Freewriting on privilege, class, inaccurate words, and frustration

Still so much I want to say about class and privilege and the feminist blogosphere… but no idea where to jump in or how to structure my thoughts.

Here’s a great post from the Feministing community area, by someone called Okra, that really illustrates the trap that the thread about Courtney was falling into. All Courtney’s critics were calling out her “privilege” but really what they meant was not privilege as we, activists, understand it. And we should know better, and be much better at avoiding falling into this trap. But apparently we’re not, because I see it all the time.

Privilege isn’t a personal failing. It’s not a character flaw. It’s not something you can renounce. It’s something granted to you by society. You don’t choose it. The term “unearned privilege,” which is used so much in these recent threads, is nonsensical, because privilege by definition is unearned. If we’re talking about something that was earned, then it’s not privilege.

Privilege is something you have to be aware of. Someone pointing it out is not a personal attack. It doesn’t make sense to take it personally when someone points out privilege.

We are all largely blind to our privilege; that’s the point. What we can do is work at becoming less blind to it. We don’t think there’s anything there at all because we don’t have to know what life is like in its absence! Example of privilege in action: a few years ago, a woman at work said, “I was dating someone [blah blah blah]…” and I replied with a question, “Did he [whatever else I said]…?” And the woman corrected me: “She.”

I wanted to kick myself – and I apologized. That was heteronormativity in action, straight privilege. Straight until proven gay… opposite sex as the assumed default partner.

I could’ve gotten bent out of shape and fallen all over myself to say I didn’t mean it… but who gives a shit? That would make me an asshole. Because it’s not about me. And intent doesn’t matter.

This is why I am consistently gobsmacked – though not really surprised, because it happens so often and is so damn predictable – when people have a conniption fit when someone says, “Hey, that was a racist remark” or “that was sexist” or “that was ableist” or whatever. And if anyone uses the P-word, they assume… well, what Okra said:

Do we have a better word than privilege? All words have multiple layers, but the potential for misunderstanding seems especially pernicious with “privilege,” which prompts a hearty “Not me!” from many members of the population. The idea of social privilege is far more subtle than its more popular meaning of pampered Rockefeller-type.

You acknowledge your privilege. You strive to be more mindful of it, and of the fact that not everyone is like you. You recognize that you’ll probably fuck up again, but you work to try not to. Because, of course, apologies are worthless if your behavior never changes.

But what’s been going down w/ Courtney isn’t, for the most part, people “pointing out privilege.” No, instead a lot of people are using that word because they know it’s loaded, they know how much of a hot button it is in the feminist blogosphere, and they probably surmise that it can be a way to say all kinds of assholish things and not be called out for being an asshole. Because, hey, they’re just calling out privilege. (Incidentally, it’s exactly this sort of thing that got me ousted from the walled garden a little over a year ago. Woe, I say!)

What’s tough is that we don’t have (or at least I don’t know of) clear language to talk about class that doesn’t at some point co-opt the word “privilege” and turn it into meaning “living a life of relative economic luxury.” There is such a thing as class privilege but I think many of us – myself definitely included – have gotten too lazy with that term, throwing it around when we can’t think of anything more appropriate.

But this goes back to what I said the other day; I’m getting more adept at it little by little, and finding Bitch|Lab a few years back was an epiphany; but I still largely lack the words to talk about my experiences with class. I firmly believe this is due in large part to Americans wanting to believe, with all our heart, that we live in a classless society, and doing whatever possible to uphold that fantasy – to the point where we can’t even talk about the reality because, well, how would we start? What are the words?

Basically, I’m sick of a lot of this shit. I’m sick of the hypocritical self-identified progressives, who cloak their own insecurities and fears in “calling out privilege” and “anti-oppression work.” I know how abusers manipulate and this looks all too familiar. I know that might seem over-the-top, but keep in mind I’m not equating stupid online drama with abuse, but saying, well, the patterns of behavior are damn familiar.

