Being Amber Rhea

US Pole Dance Championship highlights

I meant to post this weeks ago, but here you go… highlights from the 2009 US Pole Dance Championship, held March 15 in New York City. These ladies are truly phenomenal. I hope that one day with enough practice, I’ll have the strength and control to do some of the AMAZING tricks shown in this video.

Quote of the Day

From Melissa McEwan at Shakesville:

[E]very time someone asks me, greets my bellicose display of unreasonable expectations with, the exceedingly un-progressive question, “What do you expect?” I will answer the same as I always do: I expect more.

Of course the Republican Party is racist. What do you expect?

I expect more.

Of course lots of male bloggers are misogynists. What do you expect?

I expect more.

Of course some television show is homophobic. What do you expect?

I expect more.

Of course some feminists are transphobic. What do you expect?

I expect more.

Of course there are ablest jokes in sitcoms. What do you expect?

I expect more.

Of course there are fat-hating jokes in advertisements. What do you expect?

I expect more.

You can’t expect people to mess with iconic cultural images just to give a nod to diversity. It will upset people.

The fuck I can’t. I expect more.

I’m not ironically detached, I’m not apathetic, I’m not resigned, and I’m not contemptuous of bleeding hearts. I am a greedy bitch with voracious expectations, and I dream long and lustfully of a better world that is both my muse and objective. I want it like the cracked earth of the desert wants rain, and I will neither apologize for nor amend my desire because of its remove from the here and now; its distance encourages my reach.

Don’t bother asking me what I expect.

You already know the answer.

This this this this this!!!

Fragments of longer blog posts, condensed

• Almost the whole office watched the inauguration yesterday, packed into the two conference rooms to watch it on the big screens. Right when Obama was taking the oath, the CNN.com live feed crapped out and, in something not unlike irony, we had to switch to the FoxNews.com live feed.
• Inspired, etc.? Yes, I am all that. I just hope people don’t continue w/ their deifying of Obama. It unnerves me.
• White male progressive-identified bloggers will fall all over themselves to call out the most obvious forms of racism. But sexism? Now don’t be silly. No need to call that out, we can look past it, there are more important things, it’s a “difference of opinion.” Don’t go being some histrionic feminist about it, they’re pro-choice, what more do you want??
• Back to inspiration for a moment so I can try to focus on positive stuff – Lia inspires me. Check out her new blog. She’s been posting some of her sermons, and they rock. Who would have thought I would be saying such things about a Baptist minister? Funny how life is sometimes. I enjoy being proven wrong in such things.
• And here’s a question Lia might be able to answer – what is the difference between pastor, preacher, and minister? Is it just semantics? Are they synonyms, or is there an actual difference? If there is, I want to know when to use each one, so I don’t sound ignorant!
• I’m trying chamomile tea in lieu of Ambien. It definitely makes me feel sleepy but last night I still had a hard time falling asleep – it probably took me 2 hours. Rusty thinks I have subconscious performance anxiety about it. He’s probably right; just wish I could get rid of that.
• Rusty and I have a gift registry at Target. I linked it in the sidebar. After we move into our house we’ll have a big housewarming party where we invite people we know from different places and it’s awkward for everyone.
• Aspasia is still on a roll. Her blog just freakin’ rocks.
• And finally, speaking of people who rock, read this post by Jill Brenneman at Bound, Not Gagged. Now.

ETA: Dammit! Left out one other link I was going to add. I am loving this post by Ginmar. (Yes, Ginmar! She and Ren recently laid down arms and acknowledged a common ground, which I find pretty darn cool.) She said I could quote from it extensively so here’s a big blockquote of truth-telling:

