Being Amber Rhea

Each is relevant for a different reason, and viscerally reminiscent of a particular time in my life.

“Chopsticks” - Liz Phair

I met him at a party and he told me how to drive him home
He said he liked to do it backwards
I said, “That’s just fine with me,
That way we can fuck and watch TV.”

It was four a.m. and the light was gray, like it always is in paperbacks
He asked if I liked playing jacks
I told him that I was good to sixes
But all hell broke loose after that

I told him that I knew Julia Roberts when I was twelve at summer camp
We didn’t say anything after that
I dropped him off and I drove on home
‘Cause secretly I’m timid

“Fool’s Gold” - Bree Sharp

My head is heavy and bent like a crane
The wrecking ball blues are coming again
And Latham says, “Babe, you know life is a ride”
But living’s no fun when you’re dead inside.

I pierce myself to wake up my veins
I’d pierce my heart if I thought things would change
I’m just like a skin that’s been stung and restung
The campfire songs that are sung and resung
For a girl of my age why am I so numb?

I’ve been chasing a lie I was sold
Running down thieves and fool’s gold
These Christmas dreams are just painted coal

I’ve been swallowed up by greed, I’ve been spat upon by lust
If they ain’t playing with your money, they’re playing with your trust
And I’m trying so hard to stop sitting still
To gather the juice that’s been spent or been spilled
Find a spark in myself that hasn’t been killed
‘Cause if death doesn’t get you, then life surely will.

I’ve been chasing a lie I was sold
Running down thieves and fool’s gold
And these Christmas dreams are just painted–

We’ve been chasing a lie we were sold
We’re running down thieves and fool’s gold
And these Christmas dreams are just painted
Just painted, just painted, just painted
Coal

Talk about an early frost.

(Couldn’t find a video for this one.)

Carry on.

Excellent video:

Please repost!

(Via Derek.)

Ren has been using this online tool called Animoto. Seeing the cool stuff she’s done with it, I feel like I should give it a whirl! Now I just have to think of what to make a video about. In the meantime, check out this excellent sex workers’ rights video Ren made:

I had those Mr. Men books as a kid. I noticed that in this video, Mr. Contrarian corresponds to the original Mr. Stingy.

[Via Feministe]

This is an updated video, a follow-up to the one I posted yesterday. Watch it!

[Via Pro-Porn Activism]

Nina Hartley speaks the truth here.*

And to me it seems like common sense. I honestly cannot wrap my brain around what is so fucking difficult about this concept for so many legions of people. Some basic concepts here… 1) Sex workers are people. 2) If you want to help someone, the best way to help them is to first ask them what they need.

How is this not the most obvious thing ever? But I guess if you never even get to point #1, that makes point #2 downright unattainable.

Nina nails it, but the comments on YouTube are depressing and enraging as hell. I didn’t want to look. I knew they’d be a vat of toxic stew. But as I was looking for the embed code, my eyes drifted down the page and… well, it made me want to cry.

There’s been a lot of bullshit in my life lately. And when I see that kind of shit, it just makes me feel awful, to realize (again) that this is what a lot of people think. Yeah, you can say the internet brings out the dregs of humanity, and sure, that’s true in some cases. But so many people of all walks of life have these horrible ideas about sex workers… it’s NORMAL to think these things. That doesn’t make it okay. But it means that most people I encounter on a daily basis are harboring these thoughts, and that bothers me to know end and certainly contributes to my general wariness and lack of trust around people I don’t know very well.

It’s also happened that people have seemed to agree with me to my face, and then later I find out the awful shit they were saying when I wasn’t there, about sex workers, the sex industry, etc. It really makes me want to sever ties (and in some cases I have).

Anyway. Also, what Ren said:

And that is going to lead us right here: What is the plan, anyway? You know, a lot of us are taking hits for saying “The sex industry? It’s not going anywhere, so let’s work for harm reduction and getting those who want out the help they need, and leave those who want in alone…” So yeah…what is the Amazing, Super Secret Plan to Rid the World of the Sex Industry? We’re dying (figuratively and literally) to know. In the mean time, what with all the talk of not allowing it to be normalized, without ever accepting it as work, without ever giving sex workers any sort of legal status and voice…well, women are being abused, raped, killed, dehumanized, and marginalized. So I ask, in the quest to end the sex industry, are you willing to sacrifice the women working in it here and now to reach that goal…if it is even attainable? That is a question I’d really like to have answered, yet I suspect, such an answer will never come. My answer to that is obvious. No. I’m not. Especially when “the Plan” is never revealed, hence my support of harm reduction, programs for those who want out, aid, workplace safety, and why yes, decriminalization.

