Being Amber Rhea

Poll

First posted on Twitter, and now posted here for wider reach…

Phones: Nokia 6126 vs. Sony Ericsson W810i – which one wins?

Verbal abuse is not free speech

Too tired to write a full post (I went upside down again in pole dancing class tonight!), so I’m just going to quote myself, from comments on the previous thread:

What I’d like to to write about in my next post is the cry of “censorship!!” and “free speech!!” that, predictably, always goes up whenever these assholes are called on their behavior. It amazes me that so many people are, apparently, ignorant of the fact (or, more probably, just don’t care) that ‘free speech’ refers ONLY to government. As in, the government cannot persecute you for expressing your views. Free speech does NOT mean you’re allowed to have verbal diarrhea anywhere, any time, with no consequences whatsoever.

WRT blogs? The ‘delete’ and ‘ban’ commands are there for a reason. I use this analogy often, but it remains accurate: if someone comes over to my house and shits on the living room floor, they will be unceremoniously kicked out, and don’t let the door hit ‘em on the way out. They can stand in the yard screaming their head off, but nobody’s going to believe they’re being persecuted. In fact, the cops will be called and they’ll be escorted away and charged w/ trespassing.

Instead of writing more on that specific topic later, I might leave it at that. Brevity can be a good thing!

Hate to post and run…!

I have a big long blog post on the way, which I thought I was going to have time to work on today, but alas, that’s not how the day worked out! Busy, busy, busy. So for now I’ll just quote ellenbrenna, via Belledame:

Here is a chart for you it is simple and easy to remember:

Stop being such an asshole.

Making the same jokes you made in the 7th Grade, when you are an adult interacting with other adults, generally makes you an asshole. So just stop it. If you don’t we are well within our rights to call you an asshole.

Contrary to what this adolescent “politically incorrect” popular culture might have told you that is not a worthy thing to be.

Oh! And, also, Bitch Ph.D.:

The voices of vulnerable people matter too. Maybe even more than the voices of those of us who aren’t easily intimidated. And let’s get something straight: what needs to happen isn’t that the recipients of death threats need to shrug them off. What needs to happen is that those of us who have a fairly weighty online presence need to say, in no uncertain terms, that threats and harassment and sexism and racism and homophobia and all that other offensive shit is flat-out unacceptable, both in real life and online.

Ah, crap, one more… from the always-quotable Belledame:

Hey, y’know what, sunshine, “free speech” does not mean “can say anything you damn please with no consequences or even disapproving response whatsoever.” I know that’s a really fucking difficult concept, but TRY to process it. ALL “free speech” means is, you cannot be prosecuted or persecuted by the State for speech, in word, print or (we interpret) any other media.

Yay for smart friends.

Alrighty. Gotta run. Might be out and about blogging/Twittering(!) tonight… then, back home, unpacking, for god’s sake.

Regional bias

Rusty already wrote about this on his blog, but there are a few things I’d like to say on the topic, as well. Not sure how long this post will be, because a lot of what I want to say, I’m not sure how to translate from the gobbledy-gook in my head to the written word.

I’m no stranger to anti-South bias, especially given the fact that when you spend a lot of your time online, you naturally encounter people from all over. Offline too, there’s plenty of it… I vividly reminder one time, sophomore year of college at NYU, a friend of mine launched into this diatribe that started with, “What I don’t like about the South is…” and he started rattling off a bunch of stereotypes. I stopped him and asked if he’d ever been to the South. He hadn’t. I tore him a bit of a new asshole, he admitted he was behaving like a presumptuous jerk, and we went to dinner.

So anyway, I know that stuff is out there. It bugs me, but not on a daily basis. But in recent months/weeks/days, it’s become a bit more pronounced in my vicinity.

Take PodCamp NYC, for example. I detected a fair amount of anti-South bias – the most egregious example, of course, being the guy who came up to Rusty and me and started a sentence with, “I don’t want to pre-judge, BUT…” – at which time, he proceeded to pre-judge like a mofo. He asked if since we were in Georgia, most of our podcasts were about personal stories and stuff (from “military spouses,” among others), not world events. He didn’t seem to think there was anything fucked-up about that question, and even seemed to be a bit amused with himself. There we were, real live dumb Georgia hicks for him to talk at!! Maw, get the skillet!

