Being Amber Rhea

As I mentioned a few days ago, today is the 10th annual Transgender Day of Remembrance. As I write this the candlelight vigil is about to start at the Georgia State Capitol. I’m not going because it’s the first day of this cleanse and I don’t yet feel like leaving the house. But I did want to link to some good posts about the day.

From Sexual Ambiguities:

Transgender Day of Remembrance is not a once-a-year deal. You don’t show up for services, murmur “lest we forget” and then promptly forget for the rest of the year. Today lives within us, because we cannot afford to forget.

Still. Today most of all, we remember those who were killed. Because we die violently, unmemorialised, and are mocked after our deaths.

Because the world sees us disposable, less than human (and who can mourn that?). Many of the dead lost their lives because they were trans women of colour, doubly disposable.

Who would mourn a thing, a that, an it?

Few will respect our lives as they were, and few will mourn them, and they must be mourned. Their lives were meaningful, their names and genders were real and important, and they lost their lives from hate.

Today we hold on to some memory, even if it only be a name and a photo, so that they are not as erased as completely as their killers would have.

From Butterfly Cauldron:

I will never understand what motivates someone to kill another human being when their life is not in danger. I will never understand what it is inside someone that makes them pick up a weapon instead of simply walking away. I will never understand how human life can have so little value to some people. But I know that there are people in this world, far too many people, who can kill. Who can pick up a gun or a knife or a rock and strike out. For what? Because someone doesn’t meet your expectations? Because they live their life in a way you don’t approve of? Which god tells you that you can do that? Which god gives you permission? And how can the world, how can so many otherwise decent people, simply nod and say ‘well, what did you expect? Not guilty!’?

From Dented Blue Mercedes:

The value of a life is sometimes not much, if the victim is transgender. The same is also sometimes true when the victim is gay — the event is not intended to erase that or to proclaim one community more victimized than the other. The responsibility is invariably placed at the feet of the victim. Even many in the transgender community associated Angie Zapata’s death with deception and trumpeted mandatory disclosure when dating — something that can be just as risky.

And the blaming of the victim and minimization of the crime goes much further than panic defenses. There is the trial by media to consider. Newsweek examined the case of Lawrence King, a 14-year-old who was shot to death by a classmate in an Oxnard, California classroom, and commented, “Larry, being Larry, pushed his rights as far as he could. During lunch, he’d sidle up to the popular boys’ table and say in a high-pitched voice, ‘Mind if I sit here?’ In the locker room, where he was often ridiculed, he got even by telling the boys, “You look hot,” while they were changing, according to the mother of a student.” Hardly anything was said about the shooter and his background. As Alex Blaze wrote, it was almost as if to say, “If only that mean gender nonconforming boy had left Brandon alone, he wouldn’t have had to have killed him.”

And as is typical, the accompanying headlines are often glib, similarly-blaming tag-lines, like “Fooled John Stabbed Bronx Tranny” (Sanesha Stewart; link now gone), or “Police Hunt for 19-year old Suspect in Transvestite Murder Inquiry” (Silvana Berisha). The articles are filled with repetitive references to transsexuals as “man dressed as woman” or “hypermasculine female” — anything that gives good headline. And invariably, they always insist on faithfully reporting only the birth name, occasionally mentioning the name that the transsexual lived by as though it were an illusory alias (often in “quotes”) — even in instances where there had been a legal name change. All of this emphasizes the suggestion of deception, sensationalizes transsexuality as some inscrutible and perverse sexual compulsion and attempts to erase and invalidate a transsexual’s identity.

AngryBrownButch has an excellent list of ways to help.

And, more link round-ups (how recursive is this?!) can be found at Bird of Paradox and Feministe.

