Being Amber Rhea

Doing this manually tonight. The new del.icio.us release apparently threw a wrench in things. But, the new del.icio.us looks really nice, and my daily posting settings are saved, so we’ll see if it works tomorrow.

• Run like a girl | Sex In The Public Square
  “Physical variations are natural. With women we are putting a limit on acceptable physical variation because of an unsupportable belief that women must exist within a narrower physical range than men.”
• Feministe » Teh Laydeez Are So Cute When They Try To Blog
  “Does it surpries you one fucking bit that this article–about the business activities of women bloggers–is in the Fashion/Style section of the Times? Cause you know, anything women do is all about fashion and style, it’s not real manly-man shit like business and sports and technology.” About the recent NY Times piece on BlogHer.
• The Harm of Innocent Ignorance - Community - feministing
  “It was frustrating to watch him designate himself as normal and two men as being out of the norm. As well as assume that everyone else at the table held that same view.”

• Tears for an Anonymous Teenager | Sex In The Public Square
  “This rips my guts out. It’s horrific that such violence against non-strictly-heterosexual people occurs so frequently, but this wasn’t just some random religious fundamentalist. This was a young woman’s own grandmother.”
• taking it all the way: the evolution of a sex-positive feminist « Sex Geek

• Capitalism Bad; Tree Pretty: Privilege
  “I absolutely think that everyone has a responsibility to not use the privilege, and power, society gives us - over people we know. But you can’t give up privilege as an individual - you can just fight to end it by working collectively.”
  to privilege
• CSS hacks series
  Hacks for various browsers. Via Rusty.
  to css hacks webdev reference tips howto
• Men! Feminism needs you! (Not your privilege…) - The F-Word
  “You don’t get to pledge allegiance as an ally and then walk off and pretend that’s good enough. Being a feminist and a decent person is more than just fulfilling some really low standards.” Advice for men commenting on feminist blogs. A must-read!
  to feminism men women blogs blogging allies privilege advice Reference gender
• The Erotic Review: Axis of Evil « Bound, Not Gagged
  “Here’s a big, fat, cherry-flavored FUCK YOU to all those who feel compelled to perpetrate the hooker-as-social-deviant myth while happily profiting from the very thing they seem to despise. There’s a revolution on the horizon, and it’s wearing ass-kicking stilettos.”
  to sexwork rights advertising internet assholes
• season of the bitch » “I’m not that kind of girl”
  “Because we’re all that girl and I think we owe it to each other to support each other. Not because women are always right … but because these ideas are used to separate us, make us judge each other, make us hurt each other.”
  to language women relationships feminism
• Melissa Gira » Blog Archive » I Don’t Care What You Look Like When You’re Not Fucking
  “This is my obsession: that all writing about sex is taken as an authoritative voice because the vacuum that ought to contain hundreds of voices is still so deafening and boring”
  to sex sexuality writing privacy identity

del.icio.us is so weird. Sometimes the auto-post feature just randomly stops working for me. And then it’ll start working again, just as randomly, a few days later. (It obviously hasn’t done that yet, on this particular occurence.)