People make themselves look like idiots when they say things like, Jessica Valenti lives in a ritzy NYC apartment. What planet are they on?? Seriously, I wish somebody would explain to me on what planet freelance writers are living a life of ease and luxury, reclining on a daybed eating grapes and perhaps enjoying a mid-day mimosa. Yeah, having no health insurance is real glamourous. Having to constantly shop yourself around for one-off jobs that pay peanuts is real glamourous. Not knowing where your next paycheck is coming from or if you’ll make rent that month… the height of glamour.

I wish people would pull their heads out of their asses!

I’m sick of the constant policing of each other (which I refuse to partake in, but I’m talking about what I see others doing), of who gets to speak and who doesn’t, the hierarchy of who’s the most oppressed; yes, the Oppression Olympics. Just look how stupid it got on this thread. I have to be at work by 8:30! Oh yeah, I have to be there by 8:00! I make $15,000 a year – how low is YOUR salary, so I can make a judgment about how hard you do or don’t work??!! I bust my ass!! Oh yeah??

But I sure as hell can’t go in the other direction, because shit like this keeps happening, and if I have to read bullshit like “I don’t think I’ve ever found myself prejudiced against someone based on the colour of their skin, and I would certainly never put prejudicial thoughts into action” one more time I’m going to bang my head against a wall. It’s why I can’t read mainstream political blogs. Forget trying to call out sexism… it’s rampant… and no one does a damn thing, and if you say something, you’re a shrill militant ball-busting feminazi. Yeah, no thanks. How often have I been among mainstream political advocacy groups and felt beyond uncomfortable… where my brain was repeating, “Get out, get out, get out” because the moment you dare to present a different perspective, center gender, race, anything but white male straight cisgendered middle-class status quo, you’re ATTACKED. And issues such as sex workers’ rights and reproductive justice are certainly not discussed, because they’re not the IMPORTANT issues, like the war in Iraq and illegal wire-tapping. That’s what MATTERS, now shut up, little lady! Oh, and to the non-upper-middle-class among us: get a job, hippie!

Fuck THAT, too!

But I’m a capitalist, and as such, a lot of “activists” irritate me and I feel alienated. Certainly they are under no obligation to include me; I’m simply stating my experience. But the constant tearing down of anyone who happens to have a moment of success is getting real old. The feminist blogosphere in particular seems so intent on self-flagellating at every turn (as Apostate mentioned a while back), and including anything and everything so that we’ve diluted what truly is a feminist issue, and I just have no patience for it. Plus there are a lot of people talking out of their asses about shit they don’t know enough about, and everyone’s supposed to listen because they’re “not privileged” – even though we ALL are, in different ways, because privilege is a matrix, not a linear quantitative measuring system.

This post was just the latest last straw (yes, yes, I know!) and I’m so irritated I don’t know what to say about it specifically. Maybe I’ll come back to it later and try to make some sense. In the meantime, Octogalore has a good post.

But I know this: there’s a hell of a lot of conflation of “class” and “privilege” and “your life isn’t like mine and even though I don’t know shit about it, I’m assuming it must be way better” going on. I’ll never forget what Bitch|Lab said a while back: Class is not a sweater you take on and off. And I think that’s another thing people forget. You might be “middle class” now, in terms of income and net worth, but your background will forever color your perceptions of the world. You will understand things that people from comparatively comfortable backgrounds will not. It doesn’t make you automatically right about everything; but it means you have a way of approaching things that can’t be separated from what you know. Daisy called it class consciousness and I guess that’s it; and guess what else? Everyone’s interpretation of it will vary, too.

But some people seem to twist “class consciousness” into a persecution complex, and that, I have no time for.

Feb 17 2009 03:56 pm | Category: Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 43 Comments »

Give me a break!

First of all, I just have to say that Courtney has far more patience than I do. She has handled this shitstorm with way more grace and diplomacy than I’d be able to muster. Jesus!

