Being Amber Rhea

Check it out… PoleLaTeaz, the studio where I’ve been taking classes for the past two years, is featured on CNN today, complete with a video! Awesome!! These ladies rock!

Big bag of win:

[Via, in order of places I saw it: Feministing, Racialicious, Drifting Through the Grift, and Grabbingsand]

Each is relevant for a different reason, and viscerally reminiscent of a particular time in my life.

“Chopsticks” - Liz Phair

I met him at a party and he told me how to drive him home
He said he liked to do it backwards
I said, “That’s just fine with me,
That way we can fuck and watch TV.”

It was four a.m. and the light was gray, like it always is in paperbacks
He asked if I liked playing jacks
I told him that I was good to sixes
But all hell broke loose after that

I told him that I knew Julia Roberts when I was twelve at summer camp
We didn’t say anything after that
I dropped him off and I drove on home
‘Cause secretly I’m timid

“Fool’s Gold” - Bree Sharp

My head is heavy and bent like a crane
The wrecking ball blues are coming again
And Latham says, “Babe, you know life is a ride”
But living’s no fun when you’re dead inside.

I pierce myself to wake up my veins
I’d pierce my heart if I thought things would change
I’m just like a skin that’s been stung and restung
The campfire songs that are sung and resung
For a girl of my age why am I so numb?

I’ve been chasing a lie I was sold
Running down thieves and fool’s gold
These Christmas dreams are just painted coal

I’ve been swallowed up by greed, I’ve been spat upon by lust
If they ain’t playing with your money, they’re playing with your trust
And I’m trying so hard to stop sitting still
To gather the juice that’s been spent or been spilled
Find a spark in myself that hasn’t been killed
‘Cause if death doesn’t get you, then life surely will.

I’ve been chasing a lie I was sold
Running down thieves and fool’s gold
And these Christmas dreams are just painted–

We’ve been chasing a lie we were sold
We’re running down thieves and fool’s gold
And these Christmas dreams are just painted
Just painted, just painted, just painted
Coal

Talk about an early frost.

(Couldn’t find a video for this one.)

Carry on.

Quickly, before I go to bed… here it is, my burlesque pole performance!

Our latest eight-week session of Level 5/6 at PoleLaTeaz focused on burlesque. I found it very challenging, but overall a good kind of challenge. This is the routine I put together for the end of this session. It features less pole work than usual, and more theatrics.

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If the embedded video doesn’t work, go here.

In an attempt to try to distract myself from my itchy typing fingers re: this thread (and this one, and this one, good god), I’m posting the pole video I made last night.

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Last night on a whim I decided to make another video. I was still feeling kind of self-conscious about my Monday night video, and wanted to try again. I still felt the effects of my space limitations, but overall I think I did a better job in this video than the previous one. I didn’t quite nail the one-legged parachute -> two-legged chair -> fairy (legs weren’t controlled enough), but there’s always next time!

Rusty says the light blue works for me.

Oh, and I thought I shouldn’t have to say it, but as of a few minutes ago I’ve been proven wrong, so: unsolicited advice is not welcome!

More blogging tonight, hopefully.

I made this video as soon as I got home from class last night, because I was all psyched up and in a good mood. Unfortunately, I was apparently more tired than I’d realized, because I messed up a few times - and I was really feeling the limitations of my pole/stage. I was considering not putting this up at all because it’s not my best performance; but Rusty said, “Not everything can be the best; that’s why they call some things the best!” So I’m putting it up anyway, even though I feel self-conscious about it.

Plus, I promised Ren I’d dance to the Stray Cats.

As always, please be gentle. This is not my best performance, by a longshot. And I’m annoyed with myself that when I’m tired and/or at a loss for what to do, I revert to one of a handful of “standard” filler moves at my disposal. :-\ I’m annoyed with how often I mess w/ my hair as a nervous tick. And I totally forgot to do the awesome new move I’ve perfected, the one-legged parachute -> two-legged chair -> fairy.

But I’m not supposed to be self-deprecating! Argh!

Ahem, so anyway, here it is:

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Oh, and if you were wondering, my ass says “I accept tips.”

Here’s the latest video episode of Mostly ITP, chronicling our road trip last weekend and talking about why we do these road trips in general. It’s longer than we would typically make these videos, but we wanted to experiment a little, so that’s why.

I haven’t actually watched it yet because Rusty finished editing it late last night, and I don’t have sound on my work computer. But I had already seen the first ~half or so, and besides, I know it’s going to be good no matter what!

Excellent video:

Please repost!

(Via Derek.)