• Bastante Already: The R-Word: Part Four
  “‘Retard’ is never okay, anymore than ‘fucking faggot,’ ‘dumb Pollack,’ the k-Word, the n-word or any other hate speech words are okay. Why folks still refuse to accept this remains beyond me.”
  to language important assholes words
• Pocochina Shines « The Apostate
  Need to come back and write about this later.
  to hillaryclinton election2008 sexism feminism sad
• Renegade Evolution: Patient Zero, it’s time for your Examination…
  “I think the thing to do in furtherance of ‘feminist sex’ is to equip and empower women to speak on their sexuality, as defined by them, and get them to say what they want, don’t want, and help them do it, if they choose, their way- whatever way they want.”
  to feminism sex sexuality women fsc
• the ch!cktionary - Sorry if that wasn’t safe for Lamont.
  “But somehow, I doubt that the silence on the religion issue is because everyone concurs. I think sex is just easier to get upset about. I write about sex. This is not a new thing. If you’re checking my blog, it’s pretty much at your own risk…”
  to sex writing blogging bloggers
• Sex and the Ivy » Quit gawking. It’s just sex.
  “But even those who despise me find it hard to look away or to bite their tongue or to not personally intervene and yell ‘NO YOU ARE WRONG’ Think about that for a second, and tell me: which one of us is captive?”
  to sex writing sexuality women doublestandard internet identity
• violet blue ® :: open source sex | all things bonked
  “I was pretty shocked to hear such an uninformed and markedly biased view about female sexuality come from NPR. But even though the world has significantly, demonstrably changed I guess no place of thinking is exempt from carrying forth dated values about women and sex.”
  to sex sexuality women porn
• Sex Trade: How the New York Times missed the latest escort scandal (valleywag.com)
  “On Monday night at the Webby Awards, New York Times staff accepted their prize with the words, ‘Eliot Spitzer we thank you.’ Covering hooker drama went well for the paper last March, and the obsession still moves them.”
  to sexwork media msm annoying stereotypes
• How to Write Good by Michael O’Donoghue
  Ha!!
  to writing funny
• Melissa Gira » Blog Archive » On the Internet, Sex, and Going Public
  “I hear every day how nobody wants to look ‘unprofessional’ and ruin their career over an offending photo or rumor. I am starting to forget how to understand that.”
  to blog privacy sex identity sexuality blogging life bloggers feminism internet tech web
• Renegade Evolution: Double Standards, different views & dichotomies
  “And on the dichotomy theme, much of this goes back to the men as animals/women as gatekeepers one…which fucks with us all. Yet I still think women, by in large, suffer more for being sexual at all than men do.”
  to men women sex sexism feminism sexuality society stereotypes stigma doublestandard fsc

del.icio.us links by hand again…

• Honey, I Want to Sleep With Other People
  How to start a conversation about opening your marriage.
  to poly monogamy relationships sex
• Renegade Evolution: “Vanilla Privilege”
  “What do you think of a woman sitting next to you on the subway at night if she is wearing a collar? What do you think of the guy in the locker room with heavily pierced genitals? What do you think of the woman who does gangbangs on the weekend?”
  to privilege sex sexuality awesome Reference stereotypes society kink stigma
• The Pervocracy: Like sex? Dare to talk about it? UNCLE TOM!
  “First of all, not everything in sex-positivism is readily acceptable to society. I’m pretty sure that my posts about getting cut up in bed or embracing the sexuality of fat people aren’t winning me any mainstream-patriarchy popularity contests.”
  to fsc awesome sexpositive sexuality sex feminism women assholes blogs blogging
• sunflower_p: This Is What a Feminist Looks Like When She’s Really Cheesed Off
  “Y’know what offends me more than overtly sexist jerks? … It’s men who use feminism as a camouflage, or even a justification, for their own sexist entitlement.” YES. Those guys make me fucking batty.
  to feminism assholes men women privilege gender hypocrisy
• La Libertine’s Salon: SATC: the Movie: critique on Pandagon.net
  “I’ve had far too many people, male and female, assume that my awesome application of Lancome mascara and lipstick precludes my ability to be intelligent and self-determining and possess genuine self-confidence.”
  to feminism fsc stereotypes satc women gender
• Uncool: On postmodernism and medical rape
  This post is amazing. Caroline, you’ve outdone yourself.
  to feminism rape healthcare violence women men society abuse assholes
• Letters from Gehenna: The World on a Slant: Examining Desire
  “As people said in various places in this blowup, a penis in a vagina is a penis in a vagina; it’s sex, it’s normal/natural/biologically common/whatever, it doesn’t have an ideology. The meaning is something that people create, attach, ascribe.”
  to fsc sex sexuality feminism
• Lumpesse - Sex and Pizza
  “But, you will say this is objectifying, how can you compare yourself to a pizza that can be ordered up and delivered to anyone with a credit card? Here is the important thing to keep in mind. The sex worker isn’t the pizza, he or she is the chef.”
  to sexwork awesome fsc reference sexuality

del.icio.us auto-posting randomly decided not to work again today (they really need to do something about that!) so here are my links for today, the old-fashioned way. They’re in chronological order instead of reverse-chronological order (as if you care).

