Being Amber Rhea

Ren gave me kudos for engaging on this thread; and frankly, I surprised myself by having the stomach for it.

Quote of the morning goes to Ren, commenting about this particular installation of hand-wringing. (It was hard not to quote her entire post!)

MAYBE for people with kinks or rougher preferences feminist sex includes being aware enough of what they like to ASK for it, do it, enjoy it, explore it WITH other CONSENTING ADULTS! Wow! There’s a fucking thought…

I’ll tell you what, I think the woman who has the spine to tell her partner “I want you to pin me down, choke me, fuck the hell out of me and call me names” is a hell of a lot more empowered sexually than the vanilla woman who lays there and thinks of England rather than telling her partner amid sex what she really wants…no matter what that is. The woman who says “tonight, you’re going to fuck me like an animal, and tomorrow, I’m gonna fuck you like an animal” is light years ahead of the woman too ashamed or afraid to say that. The woman who tells her partner she wants to tie them up, do them with a strap on, and smack them around is better off that the woman who takes what she is given because she is ashamed to mention she’d like to do that.

And I sure as fuck want everyone to examine why they think they can tell other adult consenting people how to fuck or that they are doing it wrong and why they feel they can shame them for it.

I’ll have more to say about this later, when I get a free moment.

Reader “Jim” doesn’t like that I have password-protected posts. Heavens!

What intrigues me is that after you’ve openly discussed having sex at a swinger’s club, what aspects of one’s life might warrant a password protected post. After some thought, I’ve concluded the two go hand in hand. If I wanted to share a private thought with friends, I’d send an email. Heck, I might even pick up a phone. But if I were an exhibitionist, I’d do the blog-equivalent of “I’ve got a secret.”

You got a sweet theory, boy!

I emailed him:

I was going to respond to your rather nebulous post about me on your blog, but since you don’t have comments, I can’t. There’s a lesson in there about glass houses and stones, I think. If I cared enough to bother playing such a game, that is.

Sorry if you don’t like the password protected thing, but oh well, it’s my blog. It’s amusing to me that you think going to a sex club is OMG TEH MOST PRIVATE PERSONAL THING EVAR!!!!1!1! - as if real people’s real lives aren’t actually much more complicated than that. Perhaps for your next trick, you could post your full medical records?

Anyway, kisses, and thanks for being a fan. In the interest of transparency, I’ll be sure to blog this email, as well.

This is now completely recursive.

This is an example of the concerns and critiques I have with the porn industry.

A porn actress Tuesday settled her wrongful termination lawsuit against an adult film production company, which she accused of firing her for complaining about unsanitary work conditions.

This is why it’s so crazy-making to me when anti-porn folks completely dismiss my position as “YAY PORN; IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MEN; I HATE WOMEN.”

Because, this is the kind of thing I am very concerned about, and this is where I think a truly sex-positive, worker-centered approach to change is needed. It’s not about OMG TEH SEKS, which is what many people seem to get hung up on; it’s about safe working conditions, and employment policies that are fair to both employer and employee.

This is the kind of thing that concerns me about the porn industry. It’s a workplace issue, not a “sex is so degrading” issue.

As Anthony said:

[This case] is one more example of how a progressive, sex-positive analysis of both the sex media and the talent responsible for creating it is so badly needed… neither the more libertarian Right “let ‘em do it and damn the consequences as long as they get paid” meme nor the radfem “Poor oppressed women, let us liberate them from their plight, even if against their will” doctrine can do much good to help those like Kira Kener who deserve the right to perform her craft on her terms.

For those who were (snidely) asking a week or so ago on a few other blogs, this is what pro-porn activism is about.

Nobody’s listening, and I’m feeling incredibly distressed. And now they’re talking about Melissa Gira needs a “smack-down” - without even taking the time to read the first thing about her or anything she’s written. Well FUCK YOU. Yes, YOU. People I thought I trusted are showing their asses BIG TIME and I’m disgusted with it. And no I am not linking to the thread in question, and too damn bad if you want to cry about it. Go cry to someone who gives a shit, because I am past caring.

…Post about last night’s Social Media Club event coming. It will be ranty. But, overall, I am really trying to stay positive, because there is a lot to be excited about! And don’t worry I’m not seriously seething with anger or letting it consume me or anything. BUT:

People on that thread I’m alluding to here? Fuck right off unless you want to actually LISTEN. (And yes, some of ‘em on that thread DO want to listen. But not all. Not by a longshot.) I do NOT like feeling backed into a corner.

Promoted from comments… I shall quote myself.
—

I am so sick of the “use your brains, not your body!” bullshit. Ya know… telling women to be ashamed of our bodies, and that only sluts ‘give it away’ or whatever the hell else, and if you aren’t ashamed of your body then obviously you have self-esteem issues… NO. JUST STOP. Because THAT is patriarchy too. Huge, ugly, nasty, PERVASIVE patriarchy.

There are some truly vile people traipsing around the internet (often hiding behind “anonymous” or other unidentifiable handles), and I am left in awe of some of the horrendous shit that they say. But it just goes to show, once again, that you can’t control other people. Especially when those other people are very clearly fucked. UP. As in, beyond-the-pale, springs-coming-out-of-their-heads, “what’s it like on your planet?” BATSHIT.

So, if it’s true (and it is) that you can’t control other people, and that some people are fucking crazy - what then? What to do?

Well, you ignore them if they’re obnoxious pissants, which most of them are. But what if (speculating here, as none of the particular people I have in mind fit this description) they have real power? Power to make decisions and do things that will affect your life in a very real way? What then? Resistance, yes, but… how?

I wish I had an answer.