at Ingram Book Company in Nashville, in the accounts receivable department.

I’ve put my thinking cap on and will be brainstorming like crazy. What say you, blog readers? Help my mom find a job!

I’m thinking of going to day two of the Exotic Dancer World Championships tonight at the Pink Pony South, and it got me thinking about etiquette in strip clubs and some of the hang-ups I still have about them (which really are just manifestations of my general hang-ups with tipping, being in crowded places, and interacting with strangers).

I know from talking with and/or reading the blogs of many current or former strippers that generally when they see a woman in the club, they figure they won’t be making much money from her. Knowing this (and knowing some of the other bad behaviors women often exhibit in strip clubs), I always make an effort to tip well when I go to a strip club - but sometimes my own “issues” win out. I hate feeling stared at, and when I go up to the stage to tip the dancer I can feel eyeballs of drunken men burning a hole in the back of my head. (I have plenty of issues with drunkenness, too; as my personal baggage goes, those are the ones that are too large to fit in the overhead compartment.) Then, I never know what to say to the dancer when I put the money in her garter; small talk is hard enough without loud music and the fact that we’re only dealing with the space of about ten seconds. I feel like I should say something, because it seems like saying nothing would be weirder. I usually try to say something nice about their pole work. But often the dancer just winds up shouting back, “What?”

I also make a point to give more than just a measly dollar to the dancers who do advanced pole work (or any pole work, really) or other moves beyond the bare minimum. I wonder how much is too much during a stage set, though… or if there’s no such thing as too much!

So if any of y’all feel like chiming in with your thoughts/preferences/experiences, I’d be interested to hear them.

I might not end up going tonight anyway, because we’re leaving for a weekend road trip tomorrow morning and I want to get enough sleep, but it’s not like I’ll never go to a strip club again at some point.

Random unrelated thought (not self-deprecating, really, because I’m trying not to do that as much anymore; and yet…) : “issues” should be an item on Stuff White People Like.

So in light of the recently-declared kink week, and my remark that I think kink is subjective, I want to start things off with a question for all you readers - even the lurkers! Come on, click on over from your RSS reader.

What does “kinky” mean to you? Is it particular acts? (If so, which ones?) Is it more of a mindset kind of thing? How do you understand that word in your personal lexicon?

I’m looking forward to hearing people’s answers!

Okay, I’ve got it narrowed down to:

• “Coming Undone” - Korn (3:20)
• “U + Ur Hand” - P!nk (3:34)
• “The Dope Show” - Marilyn Manson (3:41)

(Thomas, I know you said M. Manson was too martial, but I really like “The Dope Show” and it has a good beat for dancing.)

I have to give Darcey my choice by Wednesday, but I’d like to do it tomorrow. Decisions!!

Update: I finally made a decision; I went with the Pink song.

Next weekend (Sunday, April 27, 5:30 p.m.) is a student/instructor pole dancing showcase, and I’m performing! It features students in Levels 5 and 5/6, and instructors. Register now* if you want to come… it’s free, and space is limited!

One student and one instructor will perform at the same time, and the student has to choose a song that’s 4 minutes or less to dance to. So I’m trying to pick a song, and so far I’ve got it narrowed down to, well, not nearly a small enough sample, I know. I’ve listed the possibilities below with their lengths and various pros/cons/observations.

“Coming Undone” - Korn

• Length: 3:20
• Catchy tune about a dude shooting himself in the face
• Short!

“Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)” - Big & Rich

• Length: 3:20
• A prime example of how pole dancing has made me appreciate music I never would’ve considered before.
• And I don’t care what anybody says, I like this song, just like I like that Conway Twitty song.
• Didn’t one of the guys in this (one-hit-wonder?) group make some racist comments recently? Would it be in poor taste to dance to their song?

“U + Ur Hand” - P!nk

• Length: 3:34
• Feminist anti-creepy guy song
• A personal favorite
• Has that disruptive part toward the end where all the music stops for a few seconds

“Conceited” - Remy Ma

• Length: 3:40
• Body-positive song about knowing you’re one sexy lady
• Features the line “all I need is a room with a pole in it”
• Could a white girl get away with dancing to it in the showcase?

“The Dope Show” - Marilyn Manson

• Length: 3:41
• One of my favorites to dance to
• I have a pretty good idea of when it’s about to end, so there’s no chance of me ending up stuck at the top of the pole when the music stops.

“Only Happy When It Rains” - Garbage

• Length: 3:46
• Catchy tune about being emo
• I danced to it for my Level 5 graduation, along with Rihanna’s “Umbrella,” as part of my “Make it Rain” theme when we were in the worst throes of the drought.

“Capital G” - Nine Inch Nails

• Length: 3:50
• Anti-George Bush political song
• Not too fast, not too slow

“Filthy Gorgeous” - Scissor Sisters

• Length: 3:55
• Features a triangle
• Who doesn’t love this song?

“Nasty Love” - Lords of Acid

• Length: 4:11
• Okay, it’s longer than 4 minutes. I don’t want to break the rules, especially because I bet everyone is going to be trying to get away with doing that.
• But it’s such a good song with such dirty lyrics

So what do you think? Leave your opinions in the comments, please!