• Feministing - Why the Mann Act expansion is bad for women
  Contributed by Juhu Thukral, Esq., the Director of the Sex Workers Project at the Urban Justice Center in New York City. She has been an advocate for the rights of immigrant women in the areas of health, work, and sexuality for over 15 years.
  to mannact sexwork trafficking law women feminism america government
• sunflower_p: TIWAFLL - One of the (Many) Reasons I’m a Sex-Positive Feminist
  “Anyone who sees female sexuality only in context of how men respond to it, as if it had no existence outside that context, is - intentionally or unintentionally - reinforcing the ‘women as sex class’ paradigm, not subverting it.”
  to sexpositive sexuality sex fsc gender society feminism
• FUNKY BROWN CHICK | sex. dating. relationships.
  “I shared a bed with two people at the same time, and it was fun. So, I wrote about it. Period. I was gonna write about it again with more details, but then I noticed aftershocks I wasn’t sure how to interpret.”
  to sex writing women sexuality assholes men relationships blogs
• Renegade Evolution: You know, I think the feminist thing to do would be to stop telling people how to fuck….
  to feminism sex sexuality stereotypes men women annoying fsc … 12 hours ago
• Same-Sex Couples Offer Insight Into Gender and Marriage - NYTimes.com
  No shit, sherlock!
  to marriage relationships
• Renegade Evolution: Running, Sexism & Normal People…
  “I betcha half naked red running shorts man doesn’t have to put up with that shit.” SO TRUE. Everyday sexism rears its ugly head yet again… and again… and again… (not to mention the dumbass commenter at comment #1).
  to sexism assholes annoying society feminism men women gender bullshit doublestandard
• F-Words: Ew, a tampon!
  “It’s only because people assume that professional people and people in public are going to be men that I have to spend my Coke money on a tampon in a vending machine.”
  to menstruation assholes women feminism work
• Hen living at McDonald’s finally captured - CNN.com
  to funny chickens news

Geez, that Balticon/Baltimore post is never going to be finished, is it? I should just admit it. It’s been over a week now FFS.

Anyway, here are some photos instead:

The Baltimore light rail uses the same system as the MARTA Breeze machines.

Showing off my Balticon program participant badge.

Rusty and me at the 80s party. Photo by Regina Lynn. We didn’t look nearly as bitchin’ as she did. In fact, we didn’t dress up at all, but at the last minute Regina encouraged us to make do with popped collars and tight-rolled jeans.

Downtown Baltimore. One day, I will go back, so that I can visit all the museums I didn’t get a chance to visit this time around: Public Works (we got there at 3:45 but they closed at 4:00!), Dentistry, Urology, and Historical Electronics.

Jenny demonstrates the shortness of doorways in Little Italy.

Public Comfort Station. This is my new favorite euphemism. It took me a few seconds to realize what it was when I first saw it.

No idea what this was, but we stumbled upon it and obviously had to take a picture.

The audio from three of the panels I was on at Balticon is now up, as well:

• Erotic Podcasts and Sexy New Media
• Don’t Be That Guy - Advice From the Women of New Media
• So You Want to be a Sex Podcaster?

Of course, this weekend we were in Columbus and other small Georgia towns. Video forthcoming… Rusty is quite the video artist!

Me, I’m feeling sick and hoping I’ll feel well enough to make it to pole dancing class tonight. :\

Doing it by hand again… grrr… stupid del.icio.us auto-posting not working. (I even enabled the visul editor so it wouldn’t take so damn long; hence, tags included!)