Here’s how a rape culture is constructed. A boy is born, and his dad hands him a football before the umbilical cord is cut and freaks out if anybody mistakes his kid for a girl. He teaches him how to be a ‘real man’ which means better than women, because to be a ‘pussy’ or a ‘fag’ is the worst thing in the world. The cartoons he watch features heroes and the stupid girls they rescue. The books he read feature boy heroes. The TV shows he watches are all about men, with women stuck cleaning house—just like Mom!—-or acting sexy and stupid. Sometimes he watches movies about how evil women are. He sees how his dad won’t do housework and leers at women, and hears how his dad’s friends joke about women, and ‘getting some’ and ‘gettng laid’ and winking and laughing at sexist jokes. When he gets to school, he’s surrounded by boys who have been taught the same lessons, and who teach him more. Girls ain’t shit. Girls are stupid, hos, trashy, slutty, easy, lying, worthless, whores, and the enemy. His coaches call his team ‘ladies’ and ‘pussies’ when they don’t perform well. He sees TV shows full of the same messages about women. Magazines are full of naked women. Everywhere he hears the message that women are sluts and it’s stupid for them to pretend otherwise. His friends talk about nailing women, getting a piece, and when they do have sex, they boast about it later and denigrate the girl. He learns lessons about getting girls drunk, working a yes out, and trains.

He never learns about the word ‘rape’ unless some dried up ugly bitch gives a talk about it in some assembly. He learns how to pinch and grope and fondle girls, and how teachers always yell at the girls for reacting or just ignore it. He learns how boys get to do what they want, because they’re boys, and girls have to obey the rules. Girls that resist are dykes, losers, queer, ugly, bitchy, need to get laid, and need to watch themselves.

His parents divorce, and his father calls his wife ‘that bitch’, and tells him never to get married. His dad says the gold digging bitch is trying to bleed him dry, but he was too smart for that. By the time he graduates from high school, he knows of at least one guy who’s put something in a girl’s drink, or forced a girl, or manipulated a girl, or threatened a girl. In college he learns how fraternities score with chicks, and how the key to success is knocking her out. Er, getting her drunk. He might study civil rights as a part of history—and maybe womens’ rights. Men are people. Women are…something else. He might respect other men, but women are just something to fuck. What do they need rights for? Why do they have to bitch so much? They’re only good for one thing.

And then we wonder why they sit there and watch a man set in motion his plans to rape a woman. He grows up learning how to rape but the only rape he knows is when a stranger jumps out of alley with a gun. He knows that women are stupid bitches who need to shut up already, and stop going to parties or wearing short skirts or drinking if they don’t want to ask for it, but what else are they good for? Fat chicks, ugly chicks, hairy-legged lesbos….those are worse than ordinary chicks.

If he doesn’t force women himself, he knows guys who have. He sympathizes, gets defensive, gets angry—at women. He makes excuses. He lines up with other guys at Take Back the Night and shouts slurs at the marchers. It’s a great joke. Bitches need to stop taking themselves too seriously.

Okay! Good night for real now.

ETA #2: Geeeez. :P I guess I had more stuff built up to post about than I’d thought! The latest GA Politics Podcast is up; listen here. Now, that’s it! If I think of anything else, I’ll do a separate post tomorrow. Or maybe get off my ass and right a full post about any of these half-formed fragments!

People who inspired me this year

(an incomplete list)

• Amanda – She was featured in the CNBC prostitution special, and faced down Bill freaking O’Reilly! She also traveled to Nevada to see what life is like in a legal brothel there, and blogged it – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
• Catherine – When I grow up, I want to be like Catherine. Not that I’d describe her as “grown up” in the stuffy sense – and that’s the point.
• Caroline – Her coverage earlier this year of the new UK porn law, and more recently Jacqui Smith and the proposed revision to UK prostitution laws, have been amazing. She also started this pretty neat thing called the Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy.
• Elizabeth – To say Elizabeth is one smart cookie would be the understatement of the year. Her insightful, in-depth analysis of sexual politics and refusal to shut up are invaluable. And hers is one of the names on my short list of People I Know I Can Count On.
• Felix, Miss Pole Dance Australia 2008 (also Miss Pole Dance Australia 2006!) – It’s important to have goals and challenge oneself, and watching Felix dance provides both. Plus she has short hair like mine!
• Lia – I’m so glad we were able to meet in person. Lia is a beautiful person inside and out. Who would ever guess I’d become friends with a Baptist pastor, but life is funny like that. She reminded me that (to quote her Facebook profile) God is nicer than you think.
• Jenny – She trusted her gut and moved across the country for an opportunity that felt right. And back in July she dropped everything to fly to Augusta on a moment’s notice when I realized I needed someone else there to help me shoulder the weight of everything that was happening.
• Niki – For dealing with everything she’s been dealing with this year, with strength and grace. I’m glad we’re in touch with each other again, even if it’s not exactly the same as it used to be. But if relationships didn’t change and evolve there would be no growth.
• Octogalore – Her no-nonsense writing style and perspective on feminism provide an oft-needed reality check.
• Ren – She got burned (literally; that’s not a metaphor) but went to the Desiree Alliance Conference anyway, and she went head to head with Robert Jensen!
• Sherry – She deserves all the success she’s had this year, and more! She is a visionary in Atlanta and she’s managed to (as you kids say) “keep it real” all the while.