* Via Bound, Not Gagged.

From the perennially awesome folks at SPARK! Reproductive Justice Now (formerly Georgians for Choice) comes a video about stupid HB526:

So far there’s only one comment on the YouTube page (let’s fix that) and it’s from some fool who says the following:

What is wrong with the state giving back parental rights to parents? It is not up to a clinic to decide how to raise and protect our children.

Right, because it’s up to the government to decide how to raise and protect our children.

…GriftDrift or Sara, this post could be known as “Songs In My Head” or “Mood Music.”

At first I figured I’d look for the best concert footage to post, but then this video showed up in the YouTube search. It honestly had not occurred to me to look for an actual music video, ya know, like the kind they show on Em-Tee-Vee. (Do they show those anymore? Back when I stopped watching MTV, they were down to about three hours a day of music videos.) Am I showing my age? I mean, I’m not all that old, but I haven’t watched MTV or had any interest whatsoever in music videos in over ten years.

Anyway, back to Heimdalsgate, apparently some people think the song is about drugs. That’s also something that hadn’t occurred to me, but Wikipedia says it’s a common perception. To me it was just so obvious that it’s about depression, that I never considered anything else. I guess people who haven’t experienced depression don’t identify with it. Here’s what Kevin said to some idiotic-sounding reporter from The Stranger:

I went through this chemical depression, and that’s when I was writing a lot of the songs for Hissing Fauna. They’re all songs about that experience. And I was experiencing it in the moment that I was writing the songs, and sort of asking myself: What the hell is going on? Why are you all of a sudden totally paranoid and plagued by these anxieties? And why is everything so distorted and confusing and fucked up? My lifestyle hadn’t changed that much. And then I realized, well, there’s something going on inside of me that I don’t have control over, and then you realize how vulnerable you are to these things, these elements that you can’t understand, or unless you go on medication and get it under control. It’s like you’re being betrayed by your body.

I love this song. I love the whole album (except for one annoying song).

Meanwhile, there are storms throughout the South today, and already 45 people have been killed by tornadoes. :( I’m supposed to go see my new shrink at noon; hopefully the weather won’t be too terrible.

The new issue of Creative Loafing is out, and they didn’t run my letter to the editor. (I had gotten an email from someone on their staff saying they might run it, which is why I waited before posting anything here.) So here it is. Later I might do a follow-up post where I expand on some of the points and include some other points that I had to cut out in order to keep it around 500 words.

—

I’m writing to express my disappointment with the 1.16.08 feature, “One man’s battle against Midtown prostitutes and their johns,” by Andisheh Nouraee.

There are two separate matters here. The first, and most obvious, is that Gower and Denby are dangerous vigilantes. I am glad that their deplorable tactics are being exposed.

It should go without saying that posting videos of sex workers on YouTube is a horrible idea. What is the goal? Sex workers – especially street prostitutes – are disproportionately the targets of violent crime. Violent criminals target sex workers because they know they can get away with it. (In fact, this was the exact justification given by Gary Ridgway, who was convicted of the murders of over 40 prostitutes.) Gower’s dehumanization of sex workers through his behavior and language perpetuates the cultural mores that make such violence acceptable.

But I am also disappointed with Nouraee’s treatment of the issue. Nouraee learned about Gower’s harassment of street workers at an event I helped organize at Charis Books, commemorating the 5th annual International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. After the program, he spoke with the other two organizers and me and expressed interest in learning more and possibly doing a story.

Nouraee sat through our program that night and listened as people recounted individual encounters with Gower, citing Gower’s blatant homophobia and transphobia. He listened as we discussed the glaring absence of sex workers’ voices in the media, as well as the fact that when sex workers are mentioned in the media, they are either troublemakers or victims – in other words, they’re not people; they’re useful objects in making a point and reinforcing a stereotype.

He spoke with several sex workers that night and a few weeks later, while doing research for this story. He expressed concern about making sure to include sex workers’ voices.