• $pread Blog » Cambodian Prostitutes Suffer From New Laws
  “Is anyone surprised to learn that an evaluation by the US State Department, self-appointed watchdog of the entire world’s sex economy, is behind these new measures? Once again, we encounter the insidious habit of conflating prostitution with trafficking.”
  sexwork news world trafficking exploitation
• village voice sex naked city - What use are sex worker stereotypes?
  “I realize that the stereotypes are based in reality, and because of that, they are excellent for feeding agendas. The anti-sex work side needs its forced victims in order to have a cause. The moral crusaders need their wanton, devious sluts in order to have a cause.”
  sexwork stereotypes
• Sex workers aligning with drug dealers to threaten Polar Bears and Eagles « Bound, Not Gagged
  Heh. Bonus points for use of the word “skulduggery.”
  sexwork activism
• The Phnom Penh Post - Brothel busts drive sex workers underground
  “But advocates say that new legislation enacted in February to curb trafficking and sexual exploitation has really only given authorities a license to rape and rob…”
  sexwork world news exploitation police law
• I Support Flag-Burning « The Apostate
  “Tell me again why anybody’s beliefs deserve ‘respect’ when they use their beliefs to persecute others - routinely.”
  beliefs oppression world
• Astarte’s Circus: Sexism: More Publicly Acceptable
  This is a wonderful post. I totally agree w/ Octogalore here. Why do women continually self-sabotage? “There are not many people of color who have a problem identifying as anti-racists, the way women have issues with the ‘F’ word.”
  feminism sexism women gender society
• Sexy Spring V - June 13,14,15 2008 - Blegen Hall » The Sexy Spring Collective
  “Sexy Spring is a radical, sex/body positive sexual education skill-share and conference focused on exploring the ways sex, sexuality, gender, relationships, communication, health, our bodies and our choices affect our lives…”
  sex sexpositive conference minnesota interesting
• the strangest alchemy - Dear people who cannot *cease* with the Hillary-mocking
  YES
  assholes bullshit annoying politics sexism hillaryclinton election2008
• season of the bitch » Slut.
  “Just as I don’t need permission from a man to be sexual or not, I don’t need permission from women, either. I thank feminism for teaching me that, and for teaching me to center my own desires, not those of men.”
  feminism sex sexuality women men gender stereotypes doublestandard language sexwork
• Part One - Dissecting the WordPress Import/Export Format: Categories « TechFold - Bold tech & web commentary
  Reference post via Rusty. He’s going to help me finally import my old custom database into Wordpress!
  wordpress xml howto tutorial
• Art with a Capital A | The Art & Business of Making Erotic Films (Comstock Films)
  “We live every day with the possibility that we will be deprived of our livelihood, our property, our freedom because somewhere someone in a position of power might ask this question about our films, and then answer as they see fit.”
  art film adult erotica porn government stereotypes society culture important awesome

My del.icio.us links didn’t auto-post again. :P So I’m doing it by hand again…

• Regina Lynn’s SexRev2.0 » Blog Archive » Balticon42: Reign of the Nerds
  Love the pics :)
• Uncool: Those Kinky Goth Girls
  Interesting post, unfortunately only got to skim it, will re-read in more depth once I get back home. But Caroline always rocks!
• season of the bitch » Kink week, eh?
  “All sexuality is subjective. We should know that by now. But the religious right types and the anti-porn types don’t want to give us that freedom to know what we want, to experiment, to figure out which pieces fit and which should be discarded.”
• BOINKOLOGY | A Right To Infidelity?
  “We’d also be better off if we talked more, and more openly, with our partners, communicating our needs and finding workable solutions (which may or may not involve opening up the relationship).”