Again, this is an incomplete list. If I were to mention everyone who inspired me in every way, I’d never stop writing. This is going to sound like SUCH a cliché, and I’m even rolling my eyes at myself a little, but it’s true… the wonderful thing about inspiration is that it’s all around you if you are open to it.

Inspiration

I hope that one day I can be as amazing a pole dancer as Sam Remmer of the Art of Dance. Here she is competing in the 2008 Pole Divas Championships:

That reminds me: if you haven’t already, be sure to sign the petition to get pole dancing added as an Olympic sport in 2012!

Can I get a “hell yes?”

This inspirational post by Ren has lifted my spirits a bit.

You simply cannot say you want to help people in the sex industry if you deny them access to such simple and basic things, let alone legal rights, health and education resources, child care, and of course, their own voices. Not here in the really real world anyway.

I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll have to say it again: If you are against sex workers rights, then you cannot be, by default, an ally of sex workers. You don’t show people how much you care about them by assuring their legal status is often, in many cases, less than that of a house pet. And you can praise the Holy Trinity of Jensen, Dines & Russell as much as you want, but when those people have really done nothing to help actual sex workers where as actual Sex Workers Rights Organizations have – the types of organizations I see so often trashed by the fans of the trinity – well sorry, you are no ally, and…being my usual blunt self…you aren’t helping shit. In fact, you’re making it worse.

Because those people support the stigma. They support the illegal nature of some forms sex work and the “seedy reputation” of others. They hold up and play into a system which allows for “theft of services”. They support programs which deny basic things like condoms. They make it so prostitutes and other sex workers are afraid to report rapes, thefts, beatings…because under the world view they propagate, these people are criminals, messed up junkies, or full time victims with no agency. They aren’t, in short, real people…they are data points, book sales, and lecture tickets.

I am really looking forward to the fast-approaching Desiree Alliance conference! Woohoo!

Yes!!

From Apostate:

Back to my bosses… there’s something in their voices, a quality of how they speak when they are issuing orders, disagreeing, taking an antagonistic position. I believe it’s what people call “strident” when it’s coming from women and “authoritative” when it comes from men. And I’m serious: it gets me fucking hot.

I actually get a high surrounded by these strong women. What’s the smiles of men approving of my tits compared to the knowledge that kick-ass, strong as hell women have my back?

They don’t give an inch. They win arguments. They carry their points. They aren’t afraid of retorting sharply to the condescension of a man. They’re bitches. And you bet, they’re seen as such by most of the people they deal with, but damned if they care.

I’m learning. My voice has always, at times, acquired that strident quality but only if the situation was right. I still keep it consciously out of my voice very often because I have more superiors than juniors (as an aside, gaining worldly status – professional, ideally – is absolutely necessary to achieving full bitch status). But the bitch inside me is not very well-hidden. When I recently tried to tell one of my bosses that I was “easy-going” she gave me a funny look and then said, “Yeah, I get that a lot too,” and then we both burst out laughing.

I’ve noticed. You get old enough, you’re a woman – an intelligent woman – for long enough, and you become a bitch. There is no way around, unless people’s attitudes regarding powerful women change. Your voice and manner become strident acquire authority. People may not like you, but you get shit done, people do as you say and yes, you get respect.