From Kate at Shapely Prose, via Jaded Hippy:

You, dear male reader, are totally not one of those men. I know this, and I appreciate it. I really do. But here’s where all this victimy girl shit concerns you:

• every time you don’t tell your buddies it’s not okay to talk shit about women, even if it’s kinda funny;
• every time you roll your eyes and think “PMS!” instead of listening to why a woman’s upset;
• every time you say any woman–Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Phyllis Schlafly, Condoleezza Rice, Hillary Clinton, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, any of us–”deserves whatever she gets” for being so detestable, instead of acknowledging there are things that no human being deserves and only women get;
• every time you joke about how you’ll never let your daughter out of the house or anywhere near a man, ’cause ha ha, that’ll solve everything;
• every time you say, “I don’t understand why thousands of women are insisting this is some kind of woman thing”;
• every time you tell a woman you love she’s being crazy/hysterical/irrational, when you know deep down you haven’t heard a word she’s said in the past 15 minutes, and all you’re really thinking about is how seeing her yell and/or cry is incredibly unsettling to you, and you just want that shit to stop;
• every time you dismiss a woman as “playing the victim,” even if you’re right about that particular woman…

You are missing an opportunity to help stop the bad guys.

You’re missing an opportunity to stop the real misogynists, the fucking sickos, the ones who really, truly hate women just for being women. The ones whose ranks you do not belong to and never would. The ones who might hurt women you love in the future, or might have already.

‘Cause the thing is, you and the guys you hang out with may not really mean anything by it when you talk about crazy bitches and dumb sluts and heh-heh-I’d-hit-that and you just can’t reason with them and you can’t live with ‘em can’t shoot ‘em and she’s obviously only dressed like that because she wants to get laid and if they can’t stand the heat they should get out of the kitchen and if they can’t play by the rules they don’t belong here and if they can’t take a little teasing they should quit and heh heh they’re only good for fucking and cleaning and they’re not fit to be leaders and they’re too emotional to run a business and they just want to get their hands on our money and if they’d just stop overreacting and telling themselves they’re victims they’d realize they actually have all the power in this society and white men aren’t even allowed to do anything anymore and and and…

I get that you don’t really mean that shit. I get that you’re just talking out your ass.

But please listen, and please trust me on this one: you have probably, at some point in your life, engaged in that kind of talk with a man who really, truly hates women–to the extent of having beaten and/or raped at least one. And you probably didn’t know which one he was.

And that guy? Thought you were on his side.

As long as we live in a culture where the good guys sometimes sound just like the misogynists, the misogynists are never going to get the message that they are not normal and that most people–strong, successful men included–do not hate women.

The entire post is a must-read. I couldn’t quote the whole damn thing because it’s too long. But I did quote slightly more than Jaded Hippy did.

Seriously. Read it. Several times, preferably.

Words of wisdom from Caroline:

Thirteen years ago, a firefighter referred to Tyra as an “it”. A month ago, Angie’s killer referred to her also as an “it”. Both young women (in the case of Angie very young, only 18) lay dying in front of those people that uttered those words. There is so much further to go. It is crucial for cis people to be educated and clued up about these issues to end the ignorance and the fear and hatred that can spawn from that. The deaths of these women and the violence other transwomen face at the hands of cis people must be acknowledged and not swept under the carpet.

God forbid, you can’t normalize and legitimize icky prostitution that I have such a personal moral problem with, because then…

-oh wait. Because then, stuff like this might not happen.

Well then.

As Kim said at Ren’s…

Popular opinion: Hooker murders are icky, grisly, and wrong, because, well, murder is wrong but … well, thank goodness it was “just” a whore. No big whoop, right? And, well, that’s what she gets, you know? I mean, that’s just part of the risks of being a skanky ho.

This has me so pissed off right now. What the hell is wrong with people?

This “Well, thank goodness just a _____ died and not, like, a real normal, GOOD person” attitude strikes a real sore spot with me.

ETA: Oh, and also… don’t bother reading the comments on the Bastard Logic thread. Trust me.

My feelings on the bit of it I (regrettably) skimmed echo what GallingGalla said at The Curvature:

The comment thread on the bastard.logic story made me sick. A bunch of men (and especially one guy) making every excuse in the book for why the “sentence” was justified — probably enough to create a “hating on sex workers” bingo card.

Speaking of The Curvature, thanks to Cara for also posting about this on Feministe.

I am loving these posters from LACAAW:

Have a look at all of ‘em.

[Via Bound, Not Gagged]

The bad (awful, horrible, heart-wrenching) news it that on December 10, blogger and sex worker Razor Mick was stabbed six times and left for dead in a dumpster.

The good news (well, good given the situation) is that as of December 28, Razor Mick has been moved out of the ICU, and it’s looking like she’s going to make a full physical recovery.