Insert sophomoric joke here about “commentary on briefs.” Hey, I can’t help it; Dacia’s excellent Naked City interview with Sadie Lune reminded me that I once had my photo taken on Ho Plaza:

Anyway, somehow I’ve ended up with 7 items pinned in Bloglines again. Oh, bother. So here’s some stuff I wanted to talk about at greater length:

• porn law follies (from Open Source Sex)

  Violet Blue explains some of the profuse idiocy that is Section 2257. If you don’t know much about 2257, don’t care, or (especially) if you think it’s a good idea because who would want to repeal it except sickos who dig child porn, you should definitely read this post. Money quote, emphasis original:

  You know, I’m really in favor of laws that make sense when it comes to kids, adults and porn. Too bad we don’t have any.

• Oh, the irony (from Mistress Maeve)

  I could really relate to Maeve here. I’ve experienced that feeling of revealing something to a sex partner (a fantasy, desire, preference, etc.) and having them not respond positively, and feeling utterly crushed and embarrassed - and of course, with my annoying idiosyncrasy of crying at inopportune times, having the tears sting my eyes. And I don’t think there’s any shame in that - it shows that we’re human, and when we open ourselves up and make ourselves vulnerable, as you have to do with sex (even casual, no-strings-attached hook-ups require a certain level of vulnerability; all sex does), deeply-felt emotions are on the line. Especially living as we do in a sex-negative society that has told us all along that our desires are wrong and bad and shouldn’t be discussed in “polite company.”

  So, really I think it’s good for those of us who advocate for sex-positivity and open, healthy communication in relationships to have experienced that kind of thing, because it helps us remember that this stuff is hard - but so worthwhile.

• Previous Posts Revisited (from $pread Blog)

  An excerpt will speak for itself for this one:

  For instance, when Lyderson claims “the vast majority of young women in prostitution are controlled by pimps and suffer worse conditions in terms of violence, number of clients and lack of autonomy the longer they stay in the trade”, what is actually meant is that the vast majority of prostitutes in the DePaul study fit that description, and this is a study of only 100 women. Similarly, when she goes on to talk about percentages (”58 percent of women were transported to different locations for prostitution”) it would be equally true to say simply “58 of the respondents were transported”….but “percentage” sounds more dramatic and substantial than providing the actual number.

• Booty 911: Butt Pimples B-Gone! (from Naked City)

  I pinned this post as a reminder to myself. I am so ordering this product.

…okay, there are others I want to mention, but I’m too damn sleepy to write anymore. Bed beckons.

Manually-created del.icio.us links list, because the auto-post didn’t work today… grrr…

• Amanda Brooks & The O’Reilly Factor | Callie Simms
  “I agree, talking to the media is not a no-no. It should be a welcome opportunity if done in the right context - to educate, make distinction and give knowledge. But how can that happen when mainstream media won’t even consider a different perspective?”
• Hating Women is Not Feminist | season of the bitch
  “Comparing Hillary Clinton to Miss Havisham or Hitler is not feminist, nor is it proving your point. (And on this one, especially, there are plenty of points to be made without resorting to gender-based bashing.)”
• The Jaded Hippy: Third Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy
• elle, phd: I Know I’m Cynical But…
  “…when I heard Michelle Duggar was pregnant with her 18th, I thought, ‘Mmm, if that was a woman of color pregnant for the 15th time, I think the media coverage would be a little different.’”
• Sex Work, Escort Burn-Out and The Economy | Callie Simms
  “I see an alarming trend that I have found from reading between the lines that girls are living off savings and compromising their values/safety in order to keep their homes, feed their kids or just live.”
• Lessons in Sex Work Podcast
  “My Experiences and conversations as a former sex worker and adult entertainment professional in Los Angeles. … I seek to separate fact from fiction when it comes to being a woman in the adult industry.”
• $pread Blog » You Stay Classy, New York Post
  “Six women who work at a New York dungeon are facing prostitution charges. How does the ‘New York Post’ handle the story? They publish names and ages, of course, of all six of the women who allegedly offered sexual services.”
• Seven Days Blogs: Mistress Maeve: You want to do what? Where?
  “But frankly, sex is messy and imperfect — and so are our genitals. Let’s lose this idea of ‘perfect’ when it comes to our bodies and just have some fun, shall we?”