Women like this inspire the hell out of me, too. I’m reminded of what my (awesome, female) lead business professor said in grad school, to my project group, which was made up of all women:

“A stern man is a stern man. A stern woman is a bitch.”

And I think most of us knew it by then, anyway – seriously, you learn it pretty early and it gets beaten into your head repeatedly – but coming from her, there was something inspiring about the way she said it. Yes, that double standard SUCKS and we have to continually fight to change it; in the meantime, though, I’ll happily be the ball-buster, the cunt, the bitch, whatever else, and anyone who has a problem with it can attempt to blow it out their tightly-clamped ass. It sure beats the alternative.

I’m also reminded of something Sassywho wrote a while ago. Her blog has since gone invitation-only, but I have a quote of it saved in an old post:

I am the Cunt who challenged your ideas in a meeting, and it even turns out I was right. I am the Whore who has slept with more men than your quota for a woman who deserves your respect, even if it is less than your number. I am the Fucking Slut who responds to your verbal abuse while I am bartending by making you wear that beer you just ordered.

I am the Bitch who wants equality in a relationship and refuses to be your mother. I am the Ballbuster who isn’t intimidated by your masculinity. I am the Wife that was not okay with your 15+ affairs, so I had an affair myself before I left. I am the Fucking Bitch who filed a restraining order on your ass and prosecuted you to the fullest extent of the law when you tried to intimidate me and my friends with harassment to keep me in the relationship. I am a Misogynist’s worst nightmare.

YES.

If you’re curious about the sex workers’ rights movement, READ THIS

I first read this amazing, powerful, inspirational post by Jill Brenneman a few weeks ago, but I rediscovered it this morning while combing through my feed reader.

It’s hard to find a portion to quote, because the it’s imperative that you read it in its entirety. Here is an excerpt, but please, read the whole thing.

But we are fighting for social justice, we are fighting against oppression, we are fighting for human, civil and labor rights for reasons and those are often being missed by the media or the messages are being hijacked by the prohibitionists and their misguided conflagrations and stereotypes. Prohibitionist researchers who were never sex workers and know little about them other than their 2 hour interviews with loaded questions slanted for desired results. I’ve been to the big prohibitionist conferences and the biggest topics tend to be the number of stars of the hotel rating, how disappointing the eggs were at the continental breakfast or that their hotel suites had bad color schemes. I’ve been to their conferences and been given the list of prohibited words, phrases and ideologies that will be stricken from the record if used and/or lead to expulsion from the conference. These are some of the reasons I left that movement in 2002. I’ve never seen that kind of garbage at sex worker rights meetings conferences, events, even if those same events are nothing more than a meeting at an unheated, poorly lit space that some other org is letting us borrow, with no meal service other than what we bring for ourselves, but we are there because we are working on issues, social change and fighting oppression. Not because we are being funded by the USDOJ to stay in Washington DC Hotels after having to suffer the “indignity” of flying in coach because the Government wouldn’t agree to pay first class as some of the suffering prohibitionists did in 2002.

I’ve never known a more passionate, tolerant, empathetic, and authentic group of people than I have met in the sex worker rights movement. There is a great amount of humanity in our movement. Let’s make sure media sees that. Yes I suffered in the sex industry and as a child. But I want to choose my own path, my own career choices, and determine the propriety of my own experiences not have them reframed as some prohibitionist based projects would do for me. We don’t need to be rescued, we need fucking rights and the people who best know this are the sex workers themselves, not the politicians, not the researchers, not the media.

Resolution

Generally, I’m not real big on New Year’s resolutions (although Rusty and I do have a joint resolution [har] this year to recycle more, and in fact I’m about to go to Target to buy some recycling container thingies), but Figleaf has a resolution I can definitely get behind:

Oh yeah, and *especially* for those of us who are heterosexual, as long as we’re exploring, let’s explore some new ways to be healthy, happy, and horny-together human beings without dragging quite so many misery-inducing stereotypes into bed with us.