It seems crass to remark on the closeness of this attack to the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers, but the proximity of the dates did enter my mind as my stomach lurched.

Please keep Razor Mick in your thoughts, prayers, or whatever other goodwill-invoking mechanisms you prefer. Feel free to stop by her blog to leave some words of support, as her friends are passing all supportive messages along to her.

[Via Ren]

Teresa Carr Deni was retained.

FYI, the Philadelphia Bar Association recommended against her retention.

On Ren’s site, commenter Katie wondered if a lot of people just voted “yes” straight down the ballot. It seems like a plausible explanation, at least for some of the votes. But whatever the reason, it doesn’t make the results any less discouraging. In fact, apathy may be more discouraging than malice.

And then, there’s this.

On the surface, it looks like a good article in support of the sexual assault victim and outraged at Judge Deni’s retention. And overall, it is, and the more of this kind of support that gets published in the mainstream media, the better; I’m certainly not going to totally castigate something if people are making an effort. Still, this part chafed:

The victim spoke intelligently and with deep love for her mother and daughter.

She no longer advertises on Craigslist.

“If I’m going to struggle, I’m going to struggle, but I don’t want to be in a position like that where I have to be begging for my life,” she said.

What the fuck???

Why does it make any difference whether or not she still advertises on Craigslist?? Are we supposed to feel sympathy for her on the condition that she’s a repentant hooker? Would all the other points about her situation outlined in the article be somehow less true if she were still advertising on Craigslist??

And, “[t]he victim spoke intelligently and with deep love for her mother and daughter”??? WHY is that in there? I guess we’re supposed to be blown away by this hooker with a heart of gold, AND brains, too!

The article would have been just fine, thanks, without those two sentences! Talk about a slap in the face!

And I hate that the victim seems to be partially blaming herself in the last sentence. And that she now chooses to “struggle,” because as a sex worker, she didn’t have the basic protections offered by most other professions, even though sex work would allow her to earn more money to support her family. I don’t think that part should have been taken out of the article, since it was a quote from the victim. When I say that I hate that part, I don’t mean it in a way like “oh it’s making her look bad” or something. What I mean is, I hate that we live in a world where we’re supposed to be all sanctimonious and nod our heads like, “Yes, yes, now she knows better, she’s learned a lesson, she can go get a respectable job that pays minimum wage where she has to work long hours and not spend any time with her kid… not that that’ll stop us from giving her hell about being a single mother and GOD FORBID she try to collect a welfare check or get childcare or medical care for her family… and if her kid gets in trouble it’s HER fault for not being at home…”

ARGH!!!!

Update: Forgot to say when I initially wrote the post - Look at how the first two sentences in the part I quoted are juxtaposed. They’re positioned as an if/then situation. Or more like, one directly led to the other. “She’s intelligent and loves her family, therefore she no longer advertises on Craigslist.” Because clearly no intelligent woman who loves her family would do THAT.

[Seriously, possible trigger here.]

Excuse me? No charges will be filed. On this.

…But yeah, feminism is quaint and unnecessary. There’s no such thing as a “rape culture,” why do those hairy feminazis keep making up such stupid terms?

Holy shit.

I just got an email from Matthew Cardinale, editor of Atlanta Progressive News (and, incidentally, one of our first Mostly ITP interviewees). He was fucking stabbed while walking in Midtown. And the attendant at the Exxon station that he ran into afterward, asking for help, ignored him and refused to call 911, even though he was bleeding from the abdomen due to a 4-cm deep wound.

I’m reprinting the email in full; you can also read the story on APN’s web site.

APN Editor Recovers from Stabbing in Atlanta’s Midtown

By Matthew Cardinale, News Editor, Atlanta Progressive News (May 19, 2007)

(APN) ATLANTA - APN News Editor released the following statement today:

Dear APN Friends and Readers,

I am writing to share with you a tragic incident which occurred this Tuesday.

I was stabbed in an attempted robbery only two blocks from my house in Midtown, Atlanta, as I was walking to the Exxon gas station on the corner of Monroe Drive and Ponce de Leon Avenue.

I’m okay now as far as we know, and recovering from the wound. I stopped bleeding Wednesday night finally, and was able to take small steps at the John Edwards dinner on Thursday.

It is important to share what happened not only as it relates to my experience and recovery, but so people understand the violent dangers which abound in Midtown.