(I’m not adding all the tags. That would take forever.)

Be sure to stop by Caroline’s first:

• UK Criminal Justice Bill Clause 63 - but what is “extreme”? - A Beginners Guide - Seriously, if you read no other post, read this one.
• Kink

Ren also has several posts:

• It’s late, I can’t sleep, and I am obsessing over this new UK porn law…
• Head,desk…headdeskheaddeskheaddesk!!!!!
• Content Regulation and Porn Laws

A few from SnowdropExplodes:

• “Honk if you like kinky pictures!”
• The Day They Came To Arrest The Book
• If the government could read my mind, they’d ban it.

A hodgepodge of others:

• Polyamorphous Perversity: On the UK’s new pornography law
• Sex, Life & Frilly Bits: Return to 1959 & ‘Obscenity in the UK’, or How to Create a Blackmarket
• Pro-Porn Activism: “Extreme Porn” Banned in U.K.
• Aiken Area Progressive: Blatant display of censorship in the United Kingdom
• The Strangest Alchemy: On Graham Coutts , and why the UK anti-porn law was not the answer

Detritus from my “Stuff to Post” label (with my notes to self, where included):

January 4, 2006

• http://davemerrill.livejournal.com/310920.html
  Maybe reference in post about ATL intown neighbhorhoods, addressing homeless problem, etc… (also idea of “yuppies”?)

February 21, 2006

• AJC women-to-woman porn thing
• UGA Beer class
• For the CSS blog - CSS3 selectors - http://www.evolt.org/article/CSS3_The_new_Frontier/17/60319/ and http://www.456bereastreet.com/archive/200601/css_3_selectors_explained/

February 26, 2006

• The Top 10 Clues That You Are an Amateur Blogger
  Hmmmm…

March 16, 2006

• Objectification (expand on this in detail)
• Newspaper usage of gay and transgender
• C Loaf transdude story
• Nikki’s rant about contraceptives and “men’s rights” BS
• Gender and blogging - also the implicitly sexist remark on the referring blog about blogging tools being “tricky” - http://a.bunchof.us/2006/03/14/gender-and-blogging/

August 29, 2006

• Interesting comment to blog about

November 27, 2006

• Interesting:
  

  Is it a white liberal American thing this fallacious idea that there are always two equal sides to an argument and that the answer or the truth must lie somewhere in between, thus everybody must have their say in every forum? It certainly seems to be a popular belief on those blogs that give a platform to anti-feminists to air their views.

  YES and I should probably write an essay about it. “Free speech” and “the right to hold an opinion” have been entirely misunderstood in this country, I think. And of course, there are never ONLY two sides, and the ‘truth’ is NOT necessarily in between.

  The right to free speech is NOT the right to speak everywhere, all the time, and the “right to an opinion” does not mean opinions cannot be debated or examined - or ignored.

  Some people seem to be really insecure about their opinions, and yet want them protected: as though they were like body parts they were dissatisfied with, but do not want to be teased about. Of course, one shouldn’t be mean to people about such things, or about experiences they’ve had … but that is a very far cry from deciding or not to engage someone’s opinion, or to disagree with it, or not to give it weight.

  People do NOT understand this, it seems, and I think it is some sort of ideological effect - and control mechanism - “free speech” gets twisted around to mean censorship of free thinking, if I am being clear.

  (Comment by profacero at http://womensspace.wordpress.com/2006/11/24/trolls-and-anti-feminists/)

  [Ed. note: From Heart's blog, aaahhhh!!!]

August 2, 2007

• http://saraspeaking.wordpress.com/2007/07/07/what-kind-of-friend-are-you/
  

  Since the gist of the thread is about whether a statement has to intend to be sexist in order to actually be sexist, we have the following quote:

  Assuming that there were no hard feelings intended from the offender how do you make the offender aware of what he has just said? Who wins when it’s largely a difference of opinion?