Look at this, from a commenter called Whit, on Courtney’s follow-up post wherein she doesn’t even get angry at people feeling free to make a ridiculous caricature out of her.

I can’t bear to read most of the other comments, so I apologize if someone has said it before or better than I can, but much like male feminists, those with class/race/etc. privilege need to remember to center people who are less privileged at the heart of their work if they’re trying to be an ally.

That means, among other things, 1. resisting the temptation to try to ‘lead’ the discussion, work, committee, etc. Necessarily implied is 2. Listening to the voices of people who you are trying to ally with, and giving them more weight than those who share your privilege. 3. Try to emulate Courtney’s introspective thoughtfulness about your own privilege whenever you’re called on it.

The original ‘day in the life of’ post failed at #s 1, and to a lesser extent 2, in a big way. Perhaps it would have been better if you had just asked for different day in the life comments before posting your own. Oh well, c’est la vie. It’s certainly opened up a great conversation about privilege that we all need to have.

Are you fucking kidding me?? Her original post “fails” in 1 and 2? Well, hello, maybe that’s because it was a post about A DAY OF HER LIFE. How in the hell is anyone supposed to “center” other people when they’re writing about THEIR OWN LIFE?? It doesn’t make sense!

And really, just what kind of hairshirt is Courtney supposed to wear before everyone will be satisfied that she’s done sufficient penance for her “privilege?” (most of which isn’t “privilege” in the true sense of the word – again, falling into that old trap of not being clear on the definition – but a bunch of people projecting their own shit)

I agree w/ commenter Rachel:

I think this has sparked a useful conversation and debate on privilege, but I’m unsure as to why it began. Courtney simply posted a glimpse into a day in her life for people who are curious as to what how one of the Feministing blog authors and noted author spends her work day. She then invited others to do the same, thus giving others an opportunity to share their lives and struggles and demonstrate the ways in which privilege works for or against them, and instead, she was criticized for it. Courtney’s initial post reminded me of a quote by Muriel Rukeyeser… “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” The world didn’t split open, but it sure seems as if Feministing’s readers are divided.

…

I think that Courtney has always been frank of the ways in which she is privileged and, in turn, has used those privileges in a way that benefits all women, privileged and underprivileged. I guess I don’t understand what is expected of her here. She’s already cognizant of the ways in which privilege manifests itself and writes useful conversations about it and other issues that affect women’s lives. Should she quit her job? Choose Ramen Noodles over fruit? Give up her yoga class? And, is the fact that Courtney is privileged in some aspects make details of her life or her voice any less legitimate, interesting or valuable?

What if she did choose Ramen Noodles over fruit? Then she’d be a poser, which is really worse. And that’s exactly what Amanda said on Lauren’s first thread the other day. People pretending to be less fortunate than they are is pretty insulting – and yet too many of these Feministing (and elsewhere) commenters seem to be setting up a situation where there’s no other solution. Or, disturbingly, that the only thing that will satisfy them is for certain women (oh yes, there’s a list, because they know everything, based on superficial observations) not to write about our lives. And that FUCKING SCARES ME.

I think we’ve all met the kind of people who interpret everything as a personal attack. And I think we can all agree those people have ISSUES, and WE are not responsible for THEIR lack of boundaries. Courtney choosing fruit = “hey, that reminds me of ME!” Guess what? Not Courtney’s problem.

If any time a friend vented to you about something bad that happened to them, your response was, “Oh yeah? Well, you have privilege, so suck it up!” you’d be shitty friend. Offering a dose of perspective now and then is important, but so is knowing when that’s not appropriate or even irrelevant.

