Being Amber Rhea

A classic from my teenage years! (Longer post coming later on music and messaging from the 90s, inspired by Sarah and thoughts that have been percolating for a while.)

I can’t do nothin’, girl, without somebody buggin’
I used to think that it was me, but now I see it wasn’t
They told me to change, they called me names, and so I popped one
Opinions are like assholes and everybody’s got one

I promise it won’t be Liz Phair every time. (Maybe just most of the time.)

I never cry out loud,
I keep my tears to myself
But I woke up one day and I found my life had left me for someone else.
I guess it must be unhappy with me…

I figured if I’m going to post music with any sort of regularity, I should come up with my own regular title instead of ripping off Sara and Griftdrift with “Mood Music / Songs in my Head” as my title.

I want you to know I love you;
You’re my favorite thing from the past.
And all of those nights we spent together,
I never had such a blast…

Anyone could tell you were my instrument, he said, I understand you,
You wanna play me.
Everything about us had an innocence,
But everything around us was changing.

Each is relevant for a different reason, and viscerally reminiscent of a particular time in my life.

“Chopsticks” - Liz Phair

I met him at a party and he told me how to drive him home
He said he liked to do it backwards
I said, “That’s just fine with me,
That way we can fuck and watch TV.”

It was four a.m. and the light was gray, like it always is in paperbacks
He asked if I liked playing jacks
I told him that I was good to sixes
But all hell broke loose after that

I told him that I knew Julia Roberts when I was twelve at summer camp
We didn’t say anything after that
I dropped him off and I drove on home
‘Cause secretly I’m timid

“Fool’s Gold” - Bree Sharp

My head is heavy and bent like a crane
The wrecking ball blues are coming again
And Latham says, “Babe, you know life is a ride”
But living’s no fun when you’re dead inside.

I pierce myself to wake up my veins
I’d pierce my heart if I thought things would change
I’m just like a skin that’s been stung and restung
The campfire songs that are sung and resung
For a girl of my age why am I so numb?

I’ve been chasing a lie I was sold
Running down thieves and fool’s gold
These Christmas dreams are just painted coal

I’ve been swallowed up by greed, I’ve been spat upon by lust
If they ain’t playing with your money, they’re playing with your trust
And I’m trying so hard to stop sitting still
To gather the juice that’s been spent or been spilled
Find a spark in myself that hasn’t been killed
‘Cause if death doesn’t get you, then life surely will.

I’ve been chasing a lie I was sold
Running down thieves and fool’s gold
And these Christmas dreams are just painted–

We’ve been chasing a lie we were sold
We’re running down thieves and fool’s gold
And these Christmas dreams are just painted
Just painted, just painted, just painted
Coal

Talk about an early frost.

(Couldn’t find a video for this one.)

Carry on.

…and current recipient of iPod repeat-button abuse is: “I’m Glad I Hitched My Apple Wagon To Your Star” by The Boy Least Likely To. You should download it. It’ll cheer you up.

And now I’m glad I hitched my apple wagon to your star,
I never would’ve got here if I’d followed my heart,
I didn’t think much of it ’til I took it apart,
I’m glad I hitched my apple wagon to your star.

One of my favorite Liz Phair songs, “Shitloads of Money,” contains the following line:

It’s nice to be liked, but it’s better by far to get paid.

Now, if I may alter that slightly to reflect my own (current) views… hence:

It’s nice to do cool stuff, but it’s better by far to get paid.

And now, to completely butcher it beyond recognition…

It’s nice to do cool stuff, but it’s better by far to get paid to do cool stuff.

That’s the ideal scenario, anyway.

Apologies to Liz Phair.

Melissa posted some Of Montreal lyrics, because she is apparently my counterpart in DFW, or I am her counterpart in ATL. So, here are your Of Montreal lyrics of the day, from me to you, in love.

Penelope

Penelope shoot the apple off my head
I need to go to the store
to get some sleep.
Because I’ve run out of sleep.
The row boat came so David stopped arguing with a mime
and waved his arms like wheat.
But when he tried to speak
the Prince of Plum fell through the roof of his mouth
and handed David an envelope.
Inside was a letter that read, ‘Sir, you were given this envelope by mistake please disregard it.’

Nicolynn shoot the candle off my head
I need to go to the store
to get some beets.
To rub all over my feet.
Andy’s joke reminded Gerard
that his sloth balloon was owned by Turkish moths.
Gerard’s Lebanese boss had sent him out on business
giving his word that he would keep it looked in the safe.
But it was all deceit
cause once he had the sloth balloon
he traded it to the moths
for a lithograph of “Lady Lamenting On A Lawn Chair”.

What interested Balabanoba
was building complicated French machines
designed to better enjoy the duchess,
and she him.
He helps her in the stirrups then he straps himself in
they spend their days in heights of ecstasy,
but wait.
Why then does she look so sad?
Why is her countenance so glum?
Does she tire of mechanical hands
or is she pining for the fair Prince of Plum?

Lulubird shoot the doorbell off my head
I need to go to the store
to get some treats.
For Gothe, Becket and Keates.
The characters of the “Gay Parade” formed a boys choir with Static and the Red King.
But whenever they sing,
all postal workers simultaneously whisper to themselves the word ‘calendar.’

Well, I finally found it: the MP3 and lyrics of the song I’ve been seeking ever since Thursday night. After getting charred with a laser (another story for another time) in Alpharetta, I met Cari for dinner. When we walked into Quizno’s, they were blaring this kick-ass song, which sounds like it’s from the 70s but is actually from last year: “Take Your Mama Out” by the Scissor Sisters. Go get the MP3 (no, I’m not posting a link; I’m not as brazen as Thomas) and rock the fuck out.

