Being Amber Rhea

I usually hate Gawker but this is hilarious and so true:

Quiz: Are You An Online Jackass?

I IMed Rusty the URL and told him I marked it for him in del.icio.us. I’m surprised that wasn’t on the list!

From Ren:

Every once in awhile I do go out and actually spend time with normal people…so I can remember why I do it so fucking rarely.

It’s because you suck and I hate you.

Ha!

On a totally unrelated note, happy Super Tuesday and Mardi Gras, whichever one’s your poison.

Back to work for me, now. See some of y’alll tonight at Amsterdam… yes, I’m coming out to the primary-watching-party, mainly to socialize rather than actually watch the primary returns. Coincidentally enough, I always have mixed feelings about going to these kinds of events, because I know there will be a lot of “normal people” there; but I’m going tonight because I know several friends will be there. And I will even brave it without Rusty… he’s sick. :(

About a week or so ago I saw that new Burger King commercial where they stop selling the Whopper and all the customers freak out. Naturally, the part at the end about “Burger Queen” set off my Über-Feminazi Victim Hysteria, and I thought about blogging or at least Twittering about it, but then never did. But Roy (whose blog always makes me think of the time Sassywho said, “Someone give me a penis so I don’t sound like a feminazi”) did, and therefore he is the source of today’s Quote of the Day.

“If Burger King doesn’t have the Whopper, they might as well call themselves Burger Queen.”

I mean… what does that even really mean? Burger Queen? Like, what, if Dairy Queen started serving a shitty burger covered in Thousand Island dressing they’d become Dairy King, but since they don’t, they’re just a Queen? It’s obviously meant as an insult, but I just don’t understand what the insult is supposed to imply- Whoppers are manly and if you don’t have them you’re a girl?

I guess it’s convenient that I think Burger King is shite anyway.

Read the whole post here.

Sometimes, the best way to make a point stick is to turn it around on the people who are being obnoxious with their “concern” and their entreaties to “examine” (but never to judge, no, never!).

Via Trinity:

WHAT CAUSES VANILLA?

How long have you been vanilla?

Are you sure that you’re not simply too nervous to submit or dominate because past traumas make you too nervous to relate to others on a truly intimate level?

Have you ever really examined your vanilla desires?

The vast majority of sexuality depicted in the media is vanilla. Are you sure your desires now don’t stem from not seeing alternate models much in the media?

How can you experience true intimacy with someone if you’re afraid to share erotic pain with them? Aren’t you missing something?

It’s really a shame that our screwed up vanilla-normative society ruined you like that.

Oh, I’m not telling you what to DO. I’d never do that. But it’s such a shame that you HAVE to.

Oh, I’ve been involved in some vanilla things myself, but I’m better than the rest because I realize that when the SMers say we should question, they’re right! I try not to get too involved.

I’m not trying to diss those who want to create egalitarian relationships for themselves, but it’s so played out and socially normative. I’m going to go create my own communities wherein we strive to create truly hierarchical relationships. It really saddens me to see people stuck invested in the same old eroticization of sameness.

When people tell me that I’m just saying all of this because my own proclivities are sadomasochistic it makes me so SAD. Don’t they see that this is BIGGER THAN THE PERSONAL?

Even I have vanilla fantasies now and then. It’s impossible not to in a society like this one. I’m not the enemy!

Not so much fun when it’s turned around, is it? In fact, it’s pretty annoying!

Reader “Jim” doesn’t like that I have password-protected posts. Heavens!

What intrigues me is that after you’ve openly discussed having sex at a swinger’s club, what aspects of one’s life might warrant a password protected post. After some thought, I’ve concluded the two go hand in hand. If I wanted to share a private thought with friends, I’d send an email. Heck, I might even pick up a phone. But if I were an exhibitionist, I’d do the blog-equivalent of “I’ve got a secret.”

You got a sweet theory, boy!

I emailed him:

I was going to respond to your rather nebulous post about me on your blog, but since you don’t have comments, I can’t. There’s a lesson in there about glass houses and stones, I think. If I cared enough to bother playing such a game, that is.

Sorry if you don’t like the password protected thing, but oh well, it’s my blog. It’s amusing to me that you think going to a sex club is OMG TEH MOST PRIVATE PERSONAL THING EVAR!!!!1!1! - as if real people’s real lives aren’t actually much more complicated than that. Perhaps for your next trick, you could post your full medical records?

Anyway, kisses, and thanks for being a fan. In the interest of transparency, I’ll be sure to blog this email, as well.

This is now completely recursive.

Transcript of a story told to me over IM… (Posted all in a row like this, it looks kind of like poetry, with all the line breaks. And that makes it even funnier.)

—

so my roomie was showing me stuff around the apartment
and he was like, “this is where my videos are
feel free to watch any whenever you want”
and then he gets this slightly sheepish look on his face
and he’s like, “um, there might be some porn in there.”
and i say, “i don’t care.”
and he rushes on, “it’s all softcore stuff, like playboy. i mean, there’s nothing hardcore.”
to which i reply, “well, that’s a shame.”
and he looks at me like i have two heads or something
and i’m like, “i really don’t care.”
and he starts stuttering apologies/justification
and i’m like, “really, I DON’T CARE.”
and he stops and he’s like, “so, what. women watch porn?”
and i’m about to fall down b/c i’m trying so hard not to laugh
b/c he’s SO sincere
and i’m like, “look.”
“one of my friends has been taking pictures to be naked on the internet…”
“and another sent me an email this morning asking what i thought about searching for a fuckbuddy on craigslist”
i REALLY DON’T CARE that you have porn.
“unless it’s tony comstock. then i care.”
…which he didn’t understand, but that’s probably just as well. :)
anyway
that made MY day.
first time he’s lived with a girl. :)

—

Heh.