Ren has been using this online tool called Animoto. Seeing the cool stuff she’s done with it, I feel like I should give it a whirl! Now I just have to think of what to make a video about. In the meantime, check out this excellent sex workers’ rights video Ren made:

I made this video Monday night… I’ll just paste in the description I wrote on the blip.tv page:

On April 21, we had a recital for the end of the current Level 5/6 session. (I think this is the third one I’ve been in? I’ve lost count.) I thought about recording my performance, but decided against it because I couldn’t get the lighting right and was still getting over being sick, so I didn’t want the pressure. But I felt like I did really well in my performance, and I had a really cute outfit, so when I came home I was inspired to make a new video. So here I am, dancing to PJ Harvey’s “Sheela-Na-Gig,” which is also the song I danced to for my Level 3 graduation.

Please excuse the noise from me sliding on the pole and my feet slamming down on the stage. I had the music up as loud as it would go, but I should’ve put the iPod dock closer to the camera. That song is one of those really quiet songs… you know, where no matter how high the volume is, for some reason it’s still lower than other songs.

The extraneous noise annoys me, but all in all, I think this video turned out way better than my first attempt at dancing to a full song with my home set-up!

(Oh, and there’s a little bit of Mary J. Blige at the end, complete with a little booty-shaking…)

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Be gentle…!

Here’s a helpful tutorial regarding the nifty Sex 2.0 condoms:

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I’ll spare you an angst-ridden paragraph about how I hate seeing myself on video. I’m trying to get over that.

And feel free to repost! Grab the embed code here.

I had those Mr. Men books as a kid. I noticed that in this video, Mr. Contrarian corresponds to the original Mr. Stingy.

[Via Feministe]

I was so happy with my recital video, that I decided to make another pole dancing video last night, at home. Rusty wanted to test out our new video camera anyway, so why not!

The lighting is not the best; I prefer lower lighting. Dancing under hot lights is not fun, and plus I think the whole silhouette thing looks neat. We’ve ordered two lamps from Ikea, the same kind that the studio has, so that issue should be resolved soon.

(I am hating this thumbnail. Lisa hates that entire move because she says it looks like you’re taking a shit. I disagree, but this frame certainly supports her view.)

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Here’s the description I wrote on the blip.tv page:

My pole setup at home is very different from the studio: I have a free-standing pole on a 4′x4′ stage. This makes things a bit more difficult, as there’s not nearly as much room; therefore certain moves simply aren’t possible, and others require modification. But, since I need to be flexible (in both senses of the word!) and be able to adapt to different environments, it’s important for me to get a lot of practice on this stage. So, this is my first attempt at dancing for a full song on it (as opposed to just practicing tricks and techniques, which is what I usually do on it).

And save your comments about the song, because I like it a lot! Someone danced to it in class Monday night, and I was hooked.

Again… be gentle. I know I messed up in a couple parts, but I tried to play it off. As our instructors say… “Just outline something!”

This is me pole dancing last night, at our Level 5/6 for-the-hell-of-it recital/graduation:

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The way it worked was, everyone brought a song of our choosing to class, and at the beginning of class, we each drew names. Someone would bring their song up, and then whoever drew that person’s name had to dance to that song. The result? No one had any idea what they were going to dance to. As it turned out, I ended up having to dance to a song that I really did not like (a co-worker tells me it’s an Outkast song; I never would’ve guessed that). Very challenging! But I tried to make it work, and I think I did a pretty good job of it, all things considered!

I don’t think it’s my best-ever performance, but it’s good enough that I didn’t feel too embarrassed to post it.

Eventually, I’ll make some videos of me dancing on the pole at home, but the pole/stage set-up I have makes things more challenging.

Be gentle. :)

This is an updated video, a follow-up to the one I posted yesterday. Watch it!

[Via Pro-Porn Activism]

Nina Hartley speaks the truth here.*

And to me it seems like common sense. I honestly cannot wrap my brain around what is so fucking difficult about this concept for so many legions of people. Some basic concepts here… 1) Sex workers are people. 2) If you want to help someone, the best way to help them is to first ask them what they need.

How is this not the most obvious thing ever? But I guess if you never even get to point #1, that makes point #2 downright unattainable.

Nina nails it, but the comments on YouTube are depressing and enraging as hell. I didn’t want to look. I knew they’d be a vat of toxic stew. But as I was looking for the embed code, my eyes drifted down the page and… well, it made me want to cry.

There’s been a lot of bullshit in my life lately. And when I see that kind of shit, it just makes me feel awful, to realize (again) that this is what a lot of people think. Yeah, you can say the internet brings out the dregs of humanity, and sure, that’s true in some cases. But so many people of all walks of life have these horrible ideas about sex workers… it’s NORMAL to think these things. That doesn’t make it okay. But it means that most people I encounter on a daily basis are harboring these thoughts, and that bothers me to know end and certainly contributes to my general wariness and lack of trust around people I don’t know very well.

It’s also happened that people have seemed to agree with me to my face, and then later I find out the awful shit they were saying when I wasn’t there, about sex workers, the sex industry, etc. It really makes me want to sever ties (and in some cases I have).