  “who wins?” That’s your problem right there. This isn’t about winning or losing. This is about you having said something that offends/hurts someone else, and whether you’re going to continue offending/hurting them by arguing about the offense, or whether you’re going to apologise and attempt to make amends. In short, whether you’re going to be hostile or friendly.

  Frankly, I don’t think you’re a very good friend at all if you’re going to take the former route. Denise has a good analogy:

  Say you’re sitting at a table with several friends. You stretch, and unintentionally hit the person next to you in the face, hard. Is the correct response to berate the person who has been hurt for leaning forward, or is it to apologize and keep greater awareness of your surroundings? Nic’s response has been telling the person who has been hit to stop being so sensistive and continuing on in ignorance. Intent is a part of what matters. Your friend would likely find the anger at being struck easier to let go of once he or she knew it was an accident. BUT that the injury was unintended does not make the injury go away. A failure to apologize and an insisitence that you are in the right when you injure people because you’re not paying attention makes you look like a jackass.

  Exactly. Not meaning to do something doesn’t undo the fact that it has been done. I didn’t mean to overdraft my bank account, but that sure as hell doesn’t change the fact that I’m a couple hundred dollars in the hole. I didn’t mean to hurt my friend’s feelings, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is, in fact, hurt. And I can either argue — oh, oops, I mean “have a difference of opinion” with her as to the state of her feelings and the justification thereof. Or I can be a friend, apologise, and kiss and make up.

Some of these links might not work anymore. I haven’t checked. Now I can clear out that label, though!

I don’t overuse the “pin” feature in Bloglines Beta; I use it strictly to keep track of stuff I want to read later, re-read in while paying closer attention, or blog about. So whenever I have more than 3 or 4 pinned items, I start to get antsy.

Currently I have 7, and they’re all posts that I’m brimming with Strong Opinions about, but at this rate I don’t think I’ll have time to write in-depth responses to each of them. So, link round-up cop-out it is!

• Antidepressants don’t work (from Uncool)

  Yes, once again, some Very Important Organization or other has released a results of a study that supposedly proves that anti-depressants are worthless. Hmm, if that’s true, then why are there so many people (myself included) who, whenever this shit happens, stand up and say very loudly that anti-depressants most certainly do work?

  I don’t understand why anti-depressants’ effectiveness needs to be proved or disproved. Tons of people are living proof that they do work. (Sure, we can study how or why - but if? That’s not a question.) I can say with 100% assurance of no hyperbole on my part, that if it weren’t for anti-depressant meds, I would not be alive today.

• Teenagers as Sexual Beings (from Miss Nomered)

  I found this blog a few weeks ago, I think via Ren’s, and reading it makes me feel hopeful about the future and the up-and-coming generation. When I was in high school, blogs didn’t exist, but I did keep a journal (I even kept it on my computer for a while, in SimpleText!) and I wrote about all kinds of stuff. I like to think that if I’d had a blog, it would’ve been similar to this.

  Anyway, the post about teenagers being sexual beings reminded me of my fourth year at TIP. There was a girl in my class who just seemed to exude sexuality. I think she was a year younger than me, which would’ve made her 15. I remember her talking in class one day about being frustrated with how adults don’t want to admit that teenagers are sexual beings and are not children. The rest of us in the class were nodding in agreement.

  I don’t know why adults tend to get so weirded out at the idea of teenagers having sexual feelings. Do they not remember being a teenager themselves? And ya know, admitting that teenagers are sexual beings doesn’t mean you’re saying you want to have sex with them! Get over it!

• Media and a Sex Worker (from After Hours)

  My heart goes out to Amanda, with everything she’s been through lately. And this post, just… well, at the moment I can’t really put my feelings about it into words. But it really struck me, maybe because I feel like I can relate to Amanda after reading a lot of her writing and identifying with some of her experiences and feelings? You should just read it. Here’s an excerpt:

  A definite downside is that I’ve attracted the attention of every shock-jock in the country, it seems. I’m a chance for them to use as many dirty words on the air as possible and a chance to score points off me. Seems women are only fodder for men’s lame sex jokes. I’m done with these shows. No more. ‘Course, it’s actually easier to screen clients than screen radio stations (they tend to be misleading about the nature of their show, of course).