If Nouraee tried to speak with street prostitutes in Midtown and they did not want to speak to him, he could have mentioned it in the article. Reporters do this all the time (”so-and-so declined to comment”). If that were the case, he could also reflect on why sex workers might be wary of talking to a reporter. Could it be because they’re tired of having their words (and existence) twisted to fit whatever agenda is at hand?

Nouraee fails as an investigative reporter with this piece, especially as one for a paper that claims to be alternative. Terms like “transvestitute” and “real female” go unchallenged and uncorrected. Nouraee does not probe Gower about why Gower is so fixated on harassing prostitutes. He does not examine how the criminalization of prostitution perpetuates the violence that many people associate with street prostitution. He does not discuss the societal and economic conditions that lead to many transpeople working on the streets.

For people who are interested in learning more about sex workers’ rights activism, some good sources of information are SWOP-USA, Desiree Alliance, COYOTE and $pread Magazine.

Even though I’ve never had a problem with being photographed (really I had no choice, my mom was a shutterbug who was posing me for photos practically from the day I was born), and podcasting has eroded any apprehension I once felt about hearing my own voice, I still get all weird and self-conscious about being on video. And yet, here I am, as a podcasting “pro” in the latest episode of The Squadcast.

Thanks to Grant and Christina for inviting me on!

Via Hobo Stripper, I found this video of the winner Miss Poledance Australia 2006:

On an only vaguely related note, last night Rusty and I went to Little Wings, another Atlanta swinger’s club. It was formerly Velvet Heaven and recently re-opened under new management. All in all the place did not suck, although I think Trapeze still gets top marks because of the layout and the kick-ass buffet.

Anyway, they had two poles, and I danced twice. The second time, I almost lost my shoe, but I wasn’t embarrassed - happily, I’m past being embarrassed about that kind of thing. I did scrape up my left knee a little, because they had this weird itchy carpet on the stage. I couldn’t do as many moves as I would’ve liked, because the poles were painted, making them difficult to grasp. But I think I did pretty well! Also, there was a guy in a cape and devil horns who pole danced several times, and he was really good. I wondered if he was a male stripper. (See, men pole dance too - for those of you who, for whatever unknown reason, judge an activity’s merit based on whether men do it.)

Another episode of Off The Bus has landed! This one was filmed at the Fred Thompson support meeting/rally(?) last week. Rusty and I actually went, so that Grayson wouldn’t be all alone and because we had a kind of morbid curiosity about how the other side lives. We make quick cameo appearances toward the beginning of the video.

Looking forward to episode 3!

This video is awesome for several reasons:

First of all, obviously, that’s some seriously kick-ass pole dancing. Not only is this woman strong and talented as all get-out, she makes it look effortless and all her movements flow seamlessly.

And, how friggin’ cool is it to pole dance to Swan Lake? I played the oboe throughout middle and high school, so I think it’s cool in that regard, too.

Now somebody watch this video and tell me, in all seriousness, that pole dancing is just “swinging around a pole” and pandering to the Male Gaze. That much-linked Colbert Report bit looks pretty stupid next to this.

Next step, for me: get off my duff and check out a few more amateur night competitions, then sign up for one myself.

The title of this post was going to be something like, “Maw! I’m on the TeeVee!” but Griftdrift already did that. So instead I went with basic and search engine friendly.

Grayson will be creating videos for the Huffington Post’s Off The Bus section on a regular basis, and you can see the first one here. It was recorded Tuesday night at everyone’s home away from home: Manuel’s Tavern. Her intro spiel cracks me up. And oh yeah, I give a sound bite in there, too.

(And here’s hoping for fewer old white guys enamored with the sound of their own voice in future videos!)

See also: Rusty’s interpretive Photoshopping of his sound bite from the video.

I met Michael Alvear at SoCon07. He’s written a few sex advice books (apparently he is “America’s most outrageous gay sex columnist”), and hosts the HBO show Sex Inspectors. He also lives right here in Atlanta. And as I found out a few days ago, he and Jeff Haynie (Jeff, I thought you were a conservative Republican!) are working on a new project called BlabberMash, which will be launching soon.

Part of this project is the O-Face Contest, where you submit a funny sex video on YouTube. First prize is $300. Hear the details and see examples here. Who said orgasms are supposed to be serious business?