Feb 16 2009 03:27 pm | Category: Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Fragments of longer blog posts, condensed

ETA: Dammit! Left out one other link I was going to add. I am loving this post by Ginmar. (Yes, Ginmar! She and Ren recently laid down arms and acknowledged a common ground, which I find pretty darn cool.) She said I could quote from it extensively so here’s a big blockquote of truth-telling:

Here’s how a rape culture is constructed. A boy is born, and his dad hands him a football before the umbilical cord is cut and freaks out if anybody mistakes his kid for a girl. He teaches him how to be a ‘real man’ which means better than women, because to be a ‘pussy’ or a ‘fag’ is the worst thing in the world. The cartoons he watch features heroes and the stupid girls they rescue. The books he read feature boy heroes. The TV shows he watches are all about men, with women stuck cleaning house—just like Mom!—-or acting sexy and stupid. Sometimes he watches movies about how evil women are. He sees how his dad won’t do housework and leers at women, and hears how his dad’s friends joke about women, and ‘getting some’ and ‘gettng laid’ and winking and laughing at sexist jokes. When he gets to school, he’s surrounded by boys who have been taught the same lessons, and who teach him more. Girls ain’t shit. Girls are stupid, hos, trashy, slutty, easy, lying, worthless, whores, and the enemy. His coaches call his team ‘ladies’ and ‘pussies’ when they don’t perform well. He sees TV shows full of the same messages about women. Magazines are full of naked women. Everywhere he hears the message that women are sluts and it’s stupid for them to pretend otherwise. His friends talk about nailing women, getting a piece, and when they do have sex, they boast about it later and denigrate the girl. He learns lessons about getting girls drunk, working a yes out, and trains.

He never learns about the word ‘rape’ unless some dried up ugly bitch gives a talk about it in some assembly. He learns how to pinch and grope and fondle girls, and how teachers always yell at the girls for reacting or just ignore it. He learns how boys get to do what they want, because they’re boys, and girls have to obey the rules. Girls that resist are dykes, losers, queer, ugly, bitchy, need to get laid, and need to watch themselves.

His parents divorce, and his father calls his wife ‘that bitch’, and tells him never to get married. His dad says the gold digging bitch is trying to bleed him dry, but he was too smart for that. By the time he graduates from high school, he knows of at least one guy who’s put something in a girl’s drink, or forced a girl, or manipulated a girl, or threatened a girl. In college he learns how fraternities score with chicks, and how the key to success is knocking her out. Er, getting her drunk. He might study civil rights as a part of history—and maybe womens’ rights. Men are people. Women are…something else. He might respect other men, but women are just something to fuck. What do they need rights for? Why do they have to bitch so much? They’re only good for one thing.

And then we wonder why they sit there and watch a man set in motion his plans to rape a woman. He grows up learning how to rape but the only rape he knows is when a stranger jumps out of alley with a gun. He knows that women are stupid bitches who need to shut up already, and stop going to parties or wearing short skirts or drinking if they don’t want to ask for it, but what else are they good for? Fat chicks, ugly chicks, hairy-legged lesbos….those are worse than ordinary chicks.

If he doesn’t force women himself, he knows guys who have. He sympathizes, gets defensive, gets angry—at women. He makes excuses. He lines up with other guys at Take Back the Night and shouts slurs at the marchers. It’s a great joke. Bitches need to stop taking themselves too seriously.

Okay! Good night for real now.

ETA #2: Geeeez. :P I guess I had more stuff built up to post about than I’d thought! The latest GA Politics Podcast is up; listen here. Now, that’s it! If I think of anything else, I’ll do a separate post tomorrow. Or maybe get off my ass and right a full post about any of these half-formed fragments!

Jan 21 2009 09:26 pm | Category: Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Quote of the freakin’ decade

From Caroline:

Guess some people’s ideology is getting in the way of what I’m saying, eh? Guess what people think about sex work is more important than figuring out what’s going to be more beneficial for the women and their colleagues who are getting the shit kicked out of them for the job they do. “Men are pimps and abusers”, eh? Well that’s talk about that for a few hours, let me tell you you’re talking shit, I’ll let you tell me I’m talking shit. Because this is working. This is the plan – we’re going to debate shit, we’re going to figure it out in our heads if men are pimps and abusers, if it’s rape, if it’s gross, if it’s legal, what does prostitution mean? Tell me – Aria Giovani up there – she looks happy enough – is she? Does prostitution make sex a commodity? Is it work? Does it matter? Do you care? Are you not arsed? Are you wondering why the hell I’m bothered about a load of whores who know how dangerous it is anyway when there’s innocent women being killed?