Some Monday poetry

A couple of powerful poems for your enjoyment today…

I DESERVE TO BE SAFE
By Daisy Anarchy

I deserve to be safe
whether I am giving it away
or selling it.

I deserve to be safe
whether I am a nun in a convent
or a street corner hooker
in a run-down inner-city neighborhood.

I deserve to be safe
whether I am saving it for marriage
or selling it
at a price you can or cannot afford

If I am selling it
I deserve to be safe
regardless
of just how much of it I am selling -
be it only strip-tease, you-can-look-but-don’t-touch,
or good, old fashioned half-and-half, honey.

If I am selling it
I deserve to be safe
whether I am selling it to one sugar-daddy
or as many takers as I can catch.

If I am selling it
I deserve to be safe
whether I am selling it in the classiest brothel in the county
or on the street where the cheapest hos in town work.

If I am selling it
I deserve to be safe
whether I am the health food earth mother goddess whore
or the most desperate, strung-out junkie toss-up.

Anarchist though I am
I believe that I deserve police protection
whether I am getting paid
to teach your child kindergarten
or getting paid
to suck your dick.

I deserve police protection
whether I am your wife
or the hooker you see
when you tell your wife
you’re out watching the game with the boys.

I deserve police protection
regardless of whether I give it away
or sell it
because I deserve to be safe.

I deserve respect
whether I am your mother
who nursed you and changed your diapers
or the whore you pray your mother doesn’t know you’re with.
I deserve your mother’s respect too.

I deserve respect
whether I am in a nurse’s uniform
or a stripper’s pasties
or a hooker’s mini-skirt.

I deserve respect
for the hard work I do
whether I pay my rent
with money earned
working in the factory
or working on the street.

I deserve respect
for the hard work I do
whether I buy my groceries
with money earned
cleaning your house, building your house,
or fucking you.
My life is precious.

My life is precious
whether I am the daughter you cherish
or the hooker you fuck
who is only as old as your daughter.

My life is precious
whether I comfort crying children
or comfort the sick and dying
or comfort you sexually and emotionally.

My life is precious
whether I am the wife
who slept with only one man her entire life
or the hooker who loves her job.

My contribution to society is valuable
whether I am cooking you meals,
engineering solar power,
creating beautiful works of art,
or giving you sexual pleasure.

My contribution to society is valuable
whether I am dancing in the ballet
or in the sleaziest strip-club in town.

I deserve to be safe.
I deserve police protection.
I deserve RESPECT.
My life is precious
and my contribution to society is valuable.

Don’t be surprised
when I EXPECT
safety and protection and RESPECT
for I know
my life is precious
and my contribution to society
is valuable.

The souls and lives and dreams of 100,000
beaten, jailed and murdered prostitutes
are righteously avenged
and finally freed
with this hooker’s expectation
of SAFETY and PROTECTION and RESPECT,
and my knowledge
THAT MY LIFE IS PRECIOUS
and my knowledge
THAT MY CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY
IS VALUABLE.

Give this gift to yourself, beloved sister,
share this gift with our family.
With this gift of loving self-respect
righteously avenge
finally free
the souls and lives and dreams
of a weary world of
beaten, jailed and murdered prostitutes.

May we all live free
in the glory and joy of life
that every human being deserves.

FOR EVERY WOMAN
By Nancy R. Smith, copyright 1973

For every woman who is tired of acting weak when she knows she is strong, there is a man who is tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable.

For every woman who is tired of acting dumb, there is a man who is burdened with the constant expectation of “knowing everything.”

For every woman who is tired of being called “an emotional female,” there is a man who is denied the right to weep and to be gentle.

For every woman who is called unfeminine when she competes, there is a man for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity.

For every woman who is tired of being a sex object, there is a man who must worry about his potency.

For every woman who feels “tied down” by her children, there is a man who is denied the full pleasures of shared parenthood.

For every woman who is denied meaningful employment or equal pay, there is a man who must bear full financial responsibility for another human being.

For every woman who was not taught the intricacies of an automobile, there is a man who was not taught the satisfactions of cooking.

For every woman who takes a step toward her own liberation, there is a man who finds the way to freedom has been made a little easier.