* To register, go to polelateaz.com, click “Account Login” in the top right, and then click the “Workshops” tab and navigate to Sunday, April 27th. You’ll have to make an account if you don’t already have one.

As mentioned in the year-end episode of Mostly ITP, I recently lost a potential consulting client because the person was too uncomfortable with the fact that I blog and podcast about sex. Oh, heavens!! Anyway, it spurred a conversation between Rusty and me about which of our podcasts has been the most X-rated. We concluded without a conclusion, since it’s all so arbitrary anyway and everyone will have their own definition of “obscene” and other bullshit words. I am, however, curious to know what people think, so here’s a poll!

This is my first time trying PollMonkey, and I only have a free account, so hopefully this will work.

I am just going to copy Rusty’s post word for word here…

The end of another year is coming soon, which means another end-of-year episode of Mostly ITP! Here’s last year’s episode.

We try not to get all PBS-beg-a-thon about asking people for participation in things, but it would be nice if y’all would leave some voicemails for us to play. Have a favorite episode? Have an episode that made you want to veer off the road into a telephone pole in disgust? Don’t listen to the show, but do a great impression of Charles Bronson baking a pie wearing nothing but an apron and a smile? We’d love to hear from you.

You can call and leave us voicemail at 678.389.9441, or you can leave a message on [Rusty's] Skype account at rustytanton.

Thanks!

Cross-posted from a post Dacia made on the Sex 2.0 blog:

If you’ve checked out Sex20con.com lately (um, in like the last day or two) you might have noticed that the PEEQ is the platinum sponsor for Sex 2.0. This means that the PEEQ is giving up $500 for scholarships to help offset the cost of travel and lodging for people who need it. I thought instead of covering all (or most) expenses for one person, we should give $100 to five different people so we can spread the love.

So here’s where the fun part comes in - how should we determine who these five people are? What kind of qualifications should they meet? I was thinking that we could have different categories for scholarship… like a scholarship for lurkers, maybe one for newbie bloggers… what else? Suggestions are more than welcome.

Dacia and I already decided it’s a good idea to have a lurker category, and a newbie category (blogging for 6 months or less). We need three more… what do y’all think?

Why the hell has no one commented here in several days? Oh, maybe because I haven’t been posting much? Well, just for that, I’m putting this up as a blog post instead of a Twitter tweet. (And just so you know, that “blogger outreach” post took me hours to write! Hours, I tell you!)

Do you think the question, “Why are we here?” is irrelevant? Why or why not?

Big thanks to Laura Ross, who has been coming up with some amazing potential logos for Sex 2.0. She has been posting them to the Google group and we’ve had some lively discussion about the merits of each design; but the conversation ebbs and flows and is currently in an “ebb” stage, and we need to decide on a logo soon, so that we can move forward with planning.

So! I’m posting the four logos that have gotten the most favorable responses here, for anyone and everyone to vote on.

Colors are changeable, so don’t worry about that stuff so much as the actual design itself. Share your opinions in the comments. Ideally I would like to have determined which one we’re going to use by the end of next week.

1) Lips:

2) Handprints:

3) Mask:

4) Pole:

If you’re at all interested in Sex 2.0, please join the Google group. Help make this unconference what you want it to be!

Update: As I mentioned here, and have mentioned previously on the Google group, anyone should feel free to come up with your own logo designs for consideration. It’s an unconference, after all!

Rusty and I have discussed the possibility of hiring someone to professionally clean our apartment once every two weeks or so. Given our busy schedules, it makes practical sense. And I’ve had the contact information of a cleaner for about two weeks now, on recommendation of a friend - but so far I haven’t actually contacted her.

I feel weird about this. I guess the word to describe what I feel is guilt - but I’m not sure that’s the whole picture.

For one thing, at a very deep level I just balk at the thought of me hiring a cleaner. It seems absurd. That’s something rich people do.

Also, I don’t want to be contributing to, well, exploitation. It goes without saying that I would be respectful toward any cleaner we might hire, and tip well. And yet, again on a very deep level, I feel bad about it, kind of like, how dare I pay someone to do this?

But when I think about it, that second reaction isn’t exactly fair, is it? It’s along the same lines as the reaction many people have to sex workers, for example. Obviously they must be downtrodden hard-luck types who would rather be in a different line of work, but as it is they’re poor exploited victims with no choice, and no voice. And we all know how I feel about generalizations like that.

And it’s really arbitrary, when I think about it even further, because I don’t have a similar reaction to, say, yard workers. Maybe that’s because when I was growing up we hired people to do yard work sometimes? (Even though, for the most part, they were my parents’ friends.)

So, upon (over-)analysis, it seems like the first part of my guilt-like reaction is coming from a place of being low(er) class myself, and the second part might be coming from a place of relative privilege. Maybe. Does that make sense?

Thoughts, anyone?

More thoughts on the conference idea…

My working title: Sex 2.0. I realized a bunch of people have already been calling it that, so why not just use that as the name? It’s short, catchy, and plays off Web 2.0 in a way that’s slightly ironic. I like it.