I now believe there is an unspoken crime wave in my area of Midtown, one the powers that be in the City do not want you to know about. Rep. Thomas says she believes the wave is City-wide.

I was walking to the store down Monroe Drive, as two young Black men came toward me, looking kind of rough the way they were walking.

Both of the men were about 21 years of age I would guess. What was also suspicious was they were on opposite sides of the street, although it was clear they were walking together. They were walking at the same pace. One was wearing a white t-shirt.

I tried to walk around the guy on my side of the street. He blocked me by going left when I went left, towards the street. I then went right and he mumbled something.

“What?”

“Give me your wallet,” he said as he seemed about to grab me and attack me. At this moment I looked and the other guy was now coming across the street to gang up on me.

“No!” I shouted, running into the street. There were no cars.

The young man on my side of the street then reached as if to try to grab me. I didn’t see a weapon. But at that point he apparently stabbed me in right side of my abdomen. They didn’t get the wallet.

I ran to the Exxon gas station. “I’ve been stabbed! Please call 911!”

The Exxon attendant ignores me and continues to help the lady in front of me.

“Are you going to call 911?”

“You can use the payphone outside.”

“Why can’t you call?”

“Our phone doesn’t work.” Yeah right.

So then I went running across the street-bleeding out of my abdomen-to the other gas station in order to get help.

The police came shortly followed by ambulance.

I have not followed up with the police yet to see if they found the perpetrators, but I doubt they did. They asked me what clothing they were wearing but all I could remember was the white t-shirt.

At Grady, they did an x-ray and found no problem. Decided not to do a Cat Scan. They looked inside the wound-which was horrible-and couldn’t see all the way down but said what they saw looked okay. They cleaned the wound.

They asked me to stay for 24 hours for observation but, hating hospitals, I replied I would observe myself, thank you.

Susan Keith, APN Board Member, and our friend, Tim Wood, came to the hospital.

I have been on pain medication and just resting a lot as the wound heels.

OBSERVATIONS

My first observation is that the stabbing had nothing to do with the attempted robbery.

In other words, it should’ve been clear that he was not going to get the wallet at that point, so stabbing me did not help him with his goal to get money (if that was his goal).

Thus, the preferred theory about this-that they were trying to get money for crack-is insufficient.

I believe, and many people have also suggested, I would’ve been stabbed even if I gave him the wallet probably. Rep. Thomas said she believes it’s part of a new culture of street violence where it’s not just enough to rob somebody, but the goal is to hurt another person.

My second observation is, you can’t assume you’re safe because you’re in a safer part of a mixed neighborhood. People can cross over into the other side by walking.

I urge people to use extreme caution. Stay away from borderline areas at night, particularly alone on foot. If something looks suspicious, please turn the other way and run. (Relatedly, don’t wear sandals.) I thought I had learned this lesson in New Orleans a few years ago, but when I moved here, I didn’t think Atlanta was like this. I’m certain now Atlanta’s worse.

I was worried even though I felt suspicious about these young men, that maybe I was wrong and I would hurt their feelings if I turn and ran. But here’s an idea, maybe I could’ve pretended to have gotten a really important phone call or something and then ran.

Also, as I’ve spoken with my neighbors about this, it turns out there are a lot more stories of attempted robberies and car breaks ins that I don’t even know about. And I live on a nice residential street. So, there’s more violence out there than many Atlantans might think, and only by having dialogue will we understand the nature of this problem.

My third observation is, Exxon needs to be held accountable. This is a community store. The fact they wouldn’t call 911 for me, when I got robbed on the way to their store, is an absolute collapse of the compassion one human being is supposed to have for another human being.

I may call a community protest of this Exxon store. Stay tuned for details.

My fourth observation, when I went to Grady the ER people said, “You’re lucky you’re a big guy.”

The wound was 4 centimeters deep.

Therefore, if I hadn’t put on some weight recently, I might have had serious organ damage from this wound.

Not exercising for a few months probably saved my life!

(Now that’s deep. No pun intended.)

Obviously, we’re still not sure if there was maybe a little organ damage they couldn’t see. But so far it’s been like 4 days with no strange signs.

I’m also a bit worried if maybe they stabbed someone with HIV before stabbing me, so I’ll be getting tested in a few months.