Then there was the cab driver who took us to the airport Sunday morning, who said “I don’t care about the South” and “I don’t like the South because it’s too slow.” Okay, first of all, the South is a pretty big region – even if you’ve never been here, wouldn’t you venture a guess that it’s not all completely the same? Secondly, just who the fuck does this guy think he is?

So those are two very in-your-face examples. But there was also plenty of it running just beneath the surface. That, of course, is the type that’s the most insidious, because you can’t point your finger at one specific thing and say, “See?? Bias!!”

I’ve had the feeling, for a while now, that PodCamp Atlanta wasn’t taken as seriously among the PodCamp elite (whatever that means, but bear with me) because it was, well, in Atlanta. My intuition is rarely wrong on perceptions like these, so I think it’s worth mentioning, at least. Never mind what a completely kick-ass event we had, full of energy and passion, with overwhelmingly positive reviews, not to mention making national news. It’s the South; so, obviously, not quite as good. (Or, I imagine, something along those lines.)

I want to be clear: this isn’t an accusation. It’s a statement of how I’ve felt, of perceptions I’ve had, and things I’ve picked up on; little things, here and there. Not that it’ll stop me/us from making my/our voice(s) heard. But it is… annoying, nonetheless.

Now, as for anti-South bias on a broader (ie, not just PodCamp-related) scale?

It’s possible to make observations about certain institutions of the South without reducing individuals to stereotypes. This is exactly the kind of thing we’ve talked about on some of the feminist blogs lately: critique and analyze the structure/issue; don’t make presumptions about individuals, sight unseen.

And, it’s very telling to me when self-identified progressives get squirrely about this WRT the South. I’ve seen some people practically fall over themselves to defend their prejudice. Because apparently this kind of prejudice is okay. (Reminds me of how quickly the mask comes off with some self-identified progressives when they’re called on racist or sexist behavior.)

No – it’s not okay.
And I/we/you should not have to put up with it as some kind of nebulous atonement, which is what the justification typically is.

… More to come, when Rusty and I record our next “talkie” podcast. For some reason, this is one of those issues that I can talk about more effectively when speaking rather than writing.

Input, please

More to come, but first…

1. I’ll probably end up getting a camera phone fairly soon. I don’t need something super snazzy (read: expensive) but I don’t want a piece of crap either. Any recommendations?
2. My blog’s fifth birthday is fast approaching. April 17 is the big day. It’s kind of painful, but I’m thinking that I may have finally outgrown – though I hesitate to use that word, but I can’t think of a better one – my homegrown blogging system. In commemoration of five years of blogging, should I move to WordPress? What do you think?

I need to blog about PodCamp NYC and general New York stuff, but that’ll have to come later. In the meantime read Rusty’s posts: PodCamp New York liveblogging and My renewed appreciation for the South. I have more to say on the anti-South bias topic. Suffice it to say for now, that shit pisses me off. No, it is not okay to stereotype Southerners, especially if you consider yourself “enlightened” or “progressive.”

Still waffling over whether to write a post about why I have heretofore not worked in the sex industry, and why I may yet need to do so, in some capacity. On a related note, I said somewhat smart stuff at Sherry’s MySpace blog.

And get a load of this, I am now using Twitter. You knew the day would come. We’ll see how long this fascination (of a sort) endures. Oh, and also? (Last thing, I swear). LibraryThing. Thanks, Dacia, for pointing me to a Web 2.0 thingy that appeals to both my J-preference and my literary nerdiness. YASP… that’s all I need.

podcampnyc

File under “Awesome reference material”

A few points, via Yolanda at The Primary Contradiction:

• You can be a hard-working, dedicated, self-sacrificing person and still have unearned privilege.
• White male supremacy is a system of power, not a moral failing or an individual flaw.
• Critique of privileged and/or oppressive behavior is not a personal attack.
• Resistance to oppressive bevavior is not a personal attack.

Thanks, Yolanda, for spelling it out so clearly. In the future, when dealing with asshats, I will refer them to your list (but maybe not your actual post, because it would suck for a bunch of asshats to get comment diarrhea all over your blog).

Read the full post, people.

Smart link dump

Here’s a bunch of stuff I’ve saved in del.icio.us and/or Bloglines, with the hopes of offering further commentary later (which might not actually happen). Money quotes included for your skimming pleasure.

• Briarpatch Magazine: Test your F.Q.: A sexism self-exam for men. “Men enjoy countless benefits from living in a patriarchal society. But we also suffer from the social and emotional constraints that masculinity places on us.”
• Sexerati: Degree Fetishism: The ‘Times’ Does College Sex Magazines. “We want to believe that there’s more to sex media than pornography, even if we can’t agree what pornography is. What is clear is that when sex media erupts that deals smartly with sex, old media doesn’t really know what to call it.”
• Figleaf’s Real Adult Sex: Baby, baby, sweep me off my feet? Maybe not. “He folds laundry! He cooks! He gets up in the middle of the night with children. He deals with stinky diapers. Big deal. Babysitters deal with stuff like that beginning as early as age twelve. So what should we make of an adult man who can do the same thing?”
• Feminist Allies: How Have You Spoken Up? “What have You done to speak out against sexism? This is addressed to people of all genders out there, but as I think that it’s important for men to address other men in this regard, this is especially for the men–when have you spoken out to other men against sexism toward women?”
• Astarte’s Circus: Madonna Whore Syndrome: Do Women Believe This, Too? “The message I picked up on was — it’s OK for women, in a passive way, to accept a pleasant benefactor who makes decisions about our worth and treats us like fragile, undemanding flowers. But it’s somehow trashy for us to own this as a BUSINESS, target a motivated and high-paying client pool, and control the billing for our services.”
• Ilyka Damen: Looking Beyond Myself, Without Fear. “As a white woman in upper middle class America, I can barely conceive of a life so desperate that my birth plan involves walking across a river and risking arrest.”
• PunkAssBlog: On Trolling and Punkassblog. “If a commenter treats the most basic elements of the shared worldview of a blog community with obvious disdain, s/he lacks respect for the site and its community.”
• Sexerati: I Heart Sex; Am I The Only One? “Why in every other aspect of our lives do we value the accumulation of experience, but decry sexual experience as evidence of being no more than some kind of sex object, or shameless exhibitionist?”
• Renegade Evolution: She’s Baaaack… Ren’s post about how porn is not the root problem wrt sexism, misogyny, and violent men. No money quote from this one because the whole damn thing is the money quote. Read it.

Okay, off to tie up a few loose ends before heading out to the TAG panel!

What is this “whiteness” you speak of

Thought-provoking post from Queer Dewd, who is (yay!) blogging again. I tend to agree with Belledame (comment #2), but this doesn’t negate QD’s points about race, privilege, and the difference between structure and individuals.

Anyway, I like what Fire Fly said (comment #1), because I feel like it nicely sums up something I’ve been struggling to put into words. Here ya go:

Whiteness trades on masking structural privilege behind individuality, so when white people are challenged on their privilege, therea??s an automatic sense that ita??s about them-as-a-person, their identity rather than their social position. Other types of privilege (middle-class and male privilege, mostly, but other types perform this ideological trick too) work by rendering their corresponding oppressions invisible too, as well as mystifying the conditions enabling that privilege.

Or, even shorter, if you want just the nut:

Whiteness trades on masking structural privilege behind individuality

Back to packing now. My apartment is in an upheaval. But soon it won’t be my apartment anymore!

Quickly

We’re moving this week, so blogging might be a bit light. There’s the general hecticness (is that a word? Firefox’s spell check doesn’t like it) that comes with moving, plus our internet access might not be set up at our new place right away. So consider this your warning. I wouldn’t want anyone to pine for my blog posts. </sarcasm>

Anyway, real quick… it appears I was tagged by Grayson. This meme is so open-ended that the only rule is “pick seven songs you like,” and that frustrates me. How to pick?? I decided just to put my aging iPod on shuffle. So here you go:

1. Crazy Bitch – Buckcherry (I know, this is everyone’s favorite song right now. Oh well. It’s mine too.)
2. Exhuming McCarthy – R.E.M.
3. Tired of Sex – Weezer
4. Horizons – Vicki Blankenship
5. Evil Eye – Elf Power
6. Show Me – Bree Sharp
7. Disconnect the Dots – Of Montreal

So there’s that.

Now. Seriously – do you guys think I should do this 365 Days thing? It seems cool but self-indulgent. Or, excuse me – cool AND self-indulgent! Look how awesome Lux Nightmare’s photos are. Ah, fuck, I think I’ll just give it a whirl. I’ll start on April 1… the official first day of living in our new apartment.

Tonight in pole dancing class, we’re going UPSIDE DOWN. I’m going to wear my kick-ass new stripper boots.

Also, go tell the guys and gals at The Loaf what’s up.

That’s all for now…

Bulleted list for a good Friday (but not Good Friday)

Just some thoughts that’ve been going through my head today…

• I am giddy with excitement about moving in with Rusty, in our awesome new apartment. He and some other strapping young men will be transporting heavy furniture this weekend, and I won’t even be around to get in the way. (More on that in a minute.) Shame, I know.
  
  
• As of yesterday, I had 1,500 photos on Flickr. (Now that I’ve posted this screenshot, I have 1,501.) Funny to think that less than a year ago I was totally opposed to using Flickr.

  
  
  I plan to post many more photos, especially my backlog of older photos, to Flickr when I get the time. I might even post some today.

• For a while now I’ve been toying with the idea of doing this 365 Days thing. On the one hand, it seems like a really cool idea, and I like the idea of documenting things in general – especially the personal. But I don’t know if I could really commit to taking a photo of myself every day for a year. What do you think? Would it be worthwhile?
• Tomorrow I will be flying up to Ithaca, NY (well, flying into Syracuse to be exact) to visit Niki and Jenny. The last time I was in Ithaca was SIX YEARS AGO (almost to the date!) during spring break; here’s what it looked like at that time:

  
  
  Six years ago. I feel old.

• Speaking of feeling old, yesterday Dacia posted a photo of herself that was taken when she visited me SEVEN YEARS AGO during her spring break. The accompanying post was very thought-provoking, and has inspired me to write something about my own struggles with body image… eventually.
• Thinking Girl has a good post about the conundrum of educating the privileged. There’s a difference between legitimate questions from people who genuinely want to learn (or are at least willing to listen), and a person with privilege refusing to recognize that their demands for information are a perfect example of what it means to have privilege.
  

  An example of male privilege: showing up at a feminist blog, a space of solidarity for those who support the idea that patriarchy oppresses women and that isn’t fair and want to see this end, not bothering to do any preliminary work to understand the theories and language that is used by the feminist movement, and demand that the blog host (or someone else within the community of feminists and feminist allies) do your work for you, spoonfeed you the theories, point you in the right direction, and otherwise educate you.

  I am feeling good today, so for now I’m going to be optimistic that things can change for the better!

• Also on the topic of privilege… check out how Sara has chosen to deal with her ignorant roommate: Fridge Against Privilege. Ha!! I love it.
• There’s a post I’ve been wanting to write about why I never did sex work, but honestly I feel too apprehensive about people’s reactions. Sometimes I feel like I’m not very good at conveying what I mean, so it might be taken the wrong way. And even if I take great care to choose my every word with precision, with a topic as loaded as this one, lots of people are bound to see it through the lens of their own opinions, experiences, and/or pre-conceived notions. Not sure I’m ready for that shitstorm on my blog. But perhaps eventually! (And perhaps it won’t even be a shitstorm!) We are focusing on the positive here, people.
• Finally, here’s another quote of the day, from Audre Lorde…
  

  Recognizing the power of the erotic within our lives can give us the energy to pursue genuine change within our world. Of course, women so empowered are dangerous. So we are taught to separate the erotic from the most vital areas of our lives other than sex.

This weekend, there might be airport blogging… unless I decide it’s silly to take my iBook with me on a day-and-a-half trip. And don’t worry, I’m not taking any liquid products in my carry-on bag!