Subtitle? It should be something more descriptive, but also catchy. I thought of, “Log on. Get off.” It’s cute, but I don’t know if it’s descriptive enough. I might be willing to make that sacrifice, though. After all, it’s damn near impossible to describe in one sentence a conference that covers so many intersecting topics.

If anyone has any other ideas, let me know. So far I haven’t gotten any! I’ll probably set up a wiki or something soon, to make this kind of thing easier.

Onto logistics…

Viviane brought up a good point:

One thing to consider. A bunch of us felt comfortable presenting at Dark Odyssey because there were no cameras or recording equipment.

Although I will be at Blogher, there will be no official events for the sex bloggers, because I personally am unwilling to out myself. I plan on organizing a private event for the sex bloggers.

Many sex bloggers have very valid reasons for not wanting to be outed - especially bloggers who work in the sex industry. I intend to respect these boundaries. Sex workers absolutely must be included in this conference. Sure, as a social media Kool-Aid drinker, I value transparency. But I also recognize that being able to take such a position is a privilege that many people do not have. I refuse to contribute, in the name of transparency, to the continued marginalization of sex workers. This will not be a conference where non-sex workers sit around talking for and about sex workers.

So how do we negotiate the balance between being transparent, and being respectful of the boundaries of people who wish to remain anonymous or pseudonymous? If it comes down to it, I will opt in favor of inclusion of sex workers and others who wish to protect their identities. Ideally, though, I would like it not to be a “one or the other” situation.

Rusty and I discussed a few possibilities last night. The first idea was, if this event is held in a venue similar to that of PodCamp Atlanta, where there’s a large discussion hall and several smaller break-out rooms, maybe we could make it clear ahead of time that the sessions in the main room will be recorded, and the others will be left up to the discretion of the session leader. However, I don’t think this is a realistic solution, because I want to follow the unconference model of discussion, and if the sessions in the main room are being recorded, some sex workers may not feel comfortable joining the conversation. I do not want their voices to be excluded, so that idea was scrapped.

The second idea was, instead of purely following the unconference model, maybe we could have some sessions which are discussion style, and some which are presentation style. The ones that are presentation style could be recorded. However, this is still not an ideal solution, because what if the presenter wants to leave time for questions and answers at the end? And what if the presenter is someone who does not want to be recorded?

Furthermore, neither of these ideas address issues of live-blogging and photos. To be honest, audio and video recording are not a ‘must,’ and we should probably address this more fundamental unconference behavior first. If people don’t feel free to live-blog, take photos, etc., then I really feel like, why have this conference at all? But again, I want to balance these things that I’ve come to value at unconferences with respect for people whose voices are typically not included at all.

I want to hear any input and suggestions y’all may have.

Also, the venue is still a major question. A big part of figuring that out will be determining how many people we think we’ll have. Maybe 200? I don’t want to over-estimate. I also don’t want to sacrifice intimacy for sheer numbers.

Many thanks to Viviane, Dacia, Sherry, Melissa Gira, Miss Beth, and everyone else who has expressed interest in this idea and is willing to help make it happen! I’ll probably set up a separate blog and/or a wiki soon. Stay tuned!

Real quick post about my burgeoning conference idea: What would be a good venue?

To get events like this rolling, having a venue is clutch. It’s all downhill (mostly) from there. I have no idea what type/size/location I should be looking for. The Miller-Ward House was a perfect venue for PodCamp Atlanta, but for this conference we’d probably want something a little less “old world.” Ideas? I know the guy who owns the Spring4th Center, but I have no idea what the inside of that space is like; I think it’s more of a nightclub situation. Guess I should just contact the guy and find out.

If anyone in/around Atlanta has thoughts on this, please leave a comment!

Shifting gears a bit…

Monday night is my graduation from level 2 pole dancing. I can hardly believe it! I can go sideways now, and climb the pole like nobody’s business (not without bruising the hell out of my foot, but never mind that).

I’m trying to decide what to use as the song for my routine. I’ve narrowed it down to 4 songs. What do you think? Leave your votes in the comments!

• Criminal - Fiona Apple
• Haunted - Poe
• Filthy Gorgeous - Scissor Sisters
• Casualty - Snake River Conspiracy

Here’s me with my certificate and garter after level 1 graduation…



It’s like karate, you get a different color garter for each level. Soon I’ll have a black belt garter in stripping.

I posted about this on the PodCamp Atlanta blog and the Google group, but so far no one’s answered. So I’m posting it here, too.

Any ideas for where we should have the Friday night (March 16th) dinner/happy hour? Manuel’s was the first place that came to my mind, but I’d like to hear suggestions of other places. So, Atlanta folks… thoughts?

Come on, people, share your thoughts. This is an unconference… meaning everyone is involved in planning, not just me!

Does anyone know, conclusively, the location of the biggest porn store in Tennessee? So far my source does not remember. Perhaps he was magically transported there via a rip in the space/time continuum. Anyway, as I’m sure you can imagine, Googling “biggest porn store in Tennessee” is absolutely worthless. Let me know if you know anything of substance about this highly important matter.