  Or there’s an accusatory tone that would not be there if I were a client. Men get a “wink wink nudge nudge” thing when paid companionship is discussed. Women are branded and I bring out the self-righteous prig in everyone. The only explanation is that there must be something wrong with me. Being female and openly sexual means I’m off my rocker; something to be either pitied or reviled.

  More infuriating, they think they know everything about sex work (escort work in particular) because they believe every stereotype they’ve ever come across. This makes them an “expert.” Which makes me wonder why they bother to have me on. None of my interviewers have yet to actually admit to having experience as a sex worker — only me. Yet apparently I’m not to be believed.

• 5 Tips for Hot Menstrual Sex (from Naked City)

  I’m so glad Dacia wrote about menstrual sex! And I have immense respect for Furry Girl and Trixie for their menstrual sites (well, and for their general awesomeness). This post is informative, sex-positive, body-positive, menstrual-positive… all-around positive! Which is really something, since menstrual sex is typically either not talked about at all, or talked about with “OMG ewwww!!!” histrionics that you would expect maybe out of middle schoolers but certainly not adults, and yet here are adults acting as if getting your period is the most disgusting thing that could ever happen to you. FAIL.

  This post, however, gets the WIN stamp.

• “Please, anyone can do what you do…” (from Renegade Evolution)

  I hate when people act like sex work isn’t real work. Especially when they use snark quotes - “sex work.” Here’s what I said in a comment on Ren’s post:

  I think this whole “anyone can do it” thing is totally reactionary and full of projection. Because the same people who say that are usually the ones who are talking about how awful and degrading it is… so, therefore, NOT anyone can do it, right? It’s a contradiction, which leads me to believe they don’t have an actual argument.

Okay, there are two others I have pinned, but they both deserve longer write-ups… especially Caroline’s post about the new UK porn law. Holy crap.

Feministe » Feministe Feedback: Being a Feminist Boyfriend

The discussion here has me thinking about some of the pretty damaging stuff that happened during my marriage, a lot of which I didn’t recognize for what it was until much later. I look back on the times he would “tease” me for, you know, not wanting to live in a filthy house like a damn slob, or accuse me of “nagging”… that stuff was really harmful to me. It makes me so angry, to this day, thinking about how it has affected me.

The “equal partnership” thing is important for the sanity, agency, and self-respect of both partners in a heterosexual relationship. It’s something that takes work, not just lip service. And yet so many guys still fall short, and as women thanks to our socialization, we don’t speak up because god forbid we be perceived as “nags.” Disempowering much?

The Barefoot Bum: Whining and complaining

On a similar note, here’s another word that’s often used to knock down legitimate arguments (especially from women): whining.

The portion I quoted in del.icio.us from the above post sums it up: “What’s the difference between a complaint and a whine? Why is objecting to ‘nappy-headed ho’s’ a legitimate complaint, but objecting to ‘Take out the garbage’ a loser’s whine?”

Boinkology: Sexploitation In Anti-Drug Ads Isn’t Normal… No Wait, It Is.

How fucked up is this ad? There are so many things wrong with it, I hardly know where to begin. I suppose “blaming the victim” would be a reasonable start, though.

Astarte’s Circus: I am a feminist

Octogalore explains why disavowing the label “feminist” is harmful. I agree, and I could ramble on this for days!

But, for now, back to bed with me. I need more Aleve Cold & Sinus. It seems to be helping. (Fingers crossed.) I want to be able to go back to work tomorrow, dammit!

I meant to post this sooner; but, as they say, better late than pregnant. Our AC was on the fritz this weekend, which meant a lot of time spent away from home (a 95° apartment is no place for me), and a lot of sleeping once the AC was back in action.

BlogHer recap posts from people I met there:

• AAG: