Being Amber Rhea

If you haven’t read Amanda’s series of posts chronicling her now-completed stint at Bella’s, you are really missing out on some of the best, most insightful writing in a long time. So get on over there and read it. I’ll wait.

Tonight as I was trying to catch up on my almost 300 unread posts in Bloglines (I’ve been on a self-mandated break from reading many blogs other than a select few; this crap really made me feel down in the dumps about blogging for a while), I noticed that someone else, heretofore unknown-to-me blogger Mariko Passion, has now started a journal of her experiences at Bella’s. Cool! Maybe Amanda has started a trend.

Recently I had dinner w/ Lia of Star Light Ministries. And, no surprise, she is awesome. At one point during our extended dinner conversation, we were talking about all the assumptions that are made about women in sex work, and the problem of assuming that the goal of a ministry for sex workers is for the workers to “get out” of sex work. Because as Lia said, that’s judging the work they do and therefore judging them. Plus it’s just the same old stereotypes - obviously no woman would want to be in sex work, obviously they would all do something else if only they had the chance, etc. ad nauseum. I said that even though I feel like it’s not a popular thing to say in activist communities, because I feel like it makes me look like I’m being selfish (ah, that old meme in my head) or shifting the focus, the truth is that beyond just being irritated w/ these assumptions on general principles, I also take them personally. Sex work is something I’ve been drawn to for a long time - at least 10 years - and although as of now I haven’t actually done anything about it, I do take offense to the notion that there must be some pathological explanation for my interest in sex work. I know myself, I know how I feel, and I know that I feel that sex work is something that is interesting/appealing to me. You don’t have to understand it, but hey, I don’t understand why some people want to become lawyers or sales reps or flight attendants, so there you go. I’m smart, responsible, self-aware, capable - and I shouldn’t have to go into this defensive mode of justifying myself, but that’s how it always happens.

Lia asked why I hadn’t tried sex work. With stripping, my answer used to be* that I couldn’t walk in heels, much less dance (with or without heels). That’s obviously no longer a problem, but my issues with it now are:

• I don’t know of any non-smoking strip clubs in Atlanta. Being around cigarette smoke for extended periods of time, especially in poorly-ventilated areas, gives me a pounding headache and makes me feel generally like shit.
• I hate approaching strangers. I really just can’t do it; I get panicky about it. So obviously a job where I have to hustle for lap dances isn’t a good fit for me.
• The bullshit. We’ll come back to this in a minute.

As for escorting or even stuff like FBSM, when Lia asked why I’d never done it, my answer was much shorter: “I’m afraid of getting arrested.” That’s it, plain and simple. And more specifically, I’m afraid of getting arrested and being victimized by the cops. Insert here yet another diatribe about the importance of decriminalization of prostitution.

(To be fair, there are other issues w/ escorting in particular, like the fact that it seems like you have to pretend to give a shit about what the clients are talking about, really really enjoy their company and hang on their every fascinating word… and as Dacia has said about herself, I, too, have no poker face. I have tons of respect for people who can do it, but I just can’t. But that’s not really relevant, because there are many other kinds of sex work that are vaguely escort-like but not as focused on being a companion.)

Lia said she thought I should (only if I wanted to, of course) do what Amanda was doing: try a brief stint at a legal brothel and just see how it goes. I told her there’s no way I would do that. Why? Because of the bullshit.

Just read Amanda’s posts and you’ll see what I’m talking about. The nickel-and-diming with all kinds of fees. The customers trying to lowball you all the time. The cabin fever. Having to do shifts on the damn CB radio.

And the stuff that’s not just annoying, but potentially dangerous: The lack of adequate security. The creepy (yet required by law - ’cause prostitution is legal and therefore the girls are safe, see!) doctor. The drunkenness of customers, and of people to whom you’re entrusting your safety. The lack of easy access to an exit in case of an emergency. The pressure to potentially put one’s health at risk for the sake of not letting “money” walk out the door.

Obviously all jobs have their annoyances. But these are above and beyond what I could put up with. The second set, the ones that are downright dangerous, are obviously conditions that no job should have, ever. The first set, the “annoyances,” all exemplify a huge pet peeve of mine, something that just drives me up a wall: micromanagement by people on little power trips.

It seems to me that that’s what’s behind a lot of this stuff. It’s the same at strip clubs, with the house fees and drink quotas and tipping every damn person on staff… on and on… to me it reeks of people trying to control things and make themselves feel like Oooh Big Important People in whatever tiny way possible. Insecurity. Bred out of a stigmatized industry, not surprisingly. It seems like a vicious cycle.

Major respect to Amanda for doing this and documenting it. What she’s doing is extremely important, and she is an amazing person to have the patience to deal with it at all. I really can’t convey how much respect I have for her w/ this series.

One thing’s sure, her posts have confirmed what I’d suspected for a long time: if I were to be an escort (or whatever), I’d be independent, no doubt about it. Of course I have plenty of issues w/ freelancing in general, but in this case it is definitely the way to go, no question.

* And just look at the comments on that thread for a perfect example of the “explanations on demand” thing. It’s crazy-making, I tell you.

This is an example of the concerns and critiques I have with the porn industry.

A porn actress Tuesday settled her wrongful termination lawsuit against an adult film production company, which she accused of firing her for complaining about unsanitary work conditions.

This is why it’s so crazy-making to me when anti-porn folks completely dismiss my position as “YAY PORN; IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MEN; I HATE WOMEN.”

Because, this is the kind of thing I am very concerned about, and this is where I think a truly sex-positive, worker-centered approach to change is needed. It’s not about OMG TEH SEKS, which is what many people seem to get hung up on; it’s about safe working conditions, and employment policies that are fair to both employer and employee.

This is the kind of thing that concerns me about the porn industry. It’s a workplace issue, not a “sex is so degrading” issue.

As Anthony said:

[This case] is one more example of how a progressive, sex-positive analysis of both the sex media and the talent responsible for creating it is so badly needed… neither the more libertarian Right “let ‘em do it and damn the consequences as long as they get paid” meme nor the radfem “Poor oppressed women, let us liberate them from their plight, even if against their will” doctrine can do much good to help those like Kira Kener who deserve the right to perform her craft on her terms.

For those who were (snidely) asking a week or so ago on a few other blogs, this is what pro-porn activism is about.

If you’re asking? Well, here’s an example, from Ryann Rain:

I don’t want The Drake to close. I feel like I’m losing a friend. What I am losing is options. I’m losing a safe environment in which to work. I’m losing security and choice. They don’t fucking care if they run strippers out of business. They don’t fucking care if our choices are taken away, if we’re forced to make harder decisions. They don’t care if we end up on the street.

It’s just another reminder of how disposable the City of Vancouver thinks we are.

Safe working conditions for sex workers. THAT is something I care about.

Holy shit.

I just got an email from Matthew Cardinale, editor of Atlanta Progressive News (and, incidentally, one of our first Mostly ITP interviewees). He was fucking stabbed while walking in Midtown. And the attendant at the Exxon station that he ran into afterward, asking for help, ignored him and refused to call 911, even though he was bleeding from the abdomen due to a 4-cm deep wound.

I’m reprinting the email in full; you can also read the story on APN’s web site.

APN Editor Recovers from Stabbing in Atlanta’s Midtown

By Matthew Cardinale, News Editor, Atlanta Progressive News (May 19, 2007)

(APN) ATLANTA - APN News Editor released the following statement today:

Dear APN Friends and Readers,

I am writing to share with you a tragic incident which occurred this Tuesday.

I was stabbed in an attempted robbery only two blocks from my house in Midtown, Atlanta, as I was walking to the Exxon gas station on the corner of Monroe Drive and Ponce de Leon Avenue.

I’m okay now as far as we know, and recovering from the wound. I stopped bleeding Wednesday night finally, and was able to take small steps at the John Edwards dinner on Thursday.

It is important to share what happened not only as it relates to my experience and recovery, but so people understand the violent dangers which abound in Midtown.

I now believe there is an unspoken crime wave in my area of Midtown, one the powers that be in the City do not want you to know about. Rep. Thomas says she believes the wave is City-wide.

I was walking to the store down Monroe Drive, as two young Black men came toward me, looking kind of rough the way they were walking.

Both of the men were about 21 years of age I would guess. What was also suspicious was they were on opposite sides of the street, although it was clear they were walking together. They were walking at the same pace. One was wearing a white t-shirt.

I tried to walk around the guy on my side of the street. He blocked me by going left when I went left, towards the street. I then went right and he mumbled something.

“What?”

“Give me your wallet,” he said as he seemed about to grab me and attack me. At this moment I looked and the other guy was now coming across the street to gang up on me.

“No!” I shouted, running into the street. There were no cars.

The young man on my side of the street then reached as if to try to grab me. I didn’t see a weapon. But at that point he apparently stabbed me in right side of my abdomen. They didn’t get the wallet.

I ran to the Exxon gas station. “I’ve been stabbed! Please call 911!”

The Exxon attendant ignores me and continues to help the lady in front of me.

“Are you going to call 911?”

“You can use the payphone outside.”

“Why can’t you call?”

“Our phone doesn’t work.” Yeah right.

So then I went running across the street-bleeding out of my abdomen-to the other gas station in order to get help.

The police came shortly followed by ambulance.

I have not followed up with the police yet to see if they found the perpetrators, but I doubt they did. They asked me what clothing they were wearing but all I could remember was the white t-shirt.

At Grady, they did an x-ray and found no problem. Decided not to do a Cat Scan. They looked inside the wound-which was horrible-and couldn’t see all the way down but said what they saw looked okay. They cleaned the wound.

They asked me to stay for 24 hours for observation but, hating hospitals, I replied I would observe myself, thank you.

Susan Keith, APN Board Member, and our friend, Tim Wood, came to the hospital.

I have been on pain medication and just resting a lot as the wound heels.

OBSERVATIONS

My first observation is that the stabbing had nothing to do with the attempted robbery.

In other words, it should’ve been clear that he was not going to get the wallet at that point, so stabbing me did not help him with his goal to get money (if that was his goal).

Thus, the preferred theory about this-that they were trying to get money for crack-is insufficient.

I believe, and many people have also suggested, I would’ve been stabbed even if I gave him the wallet probably. Rep. Thomas said she believes it’s part of a new culture of street violence where it’s not just enough to rob somebody, but the goal is to hurt another person.

My second observation is, you can’t assume you’re safe because you’re in a safer part of a mixed neighborhood. People can cross over into the other side by walking.

I urge people to use extreme caution. Stay away from borderline areas at night, particularly alone on foot. If something looks suspicious, please turn the other way and run. (Relatedly, don’t wear sandals.) I thought I had learned this lesson in New Orleans a few years ago, but when I moved here, I didn’t think Atlanta was like this. I’m certain now Atlanta’s worse.

I was worried even though I felt suspicious about these young men, that maybe I was wrong and I would hurt their feelings if I turn and ran. But here’s an idea, maybe I could’ve pretended to have gotten a really important phone call or something and then ran.

Also, as I’ve spoken with my neighbors about this, it turns out there are a lot more stories of attempted robberies and car breaks ins that I don’t even know about. And I live on a nice residential street. So, there’s more violence out there than many Atlantans might think, and only by having dialogue will we understand the nature of this problem.

My third observation is, Exxon needs to be held accountable. This is a community store. The fact they wouldn’t call 911 for me, when I got robbed on the way to their store, is an absolute collapse of the compassion one human being is supposed to have for another human being.

I may call a community protest of this Exxon store. Stay tuned for details.

My fourth observation, when I went to Grady the ER people said, “You’re lucky you’re a big guy.”

The wound was 4 centimeters deep.

Therefore, if I hadn’t put on some weight recently, I might have had serious organ damage from this wound.

Not exercising for a few months probably saved my life!

(Now that’s deep. No pun intended.)

Obviously, we’re still not sure if there was maybe a little organ damage they couldn’t see. But so far it’s been like 4 days with no strange signs.

I’m also a bit worried if maybe they stabbed someone with HIV before stabbing me, so I’ll be getting tested in a few months.

Atlanta Progressive News will continue. The news will not be stopped, although I hope our readers will understand if the publication of new stories slows a bit for the next week or so.

It’s obviously difficult to understand why a person would do something like this to another person. I wonder if it was mis-placed rage. I wonder if these young men were angry about poverty and inequality, about a messed up world where it seems there’s nothing you can do to change it.

Why can’t all this rage be channeled into something positive? Into voting and community organizing?

The guy who stabbed me doesn’t know, obviously, about any of that. What do we do about people in our society who seem so lost they’ve resorted to nonchalantly hurting people, cultivating a gangster image, at the risk of murdering another person?

Let’s spread the word about this and hold the proper people accountable. There are probably countless incidents like this that have been swept under the rug, and that cannot continue to happen.

This Sunday, Dec. 17th, is the 4th Annual Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. I feel very strongly about the importance of this day, because far too many people - of all political and ideological stripes - either vilify sex workers or act as if they don’t exist. Or worse, as if they do exist, but are somehow “lesser” than non-sex workers. They’re evil destroyers of society, or they’re helpless victims - but either way, they’re trash. FUCK THAT NOISE.

Everyone should check out this excellent poem by Daisy Anarchy, “I Deserve To Be Safe.” All of us would do well to remember that the sentiments expressed therein apply to all people.

I deserve to be safe

whether I am a nun in a convent

or a street corner hooker

in a run-down inner-city neighborhood.

I deserve to be safe

whether I am saving it for marriage

or selling it

at a price you can or cannot afford

Read the whole thing.

I’m guessing there will be an event of some kind in Atlanta on the 17th, but as is typical, I won’t find out about it until after the fact. Which sucks, because I would love to do a podcast about it. So if you know anything, Atlanta peeps, let me know.

Otherwise… if you live in or near New York City, try to make it to this event:

NEW YORK CITY - On Sunday, December 17th, sex workers and their supporters will gather at vigils around the world to mark the annual Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers, honoring the sex workers who died as victims of violent crime this year, and raising the issue of violence against sex workers to the public.

In New York City, participants will gather for a candlelight vigil at 5 PM on the steps of the Judson Memorial Church, 55 Washington Square South in Manhattan. This year’s list of names of murdered sex workers will be read aloud, participants will be encouraged to speak or offer a prayer, and a moment of silence will be observed.

At the event, organizers will read a statement demanding that authorities step up their investigation of the Atlantic City serial killer and officially announce a moratorium on arresting prostitutes to encourage cooperation between local sex workers and police. The statement will also challenge the media to report on the case in a way that respects the humanity of the women who were murdered. Atlantic City is only one example of these sorts of problems. Many more violent crimes against prostitutes remain unaddressed by the justice system, but exploited in the media.

The event is organized by Prostitutes of New York (PONY), $pread Magazine, and the Sex Workers Project of the Urban Justice Center. Members of the press and the public are also encouraged to attend.

The Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers was inaugurated in 2003, conceived by the Sex Workers Outreach Project (SWOP) based in Berkeley, California after the conviction of Gary Ridgway (the “Green River Killer”), a serial killer responsible for the murder of at least 48 prostitutes in Washington State. One particular statement in his confession outraged sex workers, and determined the need for a very public memorial that raises issues of violence against sex workers to lawmakers, police, and the media: “I picked prostitutes because I thought I could kill as many of them as I wanted without getting caught.”

Press release via $pread Magazine and the awesomely talented Dacia (executive editor thereof). Dacia also has info on her site about events in some other cities.