Gonna take your mama out all night
Yeah we’ll show her what it’s all about
We’ll get her jacked up on some cheap champagne
We’ll let the good times all roll out

I have a spring in my step today, as they say.

I know some of the reason why. But otherwise it seems to be just a random Good Day. (I’ll spare you the gratuitous Dr. Dre Ice Cube reference.) Love it when these come along; I don’t question ‘em. Sure is better than a random Shitty Day.

Music note: Caring is Creepy by the Shins is my new favorite song. Here are a few lyrics:

Hold your glass up, hold it in.
Never betray the way you’ve always known it is.
One day I’ll be wondering how
I got so old just wondering how
I never got cold wearing nothing in the snow.

I’ll write a real post later, stay tuned.

(Wow, I am becoming quite the frequent blogger… maybe Patrick and Dave and their ilk are starting to influence me subconsciously…)

Everclear, “I Will Buy You a New Life”

Here is the money that I owe you
So you can pay the bills
I will give you more
When I get paid again

I hate those people who love to tell you
Money is the root of all that kills
They have never been poor
They have never had the joy of a welfare Christmas

I know we will never look back

You say you wake up crying
Yes and you don’t know why
You get up and you go lay down
Inside my baby’s room

I guess I’m doing ok
I moved in with the strangest guy
Can you believe he actually thinks
That I am really alive

I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
Yes I will

Yes, I know all about that other guy
The handsome man with athletic thighs
I know about all the times before
With that obsessive little rich boy

They might make you think you’re happy
Yeah maybe for a minute or two
They can’t make you laugh
No they can’t make you feel the way that I do

I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
I will buy you a new life

I know we can never look back

Will you please let me stay the night
No one will ever know

I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life

Tonight I drove to Borders. -Okay, first, a note of clarification: I spent the afternoon with Niki’s mom. We had lunch at Fazoli’s (yay!), then went to a new Super-Target, and then to her office at Time Warner Cable to clean out the refrigerator (sp?) in the staff room. And get this, she let me borrow her *car*! She said I can have the Passat until Monday night! (One of the first things she said to me when she picked me up at the hotel was, “I’m mad at you, you should have called; if I’d known that you didn’t have any means of transportation, I’d have given you this car!”) They have like 3 cars so it’s not a problem. But I was totally floored, I couldn’t believe it! So now I have a car and it was hilarious what a sudden feeling of freedom came over me. (That sentence was a grammatical disaster.)

Okay, back to the story at hand. I drove to Borders tonight and bought The Language Police by Diane Ravitch. I managed to read one chapter of it before the store closed. Fascinating topic, and one which I would like to blog about (ack! I used blog as a verb! not to mention ending a clause with a preposition!) at a later time. This entry is more ethereal (read: cheesy). So anyway, as I was driving back from Borders I was listening to Automatic for the People, which, to my good fortune, had been left in the CD player. I stopped at the traffic light at the intersection across from the hotel, and I sat there… and sat there… there was no one else around and the light wasn’t changing, it was like those crazy lights in Athens that refuse to change even when there’s no one else coming for miles. But as I was sitting there at that intersection, with no sign of any other cars or people around, listening to Find the River and looking around at the dark, still night sky, it was just… I don’t know, a moment. I sang along quietly with the song and everything just felt kind of right. -Actually, it wasn’t so much that everything felt right, but more like the absence of feeling, but in a good way… -argh, I can’t describe this, I was never meant to be a metaphysicist. Maybe you get what I’m trying to say.

I parked the car in the parking lot and it was kind of funny because it was perfect timing — Find the River ended as soon as I stopped the car. I got out and walked toward the hotel; there was a breeze coming up and who knows, it might actually rain tonight (I doubt it though). As I walked through the parking lot I felt profoundly okay. My line of sight into the future was completely blind, but that didn’t bother me. A couple was walking a little ways ahead of me and they just seemed like another part of the surroundings. I took a second and thought about not thinking, and then went on into the hotel.

Now I’m here with my faithful little iBook, listening to Liz Phair mp3s and relaxing. The feelings that inspired me to write this entry have dissipated a bit. Starting to worry again about things like whether I have to pay a $100 deposit to TXU, and where the hell my new cell phone might be, and if there will be any problems with the moving truck, and so on. But today was a good day (don’t worry, I’m not going to make any Ice Cube references) and for the most part I still feel pretty good. Here’s hoping tomorrow will be a good day too. [takes a swig of Sprite]

That reminds me of something else kinda funny and noteworthy. Last night we were somewhere (dinner?) and I said that I wanted to buy myself an iPod as a present to myself for getting a job. One of my fellow TCs asked how much iPods cost. I said about $250 (okay, I see now that they start at $299, but whatever) and he made a noise that was meant to convey his feeling that that was expensive. I said, “It’s really not that expensive if you consider everything you get.” He was like, “Yeah, but I’d rather spend my $250 on — oh wait, you don’t drink…” So we had a little laugh at that. I don’t know what the hell I would do if I *did* drink — I mean, I’ve been broke enough for the past few years as it is, I can’t imagine what a hole I’d be in if I had to account for a “beer budget.” I said something to that effect, and the response was something along the lines of, “Well we make adjustments, we all have our priorities…” Yeah, okay, anyway… I do want an iPod, btw. It will have to wait until after several paychecks because I’m gonna be racking up even more debt with this move, but hopefully sometime in the not too distant future I will be stylin’ and profilin’ with my mp3 player/hard drive/PDA/Solitaire console.

Wow, this is pretty long; I haven’t been this verbose in a long time. Here’s your referrer search-o-the-day:

 26 Jul, Sat, 14:12:06 Google: g3 for gay urban women from june 2003

As well as your daily dose of Liz Phair:

What if I’m not able
To put my cards on the table?
And would it liberate you
If you knew what I knew?

And that’ll be all for now!