Atlanta Progressive News will continue. The news will not be stopped, although I hope our readers will understand if the publication of new stories slows a bit for the next week or so.

It’s obviously difficult to understand why a person would do something like this to another person. I wonder if it was mis-placed rage. I wonder if these young men were angry about poverty and inequality, about a messed up world where it seems there’s nothing you can do to change it.

Why can’t all this rage be channeled into something positive? Into voting and community organizing?

The guy who stabbed me doesn’t know, obviously, about any of that. What do we do about people in our society who seem so lost they’ve resorted to nonchalantly hurting people, cultivating a gangster image, at the risk of murdering another person?

Let’s spread the word about this and hold the proper people accountable. There are probably countless incidents like this that have been swept under the rug, and that cannot continue to happen.

This Sunday, Dec. 17th, is the 4th Annual Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. I feel very strongly about the importance of this day, because far too many people - of all political and ideological stripes - either vilify sex workers or act as if they don’t exist. Or worse, as if they do exist, but are somehow “lesser” than non-sex workers. They’re evil destroyers of society, or they’re helpless victims - but either way, they’re trash. FUCK THAT NOISE.

Everyone should check out this excellent poem by Daisy Anarchy, “I Deserve To Be Safe.” All of us would do well to remember that the sentiments expressed therein apply to all people.

I deserve to be safe

whether I am a nun in a convent

or a street corner hooker

in a run-down inner-city neighborhood.

I deserve to be safe

whether I am saving it for marriage

or selling it

at a price you can or cannot afford

Read the whole thing.

I’m guessing there will be an event of some kind in Atlanta on the 17th, but as is typical, I won’t find out about it until after the fact. Which sucks, because I would love to do a podcast about it. So if you know anything, Atlanta peeps, let me know.

Otherwise… if you live in or near New York City, try to make it to this event:

NEW YORK CITY - On Sunday, December 17th, sex workers and their supporters will gather at vigils around the world to mark the annual Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers, honoring the sex workers who died as victims of violent crime this year, and raising the issue of violence against sex workers to the public.

In New York City, participants will gather for a candlelight vigil at 5 PM on the steps of the Judson Memorial Church, 55 Washington Square South in Manhattan. This year’s list of names of murdered sex workers will be read aloud, participants will be encouraged to speak or offer a prayer, and a moment of silence will be observed.

At the event, organizers will read a statement demanding that authorities step up their investigation of the Atlantic City serial killer and officially announce a moratorium on arresting prostitutes to encourage cooperation between local sex workers and police. The statement will also challenge the media to report on the case in a way that respects the humanity of the women who were murdered. Atlantic City is only one example of these sorts of problems. Many more violent crimes against prostitutes remain unaddressed by the justice system, but exploited in the media.

The event is organized by Prostitutes of New York (PONY), $pread Magazine, and the Sex Workers Project of the Urban Justice Center. Members of the press and the public are also encouraged to attend.

The Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers was inaugurated in 2003, conceived by the Sex Workers Outreach Project (SWOP) based in Berkeley, California after the conviction of Gary Ridgway (the “Green River Killer”), a serial killer responsible for the murder of at least 48 prostitutes in Washington State. One particular statement in his confession outraged sex workers, and determined the need for a very public memorial that raises issues of violence against sex workers to lawmakers, police, and the media: “I picked prostitutes because I thought I could kill as many of them as I wanted without getting caught.”

Press release via $pread Magazine and the awesomely talented Dacia (executive editor thereof). Dacia also has info on her site about events in some other cities.

Wonderful, thought-provoking, and very important post over at Shakespeare’s Sister (which links to an equally kick-ass post at Orwell’s Grave, which prompted the former).

To a woman whose every post on sexual assault and domestic abuse has prompted untold numbers of women (and some men) to share their stories of having been raped or otherwise violently abused, that the subject could never come up among men is simply astounding. And yet I am assured by the men in my life, it does not. Of the issues with which they concern themselves, sending them into tumbling debates about what should be done and how best to solve the problem - the environment, poverty, encroachments on civil liberties, etc. etc. etc. - the fact that one out of four women will be raped in her lifetime, and many more yet victims of domestic abuse, rarely, if ever, makes the list. How can it be that so many men and women live such different lives?

Go read it.