Go for it. Tell me. Tell me right here in this comment thread what you think about sex workers / prostitutes / hookers / whores / prozzies. Tell me about your ideology, let’s debate the theory. A free for all in my comment thread. Do it. Just please, when I’m writing on this blog and elsewhere, if I’m talking about the practicalities, let people comment on the practicalities. Talk to me about the practicalities. Stop letting your preconceptions and ideologies rule my threads, you’re in the way, people argue with you, you shout back some more, and lo – I’ve lost my thread and sex workers’ safety and rights are put on the backburner.

Again.

You know, Caroline has really been on a tear lately with her posts about sex workers’ rights and in particular the situation in the UK with Jacqui Smith. I feel crappy for not posting much about it myself other than a blockquote here and a del.icio.us link there. I know a blockquote is still something, but seeing as how I think these issues are of paramount importance, I really should be doing more. I’m also not one for blogger guilt, though, so I’m not going to go on about it too long. After Rusty and I get this home-buying thing figured out (OMG I’M AN ADULT) I expect I’ll be back to blogging about these important issues more often.

Btw, if you’re a UK citizen, have you signed the petition?

Jan 06 2009 08:33 pm | Category: Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Red herrings

I have lots of things on my mind, personal stuff big and small that I’d like to blog about eventually but haven’t had the motivation just yet. In the meantime I decided to do a post directly confronting and refuting many of the things anti-porn/anti-sex workers rights bloggers have accused sex-positive feminist bloggers of saying. For the most part I don’t read the anti-porn blogs and haven’t for quite some time, because I realized it was a waste of my time and frankly I think most of those folks are off their gourds. When Ren posts the latest screed from Maggie Hays or Heart, I do read it at her blog. And I read a post at Heart’s where she linked to me. I don’t know that I had actually visited Maggie Hays’ blog before today, when I went to get some quotes from a post Ren had linked; all I can say is good god I’m glad I don’t read that shit all the time.

So you might ask, if I think these bloggers are so thick, why bother spending so much time now taking apart their accusations one by one? Well, it’s because even though they might just be random bloggers, there are plenty of people out there who wield considerable power who subscribe to the same ideas about sex workers. For example, look at what’s happening in the UK now with Jacqui Smith (Caroline has been all over this), and the new porn ban which was passed several months ago. Here in the US there’s a push for a “smut-free” internet (of which adults who don’t want a babysitter can opt out – at a premium, naturally), revisiting of the already heavy-handed 2257 regulations, a noted anti-”obscenity” crusader appointed as Attorney General. And, of course, Steve Gower and others like him continue to harass sex workers in cities near and far.

Below I’ve listed accusations that I’ve heard more times than I can possibly keep track of, in a wide variety of places. Further down the page I link to specific posts that anti-sex work bloggers have written and refute specific accusations in their posts. I can’t possibly tackle everything because it’s just too damn much. And of course while I can’t guarantee that no one, ever, in the history of the world has said one of these ludicrous statements, my point is that I have never heard or read anyone saying such a thing and it’s certainly not a “party line” of the sex workers rights movement, it’s a blatant misrepresentation of sex workers’ rights activism.

Each one of these accusations could be the topic of an entire post, so my responses will be short, meaning that I will not be able to cover every nuance.

The rest is below the cut because I’m sure it will get LONG.
(more…)

Dec 03 2008 11:32 pm | Category: Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

So annoying

I said it on Nikki’s blog but the comment is currently in moderation; and I know I’ve said it here and elsewhere before, but it bears repeating: I am absolutely fed up with people who think they get a free pass on assholery just because we both oppose the Iraq War, or we both voted for Obama, or we both think Saxby Chambliss needs to be ousted from the Senate. BFD! No, you do not get a free pass on sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, anti-sex worker bullshit, ableism, ageism, classism or any of the rest of it just because we pulled the same (metaphorical, at this point) lever on election day. That shit is never okay, no matter who’s saying/doing it, no matter if you agree or disagree on certain political issues with the person… NEVER. And sitting silently by and tolerating it is basically just as bad as saying or doing it yourself. Your silence is complicity. And if you want to be ANY kind of ally then you damn well better be ready to listen if someone calls you out on any of this shit.

Nov 28 2008 05:33 pm | Category: Blog | Tags: , , , , | 4 Comments »

I’m just going to quote this entire post…

…from Amanda:

Reading news about the presidential-pardon applications crossing Bush’s desk (he does not seem inclined to make many pardons right now), one caught my attention. It seems John Walker Lindh, who was picked up a few years ago fighting with the Taliban in Afghanistan, wants a pardon. He’s serving a 20yr prison sentence.

Deborah Jeane Palfrey (aka The DC Madam), was facing a possible maximum sentence of 55 years when she was killed/committed suicide (take your pick). She, of course, ran an escort agency/fantasy-sex service/prostitution ring (take your pick). Article-writers covering the story said she realistically faced anywhere between 4-15 years in prison.

All this over $2 million in income she paid taxes on, with a stable of consensual employees and a very consenting clientele.

And Lindh wants a pardon because his prison sentence is obviously a bit much for him. Perhaps he feels like the victim of a miscarriage of justice.

Justice. Suuuure.

Nov 24 2008 02:57 pm | Category: Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Comments Off

Google’s No Fly List: Racism? A-OK! Sex education? Not so much.

Today I saw Tony Comstock Twittering about something he called the Google “No Fly List,” and sending tweets about who was and wasn’t on it. I was reading Twitter on my phone when I first saw his tweets, so I couldn’t visit his links and find out exactly what he was talking about until I got home tonight. He put up two posts about the issue today, and another one earlier this week.

Turns out this is the same issue I had read about on ErosBlog in September. Somehow it had fallen off my radar though. Tony’s blog posts and Twitter updates piqued my interest again, and naturally I was curious as to whether I was on “the list.”

Apparently, I am. Hey, it’s official: I’m objectionable!

It’s not as if there aren’t search results for “amber rhea” or even “amber rhe” – but Google is specifically filtering them out of it’s auto-suggest feature.

Obviously the next person I tried was Rusty. He’s there… interesting!

Of course you can still get to any search results for any search term if you type in the full term and hit Enter. But that’s not the point here. The point is, why blacklist some search terms and not others? I think we all know the answer to that. “Objectionable” is code for “sexual.”

As Tony points out, racism is apparently just fine by Google Suggest; start typing in “stormfront” and you get no shortage of suggestions.

So then I started thinking, well, this is all very interesting, but let’s try a few other things to see if it really is specifically targeting sexual content as objectionable – not those naughty searches for porn, but information about sex.

Sure enough – start typing “sex education,” and it’s crickets from Google Suggest:

Similarly, “sex work” draws a big blank:

And the only suggestions that do show up for “sex” are very telling:

What’s important? Sex and the City. What’s objectionable? Sex education.

Things like this that some people would argue are minor or not a big deal are very, very revealing. It really shows where our collective priorities are. White supremacy? Eh, who cares. Sex? Oh god no!!

Nov 13 2008 10:40 pm | Category: Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments »

Nothing new under the sun

*sigh*

I never should have gotten involved in this conversation. I mean, I do want to engage with Hugo and other commenters who can be respectful, because I think it’s an important dialogue that is well worth having. But I knew it would end up going, well, the way it’s gone. Because these conversations always do.