[Cross-posted at Pro-Porn Activism]

From Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels, via Rachel Kramer-Bussel; and I’ll tell you up front, they were riffing off the AJC’s “Woman to Woman” column, which should prep you for exactly what kind of stupidity they were dealing with.

The funny thing is, the sorts of people who love to blame romance novels for the breakdown of the family are usually the ones who go on ad nauseam about the importance of personal responsibility, especially when it comes to social issues. Pregnant with an unwanted child? Gay? Brown and po’? SUCK IT UP, BECAUSE IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT TO BEGIN WITH, AND IF YOU TRIED HARD ENOUGH, YOU WOULDN’T BE ANY OF THESE THINGS. But once something like, say, violence in video games or the manly (but sensitive! Don’t forget they’re so sensitive!) heroes in romance novels rear their heads, they’re all for warning people off lest the poor, unsuspecting victims shatter their fragile psyches against the ramparts of oiled man-titty. As soon as blame can be attached to something that directly affects them, you won’t see a group of people so eager to pass on the buck. God forbid that the kids do awful things because they had shitty parents or because they’re being, y’know, kids, or that the woman left her husband because he’s a terrible spouse.

The rebuttal didn’t get my dander up quite as much as it did Sarah, but the derailment into Pornolandia made me raise my brow. I tend to question studies that claim violent porn increases propensities towards sexual violence–my gut feeling is that people who voluntarily seek out violent porn (not kinky BDSM stuff–I’m talking snuff porn and rape porn) on a regular basis probably are inclined in that direction to begin with. Linking causality for this sort of thing is incredibly tricky.

And all this clucking and flapping over female porn always makes me wonder: are female orgasms so terrifying? Seriously, why are people so damn worked up over women getting turned on and rubbin’ one out? Every time a woman masturbates, are TWO kittens killed instead of just one? I want to know, because I’d like to know how many kittens I’ve killed last week.

Sarah and Candy win at life.

Ha! Kevin at Slant Truth always manages to be smart and funny, while wielding an incisive no-BS wit that puts most to shame. I love what he says about his comment policy:

[T]he quickest way to get me thinking it’s time to ban you is when you start wagging on about free speech. Or as I said over at Ilyka’s, when someone (who am I kidding, it’s always some dude), starts yapping about how they “just want to have a discussion,” it usually means they want to be able to say stupid shit wherever and whenever they want. It’s a blog for chrissakes. The whole point is discussion. People aren’t getting pissed because you want to have a discussion. People are pissed because you’re being an asshole.

Check out my awesome new shirt.

Outtake for May 20 self-portrait

Originally uploaded by Amber Rhea.

I’ll be wearing it to pole dancing class tomorrow night.

That post title was the easy, obvious pun; I know. But I couldn’t resist.

The 2007 Masturbate-A-Thon is Saturday, May 26. The IRL event is in San Francisco (of course), but if you’re elsewhere in the world, you can participate from home. This is all on the honor system, people. And if you need to stay motivated? You can get a live video feed of the SF event, so you can watch competitions such as “Most Orgasms” and “Longest Squirt Distance.” All proceeds go to the awesome, extremely necessary Center for Sex & Culture.

Maybe one day Atlanta will be cool enough to get off its collective ass and host a corresponding east coast event. I know of a few groups and venues that would be ideal. Of course, maybe they’re already doing it and I’m just not in the loop. Honestly, that’s a more likely possibility than nothing happening.

Oh, and May 26 also happens to be the date of a party at a certain newly-returned Atlantan’s house. I’m just saying.

…and must remember to casually slip into conversation at some point.

• Scofflaws
• Inchoate
• Grimoire

(Pardon my split infinitive.)

Check it out: Literally, A Weblog was featured in the AJC yesterday. December 2, 2006, page D-1, “@issue” opinion section, subsection “Noted.” Pat has a color-adjusted hi-res scan of the page on Flickr.

Ha!! Email from Jenny:

All right… I just stumbled across a Charlotte Brontë quote that MUST be shared. Rest assured, I loathed Wuthering Heights back in the day, and the wordiness and melodrama below are reminiscent of why. Regardless…

———————-

The thought came over me: am I to spend all the best part of my life in this wretched bondage, forcibly suppressing my rage at the idleness, the apathy and the hyperbolic and most asinine stupidity of these fat headed oafs and on compulsion assuming an air of kindness, patience and assiduity? Must I from day to day sit chained to this chair prisoned within these four bare walls, while the glorious summer suns are burning in heaven and the year is revolving in its richest glow and declaring at the close of every summer day the time I am losing will never come again?

That just needed to be shared.

Today I noticed that some random Flickr user (usr?) had put a note on one of my self-portraits: “Extremely kissable.” I don’t know who this person is and it kind of creeped me out, but I couldn’t find a way to delete notes. Anyway, intrigued despite being creeped out, I decided to check out this person’s profile. He is “male, 34, and taken” - and belongs to quite a few groups with names that just must be repeated.

A sampling:

• WALMART PARKING LOT EXPOSED
• fuckr
• ProudOfMyManBoobs&Nips
• rate a dick
• Tribute to big areolas - amateur and natural only
• Cocks N Clits
• Naked and can’t stop
• fuck me in africa
• Legs, Sperm and More
• Soft, saggy, big hanging breasts
• Just a Boob
• Breast Decor
• MILF’s All Dressed up
• Nude cock I love it_womens only
• Megarump - the male big rear
• big girls bounce better
• Naked in/out your Car

It’s like a much funnier version of that scene in Clerks where Randall is reading through all the porno names while the mom and little girl stand there, apparently (we’re to understand) scandalized.

(Click for full size if your browser cuts it off.)

Via Scam City / Make your own!