The AJC’s Woman-to-Woman column is a steaming pile of shit. I’ve known this for several months, yet I admit I still sometimes visit it for the trainwreck factor. The latest debate* debacle, “Does what women wear contribute to sexual assault?”, is no exception.

I’m not going to waste my time or yours picking apart the asinine and disturbing blame-the-victim attitude the “right-leaning” columnist takes. Instead, I decided to have a go at one comment (by a person named Wiley) that I plucked from among its 500+ mostly-useless peers:

The focus needs to be on raising boys correctly. Not suppressing our daughters.

It starts with manners. Teach your boys early that it is NOT ok to verbally harrass a female you do not know. It is not OK to approach a female & comment on her body parts. It’s not ok to sleep with muliple women at the same time. It’s not ok to hire a women to dance naked at a college party, it does not make you a man. It makes you look like a fool.

First of all, let me say that from what I can tell, Wiley is one of the few commenters to leave truly thoughtful and sensible comments. So I’m not picking at him/her specifically (how could I, since I don’t even know who s/he is). From his/her comments I believe that s/he pretty much has the right idea, but I only point this out because I think there are plenty of people out there who have mostly the right idea.

Obviously the first sentence is spot-on. Recently I was reading a blog (unfortunately I don’t remember where, or I’d post a link) where a guy wrote about talking with some friends of his who were all relatively new fathers. Some of them were saying stuff like, they’re not going to let their daughters leave the house til they’re 30, because they don’t want them getting raped. The guy said, “If you don’t want your daughters to be raped, you should teach your sons not to rape” - and slowly watched the lightbulbs go on over their heads. So, in summation: yeah.

Now, as to the rest. Let me repeat, s/he has the right idea in general. But a few things stuck out at me.

[I]t is NOT ok to verbally harrass a female you do not know.

Probably just a typo, but that had me asking, “So, it’s okay to verbally harass a female as long as you know her?” I know, that one’s kind of nit-picky. Moving on.

It is not OK to approach a female & comment on her body parts.

No quarrel with this one. Obviously in terms of certain relationships, it’s a different story, but it’s pretty clear here that she’s not talking about those circumstances. E.g., you are not entitled to go up to any random woman and say shit like, “Hey, nice tits.”

It’s not ok to sleep with muliple women at the same time.

And that is where I put the brakes on. Reading along, and then… whoa! What? Which of these things is not like the others?

It bothers me that a lot of well-intentioned people conflate obviously abusive behavior such as verbal harassment with, well, having multiple sex partners. To me, it’s apples and oranges, the two don’t even come close to being in the same realm for comparison. But I understand that for a lot of people they are, because their ideas are based on a lot of underlying, unquestioned assumptions - ones that I held myself for a while, until I was in my late teens and began to really question and examine all that stuff.

The major difference here, of course, is agency. If a man verbally harasses a woman, she has had no choice in the matter. She didn’t invite him to harass her; he imposed his sense of entitlement on her. But as for having multiple sex partners? By that same logic, the women in the scenario are denied any agency - and that is the definition of objectification. (So yes, I am saying that Wiley’s statement objectifies women.) What is the assumption here? That the women in the scenario don’t want to have multiple partners? Or maybe, that they don’t want to have sex with this hypothetical man who has multiple partners? (That, of course, would be rape.) Now, if Wiley meant, “It’s not okay to be in a supposedly monogamous relationship and run around on your partner behind her back,” then I can get behind that. But the issue there is dishonesty, not sex.

Well, now I’ve expended a bunch of energy writing about all that, and I don’t feel like writing about the last sentence, about hiring a dancer. The multiple sex partners statement was the main issue that was a red flag for me, anyway.

Maybe Wiley hasn’t given a lot of thought to why s/he holds those views about sex; maybe it was a knee-jerk reaction. Or, maybe she honestly believes that having multiple sex partners is wrong. Whatever the case, let me also point out that a disagreement such as this one isn’t something that would prevent me from standing in solidarity with such a person to oppose violence against women, restriction of rights, objectification, and so on. But it’s something that bugs me because I don’t think enough people question these commonly accepted assumptions or acknowledge the potential they have to do harm (see Bitch | Lab for more).

* Ed. note: If this is 10th grade debate class, Diane and Shaunti get a B- and a C-, respectively