Anyway. Also, what Ren said:

And that is going to lead us right here: What is the plan, anyway? You know, a lot of us are taking hits for saying “The sex industry? It’s not going anywhere, so let’s work for harm reduction and getting those who want out the help they need, and leave those who want in alone…” So yeah…what is the Amazing, Super Secret Plan to Rid the World of the Sex Industry? We’re dying (figuratively and literally) to know. In the mean time, what with all the talk of not allowing it to be normalized, without ever accepting it as work, without ever giving sex workers any sort of legal status and voice…well, women are being abused, raped, killed, dehumanized, and marginalized. So I ask, in the quest to end the sex industry, are you willing to sacrifice the women working in it here and now to reach that goal…if it is even attainable? That is a question I’d really like to have answered, yet I suspect, such an answer will never come. My answer to that is obvious. No. I’m not. Especially when “the Plan” is never revealed, hence my support of harm reduction, programs for those who want out, aid, workplace safety, and why yes, decriminalization.

* Via Bound, Not Gagged.

From the perennially awesome folks at SPARK! Reproductive Justice Now (formerly Georgians for Choice) comes a video about stupid HB526:

So far there’s only one comment on the YouTube page (let’s fix that) and it’s from some fool who says the following:

What is wrong with the state giving back parental rights to parents? It is not up to a clinic to decide how to raise and protect our children.

Right, because it’s up to the government to decide how to raise and protect our children.

The first-ever video episode of Mostly ITP, about our experience PodCamp Nashville, is done. Behold:

Click To Play

You can also see it here.

…GriftDrift or Sara, this post could be known as “Songs In My Head” or “Mood Music.”

At first I figured I’d look for the best concert footage to post, but then this video showed up in the YouTube search. It honestly had not occurred to me to look for an actual music video, ya know, like the kind they show on Em-Tee-Vee. (Do they show those anymore? Back when I stopped watching MTV, they were down to about three hours a day of music videos.) Am I showing my age? I mean, I’m not all that old, but I haven’t watched MTV or had any interest whatsoever in music videos in over ten years.

Anyway, back to Heimdalsgate, apparently some people think the song is about drugs. That’s also something that hadn’t occurred to me, but Wikipedia says it’s a common perception. To me it was just so obvious that it’s about depression, that I never considered anything else. I guess people who haven’t experienced depression don’t identify with it. Here’s what Kevin said to some idiotic-sounding reporter from The Stranger:

I went through this chemical depression, and that’s when I was writing a lot of the songs for Hissing Fauna. They’re all songs about that experience. And I was experiencing it in the moment that I was writing the songs, and sort of asking myself: What the hell is going on? Why are you all of a sudden totally paranoid and plagued by these anxieties? And why is everything so distorted and confusing and fucked up? My lifestyle hadn’t changed that much. And then I realized, well, there’s something going on inside of me that I don’t have control over, and then you realize how vulnerable you are to these things, these elements that you can’t understand, or unless you go on medication and get it under control. It’s like you’re being betrayed by your body.

I love this song. I love the whole album (except for one annoying song).

Meanwhile, there are storms throughout the South today, and already 45 people have been killed by tornadoes. :( I’m supposed to go see my new shrink at noon; hopefully the weather won’t be too terrible.

Even though I’ve never had a problem with being photographed (really I had no choice, my mom was a shutterbug who was posing me for photos practically from the day I was born), and podcasting has eroded any apprehension I once felt about hearing my own voice, I still get all weird and self-conscious about being on video. And yet, here I am, as a podcasting “pro” in the latest episode of The Squadcast.

Thanks to Grant and Christina for inviting me on!

Via Hobo Stripper, I found this video of the winner Miss Poledance Australia 2006:

On an only vaguely related note, last night Rusty and I went to Little Wings, another Atlanta swinger’s club. It was formerly Velvet Heaven and recently re-opened under new management. All in all the place did not suck, although I think Trapeze still gets top marks because of the layout and the kick-ass buffet.

Anyway, they had two poles, and I danced twice. The second time, I almost lost my shoe, but I wasn’t embarrassed - happily, I’m past being embarrassed about that kind of thing. I did scrape up my left knee a little, because they had this weird itchy carpet on the stage. I couldn’t do as many moves as I would’ve liked, because the poles were painted, making them difficult to grasp. But I think I did pretty well! Also, there was a guy in a cape and devil horns who pole danced several times, and he was really good. I wondered if he was a male stripper. (See, men pole dance too - for those of you who, for whatever unknown reason, judge an activity’s merit based on whether men do it.)

Another episode of Off The Bus has landed! This one was filmed at the Fred Thompson support meeting/rally(?) last week. Rusty and I actually went, so that Grayson wouldn’t be all alone and because we had a kind of morbid curiosity about how the other side lives. We make quick cameo appearances toward the beginning of the video.

Looking forward to episode 3!