Once again, we are not talking about labor rights for sex workers. Once again, the “sex” aspect gets the focus while the “work” aspect is swept under the rug. Once again, sex workers’ voices are NOT centered – they are cast aside as “minority” and unimportant, if even considered at all.

I really wonder sometimes… how can ANYONE read a thread like that and NOT see why those in the sex workers’ rights movement do NOT want to engage with many anti-porn advocates? Why sex workers, regardless of how they feel about their work, don’t have the time of day for those attitudes that treat them as “other.” Or even any of us who are sexual minorities in any way (which in this case means a pretty damn broad brush).

How can anyone read a thread like that and not see THE BIG FUCKING PROBLEM??

The whole thing just makes me feel profoundly sad and… icky, for lack of a better word. My sexual proclivities put up for debate and analysis, again. My commitment to feminism questioned, again. My motives doubted, again. LIKE I HAVEN’T BEEN THERE BEFORE. Especially with the first one… you think I haven’t been getting that since day one when I first acknowledged myself as a sexual being and refused to keep quiet about it??

And I’m not a sex worker… so I can only imagine what it feels like for women who are sex workers to attempt to engage in such an environment. Double, triple, or quadruple the condescension, dismissal, sneering and disgust that I feel, I’m sure.

Look at this, from commenter Faith:

I do not necessarily believe that any woman who engages in ass to mouth is looking to self-destruct. I do seriously worry about anyone who engages in ATM.

You “worry?” Oh, fuck YOU! I don’t need your paternalism! Oh thank you for “worrying” about me, because THAT really makes me feel like you see me as an intellectual equal!

And the pièce de résistance, from commenter matey (the “you” in the comment in Ren):

I defy any woman who doesn’t have some serious self destruct issues to relish the idea of ATM. And although I have no idea of the kind of porn you produce, if it is ATM or anything else that perpetuates the idea that bullying and physical abuse is ‘fun’ (I do not count personal records of BDSM in that) I would see you as a traitor not only to womanhood, but also to humanity.

Emphasis mine.
Just… wow.

THIS is the kind of attitude that keeps sex workers (and to a lesser extent, any openly sexual woman) seen as “other,” asking for it, able to be murdered and not missed, raped but it’s not really rape it’s theft of services.

And so it keeps on going… *sigh*

Oct 29 2008 10:21 am | Category: Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments »

This is what I’ve been saying… now WHY is it such a difficult concept??

From Superlagirl:

This bothers me: “Their first sexual experiences have taught them that their primary value in life is their body and what others want to do with it. Or they learn that they are dirty little whores and they might as well live the part.” I am severely uncomfortable with putting words in survivors’ mouths. When I talk about my experience, I speak for myself. When I listen to other survivors, I respect that they are speaking for themselves, which is a hell of a lot harder to do than just making arbitrary generalizations. Yes, there are certainly common themes that arise in the telling of these stories, but there are no universal truths. I am glad that you are concerned with the needs of adult survivors of childhood abuse, but please do not attempt distill the experiences of those who suffer from abuse-related PTSD to She Was Treated Like a Whore, and Now She Acts Like One. We might be damaged, but we’re still nuanced. (Generally speaking, of course.)

And now this: “Can a truly free choice be made in response to childhood trauma? We think not.” Really? So my choice to seek therapy wasn’t a free choice? My choice to pursue positive sexual relationships wasn’t a free choice? My choice to give birth at home wasn’t a free choice? My choice to raise my daughters nonviolently wasn’t a free choice? All of these decisions stem from my experience with abuse. I don’t really like the implication that I’m just some traumabot with no capacity for self-determination.

EXACTLY.

Or, more succinctly, Lia:

I’ve decided that saying that someone goes into sex work because they have been sexually abused is like saying that someone becomes a baker because their Easy Bake Oven burned them when they were a child.

Oct 01 2008 01:25 pm | Category: Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »
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